Letting Go of Aversion to Oneself and Others - Meditation

Here we confront the habits of aversion to oneself and others by challenging some of our assumptions.

Transcript

Establishing mindfulness,

Aware of the sitting posture,

And bringing our mindfulness,

Placing our awareness within this body,

Within the parameters of this physical body,

Knowing the sitting posture,

Knowing that we are sitting.

Trying to leave aside thoughts about the day,

Putting them down,

Setting the intention to be mindful of the in and out breath.

Throughout the day,

Our awareness gets absorbed into many objects.

So when we come to practice meditation,

We are trying to let go of the many and varied objects for a period of time.

Not so interested in sounds,

Or sights,

Or thoughts,

Or feelings,

And trying to be interested in one object,

Our object here being the physical feeling,

The natural feeling of the in and the out breath.

So we generate some gentle determination to really be aware of the in breath,

And really be aware of the out breath.

Trying to observe all the feelings of the entire in breath,

Coming in at the nose,

Through the chest,

And into the abdomen,

And then noticing being aware of all of those feelings when the breath leaves the body.

Mindfully aware of the in breath,

And we can use mental noting,

Put,

Mindfully aware of the out breath,

Do,

Put,

Do,

Knowing,

Awake,

Alert.

We can use mental noting to restrain thoughts,

To help us be here in the body,

In the present moment,

Knowing the in breath,

And knowing the out breath.

So,

We can use mental noting to really be aware of the in breath,

And we can use mental noting to really be aware of the in breath,

And we can use mental noting to really be aware of the in breath,

And we can use mental noting to really be aware of the in breath,

And we can use mental noting to really be aware of the in breath,

And we can use mental noting to really be aware of the in breath,

Knowing thoughts as simply thoughts,

And not following them.

Placing awareness,

Mindfulness,

Placing attention,

Placing interest on the feeling of the in and out breath.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Mindfully aware of the in breath,

And mindfully aware of the out breath.

Sometimes when we think thoughts,

These thoughts give rise to feelings in the heart area,

Emotions.

Other times there seems to be an emotion arise without rhyme or reason,

And because of that emotion we start to think.

So we're using our mindfulness of breathing,

Separating awareness,

Separating the mind from its objects,

By placing it on the breath,

Allowing thoughts to drop away,

Not following them.

Whatever emotions there may be,

We can use the breath,

The mindfulness of breathing,

And washing away these emotions with gentle,

Kind,

Mindful awareness.

The breath coming in through the nose,

Down into the chest,

Into the abdomen,

Bathing that area with mindfulness,

Washing the mind.

And when we breathe out,

We can let things go,

Put things down.

And if there are thoughts,

Emotions present,

Try to be aware of them,

Without being absorbed into them.

Using the breath,

The gentle breath,

The natural breath,

To find a centre in this experience of life,

Finding that calm,

Cool centre.

One in breath and one out breath.

Out down.

Continue to try to be aware of the in and out breath.

To try something a little different today.

I just want to say a few words on a theme and then continue with more meditation.

Because I think it takes some time for the mind to settle,

Become a little more malleable,

A little more receptive.

The theme that I wanted to talk about is this theme of compassion and forgiveness.

In this samsaric predicament that we find ourselves in,

We have a body and a mind born into a world,

A world full of relationship.

With parents,

Siblings,

Relatives,

Neighbours,

Teachers,

Acquaintances.

And we understand that in the world,

The conditioned world,

Beings' minds are affected by greed,

Various types of craving for pleasure,

Desires,

Passions.

And beings' minds are affected by various forms of irritation,

Aversion,

Aggression,

Even hatred.

This is part of our vulnerability.

That in our own minds we experience these things and we are affected by the speech and the actions,

Sometimes even the thoughts of other beings when their minds are affected by greed or by hatred.

The reason that we get affected by greed and hatred is because of ignorance,

Ignorance as to the truth.

And because we are ignorant as to the truth,

We are also subject to various types of delusion.

So when we don't understand the truth,

We misunderstand.

And by misunderstanding we are deluded.

And part of this delusion is thinking that you are a self and thinking that others are also selves.

So in offering that small wisdom reflection,

There is no judgement there.

I would like to suggest rather that that is a situation which is worthy of compassion.

That because we don't know better,

We are confused.

And because we have been confused for a very long time,

We have some bad habits.

And these habits tend to be very,

Very deep.

So what happens is a familiar story we are all familiar with.

One thinks one is a self and has a sensitive mind.

Somebody says something or does something which hurts our feelings.

And sometimes that feeling of being hurt can be a small feeling of being hurt.

And sometimes it can be a very deep feeling of being very deeply hurt.

This is somewhat inevitable for unenlightened beings.

And then there are other occasions when our speech and our actions hurt others.

And sometimes we might not want to hurt others,

We might not have that intention for something we say in a moment when we are not mindful.

It can hurt somebody's feelings very deeply.

Other times if we have felt hurt and we feel angry,

Sometimes we can do and say things intentionally,

Actually wanting to hurt others.

So this also occurs.

We have all done this.

And other times the mind simply becomes overcome with a form of greed.

And we might do something selfish which has a harmful consequence to another person.

Or similarly moments of aggression or anger hurt people's feelings,

Sometimes hurt their bodies.

But we understand that this is a painful predicament to be in.

Sometimes we hurt people and we don't want to,

That's painful.

That's painful for them and painful for us.

Other times we don't want to be hurt,

Something happens and we feel hurt and that's also painful.

So I think the most skillful response to this human experience of mental pain is a response of compassion.

We simply make the wish that we can be free from these types of suffering,

That we may be able to go beyond that particular experience of being vulnerable to hurt,

That we may find a place of refuge in our hearts,

In our minds and eventually be liberated.

And I think it's really important that we apply some of these basic,

When I say basic it doesn't mean that it's easy to understand,

The basic principles of right view which we tend to overlook because of our habitual delusion.

This basic situation of the fact that we make mistakes,

We make errors in judgement because our minds are clouded.

And so because of that it's appropriate to forgive ourselves.

When we understand that we wish to weaken various forms of aversion and then ultimately uproot them,

We understand that it isn't helpful to hold on to any form of aversion towards oneself.

So this can happen in life,

That we make a number of mistakes and we become disappointed in ourselves and it can be the case that on a certain level we hold a grudge against our self,

This perception of our self.

We can be angry at ourselves.

And if we allow,

And this is just another form of delusion,

So that's not a skillful response,

It's what I mean about applying these wisdom reflections in this delicate space in the heart,

That whatever we've done,

No matter how unskillful,

A response of anger towards oneself is not skillful or appropriate.

And so in the act of offering forgiveness,

One lets go of that anger,

Lets go of that grudge and offers kindness instead.

So while still being aware of your in and out breath,

I'd like to encourage you to bring to mind something that you did this lifetime,

That you now recognise wasn't skillful,

Was a mistake,

Something that you might feel some disappointment about.

And then suspend the judgement,

Make no judgement.

Breathing in,

I simply accept that this is what occurred.

Breathing out,

I allow it to be as it is and I forgive myself.

And we understand that all human beings make mistakes.

So thinking about that thing that you brought to mind that you did,

That you wish you hadn't done,

You can say,

Yes,

I see here that this was a mistake,

And I forgive myself for that mistake.

Sometimes if we're holding onto a big grudge towards ourselves,

We might have to do that a few times,

But we set the intention.

I understand that I've done things because I was deluded,

And I recognise that self aversion,

Holding onto a grudge or a feeling of guilt is not helpful.

So I intend to let this go.

Let me set that intention.

Breathing in,

I allow myself to be an unenlightened human being.

With these particular strengths and these particular weaknesses,

I allow that to be just as it is.

And although I aspire to do better in the future,

The way things are now,

I completely accept that as it is,

Without harsh judgements or criticisms,

Without guilt.

We can make the wish.

May I be free of the delusions which confuse me.

May I be well.

May I be happy.

May I be free from suffering.

Breathing in,

May I be well.

Breathing out,

May I be happy.

And continuing with our exercise in compassion and forgiveness,

We bring to mind an occasion where we felt another being hurt you.

It's not necessary to choose that most painful one.

We can choose something perhaps easy to forgive first,

Easier.

We train ourselves in this habit of forgiveness,

This skill of forgiveness,

Sometimes described in Buddhism as an offering of forgiveness,

The giving of forgiveness.

It's another form of generosity,

Another form of loving kindness,

Another remedy to aversion and hatred is when we offer an attitude of forgiveness.

Aware of the in-breath,

Aware of the out-breath,

Bringing to mind an occasion where somebody said something or did something which hurt our feelings,

Hurt your feelings.

Sometimes it's the case that somebody didn't say something or didn't do something and that hurt our feelings.

Bringing to mind with mindfulness and wisdom our basic understanding that that being,

When they did what they did or didn't do what they didn't do,

Was under the influence of delusion and so at that time didn't know better.

So we offer forgiveness,

Understanding that that being was probably in pain when they were doing the unskillful thing.

And as they were causing pain they were also in pain.

And as an offering to ourselves because we don't want to carry around these hurt feelings,

These grudges until we die,

We decide I'm going to put this down now.

So for that thing that happened I offer forgiveness.

Breathing in I allow and I accept that occurrence,

That occasion.

And breathing out I forgive it.

I allow it to be just as it was and I put it down.

Breathing in may I be well.

Breathing out may I be happy.

Breathing in I forgive myself.

Breathing out I forgive others.

Breathing in although I aspire to do well,

I allow myself to make mistakes.

Breathing out I allow others to also make mistakes.

I allow myself to be wrong,

I allow myself to be wrong.

I allow myself to be wrong,

I allow myself to be wrong.

Breathing in may I be well.

Breathing out may I be happy.

Breathing in I forgive myself.

Breathing out I forgive others.

I allow myself to be wrong,

I allow myself to be wrong.

Breathing in I allow myself to be wrong,

I allow myself to be wrong.

This is Buddhist practice.

We are cultivating calming meditations,

Samatha practices.

And then we are trying to cultivate insight.

Sometimes we can neglect the more basic psychological aspect of Buddhist practice.

It's understood that as well as trying to uproot delusion,

We also have to uproot weak habits of aversion and habits of greed.

So we have these other practices,

Loving kindness practice.

So with loving kindness practice,

There are selves and there are others in a conventional sense.

And with compassion practice,

There are selves and there are others.

So one of the things that we do to lighten the mind,

Brighten the mind,

Make it more right for insight,

Is we wash away these aversions and these grudges that can build up towards ourselves and others.

We put them down.

Many people find that if they practice forgiveness as a practice for a period of time,

That it's easier for the mind to become peaceful.

Many people find that if they cultivate loving kindness for the first five or ten minutes of a meditation,

It's easier to be with the breath.

Similarly,

People find that after doing some forgiveness practice,

It's easier to do loving kindness,

So that we have to clear out that space of the mind of aversion,

Make it receptive,

Make it open,

Make the space for loving kindness.

And we can apply some wisdom into our forgiveness practice.

We can investigate and put down the story.

We see one thought as a thought,

A feeling as a feeling.

We investigate that in the present moment with our eyes closed.

We can't find a self.

This is another very valuable and important way to learn to forgive.

We train ourselves to recognize more and more deeply that ultimately there aren't any selves.

We have one in-breath,

It's born,

It stays,

It dies.

One out-breath is born,

It stays for some time,

It passes away.

A feeling,

A mental feeling,

Emotions are mental feelings.

They come,

They stay for some time,

They cease.

And if we apply the mindfulness to the mental feeling,

There's no self.

There's no story.

So we can spend some time being kind to the conventional self,

Perhaps doing a little bit of healing.

And then from that foundation of well-being,

With a gentle determination,

We investigate not self.

Okay,

In this mind-body experience,

Where's the self?

Is the self in the bones?

Is it in the skin?

Is it in the blood?

You look at those parts of the body,

No self.

Everything arising,

Staying for some time and ceasing.

Is the breath a self?

Can we control the breath?

Can the self control the breath?

Can you decide to only have in-breaths?

No.

Okay,

Can we decide to only have out-breaths?

No.

Can we decide not to breathe?

No.

So the breath exists,

Regardless of however we might want it to be.

It has its own nature.

And that nature is not self.

We can investigate not self with the breath.

However much you might like a feeling in the body.

Can you force that feeling to stay?

I just want this feeling.

No.

No matter how much you want a feeling to stay,

You can't force it to stay.

And a feeling that you don't want,

Can you make it go away?

No matter how much we want a feeling to go away sometimes,

It just doesn't.

We can't make it.

Once again we can investigate feelings.

They're not self.

So we live our lives trying to live skillfully,

Being kind and caring to the conventional self,

Our self and other selves.

And with the foundation of well-being that skillful life,

Skillful living gives us,

We investigate not self.

Hopefully deepening insight and ultimately doing something about this vulnerable situation that we're in.

Liberating ourselves,

Training ourselves,

Finding a space of refuge,

A place of refuge.

Thank you.

Reviews

Long enough to cover aspects that can be missed in shorter sessions. I will return.

Gets at the core of our being. Wonderful ✨️🙏🏻

Deep, grounding, comforting, and expansive 🙏Thank you ❤️

So much wisdom after a calming meditation

Thank you Ajahn-this meditation helped ground me and stabilize me when I was upset by a family member who is quite hurtful, I didn’t think I could calm down, but letting go and forgiveness, and focusing on the breath, eventually brought me some peace.

I listen to you and meditate wuth your teachings here and on your site. You have bwcome my Guru!
May you be well. May you be happy Ajahn. 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

This was another meditation that comes for me just on time. It reminded me of all I needed to align myself to to experience the truthful exploration of what is and of not-Self. It very beautifully integrated the breath focus with compassion to the mistakes we all make in the conventional world, to the forgiveness of self and others and again…to the breath as ultimate metaphor for how to attend to life. Heartfelt thanks for this gift!

I needed this and was a bit difficult in the beginning to settle down but you manage to take me by the hand and really be more compassionate with myself. Good start of my busy day. Thank you Phra Ajahn🙏🏿

Lots of watching the breath, then learning about forgiveness and why we have a “right” to it naturally, and then practicing a bit of forgiveness. I enjoyed the time to really settle in with mindfulness of breath before the topic was introduced.

I found this very inspiring. Words of wisdom from a wonderful teacher.
Thank you Ajahn Achalo 💜
Be well 💜🙏

Super guidance to a place of forgiveness and acceptance. With gratitude 🙏

Very thoughtful and complete practice.

Thanks for the meditation, thanks for the insights. I now have a better understanding of the journey I am on.

Extremely good practice.

Thankyou Bhante that was wonderful. 🙏

Ajan Achalo is absolutely one of my favorite people in the world.

helpful and precious as breath during a hard time.

I love all of Ajahns talks and mediations, he is a genuine and wise person.

Beautiful thank you 🙏🏼

powerful compassion and forgiveness meditation - thank you!