The 'Not Enough' Narrative

Hi everyone,

I'm Patrizia and I'm so glad we're sharing this space together today.

In my own practice and in so many of the conversations I have,

There's a recurring whisper that's hard to ignore.

It's that persistent feeling that despite our best efforts,

We're somehow not enough.

In this video,

I want to sit with that feeling for a moment.

So we're going to look at where the narrative comes from and explore a few ways we can begin to offer ourselves just a little bit more grace when that voice gets loud.

So thank you for being here with me.

If you've ever felt like you're not enough,

Like you should be more,

Do more,

Or give more of yourself,

I just want to say you're not alone.

So many of us carry this quiet feeling in the background of our lives that who we are,

As we are,

Isn't quite enough.

And it can show up in ways we don't always notice at first.

It might look like overthinking what you've said,

Questioning yourself afterwards,

Or worrying that you got something wrong.

It can be trying to keep everyone else happy,

Adjusting yourself depending on who you're with,

Or feeling like you have to hold everything together even when you're struggling.

And after a while,

It just becomes normal.

You stop questioning it and start assuming,

Okay,

This is just how I am.

This is just who I am.

But what I've come to see is that this feeling of not being enough doesn't come from something being wrong with you.

It's something that's been learned.

And what that often means is that at some point,

You learned that being yourself as you are didn't quite feel safe,

Or it didn't feel like,

You know,

You were enough just as you were to be accepted as you were.

Maybe you learned you had to be easier,

Quieter,

Or more helpful,

Or even stronger,

Or more capable,

Less emotional.

Maybe you became very aware of what other people needed,

And you just sort of kept adjusting yourself to fit that.

This is not because you wanted to lose yourself consciously,

But because at the time it made sense.

It helped you feel accepted and avoid conflict or,

You know,

Feel safe in some sort of way.

But over time,

Those small adjustments start to become who you think you are.

And without realizing it,

You slowly move further and further away from yourself.

So when that feeling of not enough shows up now,

It's not because you aren't enough.

It's often because you've been disconnected from yourself for so long that it feels unfamiliar just to be you.

And that's a really different thing.

Because it means,

You know,

There's nothing here to fix.

There's nothing fundamentally wrong with you.

You know,

This is something that's been learned and repeated over time.

So instead of trying to fight that feeling or push it away,

What if you just began to notice it?

Just gently start recognizing,

You know,

This isn't who I am.

This is something I've learned.

So you're not trying to force change,

But just create a little bit of space,

You know,

That bit of distance between you and that voice.

You know,

When you start to see it that way,

Something in your inside of yourself,

You know,

Begins to soften.

You're no longer judging yourself.

You're starting to,

You know,

Understand yourself.

And that's where things slowly start to shift.

You know,

You don't change everything all at once.

You don't have to become someone new.

It can start with something really small,

Which is just noticing.

So as you move through your day-to-day,

See if you can see or,

You know,

Notice when that feeling comes up,

That sense of not being enough.

And instead of getting caught in or,

You know,

Just trying to push it away,

Just pause for a moment and notice it.

And if it feels helpful,

You might take a few minutes later and write it down.

You know,

What came up?

What were you thinking?

You know,

What were you feeling in that moment?

So we're not trying to analyze or judge it.

It's just to see it more clearly.

Because the more you begin to notice it,

The more you create a bit of space between you and that voice.

And even that small shift can start to really change how you experience yourself.

So start there,

You know,

Gently in your own time and notice what begins to shift.

So thank you for sharing this space with me today.

Take care and be well.