Is Hidden Low Self-Worth Keeping You Stuck?

Do you appear to be ok on the outside and to have it all on the surface, but hidden deep within the core of your very being, you feel stuck, with an inner knowing that you have set yourself a low bar when it comes to happiness? In this episode, I unpack hidden low self-worth and talk about: 1. The 7 most common signs of hidden low self-worth. 2. How dormant low-self worth is keeping you playing small. 3. How a healthy relationship with yourself is the key to healthy relationships with others.

Transcript

Your self-worth is a really big deal.

It plays a crucial role in almost every aspect of your life and is the most valuable thing you can possess.

It's the one thing that will have a lifelong effect on everything you think,

Everything you feel and everything you do.

I'm your host,

Patricia Pisano,

Resilience coach and emotional wellness educator,

And I created this podcast to support you by sharing powerful insights as well as actionable steps and practices which you can implement in your everyday life,

Giving you the tools to overcome self-doubt and the feelings of being stuck.

By connecting and strengthening the relationship you have with yourself,

You become empowered to show up as the amazing person you are and attract healthier relationships,

A better career,

More money and generally feel better about yourself and your life.

Hey everyone and welcome to the Reclaim Your Worth podcast.

I'm your host,

Patricia Pisano,

And this week's episode is all about dormant low self-worth and how this keeps you playing small in your life.

So if I think back most of my twenties and thirties,

My eyes and heart would tightly close to the truth,

The truth that I'd spent most of my life distancing myself from myself,

Not really knowing who I was and not really knowing what I wanted.

You know,

And as I went through life,

You know,

I sort of just went through it accompanied by this lingering feeling of stuckness,

You know,

Living a life that didn't really make me happy.

And the thing is I never once considered or even entertained the thought that this feeling was coming from a lack of self-worth.

Nope.

I really honestly thought that if I could control what was going on in my outside world,

Then I could actually fix my painful inner world.

And believe me,

I gave it my best shot.

So in hindsight,

You know,

I realized I spent my teens and my twenties and even my thirties not even knowing what my own needs were.

I did the best I could to be as happy as possible with the limited self-awareness I had at the time.

Yet I was haunted by the thought,

You know,

This can't be it.

In all my relationships,

Both personal and professional,

I realize now that my needs were neither valued nor met.

I mean,

How could they be if I didn't value myself?

How could they be if I didn't even know what setting boundaries was?

So as I navigated through life,

I appeared okay on the outside and to have it all on the surface,

But hidden deep within the core of my very being,

I felt stuck.

And I realized I'd set myself a really low bar when it came to happiness.

You know,

Playing small,

Outstaying relationships,

Chasing people's approval,

Wondering if people liked me and just self-sabotage in every single attempt at having my own business,

All of which protected me from confirming my biggest fear.

I'm not good enough,

But today you see is a very different story.

Today,

I'm not afraid to make decisions.

I don't worry about sharing my opinion.

Today,

I walk away from toxic situations and people,

And I'm not scared to let go of anything that doesn't serve my highest good.

And I do take steps and risks,

Which move me towards direction of my dreams.

Yes,

Today I experienced a level of happiness I didn't even know was possible.

So how did I change this?

How did I go from being an expert in numbing my emotions and ignoring my inner turmoil to experiencing inner peace and happiness?

I mean,

I have to admit,

I tried everything.

I mean,

I tried everything I thought would make me happy.

You know,

Things like getting more qualifications,

Working out,

Retail therapy,

Traveling abroad,

Starting a new life in a different country,

Going after every promotion possible,

And so on and so on.

But,

You know,

Over time I learned that these things will never give you the kind of happiness you desire in and of themselves,

Unless of course they coincide with you knowing your worth.

You know,

Realizing my worth didn't happen overnight.

What awakened my dormant low self-worth was my experience of intimate partner abuse.

It was this experience and the end of that relationship which exposed me to feelings that I'd subconsciously managed to cover up for a huge part of my life.

So this,

Coupled with years of reading self-help literature,

Years of therapy and coaching and listening to any trainings I had access to,

Helped me really understand why I was pulled towards people who didn't value my worth.

You see,

When you grow up in a critical,

Judgmental environment,

An environment where your needs are never acknowledged,

Where your feelings are either invalidated or ignored,

An environment in which you don't feel protected,

You adopt coping strategies to feel safe.

So to the outside world,

I pretended life was fine and that pretends that ability to cover up my internal battle became one of my greatest weapons in hiding my true self to others.

You know,

Becoming increasingly curious about my life and my relationship with myself,

I started to show myself compassion.

It was liberating to reflect on my life and identify patterns that not only drained me but stood in the way of me being me.

Today,

I know that shining a light on those patterns helped me during my hardest times.

So I want to share with you seven common signs that your hidden self-worth is holding you back.

Number one,

You resist change in all its forms.

Maybe you really want to make a change in your life or you want to try something new but you're crippled by fear.

Fear of failing,

Fear of being judged,

Fear of just being even judged by yourself.

So you play small and remain firmly in your comfort zone.

Two,

You people please.

So you say yes when you mean no and prioritize other people's needs over your own.

People pleasing behaviors can often include doing everything possible to avoid conflict and doing things you really don't want to do just to avoid being judged or criticized by others.

So if deep down you believe you aren't good enough,

Good enough,

Smart enough,

Pretty enough,

The list is endless.

You'll do everything you can to make sure you're liked,

Often at the expense of your own well-being.

Being kind is great but remember to extend that same kindness towards yourself.

Number three,

You settle for less than you deserve.

Both in your personal and professional life.

You might feel a constant longing for more,

More love,

More fun,

More understanding,

A higher salary but end up settling in your decisions that what you have is good enough and leave it at that.

Another common sign,

Number four,

Is you allow others to mistreat you.

So you may find yourself surrounded by people who say and do things that make you feel completely unappreciated,

Undervalued and not heard.

I mean that's not to say that at times you may try to stand up for yourself but at other times to keep the peace and avoid conflict you pretend you don't notice.

So you make excuses for their behavior or you accept their excuses for how they treat you.

Number five,

You do things you don't want to do.

Often your actions aren't aligned with your values and with who you really are.

You agree to go to places you don't enjoy,

See people you don't really like,

Do things you really don't want to do.

You hide your real interests and may even be dishonest about what you want.

Sometimes you're aware that you're doing this but in many cases you're not even aware that you're doing something you really don't want to.

All you know is that you come away from the situation and certain people feeling like you've had all the joy sucked out of you.

You see when you don't appreciate yourself the idea that others will like you even when you have different interests is absolutely alien.

Number six,

You worry about things you've said and done.

So you waste a lot of time going over and over what you said in a conversation and question whether you've offended anyone and this often results in either seeking reassurance from others or misinterpreting their words and actions making them mean in your own mind they are upset with you.

So you become obsessive with this type of thinking and convince yourself that something you said puts people off you and no longer like you.

The sad truth is when you don't love yourself you really struggle to believe anyone else does so you subconsciously hold on to the fear that they will leave you.

Number seven,

You avoid letting people get too close.

So you may look for and see the worst in people and assume they'll leave you once they get to know you so you easily block people out if they say something you don't like or you draw up a list of all the things you don't like about them and then decide that you're not really compatible.

This classic self-sabotaging behavior is a protection mechanism you don't value yourself so you subconsciously assume that others won't either so rather than risk rejection or criticism you simply don't let them in.

Looking back many of these patterns were very prominent in my life they were a natural part of my day-to-day existence but being unaware of them I never gave them the attention they deserved so as I gradually came to know my truth worth I witnessed incredibly positive shifts and you know the more I did things that made me feel good the more attuned I became to the things and people that didn't.

It really is amazing how a single slight change can have a powerful ripple effect across all areas of your life.

So if you're serious about living a happy life surrounded by healthy relationships with others then the first thing to do is look at yourself.

You know while relationship difficulties are inevitable having a healthy dose of self-worth means you can build relationships knowing that no one person is more important than the other and your needs deserve to be met just as much as the other person.

I really honestly believe that one of the most important things I've ever spent time on is working on the relationship I have with myself.

I've learned to get to know myself,

Accept myself,

Value myself and love myself.

Yes it's certainly been a bumpy road with many trips and falls along the way but let me just reassure you that just the way it works that that's just life.

So if you've got to the point where you're just fed up with playing small and not feeling good enough now is the perfect time to take notice.

You don't have to wait to hit rock bottom.

You don't have to wait another 10 years.

Start now you really really deserve it.

You know we've just started a new year so you're still in time to make 2022 the year in which you make a commitment to work on the most important relationship you'll ever have the one with yourself.

So I also invite you to download my free pdf guide Powerful Tools and Practices to Boost Your Self-Worth so you can navigate this year with practical strategies which you can implement on a daily basis to help you stop playing small and step into the greatness of you.

You can download the link in the show notes so just head on to that after you finish listening to this episode and download the free Powerful Tools and Practices to Boost Your Self-Worth.

I'd really love to hear your thoughts or any questions this episode has raised.

I'll personally respond to any question so ask away or leave a comment.

And if you enjoyed this episode I'd really appreciate if you would leave a review so I can continue to bring you great content.

And if you found this episode helpful and you know someone who might benefit from hearing this then please go ahead and share the wisdom.

So until next week take care and remember you are enough just as you are.

Reviews

Thank you!💗

Very inspiring! Thank you

Wheee can I get the PDF?

Very helpful! It’s wild to realize just how many negative emotions/experiences actually stem from low self-worth. Thank you!

🧡very good!