Boundaries - Where I End And You Begin

If you've been wondering what boundaries are or where to start to set them, I'm addressing it all in this week's episode and talk about:

* The key to setting boundaries
* The importance of having a strong sense of self
* What impacts your ability to set boundaries
* Moving out of blame into empowerment
* 4 Questions to ask yourself if you struggle with Emotional Boundaries

Transcript

Your self-worth is a really big deal.

It plays a crucial role in almost every aspect of your life and is the most valuable thing you can possess.

It's the one thing that will have a lifelong effect on everything you think,

Everything you feel,

And everything you do.

I'm your host Patricia Pisano,

Resilience coach and emotional wellness educator,

And I created this podcast to support you by sharing powerful insights as well as actionable steps and practices which you can implement in your everyday life,

Giving you the tools to overcome self-doubt and the feelings of being stuck.

By connecting and strengthening the relationship you have with yourself,

You become empowered to show up as the amazing person you are and attract healthier relationships,

A better career,

More money,

And generally feel better about yourself and your life.

Hey everyone and welcome to the Reclaim Your Worth podcast.

I'm your host,

Patricia Pisano,

And this week's episode is all about boundaries.

So let me ask you,

How strong is your sense of self?

I remember I spent years not knowing who I was,

Not knowing what I liked,

What I didn't like,

What I needed,

What I didn't need,

What I wanted,

What I was feeling.

I could go on and on,

But I think you get the drift,

Right?

This lack of a sense of identity meant that I struggled with setting boundaries.

Of course,

I mean,

How could I possibly know what my boundaries were if I didn't have a clear sense of who I was?

You see,

When you don't have a sense of your own identity and set boundaries that protect you as an individual,

You're likely to draw your identity and self-worth from the perception other people have of you,

And that's exactly how I spent a large part of my life.

Having no boundaries often means you have no protection from being manipulated or entangled with needy people,

Which leaves you feeling emotionally and physically drained.

Now,

It took me many years to learn that personal boundaries are limits that you set for yourself around what you will or won't do,

Will or won't tolerate,

Or will or won't accept.

Ultimately,

It's a decision you make as to what's okay and what's not okay for you.

And the thing about boundaries is that they're very personal,

So what's okay for you may not be okay for me and vice versa.

And knowing what your boundaries are starts with finding who you are without being defined by who's around you.

Once you make this discovery and accept yourself just as you are,

You'll come to realise that your value and your worth as a person isn't dependent on others.

You'll flourish in the freedom of knowing that you can function perfectly well as an independent human being in your own right.

You see,

Before I really knew what boundaries were,

I actually used to think that they were all about the other person's behaviour.

But the truth is,

Boundaries are all about you.

If you believe that your boundaries are being crossed,

It's actually you who's crossing them,

In the sense that you're the one enabling your boundaries to be crossed.

Just know that your boundaries belong to you,

So if you set one,

You're the one who needs to maintain it.

By not doing so,

You're actually teaching people that you don't mean what you say.

You're teaching people that you're not really taking care of yourself.

By taking responsibility for crossing your own boundaries,

You move out of blame and victimhood into responsibility and empowerment.

And that's exactly where you want to live,

In empowerment.

Look,

I know it's not easy if you're just starting out on your self-discovery journey.

If you've spent years abandoning yourself,

It can feel challenging,

But take baby steps.

Instead of thinking,

What does he need,

Or what does she need,

Or what do they need,

Ask yourself what you need.

This is where it begins.

Start by making yourself a priority and giving yourself permission to put yourself first.

So let's have a look at some of the different boundaries that exist.

I just want to have a quick dive into emotional boundaries.

Having a healthy sense of self means you know your own worth and understand your emotional boundaries.

This means being able to separate your feelings from someone else's.

If you take responsibility for the feeling of others,

Allowing them to dictate your own,

Or if you sacrifice your own needs to please others,

Then you're allowing someone else to regulate you emotionally.

I mean,

I struggled with emotional boundaries for years,

And sometimes I still find myself thinking,

What do I need to say or do to make everything okay?

So if you find yourself doing this,

Just bring it back to you and ask yourself,

What do I think?

What do I feel?

What do I want?

And what do I need?

If someone else's response to your truth is not your responsibility to manage,

And as harsh as it may sound,

You've got to stop trying to manage someone else's experience of you.

When you do,

You start to live in alignment with what's true for you.

You live in authenticity and integrity with yourself.

So remember,

Next time you find yourself thinking,

What do I need to say in order to make everything okay?

Just remember to bring it back to you and ask yourself these four really key questions.

What do I think?

What do I feel?

What do I want?

And what do I need?

And if you're ready to reacquaint yourself with you and get to know yourself at a much deeper level,

If you're at the beginning of this self-discovery journey,

Then I've created a great free resource just for you.

It's basically free self-discovery journal prompts,

And you can click on the link in this episode's show notes to grab your copy and get ready to rediscover your true,

Authentic,

And amazing self.

And also,

If you enjoyed this episode,

I'd really appreciate if you would leave a review so I can continue to bring great content.

And also,

Lastly,

If you found this episode helpful,

And you know someone who might benefit from hearing this,

Then please share it.

Take care,

And always remember,

You are enough.

Reviews

U cant manage others’ experience of u. Perfect reminder, thank u!

Thank you this is very direct and I found myself more curious.
I am not seeing a link for the self discovery prompts?

I would just like to thankyou so very much for this lesson,as it thought me so very much. I have been in a relationship with an older man who is a narcissist person. You came across in plain English easy to both follow and understand. I have written the hole lesson out in my journal and will read it every single day. Please know that it's not just me that you would of helped as there's so many people putting their own needs last. Any other lessons from you would be much appreciated. Even a course would be amazing.
Thankyou so much Patrizia I honestly do appreciate what you have tought me.
Most kind regards Tracy Gillan.
God bless you twice 🙏🐦🙏

Very helpful. Thank you 💙

Appreciate the practical advice and questions to ask myself. Really supports starting out on the journey of self discovery.

Perfect 🤍🙏