Nothing Is Personal

We have been talking a lot about The.

The teaching of no self.

And I know this teaching can be very difficult for some of us,

Too.

First get to even accept because there's a lot of resistance,

Especially if we take it literally to mean there is nothing.

And so when the Buddha gives the teaching on there is no self,

What he's saying is there is no separate independent self.

That yes,

There is thoughts,

Feelings,

Emotions,

Memories,

Experiencing,

Thinking,

All of this happening here.

There is a collection of all of these things that conventionally gives rise to Meredith,

To Joe,

To Anne,

To Angela.

That we would conventionally say,

Yes,

That's Meredith,

But that we can't find.

Any independent center,

Any solid independent center,

Every time we look for a solid independent center.

We don't find it.

And so.

We know when we look at how each of us is arising.

It's based on who our parents were.

Both of their DNA,

How that came together,

Our upbringing,

Where we were brought up.

What gender we are,

What type of media we were exposed to.

All of the different experiences that we have.

Is this collection that is making up each one of us,

Not happening in a vacuum.

But that each of us is arising based on all of these experiences.

And different events in our lives and our biology and our DNA and all of these things shaping who we are.

In each moment.

And we know if we were to.

Look at,

Say,

A child that was born into a war environment where there's constant bombing.

There's constant trauma because of the bombing.

There's this sense of survival.

There's not enough food.

That they would have a very different nervous system as an adult.

To a child that was brought up in an environment that didn't have war.

That was very,

There was enough food,

There was nurturing parents there,

Everyone was safe.

Not that one would be morally better than the other,

But just that they would be very different based on their conditions of how they were brought up.

And we know that we are responding each and every moment based on our conditions.

One,

If we're driving down the road one day.

And we're having a particularly good day.

Some good things have been happening.

And we're feeling really good.

There's no stress.

And someone cuts us off and they flip us off.

And we might be in those moments like,

Ah,

Whatever.

They're having a bad day.

And we let it kind of roll off of our backs.

Because of the conditions,

We were having a pretty good day.

We were already feeling pretty light.

We were already feeling pretty open.

We can be a lot more forgiving in those moments.

But then on another day.

Maybe we're feeling really stressed,

And we made a big mistake at work,

And our boss is really upset with us,

Or our partner.

We had an argument with them.

And we're all ready.

Stressed,

We're already anxious,

We're already agitated.

And that same person comes by and they cut us off and they flip us off.

And now,

There's this sense of road rage of wanting to follow them down the road of,

Of thinking about just what a horrible person this is and why they can't let it go that this person cut them off,

Cut us off.

So same thing happening,

But just different conditions.

Different conditions and therefore a different response.

And so what we start seeing in the teaching of no separate self,

No independent separate self,

Is that nothing is personal.

Each of us is simply reacting or responding based on causes and conditions.

Sometimes mindfulness arising,

Sometimes it not arising.

That also,

Mindfulness being a condition.

But we tend to think if mindfulness arose,

Like.

Have gratitude be appreciative that that's what arose and maybe stopped the or circumvented the kind of going off in the rage,

Right,

And using our practice instead,

Right,

Self-compassion and coming in and mindfully breathing into what's here.

Right?

So we can have appreciation when mindfulness arises,

But not to take it as though I was mindful.

I did something here.

Because then,

When the conditions arise and we're not mindful,

And we can't make mindfulness happen.

If we If we then,

Mindfulness didn't arise,

We can start to blame ourselves.

We can start to feel badly about ourselves that I'm such a bad practitioner.

So even something like mindfulness is just conditioned.

And we want to be careful.

We don't want to create any identities around that.

Because if we do,

Then we can blame,

And then we can judge,

And then we can suffer.

And then we can suffer.

So the implications of seeing seeing ourselves as arising through trillions of different causes and conditions,

And literally trillions upon trillions upon trillions,

Because not just even from the moment that we were conceived or that we were born,

But all those previous conditions that eventually arose to us being born,

And then all those conditions throughout our lifetime when we see that.

When we truly are seeing clearly that each of us arising through causes and conditions interdependent impermanent,

Not separate and independent.

Then we realize there's nothing here to judge.

There's no one.

Sorry,

No one.

To judge anymore.

We can accept who we are.

Because really,

If you think about it,

Most of us are walking around not accepting who we are.

We should be someone different.

We should be someone better.

We should be more mindful.

We should be more perfect.

We should be more improved.

And so we spend so much of our time.

Regretting all the things that have happened in the past and why did I do this and I should have done that.

And whatever it is that happened.

Like those were all the conditions that were arising in that moment.

There wasn't something that was independent outside of the conditioned world that could act independent of those conditions.

And of course,

We can look back.

With new information and say,

Well,

Now with new information.

I wouldn't have done that,

But you didn't have that information at the time.

And so the more that we do see.

There is no separate independent self.

The less we judge ourselves,

The more accepting we are of ourselves,

The more we're able to let go of regrets.

It doesn't mean that we can't have some remorse.

It doesn't mean that we can't yeah,

Have some remorse for something that happened.

Right?

That's different than beating up ourselves and saying I'm a bad person for that happening.

Right?

We could,

The difference between judging ourselves as being bad and saying like,

Yeah,

That behavior wasn't the best.

Yeah,

It wasn't.

Yeah.

Not saying that we can't look at it and say,

OK,

What were the conditions for how that arose?

Because maybe I can see that I was particularly stressed.

And in getting in the car and there's a.

A tendency for road rage here.

When stress is here,

I can just take a few breaths before starting the car and taking off,

Right?

Like kind of planting some more seeds,

But all conditioning.

Right?

All just still more conditioning.

But the more that we can see this,

The more that we can see that we are the result of causes and conditions,

Trillions of causes and conditions,

Where we let go of judging ourselves,

Where we're more accepting of ourselves.

Then if I am this way,

Then so is everyone else.

And so now I'm no longer judging.

Other people for their actions for their behavior i can i can judge i can judge the actions but not the person We can judge the behavior.

And think,

Well,

That's not healthy behavior.

Maybe I should say something to that person,

Or maybe I should set a boundary.

But we wouldn't judge the person.

Because there would be an understanding.

That if I had all of their genetics,

If I had all of their experiences growing up.

I would be behaving the same way.

How could I be any different if we are all the result of our causes and conditions?

And we can really see the world more clearly,

Like we can see when people are getting raged just online or different things.

And instead of putting one group down versus another group,

Saying,

Yeah,

I can see how all this is happening.

Because everyone is coming from this sense of separateness,

Of something to defend,

Of something to protect,

Something solid here.

And so,

In that mode,

Because we're always feeling so threatened,

Anything that doesn't any view that's different,

Any belief,

Any opinion that's different from what we have based on our causes and conditions,

It can feel like a threat.

It can feel like we're being attacked.

Because if that's how I'm viewing the world as me as the center of the universe,

I can see life as happening to me.

It is personal.

I do need to defend something here.

To uh.

.

.

Feel threatened in some way.

And even just the universe,

Right?

It doesn't have to be another person,

But we can feel like,

Oh,

The universe is against me.

Look at all these things that are going wrong.

And in that view.

Notice how narrow.

Our attention is.

That we're so focused on what I need to defend and where I need to get to in order to try and get out of this.

Right?

But the moment that we recognize that life is happening,

Happening,

Trillions of causes and conditions happening.

There's no grasping at life.

There's no,

What can I get out of it?

It's just,

It's seeing,

Ah,

Life happening.

I wonder what's going to happen next.

I have no idea.

Or maybe even you have a plan.

You've made a plan for something,

But then you also recognize,

But there's trillions of conditions happening.

I don't know if it's going to happen.

Let's see.

I've made the plan,

Now let's see.

And now,

Because we're seeing things more clearly,

The blinders are off,

Right?

And there's more of a sense of curiosity of what's happening.

I wonder what is going to happen next.

I think I have an idea,

But I'm not really sure.

And so now we're truly seeing,

We're hearing,

We're feeling,

We're tasting,

We're smelling.

And there's nothing,

There's not this need to get something,

To fill something up inside,

To get somewhere.

All the grasping is gone.

There's a sense of flowing.

In the world.

Sense of ease.

So experiencing happening.

No one is denying experiencing happening.

Subjectivity happening,

Feeling happening,

Thoughts,

Emotions.

Memories,

All of these things happening.

And conventionally we would look at it and we would say,

You know,

All of the thoughts,

Feelings,

Emotions,

The memories,

The form,

The ever-changing form,

Conventionally we would say,

Yes,

This is Merida.

Right?

So on a conventional level,

We would recognize,

Yes,

That's Meredith.

And if someone asked to see Meredith,

If Meredith is going to turn up at a particular time,

Yes.

But we can also,

At the same time,

With wisdom through investigation,

Hold the view that,

In fact,

On an absolute reality basis,

Meredith is simply an interdependent,

Interconnected,

Impermanent,

Arising,

Changing moment by moment by moment.

Ultimately,

There is no one responsible,

But conventionally,

Yeah.

If I don't pay my taxes,

Yeah,

There's going to be consequences for that.

Right?

I wouldn't go to the IRS and say,

Well,

There's no one responsible.

There is no self.

There is no Meredith.

Because this is how we kind of get a little,

How the ego starts to warp this message.

Because it says,

Oh,

If there is no self,

Then nothing matters anymore.

And yet,

There is a conventional reality.

And there is an absolute reality.

So in the conventional reality,

If your boss asked you to put some report together and at the end of the week you haven't done it and they're angry,

You don't say,

Well,

There is no self,

Let me explain all the causes and conditions as to why this didn't happen,

Right?

There would be an effect here.

And yet we can understand like,

Oh,

OK,

Something happened.

I didn't do something.

I did something.

I made a mistake.

I made a mistake and well,

Ultimately,

There is no one responsible.

Yes,

Conventionally,

I might need to say,

Yes,

I accept responsibility for that and let me fix it.

Right?

Not,

Oh,

How can I defend myself and how can I get them,

How can I blame it on someone else and how can I try and get out of this because I can't stand the idea of me having made a mistake.

Because that's seeing myself as the center of the universe again.

That's seeing myself as a solid,

Independent me.

So in fact,

What happens is that when we move through life,

Right,

It's much easier.

We're letting go because of wisdom.

Because of compassion.

Mistakes happen.

Yeah,

No one that made the mistake.

We're not going to go and tell someone else that.

But it's just fix the mistake if you can.

Apologize if that's what's necessary.

But there isn't this sense of a me that's now,

Oh my god,

I can't live with myself because I made a mistake.

Because while the feeling of the mistake happening,

That kind of punch in the gut,

That kind of,

Oh,

Right,

It's often associated with a drop of dopamine.

It's like,

Oh,

It feels,

There's that pain there,

Right?

Feeling happening,

Experiencing happening,

Subjectivity happening.

But there's no one at the center to make some big story about it,

To push back on it.

To bring in the suffering.

Around it.

As something happened,

Yeah?

Life is always happening.

Pleasant experiences happening.

Unpleasant experiences happening.

Always changing.

But we tend to,

Whatever unpleasant experience is happening,

We had some disappointment at 8am,

We got a little irritated at 8.

30 a.

M.

,

We're feeling a little stressed by 10 a.

M.

,

And we build it all up and we let it stack and stack and stack and we keep and we'll say to ourselves,

If one more thing happens to me,

I swear I'm going to go over the edge.

So we talk to ourselves as though there is a little me that's all this is happening to.

Instead of recognizing no life is happening.

Ooh,

A little disappointment.

We feel it.

We let it move through us.

Who was disappointed?

Note 1.

But disappointment arising,

And you let it move through you.

And then a little irritation at 8.

30 and you feel that and you let it move through you.

And a little stress arising,

It's like,

Oh,

OK,

Things are happening.

Let's go with it.

It's not going to last.

So you let it move through you.

But the more that we see ourselves as a separate,

Independent self,

There will always be suffering associated with it.

It completely skews the way we see the world,

The way we see ourselves in the world.

As life is happening to me.

What do they think about me?

What do I think about me?

The more that we see through wisdom and compassion,

Through investigating it,

To keep questioning to whom do these thoughts belong,

To whom do these feelings belong,

Life becomes easier.

It's not some state of bliss that we've got to get up to and try and stay to because that's a temporary state too.

But just to notice,

To see,

Life becomes easier.

That monkey is all far back.

And we can live in the conventional reality.

While knowing the absolute reality.

That there is no independent separate self.

And just live easier.

Feel okay with ourselves.

Feel that sense of peace within that we all want to feel.

Because the peace isn't somewhere to get to,

It's here.

It's the absence of the struggle,

It's the absence of the separate self.

The absence of an independent,

Separate self.