The Freedom Beyond Manifesting | I'll Be Happy When

In this excerpt of the Q&A portion of our Sangha meeting, we explore the deeper psychological and spiritual implications of manifesting, wanting, and the endless search for fulfillment through external things.

While there isn't anything inherently wrong with making plans, setting goals, or moving toward something meaningful in life, when the mind believes: “I’ll finally be okay when I get this,” suffering begins.

Through the lens of Buddhist wisdom, manifesting can unintentionally reinforce the sense of a separate self, strengthening the feeling that something is missing right now and that fulfillment exists somewhere in the future.

The peace we long for is not found in getting everything we want.

It is found in seeing through the belief that we are incomplete without it.

This is from a Live Event.

Transcript

So you're asking about manifesting in the conventional reality, And you know that most of the new manifesting is on the McMindful shtick, But wondering if there's room for something like this through this lens, Any views? I wouldn't deny if there's something that's kind of good for your career or something that you're thinking that there's something that you would like and you need to put a little money aside for it. And no problem, Like put a little money aside, You want to go on a holiday or you want to change your careers or, Right, Decisioning happening and it's like, Oh, Okay, It seems to be moving in this direction. The problem that I have and why I don't follow that, And I did by the way, I did in the mid-90s, Early mid-90s. Is that it's just a lot of grasping. It's a lot of grasping. And it's coming from the ego, The self. So if you're moving towards something and again there's something inside of you that says you want to move to a different place, There's something in your career that you want to move up to the next level, Hit some level to get a bonus or something along those lines, Like I don't find any problem in in seeing that and recognizing yeah that would be that would be nice if it happened and maybe I'll work a little harder on this and maybe I'll explore living options in that place but what I wouldn't do is think that my eternal happiness is going to be based on getting it because it won't and and the more if I sit down and I'm if I'm thinking and I think that and how I knew the manifesting long time ago was if I just think about it, Then I can get it. But every time I'm thinking about I want something, I'm creating a sense of lack that I need, That I'm incomplete right now. And so it's just reinforcing the sense of separateness, That there's something outside of me that could complete me and make me happy. And if having more things made us happy, I mean, I feel like the Western experiment has really proved this. I know in my own experience, When I was working in the world, When I was working in finance, And I made really good money, And I could buy things, And never completed me. It never completed me. In fact, I can even just remember being even more distraught because I would think, Oh. Why didn't that work? You know, I had the money, I bought it, Now why didn't it work? And so this whole idea of this, You know, On a more absolute level, Paul. We are the manifestation. Each of us is the manifestation. I feel a lot of new age spirituality is simply reinforcing the sense of separateness, Is really reinforcing the separate self, The ego. And just and just leads to more grasping and then and then of course it's like well why did i and i've seen people that have gone through this when they're manifesting something and and oh well it didn't work because i wasn't manifesting properly i wasn't doing it right i wasn't really living in wholeness and it's just you know so now i can blame myself because i wasn't doing it right And. I mean, Just personally, Everyone has to do what they feel is right for them. I think that everyone needs to know where they are, What's working for them on the path, On whatever their spiritual path is. What I would say as a general rule of thumb, If your practices are leading to more grasping and reinforcing more of a sense of separateness, Me subject and the object over there. I need to get that to be complete. Then I would say it's probably creating more suffering. In fact, I don't know how it couldn't be creating more suffering. And I would just say, Look at that for yourself to see, Is it creating more suffering? I'm bye, Monica. Good to see you. I don't generally see a lot of peace on those paths. I see a lot of grasping, A lot of, Like you said, Paul, A lot of manifest harder. And I think what we're missing is what has been manifested. I mean, It's amazing. It's quite astounding. The miracle of life, The miracles that just all of this is happening at all. And then we think, Oh no, But I need that. And now I'm going to miss everything that's happening now, The experience of being, Of living, Of feeling. Of the wonder of how am I arising and changing in each moment, I wonder what's going to happen next. And so focused on no I've got to get this, I've got to make this happen. And even if somehow the conditions arise and you do, Okay now what? Well it's the next thing, It's the next thing. So I would, And what I would also say just on that poll, Um, Is that what I have found is that the more that you live in presence, So not in our thoughts, Or not think, Actually, I should qualify that, Not thinking there's a thinker behind the thoughts, Not needing to get somewhere, Just things are unfolding, Things are happening. Yes, Set up a live at a particular time. Okay, I'm going to be there at that particular time. We'll see if it happens. I mean, Quite frankly, My electricity could get so low Starlink could go out in a minute. So I think we're good. I think we're good. But, You know, We'll see how things go. But I find that there is a. . . A flow and a harmony in life, In not wanting things. Or not needing things, I should say, Not needing things. I mean, My God, We have, Most of us have enough. I have a home, You know, I live down here in Mexico. I live down here in Mexico because it is very cheap. I do love it, It's a little tiny fishing village, I love it. It's very cheap to live, To go to the vet, It costs nothing, To go to the doctor, It costs nothing. I mean, Not nothing, But I mean, Relative to the US. It's a very simple life. Property taxes are almost nil. It's, I live off grid. So electricity, Of course, I'm, You know, Yeah, On a cloudy day. And if I didn't run the generator, Yeah, Yeah, Could leave me a little bit on the warm side later. But it's like, We have enough. We have enough. There's food in the fridge. I'm healthy, I have friends, I have a wonderful community here. It's like anything else, Like. It's just more one is grasping and the wanting the problem with the wanting and laurie i'm glad that you've You brought that up too, Especially like social media. Oh my God. Do you think those people are happy? That are showing these whatever amazing lifestyles. I mean, I really don't partake in it. But still, You can't help but see it. And I used to do it a while back, Several years ago, More on a personal level. But they're not happy. They're not happy? Oh, I got this thing and now I've got to show everyone and now I want to get the praise and the comments that comes with it. And then it's just on to the next thing. And then everyone else is looking going, Oh, I want that. And then, Of course, What comes up next, An advertisement for YouTube can manifest everything. Oh, I want that. Oh, And I just have to pay for this course, And it's going to teach me how to manifest everything that I want. And yet, When I ask the question in the meditation, What is it that you most want? The most common answer is peace. I just, You know, We want to feel okay. We want to feel okay with ourselves. We want to feel okay being around others. Having all of these things isn't making us feel okay, It's making us feel as though we're lacking in some way, We're not keeping up. And all it's doing, The more that you want, In fact, And we have a whole class on this, It's on my tracks on Insight Timer about the wanting system, The motivation and reward pathway, You see someone's got some handbag, Some car, Something, Or whatever it is, Right? They've got something you want. It's not about satisfaction. It's about more wanting. It's just more wanting. And more wanting is suffering, Especially when we have enough. And I do, So I do find, Sorry, I kind of jumped around a little bit here, But I do find the more that I have simplified my life, And really since like for the last 13 years, And there has just been a trust, A faith that, Hey, It's all going to work out okay. Uh. . . Be here now. Be here now. And See how life is unfolding and it just seems to provide enough, Just enough. And that's fine. That's fine. It's enough. Anything more than that. It's not going to bring satiation. It's just going to bring more wanting. It's going to bring more of a sense that somehow I'm lacking. It's not peace, It's not bringing peace, That's for sure. Hang on, I want to go back to Alice's first. I thought i saw a comment from alice oh manifesting reinforces i'll be happy when yeah yes that's all it's doing is reinforcing that it's just reinforcing that It's really a shame because I know it's a lot more popular. It's a popular message, Right? Doesn't it sound better if I, Oh, Come here and I can tell you how to manifest all your dreams? And it's just the same material view and the view that I somehow could be more at ease more. It's the, Oh, I'll arrive once I finally have the nice car or so much money in the bank or whatever it is. But you're not going to arrive ever. It's just going to be more wanting, Yeah. It's just reinforcing exactly as you said, Alice. I'll be happy when. And so, Paul, You're saying, Yeah, You're on the same page, But just wondering if there's some kind of unified perspective through the Buddhist lens. I mean, Only that I'm saying I find that I have found that in some way I just, You know, There's just been enough. This has somehow worked out. And it was very scary, You know, After leaving my job and then, You know, As you guys, I've told you guys, I mean, I didn't stay at the monastery long, I never ordained, But that was my thought, Was that I moved to the monastery to become a Buddhist nun, And thought, Well, I will have the support of the Buddhist monastery for the rest of my life. And then when I left and thought, Well, Okay, That's not going to work. But I still want to do this. OK, Now I don't have the support of some institution, Of all these supporters. But there was just kind of a faith in that. Just keep doing what you think is right. That's when I started teaching and just living very simply. And it has seemed to work out okay. You know, My car is 21 years old, That's fine. It drives great, You know. I wear the same shirt every class. You guys probably all notice, Right? I had this, This shirt is probably 30 years old. I used to wear this when I worked at Merrill Lynch. Not that I don't have some other shirts, But I'm not, You know, It's, It's just living very simply. You thought I had 10 of them. No, It's just the one. And, And it's just like we have, I do feel a lot of the problem in Western culture is the wanting, The materialistic wanting, Right? And I know I was very much on that train for a long time in my career. I've got to get to the next level. I've got to make more money. I've got to get the next bonus. I've got to get a nicer car. And then, Of course, There was a merging of the law of attraction in there for a while with it, Like, Oh, And I can make this happen. I can make the man of my dreams appear or I can whatever through those things. It never brought me happiness. It never brought happiness. And in fact, It's the reason. Well, It was the stress. I started meditating, And then I started practicing Buddhism. And realizing like this, This didn't do it, I would get to that next level in my career. And I was like, I would feel good for a few weeks. And then I was like, Oh, You know, It doesn't quite feel like I, It didn't, It didn't take away the feeling of unworthiness, It didn't take away the feeling like I'm broken, Or something's wrong with me. It didn't take that away. It would just be something to fixate on and then I'd get there and I'd feel good for a few weeks and only feel good for a few weeks, Sometimes only a few days because the sense of separateness went away. It wasn't because, In fact, The next level or the next bonus or the next pay raise That didn't bring the happiness. It was the going away for a few moments, The dissolving of the sense of separateness. And so the sense of sep, As long, It's what's always going to want more, The separate self, And it's never going to be enough. And it's not in accordance with, I mean, It's definitely not within Buddhism, Paul, Definitely not within Buddhism. It's interesting because the universe and any physicist would tell you this. Any physicist would say this. Stephen Hawking would have said this. In fact, Stephen Hawking had some very interesting views, Kind of along the predeterminism kind of view. You know the universe is is trillions of different uh you know i could we could take it down to atoms quarks right all interacting and arising and changing and arising and changing and arising and changing And so it's like we're on a boat and, You know, We're kind of going with the swell and we're going with the wind, Right? And then we sit there and we just think, But I can think that the boat's going to turn around and go back that way. I can control them. I can do it through my thinking, Through my manifesting. Or just even like, Just thinking like you're saying Alice, Like, You know, Feeling like we're the ones in control at all. Like that's one of the hardest things for us to let go of. Is to recognize that we're not controlling any of this. We are the manifestation. We are the manifestation. And it's like these kind of these billiard balls that have been sent out, And we're a billiard ball, And as we interact with each table and the other balls, You know, We keep kind of changing, So maybe we're kind of. . . Malleable billiard balls. And we're missing the ride. We're missing seeing what's happening in each moment. Which really is the miracle, Which is interesting. Getting some material object. Okay, A fleeting happiness. Fleeting happiness. Only because the sense of separation went away. And so what we're looking at is to say, That sense of separation is just a thought. But behind that thought, When I'm thinking about myself, Is the belief in a solid independent me and that's not true. Based in reality. And there's nothing there when we look for it. To whom does that wanting belong, Right? A thought arises, And then there's a belief, There's a me that wants it. And then we feel this grasping and this contraction, And all we can do is think about, How can I get that? And everything in our media knows that this is what everyone's doing, So they keep kind of reinforcing it with more things to kind of get more of the wanting, More of the drip, Drip, Drip going. And we're so lost in believing there is a solid independent me that's going to feel fulfilled if it were to get that. But if you just question. You know, Who is it that wants that? Right? That kind of short circuits the ego in that sense, In that moment. It was just a thought. It was just a thought that we believed there was something behind it that wanted it. And because it comes with that sense of craving, It's that sense of contraction, That sense of tension. And it feels like there's a center here that this is, Oh, No, Me, Me, Me, Me. But then when you first of all, Maybe even just recognize, Right, Bringing mindfulness in, Oh, Here is the wanting. Allow the feelings. Wow. Right? And as the feelings start to become less intense, Who is it that wanted that? Who is it that was going to be complete? And then you're seeing it's just, It's these thought habits that everyone's having the same thoughts. Everyone's having the same thoughts. And so we realized, Yes, It's just the conditioning of our culture. And those thoughts are still going to arise. They're not going to not arise. Of course they're going to. They're in like the zeitgeist, Right? And but there's no longer a believing there's a me that's going to get it so the thought might arise oh wouldn't that be nice to get that and then you go oh You recognize it, You breathe. Who would it be nice for? Now, If it happens, And again, I find little things, Yeah, Enjoy a nice meal. Go to a yoga class, You know, Little simple things. There's just much more peace in just living a simple life. I mean, If that's what feels good for you. For me, Leading, I mean, You would be, Most of you would be bored out of your mind with my lifestyle. Absolutely bored out of your mind. But it works for me. I like a lot of space. I like a lot of quiet. I like a lot of being alone. And And it works. And there's no shame about it. Oh, I should be doing more. I should be doing this. This is the doing is happening. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it anyway. And there's more appreciation for just the little things. There's so many extraordinary moments happening in the ordinary that we simply miss because we're so caught up. And if I could just get, If I could just get over there, If I could just get that, I'd be happy. Oh, Angela, I'm so sorry about your friend. I'm so sorry. Yeah, Go help. Go help. Yeah. I mean, That's also, You know, When we see death happening, It's, This is over so fast. The things don't matter. The things don't matter. I mean, We need a certain amount to survive, Of course. But above that, It's not really bringing you the happiness, The safety, The security that you think it's bringing you. It's just bringing more suffering. It's these little moments, You know, These little interactions that we have, Particularly when we have more time, When we do have more time and space in our day, And someone does call and they need your help, And you've got the time, Yeah, Let me come and help you, Right? Those are the moments that matter. Your kindness and care and compassion. Not just for others, But for ourselves. And getting ourselves off of that grasping, Wanting train, Because you're never gonna reach an end there. It's just gonna be more grasping, More wanting. And again, Not that you won't see that the thoughts won't arise, But you notice the contraction with it, Right? It's like, Oh. Okay. Breathe, Just feel it, You don't have to get caught up in it, It's not you, This is just the programming of selfing, Of ego, And it's the programming of everyone's ego, Selfing, Right? It's not just mine, It's not just Alice, It's not just Ruth or Janine, Right? It's the programming of all of them. It's not personal. It's what it does. It's always going to care what others think about us. It's always going to. You know, Find. It's always going to have that initial moment of judging another person, Right? And then it's just that recognizing, Oh, Yeah, Of course it's judging. I'm not. Right? That's what it's doing. There's a sense, It's just these thoughts are arising, That reaction is there. But it's not us, It's just the conditioning. And there's less identifying with it. And whatever it is it's pointing to. Right? So, Yeah, I mean, I find what a Buddhist path teaches is about living a more simple life. And seeing if that brings more peace and happiness. Everyone has to see this for themselves, Right? And some people are more extroverted, And they want to do more things. And yeah, Go do that. Go be you. Right? And maybe it's just that the doing is more service-oriented, Or it's more sangha-oriented, It's just more, It's less material stuff, But there's more that wants to be, There's more doing happening, Like, Yeah, No problem. Just no doer.

Reviews

i’m grateful that you record these talks. I always hear more the second time. (and the third 😆) 💛🌼🌞