Class 7 | Overthinking And The Story Of Me

In the last talk of this series, we explore the mantra Peace Is Not Narrating and the subtle, constant self-commentary that quietly shapes our identity.

While narrating may seem harmless, in reality it keeps updating an inner “portrait” of who we think we are. One compliment, one mistake, one criticism - and the image shifts again. Endlessly we try to fix the image that is forever changing - and it's exhausting!

Freedom isn’t found in perfecting the image - it’s found in no longer believing it's you.

Please note: This track was recorded live.

Transcript

So we are up to our fifth mantra. So this is the last class in this series. And this mantra is, Peace is not narrating. So narrating sounds kind of quiet, Kind of subtle. It's just that constant talking to ourselves, Just talking to ourselves, Talking ourselves through our lives, Constantly commenting on what's going on, And what's happening there, And what's going to happen next, And what am I going to do next, And I need to get over there, And just kind of this constant talking to ourselves. It. So it's not big, It's not really emotional, There's not a lot of intensity behind it like the chasing and the resisting and the comparing and the judging. But it is constant. That's what its thing is. It is constant. And so. Because we kind of see it as just this background, This constant just talking to ourselves, It's so familiar, We're just so used to doing it, It's almost kind of like this white noise in the background. We don't really see it as much of a problem. We just kind of just talk to ourselves, Like, What's the big deal about talking to ourselves? And so, Of course, We do notice all the other ways in which we have been looking at the ways in which our mind wanders in the chasing, The resisting, The comparing, The judging, We do notice how much of a problem those mind movements are. We feel the intensity of the comparing and the feeling that we're falling behind or the lacking or the chasing and our happiness is over there. We can feel the contraction, We can feel the tension, The intensity, And we know it doesn't feel good. And so. When we notice when we're getting lost in those mind movements, The big mind movements, And then mindfulness comes in and we relax more into the body and we feel what's here and and there's this sense of coming out of the story of whatever it was that we were attaching to. And this sense of kind of like, Oh, Phew, I'm back. Like, I was so lost in the story, And now I'm back. But then, The narrating just very quietly starts up again. Just this constant talking to ourselves. So just narrating our lives as we're going about our lives. The voice isn't as big, It isn't as loud. In the narrating as it is in the other ways, And yet it is still the same voice. It's the same voice that when we're talking to ourselves about what it is that I want, What it is that I don't want, That in that story of me, Arises a thought created me, An image of me that's behind all of the thoughts, That's behind the story. And we think. When we've let go of the chasing story, When we've let go of the resisting story, The judging story, The comparing story, We think we've let the whole story of me gone, Like we let it all go. But the narrating just kind of picks up the baton. And really gives that continuity. Of the story of me. To the point where we completely have been fooled into believing The story of me, The thought created me, The image of me. Is me. That it gets more of our attention. Than the reality of me. That's here. Instead, We're always lost in our thoughts, Always thinking, What's next? What's going to happen next? What do I need to do? And so each day. We're going around, We're driving, We're doing our errands, We're responding to emails, We're having conversations with people, But more of our attention is lost in the thought-created me. Than is here with what's happening. So, When we're responding to an email, Instead of just responding to the email, We're commenting on the email. Why did they have to send this? Why did they have to say that? Why did they have to do it like that? What am I going to say back? So we're commenting as we're responding in the email at the same time. Or when we're We're having a conversation with someone. And the moment we're done talking, We're back up in our head, Back up with the thought created me. How did I sound when I just said that? Do I look smart? Did I look stupid then? What should I say next to try and impress them? So we're here for a moment, But then we keep going back. To check the thought created me, To see. How we should be feeling. Of course, In in the narrating. Is still the chasing, The resisting, The comparing, And the judging. But it is, It is just much more muted. It hasn't really spiked up to any, You know, Huge level of intensity. It's just that little like, I just, I just kind of need to get over there a little faster. Just let's get over there. Oh, Let's just, Let's just, Oh, We just got to get this out of the way. It's just more muted. So again, The intensity of the emotion isn't particularly high. With it. And yet there's still this feeling inside this feeling like Something just doesn't feel right. Quite right. I just can't put my finger on it. I just can't sense like something just doesn't feel good. Right? And what doesn't feel good. Is that every time we are thinking about ourselves, So Every time we imagine ourselves in our minds, We are literally splitting ourselves into two. There's the me that's here having the lived experience, And then there's the thought-created me that is commenting on the experience that's happening here. And influencing and affecting the experience that's happening here more than anything else. It is having the greatest influence on how we are actually feeling. So there's a story. About a man that decides he's going to have a portrait made of himself. So he asks around, And he finds the best artist in the village. And he goes and he sits for this artist, And this artist paints this amazing portrait of him. It really captures all of his attractiveness, His composure, His strength. And the man is just thrilled. He's just thrilled with how this portrait turned out. So he takes the portrait home and he puts it up in his house where he'll always see it. And every day he walks by and he's looking at his portrait. And then he's finding that he's spending more and more time. Gazing at his portrait. And anytime he has a difficult conversation with someone, He runs back to look at the portrait. And anytime he's criticized, He runs back to look at the portrait. Anytime he makes a mistake, He runs back and he looks at the portrait. Until all he is doing every day. Is just staring. At this portrait of himself. And then one day. A friend comes by and he sees him. He sees his friend staring at the portrait. And he goes up to him and he says, Why are you staring at this portrait all day? And the man says, Because that's me. And the friend says, That's not you. That's an image of you. You are standing right here. And this is what we do. We give all of our attention to the portrait. Every time there's a perceived, Just a perceived criticism, We run back and look at the portrait. Anytime there's a recognition, Some praise, We run back and we look at the portrait. Anytime we've made a mistake, We've made an error, We run back and we look at the portrait. But the difference. With looking at our portraits. Is that it's always changing. It never stays the same. It is constantly changing based on how we are feeling at any given moment, Based on what's happening in the weather, What's happening with our hormones, With our neurochemistry, How we slept the night before. It is constantly, Constantly changing. But because we are always looking at it, We have convinced ourselves that this is actually a solid, Independent, Separate, Permanent, Long-lasting. Me. And it's so difficult. For us to let go of this image, To let go of the narrating. For a few minutes. Because we feel like something might happen to it. If I were to let down my guard, I might get threatened. In some way. And so we truly believe that if I keep monitoring myself, Narrating what's happening. Then I will ensure that I don't get rejected. You know, If I keep updating the portrait. Then I will ensure that I'm not falling behind. If I keep polishing the image. . . I won't lose. Myself. So this is not not about. About survival. Of the body. It's not truly about survival. It's about protecting This thought created image. Of our souls. That's what we are spending. All of our time doing. Just creating this image in our minds of who we think. We are. And it is exhausting, As you say, Sue. It is annoying, And it is never-ending, Because the image is constantly changing. Right? We can see just how quickly it. You know, In the moment that, You know, Someone recognizes us, Right, We can feel the rising of this image, We can feel the inflation of the image. And then in the moment, In the next moment, In the perceived criticism, We can see how quickly the image deflates. And then we can feel it rise again with some, You know, Some small success, Some gain. And then it sinks when we perceive a failure, When we perceive a mistake. And it is just spinning around, Constantly changing within one day. A thousand times we've gone from worthy to unworthy to good to bad. I'm set for life. My life's a disaster. I feel whole. I feel connected. I feel lonely. I feel desperate, Right? We are just flipping back and forth. Constantly looking at this image, Trying to stabilize. This image. That is forever changing. And so. The problem. In the narrating. Is not even so much. The occasional talking to ourselves through something. Giving ourselves a little advice about something, Remembering we've got to do something a little bit later. No problem in any of that. The problem is when it starts to become self-referential. When we start adjusting the portrait based on it. When it's just that little bit of, Oh yeah, I've got to do that next, And like a remembering, Oh yeah, Don't forget to. . . Empty the clothes out of the dryer next. And then it's this kind of the pull of, Oh my God, I've got to get the clothes out of the dryer next. A little image of me feeling more complete getting the clothes out of the dryer. Or we're just thinking about, I've got to text someone later today because they went in and had surgery today. And that's fine. Fine to remember that. Good to remember that. Maybe make a note. Yes, Send an email or a text later. But then, As the commenting continues, Then we start imagining, Yeah, I'm such a good friend, Because I remember that they're having surgery. I'm such a good friend. And we're kind of looking at our portrait like, Yeah, I'm such a good person, Because I remembered this. And then as the commenting continues. Then we think, Well, Actually, Maybe if I was such a good friend, I would have texted them before they went into surgery. Oh, No, My portrait's starting to slant a little bit. Oh, No, Now maybe I'm the bad friend. Because I didn't text them earlier. So anytime that we're commenting, We're narrating, And it's informational, Like, Yeah, It's not a problem. But the moment we start turning it into an identity, Making it, Uh, A. . . Self-referential in that way is when we start suffering because now the image keeps constantly changing and we're trying to get it back. And so this is in the narrating. Which seems so innocuous. It seems like, What's the problem? I'm just kind of chatting away to myself. What's the problem? So we just let it slip under the radar. But within all of this narrating, What we're doing is we are defending an image, We're polishing our image, We're worrying about our image, We're more concerned with the image of us. Than the reality. That is being lived here. And the narrating. While these images aren't as big as the other images that we've been talking about through this series, The narrating, Gives the continuity. Of the story of me, Of the image of me. The feeling. That the separate self is a permanent, Long-lasting. A solid, Independent, Separate being that is who I am, Because it's always here. And so. In peace is not narrating. What we're really looking for. It is just that innocuous talking. It is just the mundane kind of talking to ourselves. And to be more mindful of that, Because it really is building up. Into the story of me. And it's building up the image as well no matter how mundane it is. It keeps creating this little image of ourselves. And so we want to be clear not to judge ourselves. For the narrating, Not to feel badly or feel like, Oh, I failed in some way because I'm talking to myself, Because it is simply A habit. And and a habit that we, Almost a luxury that we have. Because so much of our lives we can do on autopilot that we don't really have to essentially be here for. So we go up into our thoughts and we're kind of thinking about our experience because we're, Generally speaking, Many of us are quite safe. Most of the time we're quite safe. Not everyone in the world is like this, But most of the time, For many of us, We are quite safe. And so it's just the conditioning of our times. It's the conditioning of our culture. So we don't want to judge ourselves for it. We don't want to judge ourselves. For any type of thinking, Right? That's just more judging, Right? We just want to notice that it's happening. And not be so quick to dismiss it. As, Oh, Just chatting to myself. What's the big deal? I mean, What's the problem? Just chatting to myself. But as I said, It gives the continuity of the story of me. And we're just not here. For our lives. It would be like the difference of. Being on the tennis court. Playing tennis, Feeling the sunshine, Maybe a light wind and feeling the, You know, The joy of playing tennis. But actually. Be listening to the game. On the radio instead. So instead of having our direct experience of playing the game, We're more concerned with the commentator telling us about the game. Instead. So it mutes our experience, And it also distorts our experience as well. So we don't want to just keep dismissing this. It is one of the ways in which it prevents us from knowing the peace that is always here. The peace that is always available. Anytime we're getting lost in that image, We're walking away from a conversation and we're already wanting to think about, Oh, What are they thinking about me? And everyone else who walked from the conversation is doing the same thing. No one's thinking about us. Everyone's wondering, What's everyone thinking about me? Right and to just to notice that like that is not Harmless thinking. And so the good news with peace is not narrating. Is that when we catch it at that more mundane level, It typically is just a noticing it, There's a few mindful breaths, Right, Just to kind of Feel the breath, Right, Because it's nothing really sticky. And then the moment the attention goes from the portrait. To what's already here. Just in that moment, It's a one breath or two, You notice there's a sense of softening. Because that sense of separation and then the wanting to control everything starts to relax. We start to feel more at ease. There's a noticing the breath and feeling the breath. Maybe you're outside, You feel the warmth of the sun on your face or the coldness of a cold wind, Right? And there's just this sense of. . . Of ease, Of peace. Of being. Of really being in the lived experience as life is unfolding. Because we can't be commenting on it at the same time as seeing what's unfolding. We can't be in two places at one time. And so it's really, It's just this. It's just as simple. As noticing. The moment we're getting lost in the narrating, We're getting lost in gazing at the portrait. And that returning to what's already here and noticing how in the, As that sense of separation, That sense of separation within ourselves starts to dissolve, And then the sense of separation with everyone else and everything around us, That sense of separation starts to dissolve. Then we notice we start to feel whole again. We start to feel like we belong. We start to feel like we're a part of this. We feel that sense of connection. We feel that sense of ease and peace. Because peace was never a destination. It was never someone we had to get to. It wasn't something that we had to improve ourselves to try and get to it. It was simply to see. The ways in which we're taking ourselves away And in the narrating, The story, And the gazing, The endless gazing at our portrait, How it is simply taking us away. From knowing the peace that is always here. And so we. We start to recognize that. That we can't. Fix the portrait. You're never gonna perfect the portrait. It's always changing. You're never going to find peace. In the portrait. And in the realizing that you're never going to find it in there. We start to lose interest in it. Because quite frankly, The story of me is really a rather boring story. The same thing being rehashed over and over again. What am I going to do next? What do they think about me? What do I think about me? Why did I do that back there? Oh, Are they offended? You know, What did I do wrong with them? It is the same thing over and over and over again. And as we keep noticing pieces not narrating and we're coming back, We start to lose interest in this. In the story of me and we start to trust more. The lived experience that is here in this moment. We start to trust the peace in this moment. The portrait isn't keeping us safe. It's keeping us separate. It's keeping us in that feeling that somehow we don't belong, That somehow Everyone else belongs on the planet, But somehow not me. I'm somehow different. And so in seeing that, Each time that we see peace not narrating, We don't judge ourselves for it, We just breathe mindfully, And we keep coming back into the lived experience. Allowing life to unfold, Allowing us to unfold moment by moment the mystery of how this is all unfolding moment by moment. Our lives become far richer, Our lives become far more meaningful, What we thought of as ordinary moments, Are really quite extraordinary. Because the sense of ease and the sense of peace that we have in each moment, Because we're no longer burdened by the story of me. We're no longer entertained by it because it's not entertaining. So peace is not narrating. Is really the final mantra in this series. And all of the mantras, Remember, I based them all on the ways in which our mind wanders in the default mode network, The ways in which all of our minds are wandering, The chasing happiness in the future, The resisting what's happening, Resisting the person, Resisting what's happening in the past, Resisting what's happening in the future. The comparing, The judging. And the narrating really holding all of those individual stories together, Giving the continuity and the solidity. Bringing it all together. And it's why this whole series and really how I teach. Is that It is in the negation because we are not trying to become anything. This is the biggest trap in self-improvement, In spirituality. No one is trying to become something. That is another trap of the ego, Of the story of me, Of the portrait. Just if the portrait could become more spiritual, Then I could finally be at ease. Then I could finally feel peace. It's just to see all of the ways in which we keep distracting ourselves. In the way our attention goes away from what's here. And in seeing what we're not. What is revealed is the reality of who we are, Of what we are. The lived experience, Not to become something new, But simply to reveal what has always been here, Not to then, Oh, I'm here, But now I've got to get more of it. Now I've just got to improve a little bit more to try and stabilize it. That's just more commenting on it. That's more grasping on it. It's simply to be in the lived experience. It's simply being. And so in all of these ways that we've been using the mantras, Showing us where our attention keeps going, How it's a trap, It's never ending, It's a trap, It's all giving rise to the story of me, This thought created me, All our attention stays on that, And then we miss what is here. But then. . . When we see what's happening without judgment, And we just notice them with mindfulness. Our attention becomes disentangled from the portrait, From the image. And what's here. . . Is revealed. And it's enough. It's always enough. It's enough to feel whole. It's enough to feel connected. It's enough to feel like we belong. It's enough to feel peace. And it is always available. And it is always here. In the absence of chasing, Resisting, Judging, Comparing, And narrating. Is always here. So that will be our mantra for this week. Peace is not narrating and yes Alice this is exactly what this is the ego, The image of me is the ego. Right? It's where when Rumi says, You know, Why do you stay in prison when the doors are so wide open? When we create this little image of ourselves, We create a prison. It is a prison. Because we're so beholden to that little image and always trying to fix it. What a nightmare trying to fix something that is constantly, Constantly changing. What a nightmare. And yet that's what we're doing because we're more concerned with the image of me than the reality of me that is right here. And that's not to say that Every now and then, A thought arises and there's something to do. Maybe we did offend someone, Maybe. And we need to go and apologize or, You know, I'm not saying that there's something, Sometimes something to do. I would say 999 times there's nothing to do. Every now and then there is, And what's helpful in our practice is that we're not just dismissing these thoughts outright. Now the narrating, They're very mundane and we really just some mindful breathing, We're back, There's really a quick kind of assessing, It was just that little kind of running commentary. But when we use the RAIN acronym and we really get into that being with what's here, Being with the feelings, Right, Inquiring of what's really going on and nurturing what's really going on, And by getting out of the story, It helps us see if there is something to do, Because now we have more clarity. And we can see, Like, Is there something to do? Most times, I would tell you there is nothing to do. It's just that impulse, That habit. That thought pattern that is happening just in the background, That constant, Constant talking about ourselves to ourselves, And then it kind of escalating in the bigger, What do I want? What do I not want? And always with the promise that I'm going to somehow be happier and more peaceful in the future and feel more whole in the future. And yet, It lets us down again and again and again. And at some point, We recognize That's not me. And I'm never going to be able to stabilize that identity. All day it's just going to be spinning, Worthy, Unworthy, Good, Bad. Set for life, Life's a disaster. All day long it's just spinning and spinning and spinning and we're trying to get it to stop. That's insanity. That's insanity. So if what we truly want is peace, If what we truly want is freedom, It's freedom from the story. We can take information and we can be discerning with information. And if someone's criticized us or we feel hurt, Something's happened, We can be with those feelings and nurture those feelings, Right? Bring kindness and compassion to what's here. Being present with what's here. But trying to stabilize that image. Is a fool's game. You will never find freedom in it. You will never find freedom in it. And that is for each and every one of us to see for ourselves. And Kimberly, I hope I'm saying your name right, Because I'm just noticing your comment there, About the chasing perfection, And it is a prison. Because how much of this is, Again, It's this image, This image of perfection that we're all chasing. Which doesn't exist, Even if you have a moment, You have a moment, You had a. A work function, You had a party or something and you went and you were the life of the party and every single word that came out of your mouth was just witty and funny and smart and everything kind of went your way, Right? We know, Even as we kind of walk out feeling maybe good about ourselves, Like, Oh, The image is good, It just doesn't take long before we think, You know, That one person, They really weren't laughing. I don't think they thought I was as witty and funny as everyone else was. It just doesn't take long for us to start tearing down that perfect image, Which just doesn't exist. It's not realistic. And in chasing the image of perfection, We're always commenting on the experiences that were never enough. I mean, We would never do this to a young child, And yet this is what we do to ourselves. Where we're constantly, Oh, That wasn't good enough, Meredith. Oh, You kind of, You really messed that up back there, Meredith. Oh, Why'd you say that, Meredith? Right, That's what came out. If I need to apologize, I always want to confirm. If there's a need to apologize, Do it. But don't chase perfection, You'll never find peace. You'll never find freedom in trying to be perfect. And really, A part of our culture is just very much this self-improvement. Oh, There's always going to be this future me that's going to be better and more improved. And then we've merged the self-improvement into spirituality, Right? That I just need to be more spiritual if I can just meditate more, If I can just find that special secret practice, If I could just be more mindful, If I could just be more conscious, Right? That is just another fool's game. We take in the same mind movement that chases after materiality. That chases after self-improvement and when we put it into spirituality. Endless seeking. Endless seeking. Seeking as though what I'm looking for is outside of me. As though actually what I need is to be a certain, You know, I need to have better, You know, Morality, I need more merit, I need to be more perfect, And then I can find the true me, The real me. As Saint Francis of Assisi says, What's looking is what you're looking for. What's looking? Is what you are looking for. You are already reality. There's nothing you could add on to yourself. That could change that. But the pursuit of it. Stops you from recognizing it. And prevents you from having the lived experience that is here and now. And Alice, Yeah, As you're saying, And I'll get back to some of the other questions back there. Being perfect is highly overrated and would also, It would be a nightmare. I mean, If we had someone, A friend that was perfect, It would be a nightmare to be around that person. I mean, You know, Because all of us are so flawed. And that's part of humanity. You know, That we are all a little bit different. And I think it's what also. Helps us to have some humility. Like, Yeah, I know what it's like. I know what it's like to mess up. Yeah, And we can have compassion for ourselves and for other people when we're having those moments of messing up. You know, That's the response to, Because if we've messed up and we are here with our feelings, Our feelings are what's happening. That's what's happening. Feelings are happening. Not happening to anyone, Anything, But feelings are happening and there's a breathing and a feeling, Being with the feelings. Opening to the feelings, We're here with what's here. We're here with what's here. And in being with what's here without making some story about that, Oh, Who it's happening to. In being with what's here, A sense of ease, A sense of peace. And then we recognize when it's happening to someone else, Oh yeah, I can have compassion for them too because it hurts. Yeah, It can hurt when we mess up, When we've done something embarrassing. And so I think, Like you're saying, It helps us relate to each other's humanity. I think we would be unbearable if we were perfect. We'd be unbearable. Oh, And you're very welcome, Julie. You're very welcome. We check in every day with her meditation practice. I'm so glad. Yeah. And as you were saying, The narrating. . . Was the adding of cause to your life according to what your partner said you needed to be in order to blank, You know, Fill in the blanks. And letting go of the narrating, You see how you're already perfect in here, Allowing peace. I mean, How we're already, I mean, Perfect in our imperfections, In our imperfections. I mean, Think about how we would have to walk around all day. Trying to be perfect. I mean, This is what we do, Right? Oh, Did I do that OK? Oh, No, No. Let me go back to the portrait. No, I don't think I did that just right. Oh, It's starting to tilt a little bit. Right? And then a little bit later, Oh, No, I think I did a good job there. Oh, Good. The portrait can come back up right again, You know. And then a little later, Oh, No, No, No, No. It went off. Instead of just recognizing, Yeah, We're human. Ups and downs of life, The ups and downs of life. Sometimes the words come out. Beautifully, Right? Sometimes we speak in a way. That there's a lot of. Clarity or there's a lot of warmth or kind of, You know, Of wit, Whatever it is, Right? And sometimes there's a little clunkiness. It's just kind of the way it is, Right? Everything is always changing. We're. Always changing. Not only. Is there nothing for us to hold on to outside? There is nothing here that could possibly grasp at it because each and every one of us is constantly changing. A process, An activity, Nothing solid here. But every time we get lost in the portrait, In the image, In the story. Every time we get lost in that, We start to feel like we're more of a noun than a verb. I'm a thing. I'm a, I'm a. I'm good, I'm bad, I'm one thing, You know, We're trying and put us down into some little fixed identity when we're many things, We're many things. We're a multitude of things at different moments of the day around different groups of people, Different settings. We are a multitude of things. And the more that we accept that and accept that, Yes, We have flaws as well, Every single one of us does. The less there's not so much to hold on to anymore. In fact, There's nothing to hold on to. And again, Always the wisdom and the compassion to know that, Yeah, It doesn't mean that we wouldn't apologize or if we've really made a mistake that's affected someone that we would go and we would try and fix it, But not with the idea of I've got to fix it so that my portrait can start hanging straight again. Not with it having anything to do with the portrait. Just, Yeah, I should go and try and fix that. Yeah. It's the right thing to do. Yeah, I should go and do that. Yeah, Kimberly. Yeah, As Philippa's saying too, Yeah, It's, It's, They're, You know, Reality, And when I say reality, Reality, There is an underlying reality here. It's not chasing perfection. Ego is chasing perfection, And the ego is chasing perfection. Because it thinks, Oh, If I could just be perfect, Then I would always be happy. But the ego. . . Is the obstruction. To the happiness because the ego is never satisfied. It's nature. Is dissatisfaction. It will never let you be happy for very long. Will never let you be happy. So when I'm saying the ego now, The ego is really that representation of ourselves, That's the portrait. It'll never let you be satisfied. So just as equally, Like we tend to get very attached to the negative ways in which we view ourselves. Don't get attached to the positive ways either, Right? Something good happens, You did something good, Like let it go through you. Yeah, Enjoy it. Yeah, That felt good. Whatever it was that you did, Maybe you helped someone, Maybe you had a moment. Someone gave you some praise, Some recognition, Like yeah, Enjoy it, It's nice, Just let it move through you. Don't make a story out of it because eventually that story is going to turn into its opposite. It's always going to turn. It will never stay the same. Never stay the same. Everything is impermanent. Everything is impermanent. Yeah, Julie, And this too shall pass. Yeah. Okay, I'm going to flip back a little bit. And Kimmy, I saw your, Actually, I'm going to answer your question, Kimmy, And then I'll go back further. In fact, Let me go back and do a screenshot because sometimes I miss. Oh, Actually, I just want to say hi to a couple people here. Oh, It's 5 a. M. In Queensland, So it is early for you, Janine. And Molly, And Simon, Good to see you. And Barbara, That's Barbara from Canada, Right? That's my Barbara, Yeah. Good to see you there. And Nancy, And Donnie, And Joe, And Ruth, And Robert, And David, My lark friend. I love them, Yeah. Yeah, Just Ruth to just say, Yeah, The narrating and the story of me is anxiety provoking. It is because the anxiety is the We're constantly trying to fidget. Oh, What's the image of me looking like? I mean, It is a prison. It is a prison trying to fix this image. It's a prison trying to perfect it. You'll never perfect it. And in recognizing you will never perfect it, Right, It's just kind of finally like, Yeah, God. I mean, You would recognize, Right, In something that you're doing if you kept trying to, Maybe there's a, A spot on your kitchen counter and all day long you're trying to scrub that spot off and scrub the spot off and eventually you realize like I can't. Right? You just say, You just lose interest in it. You say, Well, It's there, But it's not a problem anymore. It's fine. It's fine. And the identity. It doesn't mean. You know, Thinking still happens, And even these images will sometimes still arise, Because all thought habits and patterns do take a while to work themselves out. But there's just a seeing it and seeing like, Well, Why would I give this any attention? Why? I mean, What, To try and get it adjusted a certain way to kind of think my way through to some type of. . . Temporary state of feeling okay because the portrait looks okay because it's just going to shift a moment later. It's just going to shift a moment later. Yeah, I mean, Kim, Yeah, Imperfection. Is something that the ego strives for. You, Reality. Are not striving for anything. It's simply being. If there's an impulse to do something, To create something, It's for the joy of that creation, Not for the recognition that you're looking to get. That's the ego wanting to do something for recognition. And then we're not even enjoying doing the project. So when I'm saying like reality isn't striving to become something, It's not doing things to get credit for it, To get recognition for it, To kind of inflate itself out of. Reality doesn't need that. If there's a movement to do something, You'll do it. And it'll feel good in that moment. And there might be a sense of completion. Yeah. But there's no grasping at it. There's no grasping because every moment is just changing, Changing, Changing. Right? Like we've talked about, You know, The shifting sand. Like, You can't hold on to it. It's just constantly shifting. And this is where, Again, So much of our suffering is coming from. We're trying to hold on to everything and to add it to the story of me. And we've tried to do that. Hasn't been very effective. Instead of just, As you're saying, Simon, The journey, Right? The journey of living. It's just moment by moment. We're living in this moment. Sometimes we're more creative in the moment. Sometimes we're doing the dishes in the moment. Sometimes we're doing the laundry in the moment. Sometimes we're picking up the dog crap in the moment, But there's no like kind of separating out all these moments. It's just this moment. This is all that's happening right now. And there's just a quiet joy. It's a quiet joy. That's kind of just running through. In the not trying to get anything out of the moment. Participating in the moment, Engaging in the moment, If that's what the conditions, You know, If that's what kind of you're getting nudged in a particular direction. But not to get anything out of it. This is what we're always trying to get something out of it. So I can put it on my portrait. So I can add it to my portrait. More accolades, More followers, More praise, More recognition, More perfection. I can just keep adding all this to my portrait. Portrait tilts. Oh no. Oh no. I spent all my time trying to get it there. And oh no, It tilted again. It's always going to tilt. It's always going to tilt. Sometimes it's just like a spinning. It's just spinning and we're desperately trying to get it to. . . Stay in place. We just can't. We just can't. So we just. We lose interest in it, That constant narrating, That constant talking ourselves through our lives. It just loses interest. It loses our interest. I mean, It's really rather boring. It's rather, It's repetitive. And it's not who we are. In fact, It's what creates the illusion of separateness to begin with. And that so many of us, You know, We're walking around in this existential crisis of feeling like I don't belong because we're too busy looking at the portrait. Okay, Kim, I said I was going to go back to one of your questions here. Here it is. Is perfect part of judging? Oh, Hi, Victor. Good to see you. Hi, Victor. Is perfect part of judging? Yeah, I would say that, Yeah. You know, Judging is relative, Right? All of this stuff is relative. Yeah, If I can judge something as perfect, Then I can judge something as imperfect. And any time we're judging, Any time we're kind of slicing things up, And this is what the mind does, We just, We slice everything up into little individual pieces. Anytime we're doing that, We are not seeing reality. We're seeing ourselves as separate. From everything. From our souls. And it's how we can be in a room full of people and feel lonely. Feel not enough, Feel like we don't belong. Simply through this habit of just the self-referential thinking. Yeah, Alice, Exactly. Yeah, Perfect. It's just another label. Yeah. A really dangerous label that also maybe in our culture gets very much a lot of approval. But what we want is freedom. What we're here for. Is total and absolute freedom. Peace. Ease. So our culture can go on. You know, Saying we should be striving for things, We should be comparing ourselves against other people, We should judge ourselves negatively, But that's not freedom. That's not freedom, It's a prison. And we can still live in our culture. We don't have to throw everything out. We don't have to throw everything out. Oh, I can't shop on Amazon anymore. I've got to throw my iPhone out. Like, We don't have to go to, That's just another extreme that the ego, The portrait will do. Well, Now I'll just, Now in my portrait, There's minimalism and there's no shopping online and there's no smartphone, Right? It's just another way that we kind of want to create. It's another way of trying to fix the image. You can participate in the world. You can have a career. You can do a great job at what you're doing. You can get promoted. You know, For the joy of the promotion because you did a good job and you're enjoying your work and you're present for what's here, No problem for any of that. As long as you don't. Try and start extrapolating that out into some type of image of me. So we don't have to throw the world out. That's not necessary. That's just another, It's another image making, It's another way of making an image. It seems more pious, Seems more pious, So maybe it's a little better. That's just another image. Yeah, Or sorry, Michelle, First of all, Yes, You're right. It's the human condition, Yeah. And we are conditioned by our culture. By the times that we live in. So that's why just so much of this practice, So much of our practice, What's so important is never to judge ourselves, Never to judge ourselves. We are simply the result of our causes and conditions. And to remember that so was everyone else. Not to say, Oh, They're bad, They're good, Not to separate all these things out, Because all of this is just happening. It's just happening, And we need these polarities in order to experience the world. Otherwise, There would be nothing to experience. So, Moj, You're saying the hard thing is how to live with the mind that likes to be busy comparing, Resisting, Narrating. So this is where the mantras, I find, Are so helpful. By saying the mantras, And we'll do the meditation in a couple minutes, By the way. By saying the mantras, Peace is not chasing, Peace is not resisting, Peace is not comparing, Peace is not judging, Peace is not narrating. By saying the mantras over and over in the meditation, We start to kind of leave like an imprint in our mind that peace is not these things. And then we catch ourselves when it's happening. It's again, Why this is in the negation. Instead of the affirmation, We could have just started out with just peace is here is now. Excuse me, Peace is here and now. You know, Where peace is this moment. And we have kind of used those mantras at some point. It's really, It's like we know peace is here and now, We know peace is here in this moment. So why are we not experiencing what is always here? And so with the mantras, It's helping us to be more mindful throughout the day. What are these mind movements that keep taking us away from the peace? What are these mind movements? It's always, So it's the main, The chasing, The resisting, The desire, Aversion, Right? The wanting, The not wanting, Moving forward, The pushing away, Right? This is what we are, These are the two main mind movements that are creating the portrait, Creating the image, Creating the ego, I'm using those all interchangeably, Same thing. I want that, And if I get it, I, Me in the portrait, Will be so happy. And I don't want that. I, The me in the portrait, Will be so unhappy. If it gets what it doesn't want. So these are the two main mind movements that we're looking at, The chasing and the resisting. And the judging and the comparing and the narrating and the jealousy and the envy and the The. Resentment and the regret, They all fall under either chasing or resisting desire aversion. They all fall under this. And so, In saying the mantras, And it's most commonly, You know, The resisting is covering the regret, It's covering the resentment, It's covering the… irritation, The frustration. The comparing is covering the jealousy, It's covering the envy, Right? So these five mantras are really covering all of the ways in which we habitually take ourselves out of the present moment, Away from the peace that is always here. So when we say the mantras in our meditation, And then we count them on our hands, And for some of you that are new, I'll explain this again in a couple of minutes, We are kind of leaving an imprint in our brain. That peace is not chasing, Peace is not resisting, Peace is not narrating. We're really now being more mindful of what it is, Of why our attention keeps wandering away from the peace. And then, Because we've had a whole Dharma talk around each one of these mind movements, A true understanding of why. When we're comparing to someone else, And it goes from information to identity. That now because you have something that I don't have, I am somehow falling behind. We're more clear on it. Oh yes, Peace is not comparing. Peace is not comparing. Yeah, I really—oh, I— it went into the identity or in the judging when we recognize in the judging that if I'm judging another person, If I'm If I'm putting them down into a fixed. . . Label, And identity. Really turning them into an object. What I'm doing is training away from empathy, Not only for them, But for myself. So in every one of these ways, And in the chasing where we talked about, In the chasing happiness, The reason we'll never find it is because what we are training. In the chasing happiness is wanting. Not satisfaction, Not get it and be satisfied. What we're training, And we're training this on a particular network on our brain, Is more wanting. So in each of the classes where we've given more context to what's happening in each one of these mind movements, Really understanding where it goes too far, Nothing wrong with saying, Hey, I'm looking forward to seeing you later, Looking forward to having a nice meal with someone, Looking forward to a holiday, Like nothing wrong. With any of those things. But when it becomes, Oh my God, I'll be so happy, When? What you're training is wanting. Wanting does not feel good. Wanting is a sense of luck. Wanting does not feel good. And so in saying the mantras over and over and having this context for the mantras, It's understanding more deeply what's really happening in these mind movements, You're more likely to catch it. You're more likely to catch it. And then you use your mindfulness practice. You use some self-compassion. In motion, It may just be, Oh, Yeah, Hey, Busy mind. You know, Just a little kind of petting. Yeah, Busy mind. I know you're busy mind. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. OK, Busy mind. Right? And even just kind of an accepting of that. Like, It's not a busy mind. It's just kind of moving, Just kind of moving quickly. Yeah, When we bring awareness to it and a softening around it. That's not such a problem. We have sometimes, Julie, You and I have talked about like, Sometimes we have a busy mind meditation. You know, We sit down, But the mind's just busy. And the moment that we recognize and we start fighting the busy mind, And we just go, Oh, Busy mind. Busy mind meditation today. Okay. We breathe and the mind's kind of still a little busy, But it's just not a problem anymore. It's just not a problem anymore. So, So Moj, Be patient with yourself, Be kind with yourself. And, And what I would, Would, Um, Would suggest is just really in earnest using the mantras, Doing the top 10 playlist that we talked about in the fourth class, Really looking at our most recurring thoughts. The more we can have those on paper and see them, Oh, That's a chasing thought, That's a resisting thought, Oh, There's another resisting thought, Oh, There's another resisting thought, And realizing like, Wow, I spent a lot of time resisting. I didn't realize how much time I spent resisting. Oh, Maybe I need to spend a little more time with that mantra. Right? So really trusting that saying the mantras is leaving an imprint and it's helping you to be more mindful now to see the ways in which we keep taking ourselves out of the present moment. Yeah, Alice, Identifying the thought but not identifying with the thought, Not creating an image out of the thought. And yeah, Kimberly. We are, We are always rewiring our brain. Every moment, I mean this is the good news of neuroplasticity, Is that the brain is always changing based on whatever experience is happening. Because we have all been. Um. . . You know, So caught up in this materialism in our culture, In the wanting, And then all of the ways that, You know, We could want and want and get things faster and faster and faster, Just, You know, Pick up our phone and, Oh, I could get something. We were training the motivation reward pathway to be more active, To be more wanting, Right, To do that. And then when we see it, When we notice it more, Oh, Peace is not chasing. And each time that we notice it, And when you come in and feel the chasing, The wanting, It doesn't feel good. Like we're so believing the story of me in the portrait that's going to be so happy when it gets what it wants. We don't even notice. How unpleasant it feels right now! What we're sacrificing in this moment. So we come in and we feel it. It's like, Oh my God. And we breathe mindfully. Ooh, Wow. And we can so we recognize there was the chasing allow the feelings oh yeah right inquire right what's really going on here what else is here besides the wanting right oh the lack is here the fear of falling behind might be here oh okay and we nurture and we're here with what's here and we're and now we're retraining away from it but because we keep if we're in the wanting and we just keep adding to it yeah we're training for that and we're not and kimberly just to add to your point too. While everyone would say, Almost everyone would say, They want peace, Some variation, Some variation of the word peace, Freedom, Contentment, Connection, Satisfaction, Some kind of variation along that. Most people would say that. Because we're so, Our nervous system is so used to being in kind of a slightly excited or agitated state, When we feel the peace and it's like ah yeah, This is nice, There's this habit of kind of feeling like, Oh, But I better get back to that agitation because somehow that was keeping me safe. Somehow that was keeping me safe. Yeah, Survival states. And it's familiar. It's familiar. It doesn't feel good, But it's familiar. That's exactly right. And so the more that we keep catching it and the more that we start training for peace and really feeling, You know, The feeling and knowing the peace that is always here and available, And then noticing the mind coming in, The portrait kind of sneaking its way back in, The thought sneaking back in, Was that it? Is that all it's going to be? Right? That's the ego commenting on it again, Right? Ah, Peace is not narrating. The ego is always going to want to come in and comment on it. Is going to want to come in and say, I thought it was going to be better than this. I thought it was going to be more than this. Because of course, The ego wants to be there for the piece. It can't be there for the piece. That's the problem. It's the portrait. It can't be there. So it kind of wiggles its way back in by saying, I don't think that was really it. I don't think that was enough. I think we need a more spiritual, Mystical state than this. I mean, It'll never be enough for the ego. And so it's just to notice that, Ah, Peace is not narrating. Here I am commenting on the present moment not being enough. I'm already out of the present moment and saying it's not enough. Peace is not narrating. Peace is not narrating. And as we breathe mindfully, We're coming back more into the body, Into the feeling. The feelings are real. The portrait's not. And we're here with what's here. And it's like, Oh, Yeah, This is the piece. Yeah. And so now we're training to trust this more. We're training to trust this more. Okay, I'll go back and I will, I guess, Should we take a pause and do the meditation and finish up the questions? What would you guys rather do? Because I don't want us to miss out on the meditation. And I know sometimes we can get a little lost in the, Not lost in the questions, But they can sometimes at the exclusion of the meditation or minimizing the meditation. So meditate. All right, Dina Joy, That's what we're going to go with. Oh, Yeah, Kathy, We'll talk about that after the meditation. That's right. So we're going to go ahead and meditate. And so for a couple of you, Oh, Great, Richard, Good to see you. So for a couple of you, Like Kimberly, I don't think you've been here before. And was a Bob from New York. Oh, And hi, Char, Good to see you. And I'll come back to these questions. But I think there were a couple more here that haven't been here before. So, Hi, Michelle. So how we're going to do the meditation. We're going to, We'll start with just a couple of deep breaths. Okay, So just on your own, Taking a few deep breaths, Really big, Deep breaths. Opening the abdomen, The chest, Long, Slow exhales. So really taking in as much oxygen as you can. And then we'll let the deep breathing go and just let our breath be natural. I'm going to ask a couple of questions in the meditation, And I'll just give a little bit more detail around the questions when I ask them. But I'm going to ask you two questions that I find to be incredibly important to keep us on track, What it is that we want. And then we're going to bring in the mantras. So we're going to count the mantras on our hands. And the reason that we're counting the mantras at the same time as saying the mantra is because we want to start to recruit other parts of the brain, So in this case, The motor cortex, To also start leaving this imprint of pieces not narrating. So there's three points on each finger for the counting. So the first, We bring the top of our thumb and the top of our pinky together, Pieces not narrating. We come to the middle, Piece is not narrating, And then the crease, Piece is not narrating. And so we just continue those three points. On each finger, And then we start back again, Top of the pinky, And work our way down. Don't get too worried if you kind of feel like you lose the thread on it. It is just, It's that tapping and the pattern. Like any kind of pattern, Like maybe you can't reach your pinky and you can just do it here or something, Like maybe you just do it on one finger, But the pattern also again starts to imprint more deeply in the brain. So we're trying to recruit more parts of the brain as we're saying the mantra so that we're more likely to remember the mind movement, The mantra, When we're in the act of doing it, So we can catch it real time. And then you can see for yourself, You're starting to compare yourself to someone else. It's a habit. We all do it. Maybe you're judging someone. We all do it, Right? You know, We all do it. I do it too. There's that habit, Right? And it's not to then turn around and beat ourselves up because we judged, Right? It's just to notice, All right, Peace is not judging. Peace is not judging, Right? So then we come in with mindfulness and we come in with compassion by being with what's here and empathy for what's here. And then, Ah, Yeah, Okay. That sense of separation that now we have between us that we created through the judging. No judging for it, But we did it. Everyone's doing it. But now we're changing our response to it. So the mantras, And it's the tapping, Right? It's the tapping. The tapping and the pattern is what's really leaving the imprint, Along with the words. So we're more likely to catch it. And then just to notice each time. To just notice each time how much better it feels. It feels so much better when we're not comparing ourselves to someone else, When we're not judging another person, When we're not judging ourselves because we were judging another person. When we're not judging ourselves because we're not perfect, Right? And we start to really, It's like, Yeah, Peace is not judging. There's that habit. There's that quick reaction to do it. We all do it, Right? And it's just to notice it. And then we're letting it go. So the counting the mantras, Really helping us see the ways in which we take ourselves out of the present moment. The ways in which we take ourselves away from the peace that is always here. This is a path of subtraction, Not addition. Seeing how we keep, You know, Seeing what we're not. Okay? So with that, So it's 114, And we're also, We're up to 20 minutes now, So we've been slowly building on the meditation each week, So we'll do 20 minutes today, And on your own, As best you can, Doing 20 minutes in the morning. Always one minute minimum. That's always, You know, Just one minute minimum. We just want to get some consistency in the meditation practice and it's just important to have, I find, To have a daily meditation practice to help us be more mindful throughout the day. Okay, So it's almost 115, So we'll meditate until one. 35. Okay? And hi Diane, I see you going across there. Oh, Great, Kimmy, You've been using the timer. Fantastic. Yeah, That's, You know, The Insight timer is fantastic. Okay, So let's just close our eyes. And just make any adjustments in your seat that you need to make. Make sure you're comfortable. And we'll take a few deep breaths in and out through the nose. So just going at your own pace. Really filling up on the inhale. Long, Slow exhale. And at the end of your next exhale, Allow your breath to be natural. Just let it flow at its own rhythm, Its own pace. And just bring your attention to your heart center. So feeling your breath at your heart center. And ask yourself, What is it that you want more than anything else in the world for yourself? So when we ask this question, I'm asking you to look inside. That your answer is not dependent upon anything in the external world. So as some pointers, Could be something along the lines of peace. Freedom. Contentment. Belonging connection. Wholeness So just seeing what speaks to you about what it is you most intrinsically want to feel. To know. And now ask yourself. What could you do more of or less of? That would move you closer to what it is you most want. So when we ask this question, We are not concerned in the slightest. With whether we are ready to do less of something or whether we are willing to do more of something else. All we are doing is identifying. What we could do. That would move us closer to what it is we most want. So we are recognizing that. Certain activities. Do take us further away? Other activities can be more conducive. To what it is we most want. At least in the beginning. And now we'll just let our answers fade away. As though we're just planting seeds in our heart center. Entrusting the process. And then bringing our attention to the breath at the tip of your nostrils. And we'll bring in the mantra and the counting. So bringing the top of your thumb and the top of your pinky together. And silently saying, Peace is not narrating. Peace is not narrating. It's a wonderful inhale and exhale. For each mantra, For each count. Peace is not narrating. And if any thoughts arise around narrating. Maybe thinking about some narrating you were doing earlier, Maybe some narrating that's happening right now. It's okay to just notice that. Just to see again that peace is not narrating. And for others of you, It'll just be saying the mantra. Maybe no thoughts arise at all. And we're just imprinting this mantra. Into our nervous system, Into our mind. So that it can be a helpful pointer for us. As we're going about our days catching ourselves. When this mind movement is happening. And now let the mantra go for the rest of the meditation. You can let the counting go. And just allow your attention to Gently rest on the rise and fall of your breath. Just allowing our attention to sink into the rhythm of the breath. And as we slowly begin to come out of meditation, Keeping your eyes closed. With a big inhale, Taking your arms up over your head with a big stretch at the top. And as you exhale, Gently lower your arms. And slowly open your eyes. K. So we just had a lot of imprinting of pieces, Not narrating. And really helping us to be able to remember this. You're the, The. . . The Pali word for mindfulness, The Pali word is actually sati, S-A-T-I. So mindfulness is how it's most commonly translated. It's always like at least five, Sometimes 10 different translations for each Pali word. And one of the other translations is remember. Remember. And this is so much of our practice. We hear it here. We talk about it. We have a dialogue. And it's just that we forget. And so by saying the mantra, By doing the counting on our hands, Doing these patterns on our hand, As we say the mantra, Really imprinting it in our minds, In our brain, In our nervous system, Really helping us to remember. So we notice it when it's happening, Not to beat ourselves up because it's happening, Not to have even the slightest judgment, Even the slightest kind of resistance to it, Just to notice it, Just to notice it. And with compassion, With kindness. Come into our experience, We come into what's here, Feeling what's here, Breathing mindfully, Using the RAIN acronym as a as necessary, Using self-compassion, Asking ourselves, Is this moment okay? Using all the tools that we have at our disposal to take our eyes off of the portrait. We're looking at the portrait in different ways. If we're narrating, We're just keeping that continuity of the portrait going. It's just doing that little kind of, Oh, It's just adjusting. If we're comparing, Of course, We know what that does to our identity. Someone else has something, Look at me, Look at me, The failure, Right? If we're judging, For judging another person? You know? In that moment, Our portrait is very unfeeling, Has no empathy, Right? We've dehumanized our portrait in that moment. And in chasing the happiness over there, Like in the believing that, Oh, Look, The happiness is going to be there. Look at what it's doing to us now. And in fact, Really, Our portrait is really the sense of lack. Oh, Because it's missing something. We just need to paint something else on there. It just needs this other object. And in the resisting, In the pushing back, Oh, Look at how frustrated the portrait is now. So we're, It's always every one of these ways is is adding to the story of me. And out of that story of me, There's an image that's being created, A portrait, An image of ourselves. And it is a burden. It is a nightmare. To walk around, Always trying to fix. The portrait to fix the image. It is complete and utter freedom. To not be concerned. With the image any longer. To not even try to fix the portrait. Because we recognize the futility in it, And there is no freedom. There is no peace to be found in trying to stabilize the portrait. You're never going to be able to do it. And so there's just a letting go of the image, Then why bother? Why bother? And in letting go of the image of what you are not, Of what you have taken yourself to be your whole lives. What is revealed is the reality of who you are. The reality that there is a living being here experiencing the world. But without that filter any longer. Without it influencing how we're interpreting what's happening. Without us slicing up every little moment of our experience. That was good. That was bad. Oh, And look at the portrait, Right? Instead, We're able to be here. It's like we've lost a hundred pounds, We feel lighter, We feel freer, We feel a greater sense of ease and we feel more compassion for ourselves, We feel compassion for others because yes, Sometimes pleasant experiences, Sometimes unpleasant experiences, Yep, Always changing. But you don't have to get attached to any one state because it's always changing. It's always changing. And this way we're here with what's here. You know, A little difficult situation. Yeah, It's not pleasant. We don't have to put lipstick on it. We don't have to pretend. But it's not going to last. Something good's happening. Yay! Yay! The ride's in a good place. Enjoy it. Yay! It's not going to last. Don't get attached. Be grateful, Don't get attached. And it's just this, This, This kind of the, The ups and downs are more, Are not as violent. They're not as erratic. It's just the kind of, Oh yeah. And now it's Sunday and Kathy was saying, You know, Back there, You know, There's a little bit of that Sunday evening. Oh yeah, You're in the UK. Sunday evening, Oh no, It's the work week ahead, Right? And so it's, Oh yeah, You recognize that, Right? There's a little resistance in there, Right? Kathy, Oh, Peace is not resisting, Right? Any of the mantras, Right? Oh, Here it is. That's the agitation is the resisting of, Oh, The week ahead, The work week ahead, Not working now. And so you recognize, Oh yeah, Peace is not resisting and breathing mindfully. So you're recognizing you're allowing the feelings, You're not pushing the feelings away of agitation, Of resistance, We're opening to them, Yeah. Yeah, Because there's a habit there. We're not pushing any part of our experience away. That's what's arising. It's not happening to someone in the portrait. You know, The belief, This is the belief we think, Oh, It's happening to someone, It's happening to me, The thought created me. That's where everything becomes so overwhelming and so tense, Right? There's agitated energy. Agitated feelings. No feeler. No one, No one. No thing. Feeling them, Not nothing, But no thing, No independent, Solid, Separate me feeling it. It's just feelings arising, Agitated feelings. And so there's an opening, To what's here, Breathing to what's here. So now you're bringing compassion and kindness and wisdom to what's here. You're allowing it to be here. And what else is here in the agitation? A little bit of fear? Yeah, Oh, Sweetheart fear, You can be here too, Right? We breathe and we welcome it in. And in that being with what's here, You feel a sense of ease. You feel a sense of like, Yeah, It's OK. Because the story is what's so terrifying. The story that creates the portrait, Right? That's what's so terrifying. When we come in and feel, Even when they're unpleasant feelings. It's not nearly as scary, It's just unpleasant. There's some tension. Yeah, There's some, Again, Some agitated energy. I mean, We all feel things. Yeah, I feel things. A few minutes before the class starts, There might be a little anxiety here. Oh, Class is about to start. Yeah. Yeah, I'm here teaching. Yeah. A little anxiety, That's okay. It's okay. Right? Normal. So we just be with it. And as we're here with what's here, There's a sense of peace. There's a sense of ease. The separation dissolves. And even in the agitation, Even in the anxiety, Once the separation dissolves. It's just feelings. It's just feelings. And they do, Of course, On their own then start to dissolve. They start to go away. Right? But we're not coming into the feelings to make them go away. That's really important. We're here with them as long as they need to be here, As long as they need to be here. Right? So it really just helps us really be with what's here, Riding the ups and downs, But losing the story about it and the trying to fix the story, Which is really trying to fix the image of me, The portrait of me, Because you're just never going to find freedom in that. You're just, I mean, Come on, We've all done it. We've all done it. None of us have found it, Right? And what I will tell you is there is a great deal of freedom in no longer trying to fix the story, To fix the portrait. Oh thank you isabel thank you so much yeah oh sue thank you for the donation thank you and i will hop back to just see, Because I know there were a few other comments back further. Um. . . I think there might have been some that maybe I missed. Oh, Julie, Thank you so much, Julie. I appreciate it. I really do appreciate the donations, So thank you guys. Thank you. Oh, Kimmy, So you're saying ego is the portrait. Time for a picture on the fridge. Put a picture with nothing there. Like have a frame with nothing there. That can be your reminder. No image, No image, No image, Right? You're never going to find a good image. It's never going to last. Even when things are going well, Don't get attached to the image. It's going to change. And even in attaching to the good image, Now there's a kind of, Oh, I got to live up to the good image. What a nightmare. What a burden. I've got to live up to something. You're never going to live up to it. You're never going to feel a sense of satisfaction, A sense of. Of ease through the image. It's the letting go of the image, The letting go. That's the freedom. It's the letting go of the image. And thank you, Thank you, Barbara, And Kinsey, And Lindsay, Thank you so much. And Latrice, Thank you. And Dee, Thank you so much. Thank you. Yeah, So it's just, We all put a blank piece of paper on our fridge, And that's our reminder. No image, No image. You're never, Ever, Ever, Ever, Ever going to find peace in the image. Never, Ever, Ever. Philippa, Thank you. Thank you for your help on the chat, Too, Because I also saw you were super helpful. In there. So thank you so much. And, And yeah, On Kinsey, And I'm so glad that this series has been helpful. And as all the class, Actually, Not all the classes, I am going to go back and adjust class three. I, I, There were a few words I'm not allowed to say on insight time that I forgot around certain internet things, Nothing, Nothing bad. I just have to rerecord that part. And then we'll I'll put that up as well. So, Yeah, Michelle, Look at that, Love it. Nothing to prove, Nothing to aspire to, Nothing to fix. It doesn't mean like, Again, We don't want to go to this kind of annihilation and this is what we kind of feel like, Oh, You know, Then that means I'm never going to do nothing, Anything. Again, That doesn't, It doesn't mean that you're not doing anything, That you're not engaging in the world. It means you're engaging fully in the world. Not to get something out of the world, Not to add something to me out of the world. Not to add a burden to me out of the world. Just the joy of being in the world, The joy of running, The joy of swimming, The joy of being with your dog. The joy of being here together, Of connecting, The joy of, You know, Again, Any moment that we're fully here. That we're fully here. Just the joy of being. The joy of being. So Nancy, You're saying it's challenging to find the classes and the tracks. I did put, I did make sure, Because I know like in the ego game series that we did, And even in the kindness series, Because I do like to do some series sometimes, I made sure that I put class one, Class two, Class three. I wonder I wonder if I can somehow maybe create a playlist. That i could put them all on there i'll look into that nancy because yeah it would be nice to just have them all ready to go uh yeah and ruth thank you so so much thank you so so much thank you And Michelle, Yes, Learn and experience. Like, I like learning and experiencing, Too. I love neuroscience. I like learning about the brain. I like learning about different philosophies. I like doing, You know, Just cooking. I love to cook, So I like cooking shows, Right? Not to become the perfect cook, Right? But it's the joy of doing that. It's the activity. It's not to get something out of it. Yeah, Yeah. So Kinsey, So great, So now you're chasing the good feeling, Right? Chasing the good feeling. Just notice that, Right? Isn't that so interesting? Because we do, We have these moments where we feel good and then it's like, And we think in that moment, Well, It's never going to change now. Yeah, It's never going to change. And it does. It doesn't matter who you are. We all experience fluctuations, Right? The problem is that when we're chasing the good moments, Right? And it's just like, Oh yeah, The conditions have changed. The conditions have changed. Yeah, No problem. No problem, The conditions have changed. And so in just noticing that, Noticing the craving and noticing maybe the resisting also at the same time, Kinsey, And just being okay with that, Right? Come in to feel what's here, Be with what's here, Be with what's here. And then what you will notice when you come into the feelings and you allow yourself to feel them, And allow yourself, It's okay that the chasing's there, It's okay that the craving's there, It's okay that the resistance is there, It's okay that the disappointment's there, That the good feeling left, Like it's okay to just be within the body, Feeling what's here, Embodying what's here. And what you will notice is the peace is there as well. The peace is there as well. So D, You're just saying, I know in this moment that I should not focus on the portrait, But tomorrow it's back to unawareness. That's a story. That's the story. Look at how you've already set it up. You're already setting it up. The ego's already setting it up. No, But tomorrow it's back to unawareness, Right? And what I would say is trusting the process of this path, Of this path of subtraction, Not addition, Right? So tomorrow, When there's a moment of unawareness, Right, It's just, Oh, Peace is not narrating, Or peace is not chasing, Peace is not resisting. Or just, You could even just say unawareness. Ah, That's what was happening. And breathe into it, Feel it, Right? And then all of a sudden. All of a sudden, And I'm saying quote unquote, You're back, You're not really back. But language is dualistic, And so we kind of have to use what we've got. So in noticing the unawareness, You know, And in the unawareness, There is something, There is a mind movement happening. It's either going forward or it's pushing back. And under those ways, You're either judging, You're comparing, You're narrating. It really is one of these five ways, Right? And as I said, Under the chasing and the resisting is that there's a lot going on under there. But if we can just identify and then come in and feel and be with what's here and really unpack, You know, As we keep inquiring, Oh yeah, Yeah, There's a little fear in here. There's probably right now, D, Maybe there's a little fear right now about, You know, Oh, There's a sense of connection now. You know, And so even just that's actually a little commenting right there, Just okay, But let's just feel what's here. Pierce is not narrating. Yeah, Phew. This is available at any moment. At any moment. It's always here. The peace never left us, Right? So in the ego, I'm going to say the ego really strongly here, Really setting you up, Dee, It's already trying to set you up. And it's You know, It's just lying. It's just lying. In any moment, In any moment that you catch it. All right, Let's just. . . Yeah, You're here. You're back, You're present, And you feel the sense of freedom and ease. Okay, So just doing your best, Just doing your best. And thank you, Barbara from New Jersey. Thank you so much. Yeah, D, So good. Yeah. And that's why it is good to put the comments in here. And on the group page as well, On the group sangha page, On my teacher's page, I put reflection questions in. A couple of days after the talk, I'll put some contemplation questions on the talk. And any questions that you have, Bring them up, Because it's so subtle. It's so subtle the way it happens, This constant just talking to ourselves and kind of getting distracted. And so it's just, You know, Bring it up in the group, You can message me directly, Just to make sure that we're not getting fooled, That we're not getting lured in another way. The ego is the, This is all the ego, The ego is the master of disguises, The master of disguises. And it's disguised as chasing, Resisting, Comparing, Judging, Narrating, Right, Controlling. Yeah, All of this This is, It's all trying to control. It's all trying to control. And I have a whole other series on the ego game. One of them is the controller, The need for constant validation. The, You know, I'll be happy when, It's kind of this series just kind of done in a little bit different, In a different way. Yeah, But I'm so glad you enjoyed the series, Ruth. I'm so, I really am glad to have redone this. This was my original kind of introduction to meditation and mindfulness that I started teaching about nine years ago, And so thought it was time for an update. And it definitely is not exactly how I taught it the first time, Not at all, Not at all. Oh, Isabel, Thank you so, So much. Thank you so much for that very generous donation. Thank you. And so, Janine, I just want to see your mother. Your elderly mother has been in the hospital, And it was the most unpleasant experience. The wisdom of these learnings helped you to feel the discomfort and chaos and accept. " Oh, And I'm so, So glad to hear that. Yeah, Because we do, And you know, Janine, Last year, I mean, I was with my mother in the hospital and then her death. And, You know, We're not trying to delude ourselves that we don't face difficult situations, That we don't really face difficult moments, But it is this practice that allows us to be fully there with what's happening, To be with our fears, To be with our worries, To be with our mom's fears, With their worries, With their pain, To have compassion, To be what's there, To be fully there with what's there. To not turn away from it. So this is, None of this is what we're doing is turning away from life. In fact, We're opening to life. We're opening to what's here. And there's You know, We cannot avoid the fact that we will lose people that we love, That we will, We will all experience this. And so the more that we're able to really be fully here, Allowing our discomfort in that moment, Not knowing what to say in that moment, Right? Doesn't mean that we know exactly what to say or to handle it perfectly, But just even being able to be with that, Like, Yeah, I don't quite know what to do. Okay. Let me breathe into that feeling. And be okay with the, I'm not sure what to do. Not been in this place before. Right? And so really just being with that feeling. So it's just as best we can always noticing what's going on and feeling it. Really feeling it brings us into our experience and out of the story and really creates so much clarity and just allows us to be human. Allows us to be human. You know, And being human means we don't always know the right thing to say. I don't always know the right thing to say. That I'm supposed to act in a particular situation. I feel a greater sense of ease around it. I don't take like an awkward moment and add more awkwardness on top of it, Just like, Yeah, There's just a little awkwardness. I'm not quite sure what to say in this moment. And so we can be more open to what's here. Oh, Yeah, And Kimmy, And I echo also what Kimmy's saying, Too, That I hope she's doing better. Yeah. And char, Yeah, Where you're saying, Isn't it fascinating that all emotions, Feelings are available inside of us at all times, Yet we still grasp for the peace and feel it's unreachable. And other times it flows in with ease. Where is that easy button? That easy button is here. It's not denying our experience, It's being with what's here in the body, Feeling. Feeling what's here feelings are always arising and changing constantly arising and changing but there is no one that any of this is happening to this is the whole misconception right? The one that we see, The portrait, The ego, The image, Again, All these, I'm kind of using this all interchangeably, The separate self, Right? There's this belief that it's all happening to me, Me, A separate, Solid, Independent me, And therefore the peace is somewhere else. And then in the moment, In the dropping out of the story and into the feelings, Right? And using whatever thread we can find, It's the peace is not resisting, Peace is not chasing, Peace is not comparing, Peace is not judging, Peace is not narrowing, They can all be happening. All those mind movements can be happening at once, But it's just, We just need one thread to recognize, Oh, That's what's happening. Drop into the body, Feel it, Allow the feelings to be here. And it's no longer that these feelings are happening to someone. It's just feelings happening. There's more fluidity now. It's not this center. It's like the feelings come in with the story, And there's a real feeling of a center, A contraction in the center. And then as we really, And we're tight, Because we're still paying attention to the story, The portrait, The image. And as we come in and we feel and there's that sense of ease and the feelings are still there, But they're not so. They're not so centralized anymore. And there's just a sense of the feelings being here. And it's like, Yeah, Feelings happening. No one that the feelings are happening to, No thing, Not nothing, Not saying we don't exist, Every single one of us is here, Right? But not as a separate, Solid, Independent thing. More of an activity, A process, A verb. Always changing, Always changing. And this is why mindful breathing, Being in the body, Releases us from the story and that centralizing of kind of this me at the center here, Seeing the world from this view of I'm the center of the universe and life is happening to me and therefore I've got to try and control it. And in feeling and breathing into what's here, Allowing what's here, Accepting what's here, Not pushing anything away. Now our view changes. I'm no longer the center of the universe. I'm a part of the universe. Oh, Okay. Now we're starting to see things more clearly. I am a part of this. I am a part of this, Not separate from it. And therefore now I can let go of trying to control every little aspect of my life. Because I am a part of the universe. It doesn't mean that we can't have a plan. That's part of the universe too, Not separate from anything. Right? And if the plan goes according, Like, Oh, Yeah, I guess the conditions were right for it. If a change of plans, No problem. No problem. Change of plans. Right? Because I'm a part of this. Not separate from it. So so much of feelings coming in and feeling is If we're feeling what's here and we're allowing what's here, We cannot be telling ourselves the story at the same time. We cannot be looking at the portrait at the same time. Just can't. Feelings happening. No one feeling. Thinking happening, No thinker. Doing happening, No doer. There's no nouns here. There are no nouns. And the relief is in seeing that. Like when we say, You know, The portrait, It's the relief of not having the portrait. It's the relief of not turning ourselves into a thing. Because we are not a thing. We are constantly changing, Interdependent, Interconnected arising. Feelings happening, Thinking happening, Brain processing happening, Decisioning happening. No one, No thing solid behind it. Yeah. Oh, I'm so glad, Michelle. I'm so glad. Yeah i'm kimming for janine yeah you're not alone in your thoughts for janine yeah yeah okay i know i probably did leave some questions up there and i'm sorry that we are gonna come to an end now um but um but again feel free in the group page on the group sangha page you can always pop a question in there and i'm happy to answer and or you can always message me directly and i'm happy to answer and um and just so for this week we're really going to focus on pieces not narrating, So for a full week doing pieces not narrating, And then what I would suggest doing is just kind of adding in the mantras as you can in your meditation, Maybe one day saying pieces not chasing, The next day pieces not resisting, And maybe you even do have a different meditation practice, You do more open awareness or you do more vipassana style, But just as you start your meditation maybe doing one or two rounds of saying the mantra just to keep the the awareness of the ways in which you're taking yourself, The ways in which you're constructing an alternate reality, Which is an alternate illusion, Right? The ways in which you're constructing the story, The portrait, The image of me, Because it will help you in any meditation style that you're doing, Because these are the ways that we're always distracting ourselves. So the more you can keep Thank you. You know, I wouldn't say after seven weeks that you're just done with the mantras. I would keep using them, Keep using them. You know, In ways that benefit you or ways that help you, In ways that help you. Okay, So thank you all so, So much. Thank you all so much, And thank you all for all the hearts. I so appreciate it.

Reviews

I’ve listened to your beginning of this talk three times (and will listen again). you are so right. it is the narrating that is this constant white noise that convinces me ot is harmless and like you said, I will say to myself, what’s the harm? but it is this persistent low level chatter that seems innocent but it is constantly undermining my peace. (heavy sigh). I am hoping that my awareness of the narrator will over time get quieter and I will have more peace.🤞 but the narrator is the one that steals my peace more than anything.
Charlotte Joko Beck calls it “the box” I think what she is calling the box is what you call the portrait 💛😊