Hello,
I'm Heidi.
It's nice to have you here today.
Have you ever noticed how when someone mentions a name,
It can really affect you in the moment?
Something that was in the past,
Something that's not even really on your mind anymore,
And it's still there?
Isn't it something how a name can do that?
Someone says a name.
Maybe you hear it in passing.
Maybe it shows up in a memory out of nowhere.
And just like that,
The body responds.
The chest tightens.
Something hot rises within.
Or maybe there's a slight heaviness and a clenching.
Somewhere you forgot you were holding.
Someone you thought had dissolved into ashes,
Now roaring like a burning fire inside.
And here's the thing.
The person isn't even here.
The moment is gone and yet your body is responding like it's all happening right now.
The fire inside doesn't care about the calendar,
What day it is.
It doesn't care that it's in the past,
Because it's still present in the body.
I know this personally,
Too.
Recently,
A name came up,
One I wasn't expecting to land the way it did.
I felt it immediately.
Their projections,
The thought started rushing in,
The urge to fight something that wasn't even in front of me.
And then I got still.
Into the present moment.
And started questioning.
The person isn't here.
The moment isn't here.
Maybe you felt this too,
A name that still has a charge,
Still carries something.
And so today we're going to sit with that.
Not fight it.
Not try to fix it.
We're going to let it show us what's underneath the fire.
And so let's begin.
Placing your hands in your lap as you're comfortable,
Starting to just settle in a little bit.
If you need to do a quick shake of the shoulders or roll or let those arms out and shake them,
Go ahead.
Maybe even bringing that started to move energy up already.
Shake it out.
And start taking a deep breath.
And settle in.
Closing your eyes or resting them with a soft gaze.
Notice your body is touching the seat.
Your feet are solid on the ground.
And you're here in this moment,
This present moment.
And take some deep breaths if you wish.
Settle in deeper.
And deeper.
As you drop into your body.
Imagine a grounding cord from the base of your spine.
Going deep down into Mother Earth.
Grounding you,
Anchoring you,
And holding you.
Moving to your heart center.
Do you feel any warmth there?
Let this radiate out with some self-compassion,
Some self-kindness.
You're here,
You're safe,
And you can be with us.
Just notice where you can sense this name's energy in your body.
Going inward.
Maybe it's in the chest.
The gut.
Some tightness in the jaw.
Maybe there's some heat.
Some warmth.
Tension.
Just notice.
There's no need to do anything at all.
Just feel into this with some compassion.
Now bringing into your mind's eye a trail in the forest.
You're walking slowly.
Taking in all the beauty around you.
The comfort of the trees as light filters through from above.
The smell of the dirt and the pine and the wood.
The cool air.
Quietness.
Maybe you hear some birds in the distance or the sound of your own feet on the ground.
And as you look up ahead,
You notice a campfire.
Just a small one glowing in this little clearing.
It's a spot just for you.
There's a log or a stone,
A seat that's been waiting for you.
As you make your way there.
Feel the warmth of the fire.
Sounds of the crackle.
The smell.
As you sit down in this warm place.
Than safety with yourself.
As you look around,
You notice a flower kind of smiling back at you.
Something about it catches your eye.
And there on it,
You can see that name just resting there.
And take a moment to settle in with this.
And let this flower and all of the energy of that name move into it.
Into this flower so it can hold it.
That's why it's here.
Placing this flower in a bubble.
A container.
Floating gently in front of you.
This flower with that energy is there contained in the bubble.
Where you can watch it with curiosity.
No need to fix.
No need to do anything but observe.
And observe this flower.
What do you notice?
No good or bad,
With just neutrality.
Maybe there's some images,
Some colors or textures.
It's different for everyone.
Just allowing it to be what it is.
This name just represents energy,
Energy that was still stuck,
Still sitting in your body.
This person isn't here,
And the past isn't here.
It's the present moment that is here.
So what might this flower be carrying that's no longer needed?
You may notice some energy of feeling unworthy.
Some energy of grief.
Some energy of some pain and hurt.
Whatever is forming and appearing,
Let it be.
Allowing the space for it to show.
You may notice some resistance.
If there's any part of you that doesn't want to look too closely.
Just hold that with some love.
It's trying to protect you.
Just breathe.
It's okay.
We're just observing.
And letting this be.
Let whatever's arising just be held there with love.
There's no need to fight,
No need to fix.
Maybe there's some constricting energy around the belief that it's all their fault.
Maybe there were projections hurled towards you that weren't true.
Maybe it's releasing the perception that there's only one way to see this.
As you continue to look,
You start to see what was underneath the fire all along.
Check in on your breath.
Observe allowing this to flow.
Maybe underneath this there's been grief because you do care.
Or maybe some unworthiness because you felt unloved.
Maybe there's some frustration because you never got to be heard.
Or maybe some anger because of all the words throwing your direction.
Just let it be.
You start to see underneath this name,
There's energy.
And under that fire,
There is this true root of what was still sitting here in your body.
What's interesting about the name is the person isn't here.
The moment is gone.
But that energy still shows.
But as you sit with this,
As you observe.
Whether you see something or don't see something.
It's okay.
In this moment you're sitting with it,
Allowing it to flow.
Allowing it to be.
Allowing it to move.
Allowing things to begin to release.
Breathing in.
Letting it go.
Letting the energy move.
Release the,
But it's not right.
Release.
Let it go.
I never got to say what I wanted to say.
Release.
Let it go.
Any stories you've been carrying,
Release.
Let it go.
Releasing the anger.
Release and let it move.
And take a deep breath.
Let it move.
Release the disappointment.
Release and let it move.
Take a deep breath.
Let it move.
Release the grief.
Release.
Let it move.
Take a deep breath.
And let it move.
Release the sadness.
Release.
Let it move.
Take a deep breath.
Let it move.
And take a deep breath in through your nose.
The slow exhale out.
No need to figure this out right now.
Letting this energy be seen.
And move.
There's nothing to figure out,
And there's nothing to do.
Just letting that be seen for what it is.
Take a moment and see if there's any last little insight from this flower.
Or anything that's shifted or any quiet knowings.
And give your gratitude for what's been shown.
Pop that bubble with the flower in it,
Watching it dissolve right into that fire beside you.
As we watch the fire slowly settle back down into the ashes.
You like.
You can imagine a golden sun above your head.
Put in there some forgiveness for yourself,
Some compassion,
Some love.
Anything else you want to add?
When you're ready,
Take your finger and pop that golden sun,
Letting it gently melt all down like honey through your whole body.
Notice if there's been even a little shift,
A little more space,
A little more lightness.
Even just one percent.
There's movement.
As you start to come back,
You can wiggle your fingers and toes.
Maybe you need a big stretch or a deep yawn.
There was a lot to sit with today.
And if you didn't feel like much happened,
That's okay.
You showed up and you sat with it.
That's not nothing.
Just sitting with the energy is enough to start letting it move.
Dissolved into ashes,
Not by force,
Or not by deciding it's over with your mind.
But by just sitting with that fire long enough to see what's actually burning it underneath.
And that's what's ready to let go.
Open your eyes when you're ready.
And if you need going forward,
And a name comes up that you feel this charge inside,
This fire starts lighting up.
One thing you can do is place your hand on your heart.
Take a breath and quietly say,
They're not here.
And when you have that space to sit with it,
You can come back to this meditation.
Letting the fire show you a little more of what's underneath.
You don't have to do it all at once.
Energy moves in layers.
Thank you for sitting with me today,
And come back to this whenever it feels right for you.
Take care,
And have a beautiful day.
