Welcome to this meditation for Cancerversaries.
A Cancerversary is any date that is meaningful to you from your diagnosis or treatment.
For some people these anniversaries pass unnoticed or can be celebrated.
But for others these days can bring back bad memories or difficult feelings or create anxiety and stress.
It's absolutely ok to feel whatever you are feeling.
There is no right or wrong.
If other people don't seem to react the same way as you,
That's ok.
You are entirely different people and shouldn't feel you have to react in the same way.
If people around you don't remember or don't understand these days,
You can try and explain or you can take time for yourself to mark them in ways that are meaningful to you.
You are here doing meditation and that's a great thing to do.
Breathing and relaxing and being kind to yourself,
These are all excellent things to do.
So let's get comfortable and relax into some breathing.
We are going to do 4 part equal breathing where we breathe in for 4,
Hold for 4,
Breathe out for 4 and hold for 4.
And we will do 4 rounds of this.
Ok,
Let's begin.
Breathe in 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
Exhale 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
Inhale 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
Exhale 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
Exhale 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
Exhale 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
Exhale 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
Exhale 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
Exhale 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
Exhale 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
Exhale 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
Exhale 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
Last one,
2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
Exhale 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4.
Let's sit for a moment and listen to the music.
Try and breathe slowly and deeply into your belly and feel waves of relaxation move through your body as you breathe out.
So if you want you can dive into why you are feeling some anxiety around these dates.
Which dates are the ones that feel the most unsettling?
For me it's diagnosis day and first chemo day.
The diagnosis was a huge shock and changed my life utterly and the lives of those around me.
I think it's a hard anniversary as it reminds me of what was lost,
What was changed and what will never be the same.
On most days I can find positives in my cancer journey too,
For example I love making these meditations.
But it doesn't change the fact that a cancer diagnosis altered my life in many ways that were not wanted or positive.
Leading up to my first chemo I was extremely anxious and I think the body remembers this.
I have some very visceral reactions like the smell of hand sanitizer makes me feel horribly sick and that's directly related to the chemo infusions.
I have decided not to try and push aside the feelings that are raised by these anniversaries but to honour the huge event that took place in my life.
I talk about them and I write about them too.
I assume over time things will get easier but if they don't then that's okay.
What days are hard for you?
Do you feel things physically in your body or is it more of an emotional response or both perhaps?
Is there a ritual or activity that feels right to do?
Perhaps light a candle,
Write a letter to your past self or buy a decadent cake?
It's important to honour and mark occasions that are not celebrations too.
Let's take a few more deep breaths,
Listen to the music and allow ourselves to feel exactly what we are feeling.
If you want to cry please feel free,
What we went through was tough and tears help us feel release.
I'm so glad you're here.
Okay,
Let's start coming back to the day or evening.
Come back to the day or evening.
Deepen your breath,
Wiggle your fingers and toes.
Roll your head from side to side.
Open your jaw and yawn and stretch.
Give yourself a big hug and whisper that you love and accept yourself exactly as you are every day.
Open your eyes.
Thank you for spending this time with me.
I love you.
