With Great Presence Comes Great Responsibility

With great presence comes great responsibility.

In this talk,

I'll be going over a side effect of meditation.

And that is people will start to feel comfortable sharing personal information about themselves and their personal secrets.

And in this talk,

I'll be going over how to handle that and why this actually occurs.

So one thing I've noticed as my meditation practice has become more consistent and deeper over the years is that.

People all of a sudden would feel comfortable in my presence,

Sharing information about themselves,

And they feel comfortable opening up.

Whereas it didn't as much before.

And this is something I started to think about.

Why does this happen?

And this is also something I've noticed in a lot of the monks and experienced meditators I would hang around with,

Where I felt comfortable and safe in their presence and felt okay sharing different things about myself with them.

And I think the reason why people feel safe around meditators who have this elevated sense of presence.

Is due to four different factors and in this talk I'll go over these factors but these factors are silence,

Being non-judgmental.

Having an air of warmth and compassion.

And having.

.

.

An increased level of focus and attention on the other person.

Which makes them feel more valued and seen and heard.

So I'll go over these factors now.

So let's start with the first one,

Which is you are more silent.

So this silence is a contrast to today's very busy and chaotic world because people are oftentimes talking a lot.

Even if they're not very clear about what they're speaking about,

They will try to fill gaps in conversations.

But when you are able to be silent and hold more of a conversational vacuum,

Where you're just sitting back and allowing the conversation to happen.

People will feel more inclined to speak more.

This is very opposite to the vibe of someone who dominates a conversation and doesn't allow the other person to speak at all.

So this causes the other person to not feel comfortable in the other person's presence and they don't feel like they can really say anything because Whatever they'll have to say will be interrupted.

And this is a very frustrating experience.

So when you're able to just sit back and take in the other person.

They will feel more inclined to speak more about themselves.

So that's the first point.

The second point is.

.

.

As you increase in your presence,

You will also have a certain non-judgmentalism.

Because you accept your own flaws and you also accept other people will have theirs and you have compassion,

Which I'll talk about shortly,

Instead of judgment,

Because compassion is the opposite of judgment.

Now when you're able to be non-judgmental.

What you'll notice is that the other person will feel safer under you.

And they know that whatever they'll say is not going to be judged,

So they feel comfortable with you.

They know that they can share whatever they're going through.

And they won't be met with a critical response.

Because being very critical of another person will cause them to withdraw a bit and not feel very safe around you.

So when you're exuding this energy of non-judgmentalism,

You'll find that people will open up to you more and more.

Now let's go to the next factor,

Which is warmth and compassion.

This is something we practically train on our meditation cushions,

Where you are learning to.

.

.

Generate goodwill for yourself and other people,

And you learn to touch upon this quality of warmth.

Now when you do this,

You will naturally radiate this certain well-being or ease within your own body,

But you'll also feel warm and loving towards other people.

And as a result,

You'll notice that other people are receptive towards you,

And they feel comfortable again around your presence.

They also feel that you have their best interest at heart.

You're not going to,

You know,

Manipulate them or be harmful towards them.

Because again,

You're coming from a place of goodwill,

Which is the opposite of ill will.

So having bad intentions or wanting to harm another person.

Instead,

You are radiating this quality of kindness towards others.

And people feel drawn towards that.

This is also a facet of charisma because charisma is made up of being focused on another person,

And also being powerful,

But also having a quality war.

So.

.

.

We knew.

Exude warmth,

You are like a sun that radiates to everyone.

And people really like this energy.

They want to be around this warmth and light.

Now the last quality that makes people open up is focus and attention.

And this really stands out in today's modern chaotic world where we're full of distractions,

Especially people on their phones,

They will sometimes be in conversation and they pull out their phones and they'll start to doomscroll.

And when you do this,

People will feel that they aren't being heard,

They're not listened to.

So.

.

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When you have this quality of focus and presence and you're just focusing on the other person,

And again,

This is trained in our meditation because we're coming back to a meditation object over and over again,

And this spills over in all aspects of our life.

But when we are focused on another person completely,

The other person feels that They have all your presents.

And as a result,

They'll feel comfortable with you again.

And as a result,

They'll think that you are more attentive towards them,

Which is a very positive quality.

So just as a recap,

These qualities that develop within you are silence,

Non-judgmentalism,

Warmth and compassion.

And focus and attention.

Which are core skill sets you actually develop on your meditation cushion.

But when it comes to social interactions,

These certain attributes spill out and other people in your presence will feel safe to share different things about themselves.

Maybe they want a listening ear,

So they'll feel more inclined to talk to you.

Now when this happens,

This may be a bit of a shock if you're not used to it.

Just realize that This is actually a good thing.

You may feel taken aback at first and you're like,

Okay,

Why is this person speaking,

Sharing or dumping on me?

But just realize that you have a very calming and safe presence.

So this is actually a very good thing.

Your mind may sometimes be inclined to come up with solutions sometimes or advice,

And that may be appropriate.

So if they're coming with you with a problem,

Sometimes the best route is to provide some guidance,

But sometimes it's not even that.

Sometimes it's just being there and being present and listening to them.

I noticed this a lot when I was going to Zen monasteries quite a bit in my early 20s and I would speak to different monks and I would come to them with the different problems I had or different things that were on my mind.

And what I particularly noticed is that,

Yes,

They did provide advice,

But a lot of times their presence alone and their encouraging nature really helped me more than any advice could.

And that is very powerful.

So just know that your presence alone can shift the energy in the room or can help others without even realizing this.

But one little tip I'd like to give you here is that be mindful of your boundaries.

Because as you develop this presence,

People will share more with you.

And sometimes it may not be beneficial to take all that on.

So you need to be mindful of when to set boundaries.

And also Be responsible with the information they're telling you.

So they're coming to you because you feel safe.

So don't,

You know,

Obviously spread that around to everyone.

Be mindful of that information that's coming in.

And if it serves them to help them,

See how you can help them in any way,

Whether it's being silent,

Whether it's providing information or even setting a boundary.

And all these factors will come into play intuitively as you meditate more and more.

So hope you found this helpful.

Thank you.