This is a passage that surfaced itself during my deep reflection and I invite you all to become a part of it too.
I am expanding in my happiness,
In my joy,
In my wonder,
In my sadness,
In my anxiety,
In my jealousy,
In my anger as they all open me to the parts of me that are needed to be felt,
Cared for and understood,
That are longing and waiting for me to sit with them and just listen.
I am expanding during my loneliness and my journey of treading these parts of my life alone.
I am expanding even when the life feels like shrinking.
I am expanding even when I don't actively seek growth.
I am expanding even when I am not aware that I am expanding.
I am expanding in the places that hurt.
They lend me wings to fly and explore.
I am expanding every day,
Every moment,
Every second.
I am expanding even when I see no signs of growth,
When the growth is quiet,
Silently sitting in a corner and I am trying to look for it like a lost traveller.
I am still expanding when I talk about being in the moment,
Living a slow life and I myself feel rushed.
I am expanding when the thoughts tell me that I am not being me.
I am still growing even when my thoughts tell me that I am an imposter.
I am always growing in these moments of my life.
I am uncovering more of me in the sacredness of my everyday ordinary life.
All along I thought it was about getting to somewhere,
To someone or to something.
That it was mostly about the feeling of the process and the journey.
The micro moments of my life.
In every day,
In the colours of sunset I watch,
In the sprint of my walk,
In the sense of my space,
In the granularity of me taking my space in this world,
The way I get up,
The way I end my days,
The way I find inspirations,
In quotes,
Writings,
Books,
Videos and sometimes a voice.
Even the days when I doze off to my Instagram feed and the background voice constantly shushes me,
Turn it off,
It's not good for you.
My resilience to show up for myself when the days get slow,
Lonely and sad.
In the pauses I take,
I grew up thinking my moments of pause,
Emotional encapsulation,
The arrival of my feelings were weaknesses that I needed to get away from.
It was a sign of weakness,
An unwanted stop.
However,
It was needed.
It was needed for me to pause,
Reflect and be with my feelings,
To understand,
Empathise and give them an audience.
It was important for my regeneration.
Universe loaned me these moments to hold back and connect with myself as I was tuning out of my rhythm,
Not listening,
Constantly rushing to the macro heights of life.
The moments when I felt or feel knocked out and a lot of uncomfortable and anxious thoughts on the surface,
The moments when I feel the world has turned against me,
When nobody,
Even the closest ones,
Do not understand me,
When I feel that I am supposed to be calm and composed and put all together with all of my self-work and meditational tapes and I am here back again,
Yelling,
Shouting,
Engaging into a behaviour that I do not want to be a part of.
I pause and tell myself and remind myself that I am still expanding.
I am always expanding because everything I do sums up to my life's experiences and life in itself is an expansion.
When the life is joyous and the moments feel comfortable and safe and when the life is painful and the moments are a struggle and hurting,
I am still expanding.
Some days silently,
Some days prominently.
The constant thought fights between the emerging me and the past me,
Trying to figure out who I am and where do I go from now.
I am always expanding,
Regardless of what I have been thinking.
Thank you for being here.
I look forward to seeing you here often.
