So I'm having a real,
I-can't-do-life,
Everything-sucks,
I-want-to-quit-everything,
Move-to-another-state-and-never-look-back sort of day.
It's just that kind of day.
I imagine you've probably been there,
And what I'm learning is that this is actually pretty normal.
We just don't talk about it because we think someone will look at us like we are crazy and unstable and they'll commit us.
But being a human is such an extreme and contradictory experience.
I can't imagine what it would feel like to just be legit okay all the time.
I think that would feel more weird.
Because we're meant to feel.
And if you're not feeling,
Then are you numbing out?
Are you pretending?
Because this human journey is freaking hard.
And it's weird and uncomfortable and crunchy.
It is not for the weak.
And don't get me wrong,
There are a lot of days when I am so psyched about being a human.
I'm all about it.
I'm thrilled about all the cool stuff I get to do with this incredible physical form I have.
And I'm just blown away by all of it.
I'm blown away by Mother Earth.
I'm blown away by what humans have created and achieved.
And just looking at the leaves on a tree is highly entertaining for me.
But then there's the other days when I am so unimpressed with everything.
None of it thrills me.
And I want to hibernate until further notice.
So we live within these extremes.
We just feel them.
Not needing to change it.
Just witnessing it.
Not judging ourselves for it.
Just allowing it.
We don't need to be fixed.
There's nothing wrong with us.
We're just having a crazy human experience.
And it's crazy.
There's so much going on at any given moment.
There's so much being thrown at us all the time.
There's a million thoughts running through our own head constantly.
And sometimes the only reprieve is sleep.
But then you have a crazy dream and you think,
Can I never escape this?
I think when we really stop to think about it,
About just how nuts this experience of life is,
And how much we go through,
We should feel impressed with ourselves.
With how much we're able to withstand.
And we just keep going.
We're still here.
I know for me,
When I have a day like I'm having today,
I can be pretty sure that it's my signal to rest.
I'm probably burnt out.
I'm tired.
And I need a break.
I need a timeout from life.
I need to rest.
I need to be still.
I need to not expect too much from myself.
I need to recharge.
And I know once I do this,
I'll be back on that horse,
Feeling all excited about life again.
And these days,
Man,
They used to really take me down.
I would get so upset with myself.
I would just add more suffering onto my suffering by judging myself for feeling bad and having a bad day.
But now I know this is par for the course.
Now these days are a little easier to navigate.
And I know what I need when I start to feel like this.
So I give it to myself.
I try to give myself grace.
I try to be softer with myself.
I try to slow down.
And I'll ask myself,
Hey,
Girl,
What do you need?
What would make you feel better?
And sometimes she says,
Girl,
I want to tip my eyebrows.
And other times she says,
Girl,
I want to take a nap.
Or maybe a bath.
Or maybe I just want to read for a while.
And I try not to attach to the experience.
I know it will pass.
I can see it for what it is,
Another part of this human journey with a human mind.
So I return to observing these thoughts rather than attaching.
And I just keep moving through it.
It also makes me feel so much better to remember the big picture when I'm having a day like this.
To me,
The big picture truth that always brings me comfort is remembering that I can do whatever I want with my life.
If I'm having a crappy day,
So be it.
Whatever.
Let me just revel in my crappy day.
In the grand scheme of my life,
It doesn't matter.
I think we can feel disappointed in ourselves when we have bad days because we think we should be doing something else or something more productive or we feel lazy if we don't make something of each and every day.
But I promise you,
You aren't missing out.
You aren't getting behind.
And you aren't failing at anything.
Have you ever had a day of literally doing hardly anything?
It feels amazing.
And you know what feels even better?
Having not one bit of self-judgment around it.
This is one of the most freeing experiences I've ever had in my entire life.
Removing the expectations we've placed on ourselves feels so delicious.
And just enjoying life,
The simplicity of being alive,
That is such a juicy,
Lovely place.
It almost feels too good to be true,
Like I'm stealing something or getting away with something really bad.
But it's the truth that we all get to experience and keep coming back to.
That our lives are not supposed to be any certain way and we don't have to put so much pressure on ourselves.
When we really allow ourselves to be a human being,
We get to experience one of the greatest gifts of this journey.
I think simply being is highly,
Highly overrated.
Oh,
It should be underrated.
It's underrated.
I wrote the wrong word.
Being is highly,
Highly underrated.
