Removing Expectations = More Joy!

"Your external enviroment does not have to dictate your internal condition." This is a story about how expectations can ruin any relationship. Let's learn how to remove unnecessary expecations that we've placed on others and move towards more self-created joy.

Transcript

I'm thinking about romantic relationships tonight as I come back into myself after a short hiatus.

That was really shitty.

I found myself moving backward into old gross clingy territory where I needed someone else to create happiness for me.

It was terrible.

I think it was about two days tapering off at the end of the second day.

It was the worst.

I really,

Really,

Really never want to be back there again.

And it was shocking to me how easily it happened too.

And I know why it happened.

Because I lost myself.

How do you lose yourself?

You stop doing the things that connect you to your true self and to your source.

And when you fall off that wagon,

It all bursts into hot,

Disgusting,

Needy flames.

Trust me,

It's not pretty.

I couldn't even look at myself.

And I know I shouldn't be so hard on me.

She's trying.

She's done a lot of growing and she's still learning.

And I need to be softer with her when she struggles.

Because there's always going to be a struggle.

It's just inevitable.

Without the struggle,

There is no growth.

And without the growth,

Well,

You might as well be dead.

Okay,

That's a bit harsh.

But you get it.

To me,

A life without change and growth is kind of a waste of a life.

As my grandma always used to say,

Shit or get off the pot.

So here we are.

I'm back to myself and man,

It feels good.

I missed you,

Boo.

Let's not do that again.

And I'm thinking healthy thoughts again and I'm wondering what a romantic relationship looks like without expectations.

Ah,

Expectations.

They seem to really grab on tight to most of us in the love department.

And they are a tough habit to break.

Because let's be really honest with one another here and fully understand that expectations are the death of all that is good and holy.

First of all,

No one can ever meet your exact expectation of them because you couldn't possibly articulate what that exact expectation even is.

And you might not even know.

And even if you did,

It will probably change in,

I don't know,

Five minutes,

20 minutes.

Okay,

Maybe an hour if you've got a lot of other things taking up your time.

And second of all,

Because no one can actually ever meet your expectations,

You will only end up disappointed.

And yet we persist.

We keep trying to make people do what we want them to do or ask them to be different.

Even something as silly as wanting them to text you more often,

Which by the way is where my train fell off its tracks a couple days ago.

The guy I've just started dating is back home for the holidays.

And before he left,

We were texting fools.

We could just text our faces off all day long.

And I just ate that up because I love staying connected like that and it feels really fun for me.

So he leaves and guess what,

You guys?

The texting party comes to a screeching halt.

Like not even a warning.

And me being me,

I decide that this is not to my liking,

Not one bit.

So now I'm bothered.

And you know why?

Because I allowed all that texting beforehand to create an expectation for future texting scenarios and I allowed myself to feel disappointed.

So I did what felt like the right thing.

I communicated how I felt and I made a request.

I told him I was struggling with the change and asked if he could let me know when he'd be away from his phone for long periods of time or perhaps make an effort to connect once in a while throughout the day.

And he was totally on board.

He was apologetic and open.

He thought it was a reasonable request.

He was so sweet and sincere in accepting my request.

Sounds great,

Right?

No,

Because now the stage was set for epic failure.

Now an expectation was set.

Now I believed he would never fail again because that's what he said.

He heard me and he totally agreed and wanted to keep his word.

And I love him for that.

But it ain't real,

Man.

There's just no way you can get it right every time.

Because each time will be slightly different than the last.

Each scenario will be a little more this or a little less that.

And it won't work.

We are talking about all the emotions,

Feelings,

And perceptions of two different people,

Plus the environments of two different people at any given time.

So what's the solution?

Live and let live.

Set no expectation of any other.

Accept people for exactly who they are and what they do.

And if you don't like it,

If it doesn't work for you,

Then you have the choice to leave.

But asking or demanding that someone be different so that you can be happy is not going to work.

We are all responsible for our own happiness.

We need to do things that feed our souls,

That fill us up,

That make us feel whole.

We often search outside of ourselves for validation and happiness because we haven't realized that our true contentment,

Bliss,

And joy lives right inside of us.

And it's always been there,

Just waiting to be turned on.

Find your personal joy.

Find your connection to you.

And you will never be disappointed.

Your happiness will be a reflection of your inner well-being and not dependent on anyone or anything.

Wouldn't that feel like straight-up freedom?

Having this man text me more frequently wouldn't actually make me happy.

It would be a temporary little hit of joy,

Soon to be demolished by the next negative hit of whatever else is not going to plan in my external environment,

If I let it.

And that's the kicker.

We don't have to let it.

We all have a choice.

We can choose to be happy or we can choose not to be happy.

Life that is happening all around you should not dictate your internal state of well-being.

Because life is always going to be going on around you and I hate to break it to you,

But there isn't ever going to be one magical day where you look around and you go,

OK,

This is perfection.

Because a giant bird will literally swoop down at that very moment and shit on your head,

Thus destroying your perfect creation.

Perfect doesn't exist.

Choose to embrace imperfect with everything you've got and choose to love yourself and your life exactly where you are right now,

Every day,

Forever and ever,

Regardless of what is going on outside of you.

Reviews

Being older, I’ve got this now, but how I wish someone had said these words to me when I was your age. Expectations are such a killer of joy. A great reminder!

Perfectly said! 😳 Thank you for sharing this Jewel

Exactly what I need to hear right now..Thank goodness

This short talk is a wonderful reminder of how your own happiness comes from within and also to see what an example of a pitfall would be when it comes to expectations. Thank you so much for this awesome talk. I’ll be listening to it frequently as aI traverse a new relationship.

Omg. How beautiful this truth is to hear from someone else…. My dad always use to say, just because you get it together, doesn’t mean the world turn to technicolor! I’m going to reach out on FB to you for connecting. ☀️💕 Pam

Omg the best advice ever. You’re now on my daily playlist. Bless your grandma too.

So true but so hard to put into practice...
Thank you!

Today I will stop looking for things outside of myself to make me happy. Thank you for this encouraging talk.

Fantastic! Short and to the point. Never related so much in my life. Was exactly what I needed to hear right now. Will definitely listen to the others - thank you for sharing ☺️

Marked as a favorite. Thank you for leading by example 🙏🏼

Loveee it! So true🙏🏻 thank you for this little reminder :)

Thank you so much. Plainly put...just what I needed! 🙏🏽🙏🏽

Thank you for the reminder, just what was needed!

Very insightful and wise advice. Thank you. Namaste 🙏

Lol thank you so much for this! I’m going through the exact same thing with a guy and this talk couldn’t have been more perfect.

Brilliant! Loved it 💜

Yes! I am much better off to live with high hopes and low expectations.

I always thought by asking what I want that’s me giving and showing my standards ... nah then I found I had more expectations became controlling of the moments. But thanks 🙏🏽 for this insight it made me realize it’s all about me living life without any demands or expectations

Really loved that. Thank you 💚

Great insights. Thank you. Love and blessings 💙 x