Uppekha: Cultivating Equanimity

This Dharma talk explores the Buddhist principle of equanimity—upekkha—as the capacity to remain open, present, and undisturbed amidst the changing conditions of life. Through the lens of mindfulness, Zen practice, and contemplative inquiry, we examine the “four beats of the mind”: stimulus, judgment, preference, and reaction, revealing how clinging and aversion shape the experience of suffering. Drawing from Buddhist psychology, Internal Family Systems, and somatic awareness, the teaching invites a deeper relationship to impermanence, curiosity, and non-conditional contentment. Rather than checking out or becoming indifferent, equanimity is explored as a vivid intimacy with life itself—meeting the 10,000 joys and 10,000 sorrows with openness, presence, and astonishment.

Transcript

Upeka is equanimity, Which essentially, Quite simply put, Means to look on without interference. It's the capacity to meet what appears, Whether it's unpleasant or deeply gratifying, Without leaning towards it or turning away. So we're not suppressing. We're not indulging. We're simply allowing what's already here to be seen clearly. In Zen, This is sometimes described as letting things come and letting things go without adding commentary. This is what the mind stream does. It's continuously embedding commentary, Agenda, Judgment, Preferences, The calibration of more of the black or white states of binary being. This is good. This is bad. I want more. I never want this ever again. So equanimity is indifference to that constant tugging of the mind stream. It's not a passive resignation. Sometimes equanimity can be registered as apathy. Oh, Nothing actually matters. I'm just going to remain neutral in the face of it all. There's a distinction between non-grasping and checking out. So when the mind doesn't cling to what it likes or wants or when it resists what it dislikes, These are the mechanisms of the mind streams to try to create more favorable conditions for us in the future. That's the if-then statement that the mind streams programmed around. If that practice had just gone a little bit differently for me, Then I'd be able to feel more centered right now. So there's a choice point. To cling to certain phenomena or to plunge below into the depths of the organism where circumstance isn't the primary ingredient of our internal state. Experience can move freely. The heart can stay open. The belly stays steady even when the mind does its torrential stir. So I want to introduce you to this concept called the four beats of the mind because as we train equanimity, We're training, Taming, And brightening the inner skies of the mind. And so it's helpful to know the deep engineering principles, If you will, Of how the brain works with stimulus, How it's built to respond to the world around us. Because remember, The brain is constantly creating a map. Where am I? Point A. How do I get to point B where things are better? And it'll create a whole structure, A very nuanced set of preferences and agendas and plans and biases, Prejudices to get us from point A where we are now to point B where something or everything is going to be better for us there. I'll have more money. I'll weigh less. My partner will be more capacitated. I'll finally figure it out. Most of us spend the majority of our life waiting for conditions to align in a certain way so that we can finally be in the center of our lives. This is why hara cultivation is so essential. We can take up residence in the center of our being, Irrespective of what's happening. You could be careening off of a cliff edge. And if hara is a resource, Then if even for a breath, There might be some resolute calm. Since we never know what's going to occur next, Really, We have a minuscule control on the conditions that we're going to be met with. So the choice point is, Where do I stabilize in order to meet what's here? So the four beats of the mind is a way to get intimately familiar with the engineering so that we can actually step in as the empowered agents of choice. That's why we practice. That's nirvana. Liberation is, I have a choice here about how to respond. So we can step in and punctuate or pause any of these four beats of the mind to create a little bit more spaciousness in the inner being. Step one, Stimulus enters in a loud bang, A funky smell, A bite of food that is delicious, An exquisite painting that you're beholding. Someone smiles at you on the street. The 10, 000 joys and the 10, 000 sorrows of being alive, Sometimes we feel quite a few of them, Even within a few breaths of a pose. High crescent, Three breaths, Oh my god, This is miserable, Or oh, I'm amazing. Sometimes I feel both of those simultaneously. There's a versatility here in the personality structure that we'll have to allow. So the stimulus enters in, Something happens, A thought, A sensation, Or it could be an environmental stimulus like a sound, A scent, A taste, A look. That first beat of the mind, We have very little control of. What is this human organism being exposed to now? In internal family systems therapy, We call it a trailhead, A trigger, A memory. What's occurring? What's coming in? What are you being met with? Now that's at the heart of a mindfulness practice, Is just tracking beat one. Vipassana is just beat one. What's here? What's it like right now? Ooh, An itch. Ooh, A breath. Ooh, A thought. Tracking moment to moment direct registry of what's here now. What's it like right now? Light streaming in, Little coolness on the skin. Full bladder. Wondering what's for lunch. First beat. What's here? Second beat, Instantaneously, In 30 milliseconds, Is what we've been able to measure between stimulus, Beat one, And judgment, Beat two. Takes half a second. I don't like that noise. I love the taste of this. So the beat two is the judgment of the first beat. The stimulus comes in, And within a half a second, We have placed it. This is good, And I like it. This is bad, And I don't like it. Or, This is neutral, And I don't have any connection to it at all. So the second beat is I like it, I dislike it, Or I'm neutral to it. That's what we're doing all the time with every stimulus coming in. This word that I'm sharing, This breath you're pulling in, The light that's registering through the eyes. I like it, I don't like it, Or I'm neutral to it. So we're constantly, The mind's constantly placing what's occurring into these buckets, Subconsciously, At the speed of light. The third beat, Once we judge it, It's good or bad, Or neutral. Then there's a yearning or a preference that occurs. It's good. I hope it stays like this forever. It's bad. This needs to change immediately. It's neutral, And I have no even consciousness of it, Not even aware that it's occurring anymore. So this is at the heart of the Buddha's truth around suffering. This beat, This third beat is the way that we suffer with impermanence. If we love something, And we're getting the stimulus of it, We hope it doesn't go away, And then we suffer when it does. If we are in dislike, We're wanting it to change, And we're suffering because it's not changing fast enough. So the truth of impermanence, Or anicca, Is really at the heart of this. We'll hope that time stands still, Or we'll hope that time speeds up. That's conditional requirements for satisfaction, Right? Conditional contentment is the things I like stay as they are. This is how I like them. The things I don't like need to change, And that can often come out as covert control, Manipulative fragments of the personality that are hoping that things will be a different way so that we can feel okay. There's that if-then statement again. Or we're just checked out to the stimulus at all, So there's certain parts of our sensory experience that we're just dulling to. Not aware of my sit bones on the earth, Not aware of the belly breath or the temperature on my skin, Right? That's the way that we start to disconnect from the lived experience. We dull the sense body. And then the fourth beat. Here's the fourth and final beat. And now all of this is happening within a second. We've judged it within half a second. The preferential body creates a narrative. And now the action. I want more of this. I love this. I'm leaning in. I move towards. I cling. I grasp. And then, Of course, Reversely, I would really prefer that this go away. I don't ever want to feel this way or taste this thing or see this person or feel this discomfort again. Repulsion. Aversion. What did the Buddha say the roots of our suffering are? The notion of impermanence not being an embedded quality in the psyche. Things have to stay this way or they need to change. So our grappling with the time continuum. And then the two wings of dukkha, Of collapse, Are clinging and aversion. Give me this so I feel good. I can't have this. I can't feel good with this. So, Again, Genuine versus circumstantial contentment. Are you with me? That fourth action of the mind is I'm going to lean in and grab for more or I'm going to resist and repel and fight against it. Of course, The apathy, As we talked about, If it's neutral, If there's no preference, No relationship, Then we just stall out entirely. The curiosity that we're born in with. Young ones find things that we would label as neutral, As exquisite. A bug on the ground. A crumb on the floor. This dirt. Let me taste it. What's it like? That exquisite curiosity is one of the qualities of the hara, Of the buddha, Of our self energy. In internal family systems, We call it self with a capital S. By nature, We're born in with this inherent, Intrinsic curiosity. But we start to label more and more things as either good, Bad, Or neutral. And then the things that are neutral, We have a disinterest in. So we stop being amazed. One of my favorite lines from a Mary Oliver poem is. . . I'm forgetting the exact lines, But it's something like. . . Oh, Here it is. Instructions for living a life. Be astonished and tell about it. Wow, Look at the texture on this wall. Wow, Look at the warmth from the lights of the toe kicks. That being in the center of your life. So back to equanimity. Is it disinterest and apathy? Or is it being astonished and amazed with all phenomena? The full spectrum of this life's imprint. The 10, 000 joys and the 10, 000 sorrows of being alive. Am I willing to be with all of it? Upekkha is this wide open, Vast interest. A keen, Vivid being with. What's it like right now? That inquiry is the antidote to this machinery of the mind stream and its four beats. You can pause any of those steps by. . . What's it like right now? That's the inquiry at the heart of a mindfulness practice. What's here now? Is there curiosity? That's why we bring in inquiry. It prompts, It evokes curiosity. The questions you ask or don't ask are what are going to define your life. For sure, Your spiritual trajectory and your soul's evolution. So what's it like? That first beat. Oh, You're repulsed by that smell? Tell me more about what's pungent. Oh, Because the sensory neurons are taking in this stimulus. It smells like sewage and you're so profoundly alive right now in the truth of this peculiar human body. Mary Oliver's instructions for living a life. Be astonished and then tell about it. Whether you're in self-dialogue, Oh honey, Yeah, This is. . . You feel repulsed. Let's be with that, With curiosity. Or oh, You're clinging to this feeling. You're chasing this tone. What's that like? Tell me more. Thank you.