Understanding & Connecting With The Inner Child In Mindfulness Meditation

This talk explains the inner child from the perspective of neuropsychology and contemporary therapeutic modalities. It is followed by a guided meditation focused on understanding the child's needs. The inner child is the part of our psyche that produces impulses, seemingly irrational reactions, outside our conscious control, often contrary to our long term goals and intentions; these behaviors stem from unconscious emotional beliefs instilled by early childhood experiences.

Transcript

Jumping right into our inner child talk for tonight,

In around 1900,

A little before,

Both William James and Freud,

In their own way,

Produced very coherent,

Clear descriptions of subconscious unconscious processes that had in many ways predominance over the logical,

Rational,

Conscious mind.

And both in their own ways,

From their own empirical research,

Documented the degree of influence that unconscious,

We could call automatic or implicit processes held over decision-making,

Over times in life where we act in ways that are completely contrary to our intentions,

Why we even have at times physiological emotional experiences that seem to be self-sabotaging.

Now,

For a long time,

This recognition of the unconscious was essentially based on observation,

But didn't really have any foundations in neuroscience.

That actually came to a fundamental pivot in the 1960s where there were a bunch of patients with extreme cases of epilepsy,

And in those cases were addressed by a radical procedure wherein the corpus callosum,

Which is the thin neural fibers that connect the right hemisphere with the left hemisphere for integration,

Corpus callosum was cut,

Severed,

Epileptic fits would stop,

But in place there were a whole raft of symptoms that were rather extraordinary,

Which pointed directly to the idea that each hemisphere of the brain had different functions,

Had different roles.

The left hemisphere is typically the dominant hemisphere,

Which is the host of language.

There is language function in the right,

But primarily language,

Especially the language we use to communicate thoughts and ideas,

Is left hemispheric.

That's dominant in most people,

And as one side of one hemisphere controls the opposite side of the body,

That means for most people we are right-handed because your left hemisphere,

Which is conscious and language-bearing,

Then consciously controls the movement of your right hand,

And in fact right leg,

And right side of the body.

The right hemisphere is sub-dominant.

Therefore it controls the left,

And that's why very often,

Unless you bring to bear conscious awareness of what your left hand is doing,

Very often it will work independently.

It might move,

It might essentially seem to have a wool of its own.

Now in cases where the corpus callosum was cut,

Severed,

Really extraordinary symptoms would occur.

One case a man lit a cigarette with one hand,

And the other hand knocked it out of his mouth,

Indicating that one hemisphere of the brain wanted the cigarette,

While another hemisphere of the brain didn't want to smoke.

Another person was about to attack a relative with one hand.

His other hand grabbed hold of the hand that was about to attack an assault and stopped him from acting out on the impulse.

More interestingly,

When they gave split-brain patients questionnaires,

On neutral questions both hands would answer the questionnaire with the same answers.

But if you asked the person really emotionally heavy questions,

In one case there was a question to a person about being bullied 30 years previously,

The right hand,

Which was conscious,

Responded that the experience didn't bother the person at all.

But the left hand,

Which was expressing the unconscious realms of the right brain,

Answered that he was extremely wounded and emotionally upset still by the events from 30 years previously.

So famous neuroscientists such as Sperry and Gazzaniga developed a theory that the hemispheres had very specific specializations.

Other neuroscientists posited that while there are differences between the hemispheres,

The primary difference is that the left tends to be what's called top-down,

Whereas the right hemisphere is bottom-up.

The left top-down,

Which we could call the conscious adult mind,

Tends to represent life and experience in words and ideas.

It tends to try to make sense of all experience in categories.

It sees the world in separate objects.

It views ourself,

Our identity,

As unique and different from everyone else.

It tends to be very optimistic,

Logical,

And schematic,

Which means step by step.

It tends to be very future-oriented.

It plans and sets goals for the future.

The left top-down processes are very interested in self-survival.

It seeks security by trying to amass tools and resources from the world.

The left brain loves gadgets,

And it loves screens.

It loves smartphones.

It loves computers.

It loves things that are man-made.

It conceives of the present as being separate from the past,

And it views time like slices of a loaf of bread.

Right now,

For me,

It's 7-10 on Tuesday,

And so it views life in terms of days,

Times,

And so forth.

It can get over events from the past,

And it experiences the past as far away because left memory,

Which is explicit,

The further and further away events are in the past,

The more we lose the details that we build narratives from.

The left is voluntarily recalled memories.

The left brain is largely disembodied,

Capable of blocking awareness of feelings,

And people who have classically avoidant attachment,

People who essentially are extremely self-reliant,

Who tend to have isolated jobs,

Who tend to gravitate towards isolating endeavors,

Long-distance running,

Et cetera,

Or work that keeps them alone for long periods of time,

Tend to have very strong functioning left top-down processing.

Now,

The less conscious region or processes are what's known as right bottom-up.

They're not primarily conscious.

They are automatic,

Not under volitional control.

They don't view self.

Ourself is completely separate from others,

Like the left bottom-up.

Ourself is completely separate from others,

Like the left brain does.

They actually view ourselves as interconnected.

The right bottom-up processes tend to withdraw for protection.

The left,

The adult conscious mind,

Tends to try to solve everything through acquiring money,

Resources,

Shelter.

The right tries to survive by retreating,

Withdrawing.

The right bottom-up also,

Though,

Has very strong needs for playful,

Exploratory curiosity.

It doesn't view the world in terms of categories like the left brain or left top-down.

It tends to view the world in terms of shifting,

Fluid events that it gravitates towards exploring.

What we will call the right bottom-up tends to live as much in the past as it does in the present and has no interest in the future,

Except if something it anticipates will be scary.

But it lives very much in the past.

There's no difference in the right brain from for events that happened 30 years ago,

With events that happened yesterday.

Emotional wounds or traumas that happened in childhood in adult life can feel just as painful,

Just as scary,

And trigger just as much of a need to retreat,

Withdraw,

To run away.

The right,

According to Alan Shore,

The right orbital frontal holds internal working models that are unconscious,

Which holds deep emotional beliefs about how safe we are with other people,

Whether we can trust others,

Whether we will get our needs met.

It triggers feelings of vulnerability and core shame where we believe either fundamentally we are lovable or unlovable.

When we are dreaming or under the influence of hallucinogens,

The dominance of the left hemisphere,

The left top-down,

Is subverted and we become primarily right bottom-up,

Which is why our dreams are associative.

People from distant pasts can be experienced as well as people in the present,

Which is why we can make strange illogical associations where dreams are very often about retreat,

Withdrawal,

Not getting anywhere.

That's primarily right brain.

The right bottom-up is,

Gravitates to the familiar,

Hence what Freud called repetition compulsion.

So for example,

Somebody who in childhood had an abandoning caregiver who was a very,

Very,

Very,

Very who was not emotionally truly available,

Even though they very much want attachment,

They will continue to gravitate and be attracted towards emotionally unavailable partners.

Right brain is largely formed by experiences in the first five years of life.

That's why we call it the inner child.

But the biggest thing I want to take away from this overall view is that the right bottom-up,

What we will call the inner child,

Is not monolithic.

It can hold completely contradictory impulses.

So we can have emotional impulses to attach,

To continually seek love from people who are unavailable or to impulses to explore,

To give up and run away from obligations that the left has set.

But it also can have very strong retreat and withdrawal impulses.

So for example,

The left brain can have us sign us up for giving a talk in front of a large amount of people.

But the right brain remembers well the experiences from grade school where we stood up in front of a classroom and kids laughed at us and we felt humiliated and maybe wet ourselves or something.

And so when we get up in front of that group of people,

Suddenly we might experience a panic attack.

We might get nervous and overwhelmed with fear because the right bottom-up remembers all of the emotional wounds from the past and says,

This scenario that I'm in right now is far too similar to those emotional painful events of my past.

These impulses,

Again,

Can be very contradictory.

But almost always in life when we're stuck,

When we're immobilized,

When we're caught up in procrastination or stalling,

It's because one impulse,

Very often left brain,

To pursue something in the future has run completely against right bottom-up impulses to attach for security and to withdraw from danger.

So somebody can get a job offer that's very attractive and their left brain will almost immediately say yes because they've got more responsibilities,

They get higher pay,

It looks better on their resume.

This is terrific for the adult,

You know,

Left top-down brain.

But the right will say,

Hold on,

Not so fast.

All the people I know are at this job.

I don't know any of the people at that new job.

And I need attachments that are secure.

And also I'm scared of changing because in the past when I changed schools in fifth grade to a new school in sixth grade,

I felt alone and disconnected.

So the left might say,

Sure,

I want to do this.

But the right will essentially say,

No,

I don't want to have anything to do with this.

I don't want.

And so the person will find themselves stalling,

Incapable of finishing up the application,

Getting nervous every time they sit down to put together their resume to send it over and so forth.

That's the way,

One of the many ways the right inner child speaks to us.

The right brain controls our attention.

So what many people call adult attention deficit disorder and so forth,

Sometimes it's real,

Which is due to a lack of acetylcholine in the left cingulate.

But very often what people view as attention deficit problems or problems with laziness or procrastination is simply due to the fact that the right brain is not interested in pursuing the goals and agendas that the left has set.

Now,

While very often what happens is this kind of cross purposes,

Sometimes,

Interestingly enough,

The adult brain can be hijacked by the irrational or very real fears of the right brain,

Right bottom up brain,

The inner child,

Which holds all of our attachment and interpersonal wounds from the past.

So for example,

Times in life where we find ourselves what's called catastrophizing,

Going over everything that can go wrong,

What happens here is really the right brain has had feelings of vulnerability activated by some event in our life.

The right speaks to us through the body.

That's how it connects with us.

It's embodied.

It doesn't speak to us through ideas and words.

It's not through ideas and words and inner chatter like the left adult brain.

It speaks to us bottom up with feelings.

And so it creates a feeling of vulnerability and nervousness.

And then the left,

Overwhelmed by this feeling,

Its true purpose being to represent life and words and ideas will go along with it.

It's called mood congruence,

And it will start catastrophizing.

In my experience,

For example,

Many people have chronic financial fears,

Even though they actually have enough money to live comfortably,

But they live in chronic financial insecurity.

This is not because of money.

This is because the inner child,

The right bottom up processes of the brain have had severe attachment wounds for the past in childhood where they weren't taken care of in the most vulnerable years of their life.

And so the right brain triggers these feelings of vulnerability,

Lack of support,

Lack of care,

And then the left goes along with it and says,

There's obviously something going wrong.

Obviously,

I'm not safe,

But it can only make sense of the vulnerability by concluding that it has to do with money.

And so the feeling of vulnerability is translated by the left conscious mind as I don't have enough money when it's really about,

At the heart of it,

A lack of trust that will be taken care of by other people.

Very often,

The right brain will,

The inner child,

Will have a desire to quit obligations like a child,

To not do its homework,

To run away,

Play,

Explore.

And then in the adult brain,

We'll translate it with long lists of why everything in life sucks and why everything in one's job or one's life is terrible and just create escape fantasies in line with this right brain or inner child desires.

In other times,

The inner child,

Once again,

Is not monolithic.

It can have completely contrary impulses.

I'd like to talk about one experience from my own life.

So for example,

When 9-11 happened and I was working in advertising and just practicing Buddhism as something that I would do after work,

And after 9-11,

I went to volunteer and they didn't have any use for someone who worked in advertising.

And it felt incredibly wounding to me.

It reminded me unconsciously,

I believe,

Of all the times in childhood where I felt unseen,

Not taken seriously.

And it created a very strong desire to quit my job and just devote my life to volunteering.

And that was a very strong emotional impulse.

But at the same time,

I had a contrary emotional impulse,

Which was fear due to my own insecure attachment with my father from early life,

Fear that if I did quit my job,

I wouldn't be taken care of,

That I'd fall between the cracks of the world,

That I'd wind up homeless,

Penniless,

I wouldn't be able to pay my bills,

Etc.

And so forth.

So I had one very strong emotional desire to quit.

I couldn't stand going to work anymore.

And there was good reason for that.

But I also had a very strong fear that if I did quit,

I'd never wind up making money again,

And so forth and so on.

So the only solution was for me,

My left adult brain to step in and hear both of those inner child impulses and to negotiate with them a middle path,

Which was to understand both emotional needs and to meet both of them in a way that made both needs of the inner child safe.

So what I did was I left working full time,

And I started working part time just making enough money to survive.

But I started shifting the focus to my Buddhist studies,

To getting empowered as a teacher,

To shifting very slowly my life away from advertising to teaching.

And by 2005,

Three years later,

I was now a teacher.

And a few years after that,

I was living by donations rather than living from advertising.

But it was a slow process,

Because if I had simply quit my job,

I would have been rife for panic attacks.

But on the other hand,

If I simply stuck working with advertising and more of the same than I would have been emotionally miserable.

So either case,

My inner child would not have gotten either of its needs met.

So I had to use my adult brain to hear my emotional needs,

Even though they were contradictory,

One to quit,

To just do what I wanted,

The other to stay the course,

Work and think financially,

Own first and foremost,

I had to hear both needs and find a creative solution.

And this I was able to do through mindfulness.

And I'll talk about that in a moment.

I'll give you another example,

Though,

Of the inner child having contrary impulses.

Suppose someone has anxious attachments stemming from an early childhood experience,

Where the one parent suddenly is removed from the family system through divorce,

Or perhaps one parent who used to be emotionally available now is no longer emotionally available due to the stresses of work and so on.

So the person who grows up to be an adult with anxious attachment fully desires to attach with a partner.

But at the same time that they want to fully attach and have their needs met in relationship,

Given the right brain is not fully attached to the child,

The child is not able to be attached to the person.

The person is drawn to familiar situations to the past,

Even if they're unhappy.

That person will also chase after love from emotionally unavailable partners.

So even though they want desperately to attach and find love,

They will also at the same time be drawn to available partners,

Just like good old mom or dad and so forth.

So these are very contrary impulses.

In this case,

The left adult brain needs to step in and accept that both are happening,

Needs to accept that we have a strong need for attachment and bonding,

But also needs to accept that the people we're attracted to are not healthy for us.

And then the adult mind has to step in and say,

Okay,

I understand what's going on here and I'm going to negotiate a solution here.

I'm going to have us take it slowly and develop the tools and processes to make sure that we're with someone who's secure and available before we allow our attachment and our desire for connection to take over.

And I have to learn to train that part of my mind that's only excited by people who are just like an abandoning parent.

I have to retrain that inner child.

So in both of these cases,

We have to acknowledge what the inner child wants,

But then we have to allow our left problem-solving brain to,

Our adult brain,

To in some way negotiate or find a creative solution.

Now there are many therapies that work very well for people who want to understand the schemas and the unconscious emotional beliefs and impulses of the inner child.

Most famously,

There's psychoanalysis stemming from Freud works,

But there's also new traditions of psychodynamic therapy and coherence therapy,

Both of which focus on understanding the unconscious inner child impulses,

Legitimizing them,

Taking them seriously,

But then working creatively in a way to help ourselves,

To integrate these needs into our adult life.

Many people also come in contact with the needs of the inner child through art therapy,

Through music therapy,

Through therapies that focus on free association,

Because the free associate of mind tends to be more automatic and right hemispheric.

Oh,

Therapist Dr.

Lucia Capaccion wrote something I found quite interesting.

She talks about putting a crayon in her non-dominant hand,

Which was the left,

And starting to write with it.

And she writes,

Or I had no idea this would change my life forever.

A childlike self within me spoke to me that had been buried under a mountain of responsibility in five years of continual crises.

At home,

I spontaneously began dialogues in my journal between the inner child,

Which wrote with my left hand,

And my adult inner critic,

My dominant right hand.

As a result,

My energy increased dramatically as well as my will to live.

So that's obviously a process that can work for others as well.

But in Buddhist practice,

I think the best way that we can do that is to really connect with the inner child is through the integration of the inner child is of course primarily embodied.

It expresses its needs through the body,

Through feelings of excitement,

Desire to explore with this excitement,

This energy,

This expansion,

The breath becomes full.

Or the body withdraws from situations that they contrary impulse to disconnect,

To seek security from fleeing.

And in that case,

The body contracts and stiffens and goes into an armored state.

And so in Buddhist mindfulness,

Specifically in mindfulness of feelings,

Vedanusati,

When we're stuck in life,

When we find that our goals and plans are being undermined by impulses of procrastination,

Stalling,

Fear,

Where suddenly we experience panic,

Or anxiety,

What we do is we stop and we find the physiological affect state beneath all the inner chatter.

In times of panic or anxiety,

The left brain will catastrophize and look around for all the reasons to be frightened.

We put aside our focus on thoughts,

And we go into the body,

And we focus on what is beneath all the ideas and the stories,

And we focus instead on the feelings.

We sit and we acknowledge the feelings,

And we begin to ask,

What do they want?

And they express themselves through impulses.

And sometimes the impulses will be clearly wanting to be retreat or stop.

Sometimes the impulses will be wanting to hug and cling.

Sometimes the impulses will be wanting to explore,

To grasp,

To become curious.

So we listen to the impulses as they express through the body.

That's how the inner child speaks to us.

And then we develop a dialogue.

And the way we develop a dialogue is not through talking as much as we show in images that we develop solutions that we present to the inner child.

So if,

For example,

We want to change a career or change where we're living,

We want to change the way we're living,

Where we're living,

We want to move.

But every time we set about to undertake that plan,

We get overwhelmed,

We get stuck,

We procrastinate,

We stall.

Then what we do is we connect with that feeling that is scared,

That doesn't want to proceed,

And we show it ways that we could proceed that would be safer.

We show it,

For example,

That if the change is too much,

We can quit,

Or we can stop at any moment.

We talk to the inner child through images showing it that we can proceed at a very slow pace.

We might,

In very simple words,

Express the idea because,

Again,

I should note,

The right inner child is formed by events of the first four years of life.

Roughly after the first four years of life,

The right brain becomes unconscious and the left brain takes over.

So that's why it's referred to as an inner child because the right subdominant brain is not only unconscious,

But it's largely shaped by early childhood experiences.

The way to talk about the inner child is very simply paying attention to it,

Listening to it,

Understanding its needs,

Being creative,

And showing it solutions.

A classic example would be a woman who's very talented at art,

Loves to draw.

Then there's a call from a local gallery for submissions from local artists.

She procrastinates and keeps trying to do the perfect drawing,

Or the perfect set of drawings,

And then never submits her work.

Really what's going on is the inner child is terrified that if she does submit,

That her work won't be rejected,

And then she'll feel some of the pains of rejection that she experienced as a child.

So she's trying to protect herself by not doing it altogether.

One of the ways we can entice the inner child to do something that's scary for it would be to.

.

.

The inner child loves presence and rewards.

When I was writing my book,

It was not.

.

.

My left brain undertook the project,

You know,

Said,

Okay,

I should write a book.

I signed the contract.

The next thing I knew,

I had to write 240 pages,

And I suddenly realized I'd never written anything longer than 10 pages in my life.

There was also a lot of fear that whatever I wrote wasn't going to be good enough.

So I at first procrastinated and stalled and didn't get anything done.

But then I realized that there was this frightened child in me that was terrified of being rejected or being found not good enough.

A lot of core shame in there.

And so I had to reward the inner child every time I sat down to write.

I would do right after I wrote,

I would reward myself with,

Okay,

Now I get to sit on my favorite website,

Or now I get to go and eat my favorite lunch,

Or now I get to go and play music,

Or now I get to do something that I really love.

Just the same way you would reward a child for doing something that it didn't want to do.

And I also had to promise the inner child that if I really didn't like what it wrote at the end,

That I wouldn't have to submit it.

I really reassured it.

So I took it step by step,

Each time assuring that inner child that,

Okay,

You know what,

If it's too much,

We'll stop.

We're just going to start a little bit.

And whatever you do,

I'm going to reward you.

And I'm not going to blame you if I don't.

So I took away all of the self-blame,

All of the self-criticism.

I didn't associate it with any sense of there was something wrong with me.

And I simply talked to the inner child as deserving love and reward.

And it needed me to take it very slowly.

I also promised it that whatever I wrote,

I would show first to friends.

So that I wouldn't show it first to scary editors or publishers and stuff like that.

And slowly,

Then very quickly,

I made my way through it.

But I literally had to talk to that part of me that was stalling,

As if it was a child saying,

No,

I don't want to do my homework.

I don't want to go to school.

And I had to like literally entice it and make it feel safe.

So with that,

I think the best way to proceed is to have us do first a meditation where we soothe ourselves.

And then in the meditation,

We're going to visualize some area in life where we feel stuck,

Where we can't move forward,

Or where we feel that we have impulses or emotions that don't make sense.

And we're going to actually practice developing a way to communicate and integrate the inner child into our adult life.

So I hope that that was interesting.

And to find a really comfortable seated position.

And whenever you're ready,

Closing the eyes.

And in this,

Well,

Often I say that,

Of course,

You can meditate with your eyes open.

But in this practice,

Connecting with the inner child is easier to do when we're less externally focused on the outside world.

So bring awareness first to the breath.

And what we're going to try to do is focus on the root of the breath,

Which in Buddhist mindful tradition is in the belly.

And then we're going to try to do that with the out-breath.

And then with the out-breath,

Feeling the very slow release of the breath as the abdomen contracting or receding,

I should say,

Not contracting,

But receding from the belly.

And then with the out-breath,

Feeling the very slow release of the breath as the abdomen contracting or receding,

I should say,

Not contracting,

But receding from its balloon-like state.

So abdominal breathing is far more soothing than chest breathing.

Chest breathing is what we do when we're in alert or states of physical exertion,

When we're running,

When we're excited,

When there's things we have to do immediately in fight-flight survival states.

Abdominal breathing is much more synonymous with the social,

Engage,

Relax,

Rest,

And digest.

And we want the energy to be fluid in the belly,

So the belly expands and brings in the breath,

And then it releases,

And there's this very slow release of the breath.

If your mind tends to wander,

If you focus too exclusively on the belly breathing,

Then also bring into your awareness either sounds that are occurring and the space that you're breathing in,

Or the sound that you're breathing in.

Or sounds that are occurring in the space you're practicing right now.

So it might be sounds from outdoors,

Far away sounds,

Close-by sounds.

Likewise,

If you don't want to use sounds,

You can use contact sensations,

Feeling the sensations of contact with the chair or whatever you're seated upon.

Feeling your hands resting on your legs,

The sensations of your feet planted on the ground,

Or the sensation of your feet being planted on the ground,

Or the sensation of your feet being your feet planted on the ground,

Or your legs making contact.

If the mind still won't settle while we're trying to focus on the breath coming in,

Being to the abdomen,

And then being released,

The breath energy,

Then you can visualize a place where you feel really safe,

Relaxed.

Relax your body as if you were at that place right now,

Maybe a beach or a hammock or a river.

Alternatively,

Repeating a very simple phrase,

I love you,

Keep going.

Recited both with first with your image in mind and then visualize someone you feel attached to or care about.

I love you,

Keep going.

Then other people reminding yourself you've got nowhere to go,

Nothing to do.

Your only job right now is to connect with land in your life,

Connect with the present land in your life,

Pay attention to the body that keeps you alive.

D Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

So at this point I'd like to invite you to bring to mind a situation in life where you struggle,

Feel overwhelmed,

Can't make headway,

Despite a desire to change.

To progress,

To move forward,

Or where you have very clear goals,

But there's always some unconscious you're aware of impulses that are interrupting getting in the way of perhaps something you wanted to do or achieve,

But every time you set down to do it,

The mind can't focus,

Gets distracted,

Feels too stressed.

Or maybe certain situations,

Social situations you want to be confident at,

But instead shut down,

Can't express confidently yourself,

Or start to feel panicky,

Social situations that's become too much,

Even though we so want to be confident.

So bring to mind whatever situation it is that you struggle,

And try to make the image as visual and clear.

Really push yourself to trigger the same feelings right now that you experience whenever you feel stalled or impeded,

Where the emotional mind seems to prohibit any progress.

If nothing comes to mind,

Try another image,

Or make the image slightly more intense.

Try to connect with whatever it is you feel at those times.

If it's social anxiety,

Visualize a setting,

An interpersonal setting that is a little scary.

If it's creative or work-oriented where we're stalling,

Just visualize yourself in work or at that creative place,

And see if you can feel that same impasse.

And then what we want to do is bring our awareness down to the body,

Finding the contraction,

The withdrawal impulses,

The tightening expressed by the inner child.

Finding those impulses stemming from childhood wounds that we've consciously forgotten,

But emotionally feel just as present today.

And just feel whatever it is in the body,

Maybe a tense stomach,

Maybe tight shoulders,

Or a locked jaw,

Or maybe the breath begins to get really hesitant,

Or maybe the chest feels very tight,

Or whatever.

Find what's going on in the body.

This is how the inner child speaks to us primarily.

It also speaks by distracting us,

But find the distress in the body,

And instead of being confused or disappointed,

Just acknowledge that this is the way your inner child speaks to you.

This is the way the mind that remembers all of the pains of the past,

All of the emotional wounds of the past,

That also has that very strong desire to connect and attach and to explore the world.

But it also has so much fear.

And just understand it.

Even though your adult mind might have a million reasons why you want to move forward,

You want to change a job,

Change a career,

Write a novel,

Paint.

Understand the inner child is terrified of being abandoned or alone,

Being disconnected.

And then see if you can find a creative way to assure that inner child,

A way that you can proceed but will not overwhelm this very vulnerable part of ourself.

I'll take it slowly.

I'll find friends wherever we go.

Whenever you're overwhelmed,

We'll stop.

Just a few examples of how we might speak.

We might show visuals.

People will seek support from most important to reassure this part of ourself.

I'll listen to you.

I'll listen to you.

I hear you.

I won't push forward without asking and taking your needs seriously.

I'll listen to you.

So I'm going to ring the bowl.

And when you hear the sound,

Just take your time.

When you open your eyes,

Try to bring with you awareness of the inner child,

Which we always do through embodied awareness.

Don't leave or re-abandon the inner child.

Bring the inner child with you by feeling,

Connecting,

Staying aware of the body.

Thank you for your practice.

Just a couple of notes before we go to questions.

If you'd like to support my work as a Buddhist pastor,

I do everything by donations,

Teach,

Counseling.

And so the Venmo is Dharma,

D-H-A-R-M-A-P-U-N-X-N-Y-C.

Reviews

This was an amazing talk. So enlightening. It was just what I need at the moment. Also, the meditation was beautiful. Thank you for guiding us to connect with our inner child. Sending love and compassion your way 🙏💜

Excellent and very interesting talk and meditation to follow. Thanks

Excellent, my inner child is always afraid and has a strong fear of abandonment.I quess it has to do with our dad passing away when I was 6. Ty for this great meditation. Blessings 🙏🏼👼🏼🙏🏼👼🏻🙏🏼👼🏽💖

Oh my, this is just what I needed to hear on a deeper level of attention & awareness. Thank you so much. Every word you said struck a chord in me. I've been really struggling with procastination for many years & to have a better understanding of it gave me the aha moments. I'm going to listen to this again & again to help resolve issues in my tissues from inner child. There are layers that I have a better awareness now. I am so so grateful to you right now & will be detailed in my journal & gratitude journal. Thank you, thank you, thank you🙏❤

Amazing! At last I have found this! Essential, theoretical and paractical insight to how to connect with your Inner Child.

Practice Tip: Inner Child work is particularly daunting so I listened first before attempting
this way and this method worked well ✨

Appreciate how josh integrates knowledge of the mind and wisdom of the heart

Simply amazing Josh! Thank you for your guidance, all of your talks and meditations really resonate with me. 🙏❤️

Interesting and powerful talk and meditation.

Thoughtful, insightful, helpful. So happy you changed careers 😃

I really appreciate the way you helped me connect my anatomical understanding to my psychological understanding of my thinking and behavior. Fascinating talk!

Josh, I don’t even know how to express what I just experienced listening to this meditation.
I pretty much was sobbing at the end.
You’re the first person I “heard” telling me how my inner child was speaking to me in my body- and boy she was clawing and screaming for me to listen. Lungs constricted, belly clenched, short, shallow breathing.
Abandoned at 4 by my dad, every man since has been emotionally unavailable. Didn’t learn any of this until I hit my 50s. I’m 65 now and still working through this pain. I have to untangle the webs from my past because I need to free myself and my body. I’m
Not getting younger. I need a new home as my is a rotting mobile 40 years past its expiration date. My inner girl has been so scared of not being safe in me not being able to make the payments on a new home. I thought it was the bad money karma my dad left me, but you dug out the root-the fear and mistrust that I wouldn’t be taken care of.
Yet that’s exactly what I’ve done for the last 22 years- taken care of myself on my own. I’m even mortgage free on my property.
I am so grateful to you for helping me dig out this poisoned splinter I’ve had for 61 years.
I read your book 6 years ago and still have it. It’s a must keep.
Sending love and metta for you and your work.
🌲🙏🏾🌲🐝🎁💐🕊🌿🐾🙏🏽🌹📿💜🎶❤️

Excellent namaste

Thank you so much for sharing your Heart work. This process definitely touched on some inner child issues... perfectionism- keeping everyone happy (to avoid conflict)-
Very revealing. Many blessings.

Healing received. Thank you for generously sharing your wisdom + gifts 🤍✨🤍✨🤍