Control.
There seems to be some sense of control or agency or choice in our everyday life and sometimes there doesn't.
Whether or not there actually is or not is a another topic but it sometimes seems that way to some of us when it comes to meditation practice on the panasati,
Mindfulness of breathing.
That's what I want to address.
So Dhanasara Bhikkhu Ajahn Jeff often starts off his little morning meditations or reflections on noticing where you can feel the breath of course but then making adjustments,
Choices to make it more conducive for the practice.
Either bringing the energy up,
Relaxing the energy,
Noticing what's pleasant and comfortable.
What I've noticed about the so-called anapana spot around the nose is it's particularly helpful when there seems to be this desire to control the breath and then this tug-of-war between I shouldn't,
I should just pay attention to the natural breathing and sometimes that's all it takes and then can let go of the control.
Other times it's not so easy to let go of that and then it can even just amplify it.
However if we pay attention to the breath around the anapana spot at least that gives a location,
More of a stability and can leave this inner conflict or this tug-of-war,
This struggle of control,
Not wanting to control,
Be in the background and just still pay attention to whatever we can of the breath,
Knowing the breath at the anapana spot and disengage from this tug-of-war of controlling or not controlling the breath.
Yeah those still sometimes be like an intensity or wanting to have some kind of control like holding the breath longer or pausing it throughout the in-breath or out-breath or maybe wanting to breathe harder,
Faster,
Slower,
Things like this that aren't really location dependent but at least the location can minimize that aspect of it and help bring something else to the forefront other than the control.
Because once we determine our location and there's really no or very little or minimized ways to perceive control there,
That's at least one element that can diffuse this inner wanting to control or not wanting to control.
