Set Healthy Boundaries And Say No

In this practice, we explore how to set healthy boundaries with practical tools that allow you to take the time and the space you deserve to check in with how you feel before you respond to someone asking something of you. We also uncover the underlying benefit of setting clear boundaries, the abililty to strengthen our relationship with ourselves and giving us a greater sense of self-worth.

Transcript

Welcome to today's practice. The intention of today's meditation is to help you move from feeling overwhelmed, Burnt out or overextended to feeling empowered. So in today's practice, I'm going to walk you through some steps to help you set healthy boundaries so you can reclaim your inner strength and show up in the world as a more authentic version of yourself. So let's begin. Take a moment to settle into a comfortable position. Do what feels most comfortable so you can allow yourself to relax. Relax your shoulders, Your neck. Try to release any tension you're feeling in any part of your body. You're giving yourself permission to take this time to strengthen your inner self. And I invite you to close your eyes or allow your gaze to soften. Let go of whatever's come before this moment and anything that's coming after as you gently ease into being here and now. We'll begin in a moment by taking three deep breaths and on each deep breath, Try to find a greater sense of self-love and self-acceptance. See if you can let go of any limiting beliefs about who you are or what you're capable of. You are valuable, You deserve the best there is. You don't need to do anything or be anything else in order to be worthy of all the best life has to offer. Three deep breaths. Ready? Inhale and exhale. Try to let go of any limiting beliefs you're carrying around. Again, Inhale and exhale. You are valuable. There's nothing you can't do. Last time, Inhale and exhale. You're worthy of the best there is. This time is for you and you deserve it. So to move into today's meditation, I'd like you to imagine you're in a familiar situation where someone in your life is asking too much of you. Imagine you're sitting across from this difficult person or this person you feel you're in a difficult situation with who's been either directly or indirectly asking things of you. Meaning they're actually making requests of you or maybe you're feeling obligated to do things for this person out of duty or a sense of responsibility to this person. Whatever the reasons, You've been overextending yourself and you want to set a new boundary. Imagine this person is asking you a request, Except this time, After they ask you their request, You pause. I want you to think of the feelings that come up for you in this moment. What are you feeling in this very moment as soon as something is being asked of you that either feels like too much or feels out of alignment with who you are or where you're at or what you want right now? What are those feelings that come up for you? I'm not talking about an infrequent, Important ask by a close family member or friend that you would, Without thinking, Of course want to say yes to. I'm talking about a direct or indirect request made of you by someone in your life that has you feeling obligated. What are the feelings that you feel when you're feeling compelled to reply with a yes? What does it feel like to feel weighed down or put upon or maybe taken advantage of? See if you can take a moment to imagine this scenario. What is the person asking and how does it make you feel? See if you can recognize what the feelings are and see if you can put words to them. What is it that you're feeling? Stress? Pressure? Anger or resentment? Guilt? These are the feelings that you will continue to feel unless you can find a way to start to set healthy boundaries. And I say this without judgment. Having been there, I offer this from a place of understanding and support and with an invitation to try something different. In your visualization with this difficult person, I want you to imagine rather than responding with a quick yes, I'd like you to imagine checking in with yourself, Giving yourself a moment to pause, Not answer or say anything, But to check in with how you're feeling and then answer with a non-response. What I mean by that is you don't have to feel pressure to respond until you're ready. And you can't respond without responding by saying something like, You know what? I'm not sure, But I'll let you know. Or you could say, I have to check my calendar. When do you need to know? Or you could say, Oh, Uh, I don't know. Can I get back to you? All these answers give you a little bit more time. So imagine and really feel into the feelings of what it would feel like to be able to have more time to be able to check in with your immediate feelings about it. What if you had enough time to check your calendar, Maybe, Or to really think about whether or not you could take on this request? If saying no or setting clear boundaries isn't easy for you, You may not have a lot of practice at checking in with your feelings and making how you feel important. So delaying that official response by just pausing and responding with a non-response can give you the time to honor your true feelings. So back to our imagined scenario, Imagine that you've taken the time to check in with your feelings and you're now coming back to the person in front of you and you respond with, Nope, No, I can't do this thing that you're asking me to do. Saying no when it feels right, Deep down, When you've taken the time to check in with how you really feel, It can give you a sense of empowerment. It feels good to say what we mean, Because when you say yes to doing something you really don't want to do, But you choose to do it anyway out of obligation, That's when resentment creeps in. When you can say a clear no when you don't really want to take on the obligation, You're setting an important boundary, And doing that gives yourself worth a boost. You're choosing you instead of a sense of duty or obligation. Not only that, You're also freeing up that time that it would have taken to do the thing that you didn't really want to do, So now you might have a little extra time to do something you might really want to do, All simply because you set a healthy boundary. But if you're not used to setting boundaries, It can feel uncomfortable at first. So back to your imaginary scenario. Imagine you tell the person you feel some obligation to that you can't do the thing. Sit with that discomfort for a moment. The person you're imagining in front of you might feel upset or angry, Or maybe they won't. Maybe they're totally understanding. In any case, What's important is how you feel. How do you feel? You've listened to your feelings, And you've answered in alignment with those feelings. When we show up for ourselves by setting healthy boundaries, And by making decisions that are in alignment with who we are or where we're at, And with what we want, We strengthen our relationship with ourselves. And it feels good to be good to ourselves. So as we come to the end of this meditation, I invite you to sit with the feelings of self-love and empowerment. Thank you for taking the time to be here today. And until next time, Trust in your practice and in your own inner guidance, And allow the universe to work its magic.