Character Development: Humor

In this episode, we explore the strength of Humor, an expression of the virtue of Transcendence.

Humor is our capacity to find lightness, amusement, and perspective in the human experience. It allows us to hold life with a little more flexibility, helping us connect with others, navigate challenges, and remember that even serious things do not always need to be carried so seriously. Humor reminds us that being human is often both meaningful and absurd, and that laughter can create connection, relief, and understanding when other forms of expression feel out of reach.

Through reflection and affirmation, may we strengthen our ability to welcome joy, playfulness, and perspective into our lives. May we remember that humor is not about denying what is difficult, but about creating enough space to hold it with a little more openness, warmth, and ease.

Peace and blessings,

Hannah

Transcript

In a world that often focuses so much on what we lack, It's easy to overlook the incredible internal strengths that each of us possess. Grounded in ancient philosophy and modern science, This series invites you to reconnect with the innate strengths that make you who you are, Promoting balance and harmony in everyday life. Whether you're looking to boost your confidence, Overcome negative self-talk, Deepen your relationships, Or simply invite a greater sense of well-being, My hope is that this series offers a practical and uplifting path to personal growth. Hello, Beautiful people, And welcome back to our Character Strengths Affirmation Series. Each session, We explore one of the 24 character strengths identified by positive psychology, All of which fall under the virtues of courage, Humanity, Wisdom, Justice, Temperance, Or transcendence. These are traits that help us show up as our most balanced and flexible and grounded and connected selves. Today we are continuing on our journey into the virtue of transcendence, Which is the family of strengths that connect us to something larger than ourselves and help us find meaning and awe and perspective. Transcendence includes the strengths of appreciation of beauty and excellence, Gratitude, Hope, Spirituality, And today's strength, Which is humor. I'm so excited to be talking about humor, Man. Oh, Gosh, I have such a bias. When I was sitting down to like really, You know, Meditate on like, Okay, Like, Let's work with humor. Like, Let's think about how do we overuse it? How do we like what is the character strength of humor? I realized I have such a bias. I'm like, I don't think you can overuse it. Can't overuse humor. There's no such thing. There's always a time and a place. I think I feel particularly saved by humor. I personally have coped a lot with the giggles. It's prompted a lot of my own self-reflection. So here we go. According to the Values in Action Institute, Humor is our ability to recognize what is amusing in situations and to offer the lighter side to others. I'm reading, I'm actually just on their website right now. This is great. They say, Humor is an important lubricant to social interactions and can contribute to team building or moving forward group goals. Where other signature strengths are more or less essential for achieving certain types of goals or dealing with certain types of problems, Humor is rarely an essential component to positive social situations, But it is often a desirable one. They're like, You don't need it. I think sometimes you need it. I'm going to be so for real. I think that there are sometimes the funniest people are often the people who used it as a coping skill. So, You know, We're going to be talking about all that today. While we're still just talking about what humor is, I think it's important to recognize that a lot of times, At least for me, When I think of humor, I think of performance. And really what makes people funny or good performers is at its core, I think it's about perspective. People who have a good sense of humor or have strength in humor have the ability to see life with more flexibility. It's the ability to notice that it's absurd to be alive and to remind us of that. It's noticing the unexpected and the imperfect human moments. And it's almost an ability to appreciate that on a certain level just because, Again, Of the absurdity of it all. A good friend of mine, Grace, Shout out Grace, If you're listening to this. Grace happens to be one of the funniest people that I know and also most considerate and kind and thoughtful people. We were talking about humor and she was like, Mitch Hedberg is somebody that you should look into. And she was right, Man. Comedian Mitch Hedberg built an entire career around finding humor in ordinary observations. One line, This is probably my favorite. He said, And want to eat 2, 000 of something. He also said, I haven't slept for 10 days because that would be too long. And he also said, I think Bigfoot is blurry. That's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. The humor wasn't the object itself, It was about the shift in perspective. Rice is not that funny. But. . . Like two thousand of something that's funny that's silly Really, Humor is what allows us to hold life lightly without dismissing it altogether. What I think makes humor unique is the way in which it's not about turning away from hardship and it's not about saying like there's hardship and then there's also this humor might be saying like also this but humor is also like let's just point at the hard thing and laugh at it let's just be like ah there's that it's it's like it helps us like relieve somehow some of the tension And that's part of why I think it's so beautiful that. Humor is in the virtue of transcendence in this framework, Which is from the Values in Action Institute. Is. You know, So often when we think about transcendence, We think about what I said earlier, Which is awe and meaning and perspective and then spirituality. And it's these things that are so big and so deep, And it's so easy to take them so seriously. But then right alongside all those things is humor. I'm going to tell you guys a story about my relationship to humor, And it's going to be silly. And maybe it's going to make me sound. . . Really woo. It's going to make me sound really woo and I'm honestly feeling a little bit anxious about that because I always like to have one foot in the research and in the bottom up understanding of how it all works and all of that but I'll just say from jump. My other foot is in the forest as a fairy, You know, Just really trying to connect to spirit. I can resonate with all the skeptics out there of wanting to make sense of it and wanting to understand it in order to like surrender into it. And yet, I have had just too many experiences of being so humbled by life and realizing also that I don't have access to the full spectrum of wisdom that exists out there because I'm limited to this ape body, Because I'm in this human body. All of us, We're just in these human bodies and there's so much going on all around us, But we are in human bodies and so we can't see and feel and tap into all of it. But there's all this stuff going on all around us. But we're just in these human bodies. And so our capacity to perceive them, You know, So I just to put that out there. And so anyway, The story goes, I was doing some healing work for myself in a lake. And really what that means is I was just having some really honest conversations with the universe where I was I in my practice. The whole point is to actually questions and to surrender our own minds and hearts so that we can actually receive answers. And so I'll tell you the questions that I asked and the answers that I got. And what my experience was because I was wrestling on this day. Wrestling. I'm in the water. I'm wrestling with the water. Just the physical manifestation of what is this? What's going on? Make it make sense. I'm confused. Why is there so much unnecessary suffering? I'm understanding things and other people don't understand these things. And it's because they don't have access to information about it because of the priorities of our system. And I don't know how to make sense of all of that. And it all was just so serious and deep and I was taking my capacity to make sense of it so serious and deeply and, You know, I was making sense of like, Oh, Okay, You know, As I'm humbling myself, Okay, Some of the answers were like, Oh, Okay, So this is stuff that's been recycling itself since the beginning of time and I'm just in the experience of it recycling itself, Okay, So that makes sense, You know, And then my next question was like, But why? You know, Why? Why? Why existence? Make it make sense? Why? And the answer I got was, Gotta admit, It's pretty funny. And I don't know what to say. I didn't come up with that thought. That I can't take credit for. It's true, I mean at the end of the day. . . There's an aspect of life that is just so absurd and so silly and so funny. We don't always have access to gratitude in a particular moment. And we certainly don't always have access to awe because sometimes our circumstances are messy and ugly. And yet, Even in those moments, The thing that's transcendent about it is finding the humor in it. It's finding like the silly goofy. I'll just say that I found a line in a book I was reading on humility by Richard Foster where he speaks so beautifully about the character strength of humor. He writes, I'd like to submit a minority report on behalf of good-hearted laughter. Humor offered in love can help build community life. It is a grace when we can laugh at our gaffes and foibles. Humor helps us welcome the unexpected and the unpredictable, To relish the ridiculous and the absurd. We don't need to create a huge chasm between prayer and playfulness. Oh, He just captured it so well. Humor isn't separate from depth. It's not separate from growth or connection. It's not even separate from spirituality. Humor softens us. It keeps us from becoming rigid. It reminds us that there are limitations to this human experience. There's going to be things that just don't even make sense to us. And actually in those moments, Sometimes the best way to appreciate that with somebody else is to laugh at it together. Humor connects us in such a deep way. It brings us into shared experience, It brings us into shared imperfection, And it brings us into shared humanity. As with all character strengths, Humor exists on a spectrum. I use Aristotle's golden mean, Which is that virtue exists in balance to two vices, That of underuse and that of overuse. So we will be exploring the ways in which we just misuse humor, When really the ultimate goal of humor is to stay connected to ourselves, To others, And to reality. When humor is underused, Life can start to feel overly serious, Emotionally constricted, Or rigid. There can be a kind of stiffness to the way we move through the world where it's hard to access play or spontaneity or lightness. Got some archetypes for how this shows up. The first archetype is why so serious? Where everything feels super high stakes or emotionally heavy, It could look like struggling to relax even in casual situations, Treating small mistakes like major life failures, Feeling uncomfortable around silliness and play, Or constantly anticipating problems or responsibilities. The next manifestation that underuse of humor can take is the perfectionist. This is constantly focusing on getting things right, Where you're so focused on saying the most correct thing that you don't give yourself the freedom to say something that would just be silly. I. . . Oof, You guys, This. . . I don't know if I'm equipped. To have a conversation about the cultural perspective on this. I would, This is why I want this to become an interview style. I just think that we would do so much more justice to this if it was like a dialogue with somebody who has a completely different perspective on things because I know I'm limited to my, My personal life and my experiences. But yeah, The perfectionism and humor that has emerged out of fear of cancel culture. I don't even think I'm going to touch that. I think I'm going to hold off on that. And we're just gonna together, We're all just gonna manifest that I will have access to beautiful minds who can share beautiful perspectives on those topics. And may it so be true for all of the character strengths. Aho. So the way that the perfectionist can manifest is having a hard time laughing at yourself because you just want to get things right in general. Replaying embarrassing moments over and over and over and again in your head. Instead of just being able to like laugh at yourself, Be like, Oh, See, We make mistakes, We're people. Instead, It's like, I can't believe, Like the shame, The shame. Feeling really tense when things don't go according to plan. Taking feedback or teasing very personally. Yeah, I think that this is another reason that humor is in the transcendent virtue. Like it's just it's starting to make more and more sense to me. Because in times when it, It feels sometimes rational. To be hard on ourselves. It feels sometimes like, No, But like, This is how I'm going to learn is by just like creating some sort of shame based pain or agony towards ourselves so that we learn not to touch the hot flame. I was just giving an example of shame as perceived in the same way that pain would be. And we learn through pain, Certainly, But there's other ways to learn. And our perfectionism oftentimes is just something that keeps us from being able to move on and actually integrate. Instead, It can become a block for us to actually get better. And humor, Being able to just like laugh at ourselves and move on, Is like the thing that, Again, Gives us that greater perspective in that moment. Just being able to be light about it and being able to be like, Ah, There I go again. Another manifestation of the underuse would be the hyper-responsible one. And this is somebody who feels guilty relaxing or joking around because maybe they feel like they have to hold everything together. It could be about staying in caretaker mode all the time. Or maybe it's just your role to be the one to keep everybody on track. I mean, Listen, We've all been in a group. And oftentimes, There's a moment where people are just being silly. And it's because it's how we connect, You know, That that's that's part of how you develop a good team is by laughing together. But if there's people who are too unserious, Like over there overusing humor, Somebody else has got to step in and balance it out and be the one to be like, Hey, Guys, Haha, But like, What about the assignment? You know, I feel like in high school, That was probably me. I was probably the one who was like, He he he. OK, But like, What about question seven? A final manifestation of the underuse of humor, I'll just call it the emotionally constricted. It's not that they can't find the humor in the silliness, Because again, Humor is transcendent, Even in the darkest of times. It can be there. It's more so that they struggle with the connection side of the humor. It's that that part is too vulnerable. Like if they were to find humor, It would likely be in private because they might otherwise feel awkward or like staying flat is more safe in a social environment. And if the humor is about something light or mundane, They might just be like, Yeah, I just don't care. Like I just don't have the energy to even pretend to laugh about that. What all these things have in common is a thread of lack of energy and rigidity. There's a reduced capacity for flexibility, Emotional movement, And shared lightness. Humor when it's balanced helps us soften some of that rigidity. On the other side of the spectrum, Humor can be overextended or poorly attuned to its environment. Instead of helping us stay connected, It can become a way of avoiding vulnerability, Disrupting emotional presence, Or disconnecting us from others. I'm going to be calling a lot of us out on this. And I just want to say, I just want to remind us, Before I say any of this stuff, As I'm just going to immediately get defensive as somebody who overuses humor, I think in my life, I think I must, I think that what I've discovered in breaking this down is that I too, Overuse humor. But I just want to remind us, Some of this stuff is beneficial in the short run, It's when we do this chronically, That it's going to start to become a problem. So manifestation number one, The deflector. This is when somebody uses jokes to avoid vulnerability or emotional depth. It could look like making jokes immediately after sharing something painful. Changing the subject through humor when emotions arise, Laughing during uncomfortable situations. Or using sarcasm when feeling exposed or hurt. The reason that this becomes a problem is because we can't be vulnerable, Like it's because we're not letting ourselves actually feel something deeper about it. It's using humor as a way to avoid engaging. It's the bypass. Using humor as a means of avoiding something that is difficult psychologically or emotionally. What I would offer from this is what would it be like to instead understand the humor as something that can open us up to be able to experience what we're feeling in that moment with more lightness and with more courage. It doesn't mean that humor can't be a part of how we get through those, Those moments that we would love to just avoid, But how can it be something that is a release, Um, I don't know if you've ever laughed while crying before, But there's something about it that just feels so good. There's something about it that just feels like, Ah, Yeah. As Ram Dass would say, Ah, So. Whereas the deflector is trying to like avoid and redirect, The next manifestation, The minimizer, Is going to make a joke about the thing itself. As a means of making it seem like it doesn't really matter when it does matter. These things could be things like their own feelings. Like maybe they're not okay and they're just making jokes about being fine or about not being fine. And it's not that funny. It could be turning painful experiences into punchlines too quickly, You know, In a way that that's just like, Oh, Oh, I don't know. I don't know if. . . I don't know if maybe you're ready for that. But I actually don't. In this case, It's like you're not even ready for that. Or maybe they are, But they're not reading the room, Right? These moments might be helpful in the short run to this person. But oftentimes the negative outcome for this is the impact that it has on other people and the impact that it has like socially where it's like okay like maybe like you were like ready to make a joke about that but like that was like a big deal for us or or like you were making a joke out of this as a means of putting me down and making me feel like my stuff doesn't matter Like that's going to hurt people's feelings. That's going to hurt people's feelings. I'm a maximizer, So like this one I don't struggle with that much. Like I am, I don't, I'm like, I go too deep in the other direction on this one. Where, Like, If anybody makes a joke about their well-being not being okay, I will, Like, Get so serious in my face and be like, What'd you say? What'd you say? How you doing, Buddy? Hey, Friend. How are you? I don't care if that makes people uncomfortable because, Like, I will not let you minimize yourself. Don't do that to my friend. This next manifestation of the overuse is probably what a lot of you thought of initially when you thought of overuse, Which is the performer. It's somebody who feels the pressure to always be entertaining or on. A lot of times they feel responsible for everybody's mood. And they use humor to gain approval or connection. They might become uncomfortable when attention shifts away from them. And it could involve constantly filling silence with jokes or commentary. This one isn't like true to my personality in general, But in the context of my family, I was absolutely the sister who was just trying to make my siblings laugh. And it didn't matter what was going on in our lives because I knew that just the sound of their laughter would make me like, All right, Like it's gonna be okay. Like there's something in it, There's hope in humor. Sometimes it's wonderful, But the problem is that it also is very, It can be very me focused. It becomes something that actually separates us if we're not careful. When it becomes more about the pressure to fulfill this role of being entertaining. Just like all the other strengths, Our overuse of humor comes from a very human place. Humor regulates us, It relieves tension, And it creates connection. But when it replaces what needs to be felt or loses attunement to context and relationship and environment, It creates distance instead of closeness. Balanced humor is responsive. It knows when to soften a moment, When it could add some levity or joy, And instead when to really just stay with the seriousness of the moment. It supports perspective taking, Being able to take the bigger perspective on things, And it can coexist with honesty alongside compassion. It doesn't replace emotion. It sits alongside it. And when it's grounded, It becomes a way of saying, This is hard and I can still be with it. I can find the lightness in the weight of this moment. Practicing humor is simple but intentional. It looks like allowing ourselves to notice when something is unexpected and kind of silly. Letting ourselves smile and laugh without overthinking it, Sharing in small moments of humor with others, And just catching our tendency to get so deep into the weeds of things that we forget to see the big picture and appreciate the silliness of it all. Balanced humor can be understood through the archetype of the jokester or the trickster or the fool, Which has played an important role in human societies for a long time. It's the person who says something that nobody else can really get away with saying. They can call attention to hypocrisy or rigidity or power dynamics or fear or. . . You know, The things that people otherwise maybe have a hard time hearing because humor sometimes creates enough softness around something difficult that we're actually able to look at it. A truth lands differently when we can laugh as we hear it. And it's not because it's not serious. Okay, This is why I think I, You know, Personally, I can laugh at things that are actually really sad. It's because humor lowers our defensiveness, And it interrupts our attachment to having it all figured out. You know, There's a there's a humility and finding the humor in things. Balanced humor doesn't avoid reality. It looks at it. Without being too mean and hurtful, Right? Like it helps us acknowledge the harder parts of our human experience, The contradictions, The insecurities, The negative patterns, Our collective weirdness, Without immediately collapsing into shame and fear. And there's, You know what, There's mercy in that. It's a way of saying, Yeah, This is difficult. And yeah, Sometimes humans are messy and ugly and very imperfect. And we can still stay connected to each other inside of that. Before we move into the affirmations, We'll pause for a brief blessing. May we give ourselves the grace to be fully human, To laugh at our mistakes, To loosen our grip on what feels heavy. To remember that sometimes, A lot of times, Presence matters more than perfection. May humor soften what feels rigid and create space to breathe. May we find connection through shared laughter and simple joy. May we hold life with both honesty and ease. And may humor remind us that even in difficulty and in hardship, Light can shine through. I will read each statement twice, Pausing in between to give you a chance to repeat them out loud to yourself, And I do recommend saying them out loud. The statements that are easy to embrace, Savor them, Appreciate them, Stand like a mountain in their truth. And then the statements that feel not so good, That feel uncomfortable or foreign. Go ahead and say them anyway. This is where we are doing the work, Rewiring those neural networks. This is also where we gain insight into unhealed wounds, Limiting beliefs, And ingrained biases and judgments toward ourselves or toward a particular way of being. It's great material for journaling or discussing with a counselor or trusted friend, Maybe even someone doing the series with you. Whether you're just waking up. Walking your dog, On your commute. Or getting ready for bed. I hope these affirmations serve your deepest, Greatest, Highest self. And with that, Let's get started. I embrace the humor in life. I embrace the humor in life. I welcome lightness into my days. I welcome lightness into my days. I give myself permission to be playful. I give myself permission to be playful. I notice moments of humor in everyday life. I notice moments of humor in everyday life. I allow myself to laugh freely and often. I allow myself to laugh freely and often. I connect with others through shared laughter. I connect with others through shared laughter. I am open to play, Joy, And spontaneity. I am open to play, Joy, And spontaneity. I celebrate the wonderfully strange experience of being alive. I celebrate the wonderfully strange experience of being alive. I can laugh at myself with kindness and compassion. I can laugh at myself with kindness and compassion. I allow moments of joy to fully land in my body. I allow moments of joy to fully land in my body. I find relief in laughter. I find relief in laughter. I release the need to hold everything so tightly. I release the need to hold everything so tightly. I appreciate that being alive is sometimes absurd. I appreciate that being alive is sometimes absurd. I let myself be goofy, Playful, And real. I let myself be goofy, Playful, And real. I trust that a light heart can still hold deep truths. I trust that a light heart can still hold deep truths. I welcome moments of delight whenever they appear. I welcome moments of delight whenever they appear. I find connection, Healing, And perspective through humor. I find connection, Healing, And perspective through humor. As always, Thank you so much for being here, For continuing to do this practice, This work, So that we can be more aligned with ourselves and so that we can better serve our sense of meaning and purpose, Better connect with the people we love. Interact better with the strangers we have yet to know and even those we have a difficult time with, We all have them. In doing so, We get to contribute to the betterment of humanity as a whole and the planet at large. It starts with being with ourselves in the moment. And in that place, I meet you there. Have a good one, Y'all. See you next time. Bye.