IAT Self Exploration-Is The Sense Of I AM, Nothing But Ego?

Listen to Ektaji guide us through a self-exploration meditation - What does the word 'I’ refer to? from the Chapter - Nisarga Yoga from Nisargadatta Maharaj's book I Am That. This meditation allows you to recognize your true state of timeless being -devoid of being this or that, here or there, then or now.

Transcript

Let's do a self-exploration on the question, Is the sense of I AM the Ego? Is the sense of I AM nothing but the Ego? Let's recognize this by exploring within. Let's sit comfortably. Relax into the chair. Let's close our eyes and empty out the mind. Let it become an empty cup. Empty out the thoughts, The feelings, The sensations. Become empty completely. There is no room here for any of the thoughts, Feelings, Sensations or perceptions. Be in the emptiness. Steady. Steady. Ask yourself the question, Is the physical body constant or is it inconstant? Keeping our eyes closed. Just with the binoculars of attention. Examine the body. Take your attention from the top of the body to the bottom. From the bottom to the top. The physical body is nothing but a mass of sensations. Sensations of heat. Sensations of coldness. Sensation of dryness or sweat or heaviness. Lightness. Tingling. Crawling. Itching. Vibrating. We have labelled a constantly changing mass of sensations as the physical body. The change is so quick that it is inconspicuous. We think the body is a constant. The mass of sensations appear to have a form. The apparent form is what gives us the illusion of something that is personal. That is separate from other forms. This gives birth to a sense of separateness from others. This gives birth to the sense of a personal identity. When you examine the body, In your direct experience you notice that there are only sensations. Constantly changing sensations. Sensations that are arising and falling. How can that which is constantly changing, Constantly arising and falling be a permanent personal identity? If the physical body cannot be a permanent personal identity, Then the word I cannot refer to it. The sense of I am the body is a fake sense. It is a wrongly assumed identity where none exists. This fake sense, This wrong assumption is called the ego. It is a fake sense of separateness from the others. It is a fake sense of individuality. A fake sense of personal identity. Let's look at the mind and examine it carefully. Isn't the mind a constantly changing field of fleeting thoughts? Isn't the mind a constantly changing field of fleeting feelings? Isn't the mind a constantly changing field of fleeting images? Observe how everything is arising and falling so quickly. The speed of the arising and falling thoughts, Feelings, Images gives a false sense of continuity. The false sense of continuity makes the mind appear as if it has a subtle form of its own. This apparent form is what gives us the illusion of something that is personal. This apparent form is what gives us the illusion of something separate from other forms. That gives birth to a sense of separateness from others. This gives birth to a sense of personal identity. Examine the mind, Thoughts, Feelings, Perceptions, Sensations, All that you experience. Everything is constantly changing, Constantly arising, Constantly playing, And constantly disappearing away. How can that which is constantly changing, Constantly arising and falling be a permanent personal identity? If the mind cannot be a permanent personal identity, Then the word I cannot refer to it. The sense of I am the mind is a fake sense. It is a wrongly assumed identity where none really exists. This fake sense, This fake identity, This is called the ego. It's a fake sense of separateness. It's a fake sense of individuality. Let's look beyond the mind. Recognize the changeless background where the sensations arose from and vanished into. Recognize the changeless background where the thoughts arose from and disappeared into. Recognize the changeless background where the feelings arose from and vanished into. Does this changeless background of awareness say I am? No, It does not speak. It does not even give a hint of I am. Where does the sense of I am? The sense of I am also appears and disappears like a thought appears and disappears, Like a sensation appears and disappears, Just like a wave rises and falls back into the ocean. It only appears to be constant, But there is no real constancy there, No real permanence there. Can you locate a separate I am from that field, That changeless background or the changeless field of awareness? Can this field of awareness be personalized? You will recognize that it is not separate. It cannot be personalized. There is no question of a permanently real entity constantly existing called I. Then who is saying I am? What is the sense of I am? Can you locate it? Follow the I. You will notice that the I disappears. Even the sense of I am is not constant. The sense of I am itself is the birth of the ego. When you look for the ego, It is nowhere to be found. It disappears into nothingness. Stay as the no-thingness in the no-thingness, Recognizing that moment to moment the joker called I appears and disappears. Do not believe its existence. It is simply a showman.

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Great insights