In this moment on Heal Meditations To the Wife and Mother Losing Herself You may be wondering how you got to this place.
I know you were once a spunky,
Career-driven professional with girlfriends and a social calendar that filled your life with excitement.
You once felt fulfilled with a small apartment,
All things your own,
And a space you filled with only the energy and things you desired.
I know you felt alive,
Accomplishing,
And like life was there for your taking.
You looked forward to romantic dates,
Passionate kisses,
And spontaneous nights out.
You took care of yourself.
And here you sit,
Exhausted,
Wondering how your life became consumed with appointments,
Dishes,
Worrying how you'll pay the mortgage,
Daycare,
Or college.
And then you decide you do not need a new dress for that wedding.
You'll wear that one that still fits you after giving birth to babies who consume your waking energy.
I know you're struggling to love your body,
All the ways it's changed,
And wondering if you'll ever feel confident in your own skin again.
If you'll ever be able to run,
To climb,
To jump like you once did so freely.
I know you question if your partner finds you even remotely attractive.
How can they possibly recognize your body when you don't?
You not only lost the body you once had,
But you lost the spirit you led with.
Now you're a mother and a wife.
Before everyone's life came before your own,
Before your needs always came last,
You felt so much more alive.
I know you're struggling with eating right,
Exercising,
Finding even a moment to do something for yourself.
I know you feel guilt for spending a few hours by yourself,
Let alone a day or a weekend.
I know you may feel your partner knows nothing about how you feel,
And you wonder if it even matters.
I know you want to go to sleep and wake up five days from now.
I know you look at other women and wonder how they keep it all together,
How they do it.
Here's the secret.
We're all pretending.
So this is to the stopping of the pretending.
I know you don't recognize yourself in this moment,
The feeling of your heartbeat,
The cadence of your step,
The confidence of feeling beautiful.
I know you miss the day when you had time to comb your hair,
To apply makeup,
To take a shower by yourself.
But I'm here to tell you,
You are so beautiful.
You are strong.
You are perfectly woman.
The world won't tell you this.
Your partner may forget.
Your kids may be too busy to notice.
You are,
Even still,
Beautiful.
You are becoming the most perfect version of yourself.
Whatever you need to find yourself again,
Do it.
Without permission of anyone else but yourself.
Go on that walk.
Call your friend and talk for an hour in the attic.
Go to the gym and sweat and run and feel the power of your body again.
Go to that yoga class.
Go to the coffee shop and read a chapter of a book just because.
Journal all of your heart's achings.
Make time for yourself.
Get to know the woman you've become.
She's even more spunky,
Even more powerful,
Beautiful,
And strong than she's ever been.
Mother and wife,
You are not losing yourself.
You are finding yourself.
