The School Of Happiness

Life presents us with many challenges. But what if we saw life as a school where our purpose is to learn to overcome these challenges and find peace in our daily lives? Please note, this is a talk, not a guided meditation.

Transcript

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast. I'm Dr. Robert Puff. What or where is the school of happiness? And if such a school exists, How then are we graded and how do we do exceptionally well at this school of happiness? Well, The school of happiness is very different than most schools because most people graduate from school and go off and live their life. Mind you, It can vary how long we go to school. For some, Like my grandparents, They were only allowed to go to school for a few years because they had to work on the farm. Others of us have the goal of finishing high school or secondary education depending upon which part of the world you live on. Some of us go on to university and a few of us even go further and get our masters or PhDs. But there's normally an end in sight, At least with formal education, And then we go off and live our lives. I went to school for a very long time and thankfully I liked school so it wasn't really a problem. But each time I graduated from one of my university programs, I knew though other people were done, I wasn't. And I had to keep my spirits up because I had a ways to go. And though I had 14 straight years of university education, The school of happiness can often be much, Much longer. So the first question is, Well, Where is the school of happiness and how do I get into this school? Well, The school of happiness is called life. And whether we live 10 years or 100 years, We live in this school of happiness for our entire lives. You may be thinking, What are you talking about, Dr. Puff? I finished my formal education years ago and I'm working now or I'm retired or I'm raising my kids, Whatever it may be going on in our lives. I'm not in school anymore. But the truth of it is, We all are in the school of happiness until our very dying last breath. Now you may not agree with what I'm going to say right now. That's okay. But I want you to perhaps keep an open mind and see if perhaps what I'm saying might make some sense or at least help improve our lives. If we can see that we actually are in the school of happiness. The school of happiness isn't about success, Because if it was people that are successful should automatically be happy. And we all know certain people that are successful that aren't happy. We all do. So then what is the school of happiness? Is it perhaps the other end of the spectrum being of service to others helping other people out? I think this is admirable. We all do. But again, There are a lot of people in the service industry helping others that aren't necessarily happy. Well, Then maybe it's about people thinking highly of us. If enough people think we're great, Then we are succeeding at the school of happiness. But again, We all know people that the world loves and then they commit suicide or turn to drugs and overdose. There are so many people like this. That doesn't seem to be the school of happiness either. So what is then the school of happiness? Well, If you think about it, Since these external things don't seem to be a good measure of happiness, Then what is a good measure of happiness? You're right. It's us. We are the judge of whether our lives are going well. We look at our lives and say, Yeah, I like my life. It's going well. And when troubles come, I handle them well. And so the good thing about the school of happiness, We are the ones that ultimately give ourselves a grade. I really believe that. But here's where it gets a little tricky. It's not as if one grade, One day we get an A and then the next day we get a D and then we average out perhaps with a C+. It's more like, How did our lives go? Did we keep getting better? Were our days filled more with peace and happiness? Or did we fight life? Did we struggle with life? And did life just get worse and worse? And in many ways, We just gave up and started numbing ourselves to the school of happiness. I think a lot of people do that because life can present very difficult challenges for us at times. But the truth of it is, Whether we get challenges or not, In many ways, Doesn't matter. It doesn't matter in the sense of there are people that have very easy lives, But aren't very happy. They aren't doing well in the school of happiness. And there are people that have had horrific lives that are really doing well now in the school of happiness. And even if these things externally seem so difficult, They still are doing exceptionally well. It might be beneficial to study the lives of people like this. People like Helen Keller, Stephen Hawkins, Victor Franco, Elie Wiesel. These are all people that had lives that were incredibly challenging. And yet they found happiness in their lives, Regardless of these challenges. We can do that too. But the key of it is, We are all in the school of happiness. And if we don't work at it, Then we're not going to do well. Because doing well in the school of happiness is like doing well at school. We have to work at it. For most of us, It really won't come naturally. And again, I really think we can see that in people that often have what appear to be fairly easy, Normal lives. And then something comes along and hits them, As it hits many of us. A tragedy, Something very difficult. And they don't do well because they haven't developed the resilience of doing well in the school of happiness. Because they haven't developed it, When the tragedies of life come, They begin to fail at the school of happiness. So that's one of the benefits in many ways of having challenges in our lives. They help teach us to overcome them, So that when they do come, We do well. We're all in the school of happiness. Some of us have different challenges. But it doesn't really, In many ways, Matter what the challenges are. What matters is, What do we do with these challenges? Do we work through them? Do we work towards making our lives good, Regardless of them? Or do we give up, Throw in the towel, And perhaps fail at the school of happiness? Sadly, I think a lot of people don't do well in this school of happiness. Henry David Thoreau said it best when he wrote, Most people live lives of quiet desperation. I really believe that's true. But we're here today to learn how to do well in the school of happiness. And I actually think that's our purpose of life, Is to live well while we're here. And this doesn't in any way distract from our religious belief. You could believe Christianity, You can believe Buddhism, You can believe in atheism. It doesn't really matter. What matters is, Be good at living well, Whatever beliefs you hold. So that each day, When we put our head down, We say, That was a good day. I believe that's what we're here to learn, To learn to live well, One day at a time, And string them together, So that when we take our final breath, We say, That was a good life. Because whether we want to do well in school or not, We're going to be in the school of happiness till our dying breath. So why not do well? Why not do exceptionally well? I believe any of us can. There's no one that is exempt from doing well in life. And I want to conclude with ways that we can do exceptionally well in the school of happiness. What we want to start with, What doesn't work. You see, All day long, We're told through media, Through conversations, Through so many different sources, That we don't have enough. And if we had more, Whether it be success, Fame, Beauty, Love, Then we'd be happy. It's a sense of, It's never good enough. And we're always striving for more. Or I just don't like the way my life is now. And I want it to be different. So here's what we do. We start each day saying, I'm going to make this a good day. And the way I'm going to make this a good day is I'm going to change the things today, This day, That I can. And things that I can do to improve my life. But some things I'm not going to be able to change, For a variety of reasons. They may take time to change. They may be unchangeable today. They may be things that I really can't ever change. So then when I discover what these things are, Then I say, Okay, I know the things I can work on. I like these things that are going well now in my life. I'm going to give a lot of energy to them. And the things I don't like, That I can't change right now, I'm going to let go of me wishing for them to be different. And I'm going to work towards accepting them and living with these things that I wish were different. I'm going to accept them, Perhaps even learn to love them. And sometimes it's only for today. I just need to accept today, That I'm uncomfortable, That I'm alone, That I'm hungry, That I'm fill in the blank, Whatever it may be. I can accept these things today. Tomorrow may be different. But if I realize that it's okay to be uncomfortable, I don't always have to feel a certain way. I can be at peace, Even when things aren't going the way I want. Because I stop wanting things to go a certain way so often. We don't do well at this school of happiness, Because we're always wanting things to be different. And it isn't that we can't improve things. It's just when we can't, Then we say, Okay, Today, Because I'm really going to focus on today, Just today, Work on this being a really good day. Then we realize, Oh, This is good. I like this. And I'm going to let these other things that I don't like, I'm just not going to give them so much energy. Now we do want to be careful. We could say, Yeah, I don't want to feel about things go, I'm going to numb myself and do these drugs or alcohol. I mean, That's silly, Because the next day, We're going to feel horrible. So there is a balance between I'm going to live well today. So that when I put my head down, I'm going to say that was a good day. But I'm not going to do things today, That tomorrow may cause me injury or other people, Because then tomorrow will be a lot harder. And it's really not about feeling good. If we seeking to feel good all the time, That's a very animalistic trait. We don't want to do that. We want to be at peace. We can be at peace or happy, Regardless of what we're feeling. Feelings are just feelings. I mean, Again, I often use this analogy, A top athlete can be in a lot of physical pain, But they'll find because they're a top athlete and they don't mind. And it's like that life can present things that are painful, But they don't have to cause us to suffer. We can be very happy. I mean, Think of a mother who's giving birth to her baby. I mean, It is difficult when she's giving birth, But when it's over, She's in such joy immediately afterwards, Even when there's loss, Like loss of a job, Of loss of a loved one. It doesn't necessarily mean we have to suffer. Suffering is something that we place on what's happening in our lives, Because we want things differently. If we can change things, That's great. But when we can't change something today, Then it's far more about acceptance and living our lives and focusing on the things that we do like in our lives, Particularly when things are hard. We need to allow ourselves to grieve, But even grieving can be healing, Can be very helpful. Because at the bottom line, When we are successful at the school of happiness, What we learn is that no matter what life throws us, Life can be good. It can be beautiful, As long as we don't give up and instead look for the solutions to this problem that we have right now. It's like having a difficult math problem. There's always a solution. We just need to find the answer. And if we can't find it ourselves, Then we seek towards others that may be more knowledgeable in how to deal with this. I mean, The main reason I create this happiness podcast is to give us tools when life is hard, Really hard, That we can get through them. Because we can get through anything. That's the one thing I know for sure. If we don't give up, We can get through anything. The key of it is not giving up. Now we may work towards something and not solve it today, But then we keep chipping away at it and chipping away at it. And at some point, That thing that was so challenging for us becomes not even noticeable anymore. Because we've learned to not make it a big deal anymore. We've learned to overcome this challenge. And life, The school of happiness, Is about learning to overcome challenges, To do well at life, And to live one day at a time exceptionally well. So that when we do take our last breath, We can say, I did well. Thank you for joining me on the happiness podcast. Until next time, Accept what is, Love what is.

Reviews

An exceptional talk! Thank you Dr Puff 🙏

I haven’t been a very happy person for sometime but over the past year I truly have been at peace and happy. My brother passed away suddenly and I was right back to self medicating and being miserable, feelings of guilt for even smiling or singing. I really needed this podcast. Thank you so much Dr. Puff.