The Present Moment: Come For The Peace, Stay For The War

A talk on how to fulfill our practice when it feels like a war.

Transcript

So in the world of spiritual things,

We hear a lot about the present moment.

And even here,

We'll encourage you,

When your mind is wandering,

Come back to the present moment,

Come back to the breath,

Come back to sound,

Come back to the body,

You know,

Kind of anchor ourselves here in the experience of the present moment as a doorway to understanding,

To insight,

To freedom,

To liberation we talk about,

And also as a relief from the wildness of where the mind can take us elsewhere.

And so while,

You know,

That it really is true,

You know,

That we can spend so much time,

You know,

Really living in a conjured experience of the future,

Or a conjured experience in the past,

Or just a conjured experience of some elsewhere,

You know,

Some other thing that isn't here,

That isn't about what's happening right now in this moment.

And that conjuring,

That fabrication,

That,

You know,

Leaning into the future,

Going back into the past,

Projecting ourselves out elsewhere,

You know,

That is a deep,

Deep,

Deep,

Deep conditioning way to avoid,

You know,

Some of what's happening in the present moment.

But on the other hand,

We also hear a lot about the present moment as kind of having this kind of magical quality,

You know,

This sort of holy sacredness,

And that the kind of present moment itself will heal us,

That it's this sort of mystical place of just sort of,

You know,

Receptive goodness.

It's like,

And it's kind of deified,

Right,

This sense of if you take some of the language,

If you look at some of the quotes,

Like just,

You know,

Abide in the present moment,

You could just take out present moment and put in God,

Right,

Abide in God,

Abide in Jesus.

And that may be a good thing to do,

But it's not Vipassana.

And it's important to recognize the difference of this more kind of like devotional relationship to the present moment,

And what we're doing here,

Which is this investigative,

Careful,

Mindful approach to the experience in the sense stores that's arising and passing in the present moment.

And of course,

I don't need to tell you that,

Right,

That you come here and you try to sit down for 10 minutes and you know the present moment isn't so great,

You know,

Most of the time or much of the time.

There's just this inundation of experience that really is happening out of our control at these six sense stores.

It's this,

You know,

This great flood,

The Buddha calls it,

And you know,

This,

We can sensitize to it when we're,

You know,

Trying to,

You know,

Even when the mind is very quiet,

Sometimes the volume of experience becomes actually more intense,

You know,

The quieter the mind gets,

The more sensitive we are to what's happening.

There can be times where this sort of just torrent of experience,

This relentlessness can feel really overwhelming.

It's important to really remember that,

You know,

The Buddha talked about dukkha,

What we'll sometimes is translated as suffering or undependability,

Unreliability,

This quality of all experience,

That there's this aspect to it called dukkha.

He kind of brought it into three main categories,

The anicca dukkha,

The suffering,

The hardship in the heart that comes from the impermanence of things,

Right?

The fact that pleasant things arise and then dissipate.

This hardship of loss,

You know,

When anything that we love,

Anything that we care about,

Anything that we enjoy dies or is distant from us,

That there is that pain of the particular flavor of dukkha that's related to impermanence.

And then there's dukkha dukkha,

The being joined with that which is unpleasant,

You know,

So stubbing our toe,

Getting injured,

Feeling pain,

You know,

So it's different than the loss of the pleasant,

But the experience of actual painful sensations is in the heart,

In the body,

Unpleasant sense experiences.

And then the final sankara dukkha,

The dukkha of formations.

And it's just the sense that there is just this relentlessness of experience,

Of formations at each sense store,

Sound,

Sight,

Smell,

Taste,

Touch,

Mind.

I didn't stop counting.

I wasn't sure if I got them all,

But you know,

This relentlessness of the impingement on the mind of having to manage all this stuff,

Right?

Having to process all of it as it's kind of flooding through this present moment.

And that's a very,

It's just an important thing to kind of attune to,

You know,

Not even attune to,

But just have some sense of a particular flavor of hardship of life that we might not kind of categorize more that easily.

We might not be as familiar,

But sometimes it's that sort of like the weariness,

The exhaustion of just our responsibility,

You know,

Of whether it's here at home,

This sense of just like you finish one thing and then there's another thing.

It's just like this,

The relentlessness of things to attend to is this quality of particular flavor of suffering.

And so,

You know,

As we've said a few times that the tendency,

The train tendency is because each of these little experiences,

You know,

That are flooding through has this quality of either pleasant,

Unpleasant or neutral.

There's a tendency in the heart to either,

You know,

Grab and grasp,

Contract around,

To push away,

Reject,

Protect ourselves from,

Or to space out and kind of ignore because it's overwhelming.

And you know,

On one hand,

These reflect these kind of categories of what,

You know,

What are called kind of greed,

Hatred and delusion that are,

You know,

On one hand,

They're considered like our biggest problems.

You know,

These things that we're trying to overcome or trying to uproot them,

They cause suffering for ourselves.

They cause suffering for those around us.

They cause hardship for the world.

On the other hand,

Part of what we come to see is that they are understandable defenses,

Right?

Protections against the inundation of experience.

They might not be skillful.

They might not lead to the things that we'd like them to lead to,

But they're entirely understandable because we don't have the training to be with life as it actually is unfolding,

Right?

We don't have the training to be with this flood of experience through the present moment,

To actually see them,

You know,

To see clearly,

Oh,

Seeing,

Smelling,

Hearing,

Tasting,

Touching,

Seeing,

Seeing,

Thinking,

Thinking,

Emotion,

You know,

Like the,

You know,

This like rapid fire flood of experience.

Yeah,

We haven't trained the mind to be with that.

And so of course,

In order to try to create some stability,

It grabs on to the pleasant.

It rejects the unpleasant.

It spaces out when it's overwhelmed.

It's like a totally understandable,

And actually,

If you think about your life,

You know,

In some ways,

Very functional way of surviving through this experience.

So we pathologize it to our own detriment,

Right?

That we have to understand that while these things are painful in the heart,

They,

We know that they are very tied up in this,

You know,

Bondage of the mind that at the same time actually coming to a deeper understanding,

Appreciation for how hard the mind is working to try to protect us is really important.

You know,

It's really important to have the softness of approach with these patterns in ourselves,

Not just chastise them,

Not just beat ourselves up for them,

Not just think of them as the enemy that needs to be eradicated.

Even the degree to which we're thinking about the future or the past,

You know,

It might not always seem like that much about craving or aversion,

You know,

They're very complicated,

These fantasies that we,

You know,

Really hang out in for a long time,

You know,

But you can see how that's also a way of kind of stabilizing.

It's a,

It's,

It's,

You know,

There's all those things of greed,

Hatred and delusion are in there.

It's a way,

With the mind,

With thought,

We can create a kind of bubble of reality that we're living in and abiding in and hanging out in,

And it feels more stable than the actual sense or experience that we're living in.

So it's like,

You know,

To get not pathologize this process of thinking that's happening all the time,

Trying to stabilize,

Trying to protect us,

Trying to find some security,

Some stability in this wildness of things,

Because there isn't the just training to be with what's happening and to therefore to be okay with what's happening in that moment to moment unfolding reality.

And so that the training,

You know,

There are a million things that we have talked about that we'll talk about that are,

You know,

That we won't get to in terms of,

You know,

All of the qualities of mind,

All of the skillful means.

We've talked about the seven factors of awakening,

The mindfulness,

Investigation,

Energy,

Rapture,

Calm,

Concentration,

Equanimity.

That is such a great list again,

You know,

We've talked,

It's been brought up a few times,

But just this understanding how these things relate to one another,

You know,

That this inclining toward investigation starts to bring this kind of,

You know,

This buildup of energy,

This brings a kind of cohesiveness to our experience that can be,

You know,

Really engrossing in this experience of,

You know,

Many layers of experience of what are called PT or rapture,

Joyful interest.

These are the sort of,

Yeah,

Like kind of energizing factors.

And then the calm,

The concentration,

The equanimity,

The soothing factors,

The calming factors,

The,

You know,

The things that are tranquilizing,

You know,

The energy,

But also,

You know,

Like Rebecca was talking about the equanimity,

That peacefulness,

That coolness of heart,

That deep acceptance of things as they are.

What a powerful healing that is for us,

As much as that genuine interest,

Curiosity,

Investigation.

So that just remembering,

You know,

These are all these factors that,

You know,

We're trying to bring into some kind of alignment in this training.

There's the five powers,

We were talking about powers the other day,

Faith,

Energy,

Mindfulness,

Concentration and wisdom.

And you can think about,

Of course,

Many of these are in multiple lists,

You know,

But that like faith,

That power of confidence,

It's not necessarily a faith in anything besides reality,

Right?

Besides this deepening sense that the closer we can be with what's actually true,

With what's actually happening,

Enables a very powerful freedom,

A very powerful liberation,

That the mind is capable of it.

How important that is for us to keep moving forward,

You know,

At times,

Even if we don't feel like our quote unquote mind is capable of it always,

Or a lot of the time,

You know,

That sense of feeling deflated,

Defeated,

Feeling like it's too hard,

You know,

It's too much to be going through for so long.

When we have that sense of faith in ourselves,

Yeah,

We,

You know,

We get it,

You get how powerful that is,

That sense of confidence,

Of capacity,

The beauty of that possibility of freedom.

Lower bases of power,

Concentration due to zeal,

Energy,

Mind states,

Investigation.

Again you have this zeal,

Chanda,

Health,

It's like a wholesome wanting,

A wholesome enthusiasm.

Really powerful,

You know,

There are just tons of these mind states,

Mental qualities,

Mental factors that are acknowledged as like really helpful,

Really supportive,

You know,

These incredible maps that have been laid out of all of the beautiful qualities of mind that sometimes we don't recognize always,

You know.

We tend to sometimes focus on the ones that are really low,

Like when we're sleepy and there's low energy,

But the calm is there,

You know,

Or when we're restless and we feel like we're going to run out of a hall because it's like,

Oh,

It's too much energy,

But it's like,

Oh yeah,

There's energy.

It's good,

It's beautiful,

You know,

And yeah,

It's not in balance.

Can we incline toward calm?

Can we bring that energy back into the body,

Back into our,

You know,

Concentration,

Into the attention with what's happening rather than spin it out into thought and fabrication,

Fantasy?

And then there are the,

You know,

Not so helpful qualities,

A lot of the hardship we face,

You know,

The Buddha,

He often talked about these in very intense terms,

You know,

He would use these metaphors of war not to encourage violence,

Not to say that,

Oh,

It's not,

And always with the sense that whatever,

You know,

Energies we're bringing to this have to be the tools of loving kindness,

Of wisdom,

Of understanding,

But also getting that like,

It can feel like war,

Right?

There are times where it feels maddening,

Where it feels exhausting,

Where it feels like we're so oppressed by the mind and to acknowledge how hard it can be,

To acknowledge the challenges that we sometimes face in our hearts,

Our minds,

Our bodies,

And to acknowledge the energies that it sometimes takes to be willing to show up for it,

The courage,

The patience,

You know,

These two qualities,

There's samvega,

Spiritual urgency,

And then kanti,

Patience.

I remember asking this one teacher that we all know in Burma,

We call him the happy saiyara,

Myatang saiyara,

He was just this incredible,

Incredible being,

So happy,

And so funny,

So amazing,

You know,

And he passed away a few years ago,

You know,

90 something,

And I remember asking him,

Like,

How do you,

Like,

Patience and spiritual urgency,

Like,

How do you do both of those things?

And he was like,

What do you mean?

I was like,

It seems like they're in contradiction,

And he was like,

No,

You need patience and you need spiritual urgency.

He was like,

Next question,

You know?

And I was like,

Okay,

I gotta just stick with that,

I guess.

But they're beautiful questions,

You know,

They're beautiful investigations,

And sometimes we really will overemphasize the one,

You know,

This courageous energy,

This valor,

We have these archetypes that we've internalized so much about,

Warriorship,

And we're gonna jump into this battle,

You know,

And then we get blown out of the water,

You know,

It's too intense.

The Buddha talked about the armies of Mara,

You know,

His last,

You know,

Stand where he sits down,

He's like,

I'm just gonna,

I'm gonna do this,

You know,

I'm gonna get in land,

And it's like,

Sometimes even that,

Like,

Oh,

Couldn't we do that,

You know,

But you just think about the stories,

You know,

I mean,

He spent so much of his lifetime practicing,

Honing,

Perfecting these qualities,

And then the stories are of hundreds,

Thousands,

Tens of thousands of lifetimes beforehand,

Where he would just work on one thing,

You know,

A thousand lifetimes just trying to figure,

Like,

Get that patience down,

You know,

Just trying to get generosity down,

Loving kindness down.

So you see that,

Like,

Yes,

This liberation happens in a moment,

But the force of training,

You know,

Is beyond fathoming,

You know,

That it really requires.

And we don't know where we are in that,

But it's good to be humble and to be careful,

Right,

Because he talks about these armies of Mara,

Sense pleasure,

Discontent,

Discontent.

Hunger and thirst,

Craving,

Sloth and torpor,

Fear,

Doubt,

Conceit and ingratitude,

Gain,

Renown and fame falsely received,

Self exaltation,

Disparaging of others.

And you know,

He has this story,

You know,

Of this night he spends in this great battle with these forces and,

You know,

Ultimately ends up victorious.

And it's inspiring,

But it's also humbling,

You know,

It's also to see the degree to which these things are so deeply ingrained in our hearts,

So deeply habituated to them,

You know,

We are.

It's like the present moment,

I feel like the best motto I've had recently is come for the peace,

Stay for the war.

It can feel,

You know,

It really can.

We hear the story of Tangpulu Sayadaw that Michelle mentioned the other night,

Who,

You know,

Spent 30 years in a cave and,

You know,

We can get into like this,

That's the way,

You know,

He,

That's how we do it,

Hardcore,

Jump in the cave,

Just push,

You know.

It's like,

Oh man,

You know,

Even he,

You know,

He was 14 when he first ordained,

You know,

He probably spent 20 years as a monk,

Not doing that,

You know,

Like building his sense of understanding,

You know,

Studying so many years of studying,

Of understanding what he was doing with that protection of his like,

You know,

The precepts and the commitment to morality and ethical conduct,

Going on retreat for different periods of time,

You know,

Experimenting,

Exploring.

By the time he got to that cave,

You know,

Or those caves and that sort of period of his life,

You know,

He had so much force behind him that he,

You know,

He was that kind of classical spiritual warrior in the traditional sense,

You know,

He had those forces behind him.

And we shouldn't be deluded that we have those behind us,

You know.

We're not going home to that secluded,

Quiet thing,

You know,

Have we spent the last 50 weeks of the year,

Like,

You know,

In study and quiet,

Supportive conditions for like our spiritual growth?

You know,

If you just look at how much you've done email and been on Facebook and Instagram and whatever,

You know,

That like,

And had to work and had to,

You know,

Attend to children and parents and,

You know,

Relations and,

You know,

The sort of social dynamics that we're involved in.

We don't have that same,

You know,

We come on this retreat like guerrilla yogis,

You know,

It's like we go out and we're in the craziness and we come in and now,

Okay,

This is our time,

We're in our training.

It's better to not get confused about really where we are and what really what we're doing because we can hurt ourselves.

We can hurt ourselves pushing too hard in this,

Not being sensitive enough to the fact of what we're really up against and this honest self-assessment of the,

You know,

Factors that we have encouraged or have not encouraged and strengthened or have not strengthened.

You know,

Sayadaw Upandita,

One of the great masters in this tradition,

He would,

You know,

Just sense of like,

Willing to die,

You know,

On the cushion,

You know,

And it's like,

On one hand,

You see there's times where it takes that,

There's something to that,

Right?

It is incredibly,

It is incredibly courageous what you are doing,

Like what you are actually putting yourselves up in front of and to be dealing with and wrestling with and engaging with and trying to love and trying to connect with and trying to even just observe,

You know.

This is,

There's a reason no one does this,

You know.

Yeah.

It's scary.

It's hard,

You know.

Che Guevara said,

The guerrilla combatant ought to risk his life whenever necessary and be ready to die without the least sign of doubt,

But at the same time,

He ought to be cautious,

Never expose himself unnecessarily.

All possible precautions ought to be taken to avoid a defeat or annihilation.

For this reason,

It's extremely important in every fight to maintain vigilance over all points from which the enemy reinforcements may arrive and to take precautions against encirclement,

The consequences of which are usually not only physically disastrous,

But can damage,

Which damage morale by causing a loss of faith and the prospects of the struggle.

If you think about some of the things that you may have confronted during your time here and may confront in ongoing,

The intensity of some of those things that we're up against,

It's not always just like,

Oh,

You know,

There's a little bit of irritation,

There's a little bit of wanting,

You know.

It's that we sometimes come into contact and to encounter these very deeply ingrained and tightly formed what we call karmic knots,

Right?

These knots of kind of belief and kind of,

Yet sort of negative belief in terms of ourselves,

In terms of the world that can be,

Have such powerful gravitational pull toward us that,

You know,

We have to be so careful with how we engage them.

You know,

We all have them,

We all have these places where this,

You know,

We don't see them usually because they seem so true about ourselves,

About others,

About these sort of patterns of aversion and grasping and delusion that can have this sort of,

Can feel like they're sort of encircling us,

Right?

That we kind of get into this gravitational field where we can't get out of them and how important it is to actually learn how to extract ourselves when the situation is too intense,

When we actually don't have the ability to be mindful of what's happening in the moment.

And that is always the sort of the best gauge of when something is kind of too intense or not.

The sense of,

You know,

Our encouragement,

You have a sense of pain in the knee,

Can you bring the attention to it,

Can you be mindful,

Can you explore it,

You know,

What's really going on there?

Pressure,

Tingling,

Tension,

Tightness,

Warmth,

Okay.

But then it grows,

It grows,

It grows,

We're okay,

We're okay,

We're okay,

And then you're just,

You're just saying,

I'm okay,

I'm okay,

I'm okay,

You know,

And you're not okay,

You know.

We're getting upset and we're building this sort of thing against it,

You know,

There's this like,

And then it starts to get sort of very convoluted into our whole,

You know,

Our whole sense of ourselves.

And if we can't be with this,

Then what are we doing here?

And who are we?

And you know,

Where are we headed with this?

And if I can't be with this,

Then what is the meaning of my life?

And you know,

Like,

And it sounds crazy when I say it,

But you know what it's like,

You know,

That we get into these like existential places about,

You know,

Some experience we're in.

And these are the times where it's like,

It's like anything we can do to avoid annihilation,

Right?

It's like we get out of there.

We're encouraging this relationship with what's happening,

But a lot of the practice is learning how to back off when we're overwhelmed,

When we're outgunned,

We're outmaneuvered,

You know,

When it's like,

Actually,

These forces are beyond our capacity to be mindful of,

To be in healthy relationship with,

We need to move away from.

The enemy is numerically superior and better armed than the guerrilla army.

This is Kwame Nkrumah,

One of the liberators of Ghana from British colonialism.

Guerrilla units must overcome this disadvantage by knowing when to concentrate their forces and when to disperse them.

They must concentrate their forces by linking up with other units and by reinforcements when the enemy is in a weak position and can be attacked.

They must disperse their forces when confronted by large confrontations of enemy units,

When there's a danger of encirclement and the terrain is unfavorable.

So if you just think about like this,

You know,

We're trying to practice this mindfulness in the most neutral terrain possible,

Right?

We're trying to find the breath,

We try to bring it to sound,

We try to bring it to neutral experiences in the body more or less,

You know,

And to understand that that's when we have this sort of capacity,

That's when we have this upper hand of like,

Oh yeah,

We have some of these forces aligned with us,

We have our energy,

We have a little bit of concentration,

We have a little bit of calm,

We have some mindfulness,

And we can start to sort of show up for these things.

There's this,

Of course,

Huge middle ground where we're not quite sure if we have the upper hand or not,

And we're trying,

You know?

We,

You know,

It's like,

It's a very dynamic flow,

Yeah,

Something more difficult arises,

Something more pleasant arises,

Some fantasy that's like keeps pulling us in about something,

And it's like,

Okay,

We try to be there for it,

We try to engage it,

We try to navigate,

Try to show up for it,

But also see that at some point when it gets too much,

When it gets too overwhelming,

We have this other encouragement,

This training to move away,

Right?

To,

Whether it's,

You know,

Moving,

If there's something very powerful happening in the mind,

To move back to the breath,

Right?

To come back to an anchor that is a safe harbor,

This place of neutral ground where we can bring the attention back.

Sometimes if that's not possible and it still becomes overwhelming,

Okay,

Maybe we bring the attention outward,

Maybe we open our eyes and get a little bit of just like,

Okay,

Re-stabilizing in that way.

If we're still feeling really overwhelmed by,

You know,

Some huge force in the heart,

In the mind,

We go outside,

We take a walk,

We have a cup of tea,

We sort of try to listen to the birds,

We try to get some sense of beauty,

You know,

We try to reconnect with that which is uplifting for the heart.

Avoid ourselves from,

You know,

The pull that sometimes those things can have on us,

You know,

And you know how hard it can be.

And sometimes that vigilance is like with the mind that we have to be there.

Sometimes it's like a mental pattern that won't stop.

We just keep believing in whatever,

You know,

Whatever thing that's defeating us.

And sometimes you just need to have that vigilance with the mind.

You know,

On one hand we're saying,

Oh yeah,

Check out the mind,

Check out mind states,

Explore it.

What is sadness,

What is grief,

What is anger?

And when it's too intense,

The instructions are the opposite.

It's move away,

Get away,

Get out of there,

You know.

Like we're gonna get just destroyed in that,

You know.

And that piece about,

It's to our morale,

You know,

We don't need to go through something and to get so pummeled by it that we feel a sense of hopelessness and self-defeat.

It's so much better when we learn,

Oh,

This is that shaky place,

This is that we learn to back off,

We stabilize,

We come to a place of grounding so that we,

You know,

Can come back in a more healthy,

Stable way to it.

You know,

And sometimes it's,

You know,

More,

You know,

And you'll see,

We'll encourage people all the time to do different degrees of that,

You know.

Okay,

Don't go to every sitting,

You know,

Take a break,

Go for a walk,

Take a nap.

Sometimes it's even like,

You know,

Read a book,

Get out of the zone of it sometimes because it's just,

It's so engulfing,

It's so powerful,

These forces.

And then yeah,

There are times where it's like,

Oh,

Actually we need to maybe pull out of retreat.

It's actually,

It actually is too much.

It's helpful to just like,

We leave this war and we go to that one out there,

You know.

And you know,

We make those decisions in a life of practice.

Yeah,

We have that kind of flexibility,

That versatility,

That understanding that how close we move in,

How much are we sort of concentrating the energy,

How much are we dispersing it is an incredible range of tools that we have to learn that is,

That is like the so important in terms of our training with being with reality and that there are times where this makes sense,

There's times where that makes sense and then it's all skillful needs.

It's not like,

Oh,

We're a bad yogi when we need to go out or that this is the only way to like get enlightened is like right here in the sort of intense fire of,

You know,

Our worst horrible pain and fantasy,

You know,

It's like,

Whoa,

Whoa,

Whoa,

Come out,

Stabilize,

Feel,

You know,

Get that sense of grounding,

Get that sense of reaffirmation and the sense of possibility.

Sometimes even just insight can be overwhelming.

You know,

We think we want insight.

We think we're here to have these incredible experiences of non-self and whatever and it's like sometimes something like that happens and it's like,

Whoa,

You know,

It does not feel good.

That is not how we want things to be,

You know.

This is much better.

This normal,

You know.

And to get,

Yeah,

You know,

There's,

You know,

We're engaging in like a very,

You know,

Wild terrain of how reality can be experienced.

And we do need to be careful with that process of having some kind of insight or a sense into how things really are different and then pulling back and like letting that integrate,

You know,

Letting the sense of,

You know,

What does it mean that this thing that I've always experienced this way is now experienced this way.

And letting,

And it's not an intellectual,

What does it mean?

It's like feeling it in the heart of like,

Oh yeah,

Can,

How long does it take for the system to kind of re-stabilize and to integrate these understandings?

You know,

Sometimes it's,

We have a lot of zeal,

You know,

We have a lot of excitement about the practice and then it's not necessarily balanced by that capacity to integrate.

And we need to be very careful about how we proceed,

You know,

And very thoughtful and not get a sense that it's like,

You know,

We're not real yogis,

Like we're not real practitioners.

It's like,

This is the way,

This is the way we're learning.

It's like going in,

Coming out,

Going in,

Coming out,

Integrating,

And there's a real value to it.

It's really a very powerful way to practice.

Don't be very careful about feeling that it's like a kind of secondary approach compared to what we read in books or what we,

We have an idea of how it's supposed to be.

We have,

Where I live on the big island of Hawaii,

There's,

You know,

We're in the middle of the ocean and there are these,

You know,

Tsunamis are a real thing.

They have had caused incredible destruction over,

You know,

The many millennia.

And so there's these,

You know,

Tsunami evacuation zones where you're driving on the highway and you know whether you're in like the okay part or you,

When those sirens go off,

It's like,

You know,

Go uphill,

Like,

You know,

Don't be crazy,

You know,

Like this,

Take it seriously,

Right?

This is a tsunami.

You know,

This is like a,

This is no joke.

And do we take this,

What's happening here with that amount of seriousness,

Right?

When that wave of confusion or wave of fear or terror,

You know,

Anger,

Wanting,

Do we really respect it that much as a force of nature,

Right?

Not personal,

Not to blame ourselves out,

But this very powerful force of nature that we may not actually be up for fully,

You know,

Experiencing at that moment,

You know?

It's like,

Oh man,

And you see,

Sometimes you see these surfers out there going the wrong way,

You know,

When the alarm sounds and it's like everyone's just like,

Oh god.

It's just reckless,

You know,

And it's based and it's the same in our hearts.

It's like,

We can't afford to be reckless.

We can't afford to do that damage to ourselves.

There's no need.

Better to go,

You know,

Get out of the flood zone,

Get up there,

Be safe when it recedes.

Yeah,

Go down and help,

You know,

Help tend to the harm,

The results of what burns through.

The same is kind of like with these rip tides,

You know,

If you're swimming and you get caught in these,

You know,

Weird tides,

You know,

Kind of currents,

These rip currents can form that sort of pull you out to sea.

You'll never swim against it.

There,

It's,

The ocean is always more powerful than you.

Forget it,

You know?

And people exhaust themselves trying to swim back to land with this current pulling them out and it's dangerous.

You can die.

No,

You don't try to swim away.

You don't swim out,

But you swim parallel to land,

Right?

You just try to swim a little bit out because those tides aren't everywhere.

You know,

They're in this little channel and you,

You swim parallel until you're out of that current,

Out of that flow.

And then,

Yeah,

Then you're back to a kind of capable place of making skillful decisions going back to land.

We have that capacity in some places.

So it's like,

How do we get out of these rip currents of the heart?

Well,

We learn our ways,

You know?

It's a big part of the practice.

A big part of the training is learning how to move out of that.

And like,

Do we care enough to do that?

Do we actually,

Are we sensitive?

Do we care enough about these places in our hearts to protect them rather than feeling like we just want to throw them in the fire because we think the fire is what's purifying?

I was invited recently to the island of Lanai.

It's a very small island.

And I was invited to teach a little mindfulness at this Hongwanji temple.

So the,

There are many Hongwanji temples in Hawaii,

Mostly brought through the,

Kind of in the plantation days with Japanese workers.

And it's a different Buddhist tradition than this one.

And many of them are struggling now financially and just with lack of lots of big communities that are attending them anymore.

So I was invited to help offer some mindfulness class there and see if there might be some way that we might support over the long haul this temple.

And it was very powerful to hear the story of this particular temple and this beautiful altar that they have,

This gorgeous altar.

And that it's unique and a little rare because it's one of the few pre-World War II altars in Hawaii of the Hongwanji temple.

Because after Pearl Harbor,

Basically the Japanese were no longer allowed to have their temple and the ministers were sent to internment and anybody of Japanese descent weren't allowed to congregate in that way.

And so they knew their temple was going to be taken away from them.

So the congregants kind of snuck in one night and they took apart their altar piece by piece and they hid it in the cemetery for years until the war was over and they were allowed to start a new temple.

And so the love that the community has in reverence for their altar is beyond words.

And it's this heartbeat of their community there on the nai.

And so this question of like,

Do we relate to the most sacred parts of ourselves with that care,

Right?

In that sense of that the war is coming,

Right?

In the sense that these powerful forces are threatening that which we care most about.

Do we have that tenderness and dedication not just about fighting but about protecting the most sacred places,

Right?

The most sacred parts of ourselves.

Attending to the care for our own hearts when we're in the fire of anger,

When we're in the fire of sadness.

Where do we take these parts and hide them and care for them to bring them out when it's more safe,

When they can be allowed to flourish again?

Yes.

This is Che again.

The doctor performs a function of extraordinary importance in the guerrilla band,

Not only saving lives in which many times his scientific intervention does not count because of limited resources available to him,

But also in the task of reinforcing a patient morally and making him feel there is a person near him and is dedicated with all his force to minimizing his pain.

He gives the wounded or sick the security of knowing that a person will remain at his side until he is cured or is past danger.

In this endeavor that we are engaged in here and,

You know,

Move through,

You know,

Periods of calm and quiet,

Tranquility,

You know,

Very beautiful experiences can happen,

Sometimes boredom,

But also sometimes very hard things.

You know,

We go to sometimes like very hard parts of our own hearts,

Our own minds.

Where can we be this kind of offer,

This kind of doctoring to ourselves,

Right?

This tenderness of care,

Of compassion,

Of being beside ourselves until we're healed or out of danger.

You know,

We do our best to support you from up here and in interviews and all the staff and this whole environment,

Of course,

Is designed to help support you in whatever ways you can,

But you all know,

You know,

On some level,

This deep level,

That really we have to be this kind of companion to ourselves,

Each of us,

You know.

Of course,

We look for good supportive relationships in our lives.

There's all kinds of ways to generate that,

But that here we have these tools of loving kindness,

Of compassion,

Of appreciative joy,

Of equanimity,

These things that are just so healing,

That we're so thirsty for,

Right?

I mean,

It's like any of us,

If you're sitting and you know,

We may not have,

It may not be a very long period of time during the meta practice that we're feeling really kind of connected with that,

But when it does happen,

You know,

Or when you feel that sense of compassion,

When you feel that sense of appreciation,

You know,

You feel it,

You feel that sense of like,

Oh,

The relief of that goodness,

You know,

That support that we need,

That wholesome beauty in the heart that we can attune to on our own,

You know,

That we can be the agents of that for ourselves,

Right?

Our own most pure and beautiful companions.

It's again,

Sometimes we can treat it as if it's like this sort of secondary thing,

Like the wisdom is where it's at and the loving kindness is pretty nice kind of little thing on the side,

You know,

Or the frosting on the cake or whatever.

It's like,

You can't do it without that.

You can't make it through without that doctoring,

Without that medicine of the heart.

And it's humbling.

You know,

We know that it's hard to practice,

You know,

It's not,

Or,

You know,

There might be times where we're more in tune to it.

There's other times where it's harder,

But it's,

It's so important,

You know,

And again,

That's not to say put pressure on yourselves to make it happen,

But to get that it's like,

This is,

You know,

Keep at it,

Keep at that softness of approach that we're offering.

Of course you can do it as a separate practice that's more focused on cultivating these qualities,

But also this integrated way,

You know,

That when we're sitting doing mindfulness,

This like,

When you feel any sense of softness,

You feel any sense of tenderness and you're doing just following your breath,

Give yourself that space to let yourself feel it.

You know,

You're not,

Don't,

Don't kind of brush away loving kindness because you think you're doing Vipassana,

You know,

Because you're supposed to be mindful of the breath.

It's like,

Oh my God,

You know,

It's like you stumbled upon this like golden fountain,

You know,

Like drink from it for a minute.

You know what I mean?

Like take it in,

You know,

Let yourself feel that goodness,

Be nourished by it.

If it's the softness,

You know,

It's like,

Yes,

Of course we're not trying to get to attach to pleasant experiences,

But it's like,

You know,

Something can,

Can soften us,

You know,

The sound of a bird,

Sound of the storm.

It's like,

Oh,

Whatever kind of drops us in and,

And,

And helps give us that flavor.

Sometimes it's the caring and sometimes it is the equanimity,

That peace.

Sometimes all this caring can get exhausting.

It's like,

Things are as they are.

The Bhikkhuni Upalavana was a fully enlightened nun at the,

During the time of the Buddha.

And as she was walking one day Mara,

The evil one,

When,

When I was talking before about the armies of Mara,

That's like the personification of delusion,

You know,

That in the kind of Buddhist scriptures and discourses,

He's,

He's a troublemaker.

He's,

He kind of always pops up trying to throw people off of their path.

So he sees her walking and he's like,

All right,

I'm going to,

I want,

I just,

I'm going to try to scare her.

All I want to do is get her scared.

He shows up,

He tries to scare her.

And the Bhikkhuni Upalavana says this to herself.

Now who is this?

This is Mara,

The evil one,

Desiring to make me fall from concentration.

Then the Bhikkhuni Upalavana,

Having understood this is Mara,

The evil one,

Replied to him in verse.

Though a hundred thousand rogues,

Just like you,

Might come here.

I stir not a hair.

I feel no terror.

Even alone,

Mara,

I don't fear you.

I can make myself disappear or I can enter inside your belly.

I can stand between your eyebrows.

You won't catch a glimpse of me.

I am the master of my own mind.

The basis of power are well developed.

I am freed from every kind of bondage.

Therefore,

I don't fear you,

Friend.

Then Mara,

The evil one,

Realizing the Bhikkhuni Upalavana knows me.

Disappointed and disappointed,

Disappeared right there.

I love that her explanation,

The way she conveys the capacity of her mind in this incredible fluidity.

This,

I can show up here,

I can show up there,

You can't see me.

This perfect fluidity and versatility with the mind that understands how to move in,

How to move out,

How to go around,

How to go inside,

How to go outside,

How to go here,

How to go there.

It's just total mastery.

There's no fear.

Even though a thousand,

A hundred thousand rogues just like you might come here.

I stir not a hair.

I feel no terror.

That sense of how is it that we're,

Our relationship with what's happening in the body,

What's happening in the mind,

This is how we get to that place.

It's like we know these experiences from inside and out.

We become familiar with them.

We have total versatility of the mind ultimately with all the fear,

All the wanting,

All the hatred,

All the delusion,

All of the awe.

But it requires the skillfulness,

This fluidity,

This ability to move in,

This ability to move out,

The skillful means of not getting over inundated,

But this complete freedom to be with whatever is happening requires this training to be able to show up,

To be able to move out,

To be able to go in,

To be able to go out,

To protect ourselves,

To cultivate these beautiful qualities,

To heal ourselves when we're wounded,

To go back into this engagement longer every time,

More balanced every time,

More stable every time.

And then this,

You know,

This very important piece of like that,

You know,

Mara on one hand,

Right,

The evil one,

On the other hand,

You know,

The story of Mara,

You know,

He was a,

He was a deva,

A deity who he just didn't want to be left alone.

He didn't want everyone getting enlightened because he'd be alone.

He just wants company in his fear and his misery,

You know.

And so this sense of like even her compassion to him at the end,

Right,

Not like,

Therefore I don't fear you,

You monster,

You know,

It's like friend,

Therefore I don't fear you friend.

That's really no fear,

Right?

There's nothing sticky,

There's just loving kindness,

Care,

Compassion,

And also not a doormat,

You know.

It's like I'm still,

You know,

I'm not going to let you do what you want,

What you think you're here for.

So beautiful,

You know,

And just to remember,

Of course,

You know,

There are,

We get to that place of realizing,

Of course,

This is not a war.

We're not at war with our own minds,

Right?

This is a process of tenderness,

Of renunciation,

Of care.

Sri Nisargadatta,

Who Michelle quotes a lot,

You know,

He says,

He's like,

You relate to your mind like you're just,

Your thinking mind,

You know,

Like you're crossing the street,

Crossing a busy street.

You're not going to get into a fight with everybody in your way.

You just,

You work around them,

You know.

You don't need to pick a fight with every thought.

It's just there,

You know,

We don't have to have that sense of,

You know,

That we're at war all the time.

But when that feeling arises,

And it feels like we're over inundated,

It is an important information,

It's an important message for us to be careful,

Right,

To know that we need to be very vigilant about how our efforts are in balance or out of balance.

And we just do our best,

You know.

It's like you try to do,

Use all these tools,

You try to,

You know,

Move away when it's hard and find some distance and go in when it's feeling good.

It's like,

You know,

It's a learning process.

Of course there's times where we make mistakes,

Or if that's the right word,

You know,

There's times where maybe we run away and withdraw and maybe we didn't really need to,

You know.

Maybe we could have showed up for that sitting instead of the cup of tea.

It's okay,

You know what I mean,

No big deal.

You had a cup of tea and then do that and don't,

You know,

Feel,

You know,

Show up for that in your full way.

And there's other times where we don't see that it's really aversion that's driving our investigation and we just are pushing ourselves harder and harder and harder into some difficult mind state.

We get blown out,

You know,

Maybe have to recuperate in some way,

But we recover,

You know.

And over time we learn that balance.

Little by little with each moment in the big picture of our lives of going on retreat and coming out and then in the,

You know,

Each retreat,

Every sitting,

Every moment,

You know,

That these skills scale up and scale down,

You know,

That sensitivity to how much in,

How much out.

Let's just sit for a minute.

Let's collect our thoughts.

Thank you for listening.

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Please visit dharmaseed.

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Reviews

Wonderful and beautiful🙏❤️

Excellent talk! There is much to think about now. I dearly appreciate discussion of taking care of ourselves within our spiritual work. Thank you for this recording 😊

Perfect when you’re in the mood to simply open your mind and just listen.

Excellent, thought-provoking talk. 🙏🏻

Powerful encouragement & guidance that I needed to hear. Thank you!

Insightful and needed. Thank you