Peace is on the way.
Sometimes I find I just want to run away,
Curl up in a ball,
Take refuge from the world,
And hope that somehow it and all the pain,
This whole predicament,
Will just disappear.
Yet there's no running.
The thoughts won't stop.
The negativity continues to overcast.
And I'm having to run faster and faster from this great ghost.
This web intertwined with my past,
Stories of yesterday,
Blurs of regret,
Press their way up against my heart,
And my body,
My actions,
A slave to their intent.
Where did that peace,
That just rightness,
That innocence of reality that I held onto so dearly,
Go?
How did it all slip through my hands?
Reckless could I have been,
So hypnotised by the external world,
By pride,
Prizes and others,
To have forgotten myself.
Yet entangled in these shackles,
In the bellowing of emotions,
Frustrations,
Resentment and sorrows,
I am still here.
After the tantrum,
The tightened fists and tears,
I am still here.
After the lashing out at my partner,
My dear ones,
And spitting out towards the world,
I am still here.
A glimpse of awareness,
An acceptance.
Might there be an alternative?
Must such pain come with a moral?
And so I look.
I give myself permission to allow for this pain,
To be honest,
Emotional,
Fearless.
A thousand races against time,
All the moments that I abused rush through me.
I hold on,
I let go,
And suddenly it all begins to subdue.
A sensation encouraging me to cease battling.
And I am still here.
Finding myself in a world of emptiness,
Without pain or pleasure,
At stone cold ground zero.
I begin to check out this space,
No sign of anything.
With a little more curiosity and trepidation,
I venture further.
Sounding my being,
All that I can,
Into this emptiness.
And an echo does return,
Projecting a new world,
A new order to inhabit.
An invitation towards my soul.
A little nervous,
I look around,
To clench onto whatever there might be.
But nothing remains.
Only my breath,
And experience,
Here.
My breath and experience,
Here,
Guiding me into an aperture,
An enveloping landscape.
A collapse of thoughts,
Sounds,
And iridescence.
The hues of such,
So moving,
They compel me to experience without the need for definitions.
And with each question,
Returns an answer.
A voice I've always known,
Embedded into the highest virtues.
The essentiality of all things.
Gaining trust,
I ask the voice.
If I am not my story,
My suffering,
The heavy and burdened world that I inhabit,
Then what is left?
If I am stripped of my past,
My ambitions,
My pains and pleasures,
Then what is left?
If I am here,
In this world unknown,
Then who am I?
The voice initiated its response.
A grumbling,
A pulsation,
A brief pause.
You are.
You are the question.
You are the answer.
You exist in the delight of all things expansive and grandiose.
You exist in the dirt and everyday grinding,
In the pain and sorrows of time.
Embrace yourself as existing.
Embrace yourself as being.
And discover who you really are.
