Facing Our Difficult Emotions From A Non-Dual Perspective (Talk & Q&A)

In this talk, we explore ways to deal with and face our difficult emotions from a non-dual perspective. The talk is followed by a Q&A session and includes questions on attracting abundance, dealing with grief, overwhelming emotions, and more.

Transcript

Facing our difficult emotions from a non-dual perspective.

The way to begin for me is always to understand who we actually are.

Understand that even though the mind has different thoughts and the body has different emotions,

Who we actually are remains changeless,

Remains constant,

Remains here now at all times.

And knowing this,

Knowing that our essential self doesn't actually become impacted by what we experience means that we can embrace all of our experience fearlessly.

We can be with it,

We can love it,

We can allow it exactly as it is.

A feeling is only fearful because we think that it actually has an impact on our essential self.

And that's why it's important to question,

Well,

Does it actually have an impact?

It has an impact on the mind-body,

Definitely,

But it doesn't impact our essential self.

We remain whole and complete,

Independent of the state of the body-mind.

And we can actually explore that right now.

We can see that if there is a sound in our experience,

The sound arises in silence and then it fades back into silence.

We are not impacted by this sound.

We are not changed by this sound.

Awareness isn't changed by the sound.

Silence isn't changed by the sound.

In the same way,

If there is a thought that passes through the mind,

The mind isn't changed by the thought and awareness isn't changed by the thought.

We can have many more thoughts.

We can have an infinite number of thoughts and still remain whole and complete.

That is because thoughts come and go,

But we,

Our essential self-awareness,

Doesn't come and go.

It remains here,

It remains changeless and whole.

And the same is true for feelings.

Even if there is a strong feeling that arises in the body,

The body itself can afterwards and before this feeling,

Feel other feelings and awareness itself,

The awareness with which we know these feelings,

Isn't changed by any of them.

It embraces everything.

It allows it to flow through it.

When we see that this is our experience,

Then we become less scared of these feelings and we can just be with them.

Also with this knowing comes the understanding that whatever arises in this moment is what we are ready for.

There is an intelligence behind the mind and the body that guides how much we can experience at one time.

We can trust in the mind and the body we can trust this intelligence.

We know that the body will not suddenly feel all of our beliefs of separation and doubts,

Et cetera,

At once.

It will be one by one,

It will be a slow progressive experience.

In the same way,

Not all of our thoughts that we fear will come at once.

They will come one by one.

In fact,

They cannot,

We cannot have more than one or several thoughts at a time.

We cannot have more than one feeling at a time.

So there is this intelligence that guides this process and we can trust it.

And the more we trust it,

The less we resist our experience,

The less we try and fight our feelings,

The less there is guilt or judgment or shame.

We just allow everything to be as it is.

If these things arise,

They're also embraced as part of the feeling.

In fact,

It is feelings that give rise to thoughts.

And we can simply be with these feelings and in a way almost disregard the thoughts because they are what is trying to keep us away from feeling the feelings.

The more we feel our feelings in this way,

The more we recognize the source of all things to be this awareness,

This spaciousness within which they arise.

And the more we understand this,

The more feelings are also allowed to come up.

It's a simultaneous process.

The feelings themselves,

As I said,

Are an expression of a temporary belief in separation,

A temporary belief that there is something outside of us.

And when we see that everything happens within,

Then there is this embracing of experience,

This allowance,

Knowing that everything is a reflection of ourself.

Another thing that sometimes happens when we feel our feelings is that we believe that we are on our own.

We are suffering,

We are alone,

And there is no help.

But in fact,

What is true is that it is awareness itself.

It is our shared being that experiences each of our emotions.

And what we feel is not personal.

What we feel is also there in other people.

So what we understand once we feel our feelings is what they're going through,

Which allows for more compassion,

More forgiveness.

And if that is our path to help a wider array of people.

It's really beautiful to see that we are never alone.

What we do is never for our own body-mind alone.

It is really for everybody.

And finally,

The last thing I wanted to say,

And then I will move on to questions and answers,

Is that the raw feeling of what we are experiencing itself is not what the mind labels it to be.

So the raw feeling itself isn't painful,

It isn't sad,

It isn't depressed,

It isn't heavy.

It just is.

It is a temporary contraction within awareness.

And the more we learn to quieten the mind,

The more we sit in meditation,

The more we also can feel those feelings as they actually are without the added-on thoughts about the feeling,

Without the labels.

And then it becomes a lot easier as well,

The whole journey.

There's no more suffering,

It's just experiencing.

So the message is just know yourself,

Rest in your own wholeness,

In your own completeness,

And allow the body-mind to be exactly as it is.

And that's it.

This is about taking back control of our lives.

I don't think that control is the right word here.

I would say it's about deepening our understanding of life,

Deepening our understanding of feelings,

Of projections,

Like externalizing those feelings onto our environments and people around us,

And then taking back this projection and just feeling the raw feeling and allowing it to be released from our experience so that we don't have to face the same situations over and over again,

And so that we can be more and more free,

More and more happy in our body-mind,

But also know that the state of the body-mind doesn't affect our innate happiness.

This reminds me of something I heard recently,

The higher self doesn't give you more than you can handle.

Yes,

Exactly,

It's beautiful.

When you see the process for what it is,

There's such an intelligence behind it that nothing is random,

Everything happens perfectly,

The moments of peace that we have are perfectly timed and the moments of more difficult emotions are also perfectly timed for us to understand ourself better.

I keep having dreams of my grandma who passed away 10 years ago.

I think I'm not ready to let her go and grieve.

Appreciate your thoughts,

I'm very attached to her.

Yes,

I totally understand,

She was probably a very important person for you,

And losing someone we love is always difficult.

There's always a process of accepting that,

And sometimes that process can take many months or even years.

The way to let go is once again to understand that we are complete within ourselves and that nothing is random.

So your experiences you've had with your grandma and all of your dreams,

Everything you've learned from her,

Everything that you've gained from that relationship has been perfect and will always stay with you.

You keep those memories,

You keep her in your heart.

There is no way that that would be gone.

So it's about understanding that she has already given you everything you needed from her and that is always with you.

In this way,

She is always alive,

She is always here with you and knowing this,

You can then let her go.

How often should you meditate to help feel better and rewire our brain to quit bad habits?

One tool I had that I used for a while was to have a counter.

It's like a lap counter used for sports in general,

But I used it every time I engaged in a negative habit and stopped myself.

I put a one and I was very proud of adding those numbers.

So it's about creating some kind of even fun exercise or activity that you reward yourself with every time you break the negative habit or you don't engage in it and you engage in something else or you just sit in meditation with the feeling that is driving that bad habit,

Then that's a great way to do it.

The thing about bad habits is that at any one point,

We can stop the pattern.

So once the thoughts occur,

We can already notice that,

Be with that and feel it and let it go.

If we can't do that,

We feel the feeling.

If we engage in the bad habit,

That's okay as well.

While we engage with it,

We can again,

Bring in awareness and stop if we can,

If we can't,

Continue and after that,

We can be with all the thoughts that arise and accept and forgive ourselves,

Et cetera.

So at any point in these four periods,

You can bring awareness and meditate and accept and embrace what is arising.

As for how often to meditate,

What I like saying is that you should meditate anytime you feel that it's difficult to meditate.

So anytime you're anxious during the day or you're too busy or you're angry about something,

That's a signal to come back to the present.

So anytime you feel any of these,

Meditate for a minute or two.

In addition to that,

You can have a practice in the morning or in the evening.

Whatever feels good,

What's important is also to feel good,

To bring playfulness and fun into this because it is fun.

It is a journey of continuous spiritual growth and learning to love all aspects of ourself.

So yeah,

Whatever helps you do that,

Understand yourself better,

Love yourself,

Embrace every aspect of yourself,

Do that.

And it can be in the form of meditation or it can be also drawing or dancing music,

Whatever way works for you.

Another question,

Do you regularly do a specific meditation that engages your senses so you will focus on each individual sense?

I used to do a meditation like that,

Which was more letting go of each element of experience,

Like sight,

Sound,

Taste,

Then thoughts,

Feelings,

The body and going back to pure awareness and then coming back to these elements,

To the senses,

To the body,

To the mind with the awareness of awareness itself.

I think that's very helpful,

Definitely.

Right now,

What I do more is to realize,

To recognize that I am here now,

That everything is already appearing within me,

Including the breath,

The body,

The room,

Everything in my experience already is,

Until you can be quickly aware of beingness itself and everything that happens within,

It is helpful to go element by element,

Just to be aware like,

Oh,

Now I have thoughts,

Oh,

I have sensation,

I have taste,

I have hearing.

That's also a very nice way of coming back to what is here.

Eventually you can say,

Oh,

Now I'm aware of taste,

I'm aware of touch and then say,

I'm aware of awareness.

I am aware that right now I am aware,

Or simply I am.

How do we attract abundance?

I will give a rather long answer here.

So law of attraction,

For example,

Says,

Be happy now and the things you desire most will come your way.

Or also it says visualize what you want and that way you attract it.

I would say the first part is true,

Be happy now and what you desire most will come.

And that is because happiness itself is not just the state of the body-mind,

It is awareness itself and it is awareness itself because awareness just allows everything to appear,

To happen.

And when there is no desire for anything to be different than it is,

That is happiness.

So by being here now,

By allowing everything to be as it is,

Then that means that we don't actually want more money,

We don't want more friends,

We don't want a new partner,

We don't want a new job.

It means that we are whole and complete within ourself.

And it is this not desiring things to be different that is abundance itself.

So abundance then is not something we attract,

It's something we experience directly.

It is our desire to be different.

And directly it is already here.

Right now I'm feeling differently and not content as I want a new job,

New friends and my relationship with my husband isn't so good.

Yes,

I can totally understand where you're coming from.

I would say if you can just feel the present moment beyond your mind and your feelings and your desires,

Your thoughts,

Knowing that in this moment you are complete,

Everything is fine as it is,

You are safe,

You are held and slowly as you become present,

You will also realize that all of these wants are actually a desire to be present.

It is a desire for happiness,

But the very desire to be happy is coming from your wholeness.

It is appearing here now.

So it is actually a desire to feel your innate happiness.

It is a desire to come back to the present where there is no longing and no desire for more than what is.

I don't know if that answers your question,

But if not,

I'm very happy to message you here.

And also I have a program on the platform precisely about contentment or fulfillment.

It's called Redefining Fulfillment as a State of Being,

Not a Feeling in the Body.

And this course brings out all of the elements in which we believe we can find fulfillment and brings us back.

It's a constant reminder to just be,

To just come back here.

So maybe that I hope would also be helpful.

How can we sit with emotions that feel overwhelming like they are too much?

There are different levels of emotion,

I would say.

Sometimes it's just an emotion and then it's easy to just be with what is.

Sometimes it's emotion and thoughts and then you have to allow the thoughts to be as they are because they already are or do your best to.

Sometimes it's emotion,

Thoughts and behavior.

And again,

Then you just embrace what is arising.

You know that at that moment,

You have done your best to not engage so profoundly in the behavior,

But despite your biggest efforts,

It happens.

And so,

As I said before,

Then you forgive yourself,

You allow it,

Whatever happened to be as it is,

It happened.

So there's no point in feeling guilty or ashamed or whatever feelings arise,

Just allowing.

And also the intelligence that guides this whole process knows what we are capable of experiencing at every moment.

So there is never actually too much.

The mind says it's too much,

But we are ready for what is arising,

Always.

So that would be all for today.

Thank you all for being here,

For your questions,

For your presence.

I'm always amazed by how beautiful this community is and how when I don't know something or when someone asks a question,

Everyone just chips in and helps and supports everyone else.

So thank you,

Thank you so much.

Reviews

Wonderful explanation of essential self.
I have lived my life entirely in concept of ‘should’ ‘need to’ knowing I was lost but no knowing anything else.

Excellent, I feel I have a much better understanding of how to deal with difficult emotions. Thanks for sharing your personal experiences it has been so helpful. Thank you 🙏

Great! Explained so simply and so well, and it gives me the confidence to know I will be and am alright in this moment.