Love | Ven Canda

In a short introduction, Ven Canda talks about the importance of loving-kindness in meditation practice. Mindfulness can be described as a looking glass, whereas loving-kindness is the glass cleaner that can help to keep the glass clean and remove the hindrances to perceive reality in a more wholesome way. It has a lot of wholesome benefits for ourselves and others in the long term. This is followed by a gently guided loving-kindness meditation for about 30 minutes.

Transcript

Okay, So we've got almost a full house, Which is wonderful. And I've been quite excited for most of the afternoon actually about this topic because I love to talk about loving kindness. It's such a central part of the practice and the very motivation that we come to the practice for right through to the final goal, Where the heart is full of unconditional love. So the purpose of these evenings is to explore some skillful perceptions that can really help to complement the meditation on the breath. And there are different ways of looking at experience if you like, Which help us to overcome the hindrances to meditation. So those hindrances are things like aversion, Sense desire, Restlessness, Doubt, And sloth and torpor. Now we're on live, Excellent. And so this is a really important part of the practice. It's not only mindfulness as Ajahn Brahm was saying this morning. It's almost as though the mindfulness is like a looking glass that you use to look at experience. And it's as though that looking glass is a magnifier. So whatever it looks upon, It sees much more clearly and in a lot of detail. But if that glass is actually dirty, If it's clouded or scratched, It doesn't really get a true reflection of what is looking at. It can't see clearly. So sometimes I used to talk about perceptions like loving kindness as a kind of color, A sort of lens, A sort of tinted lens that we look through. But this afternoon I thought it's actually much more accurate to think of these perceptions as kinds of different cleaning fluids that we actually clean the dirt off that lens because we're not overlaying our experience with something else. We're actually taking away obstacles. So kindness is like the jiff or the siff that you clean that glass up with so that you can see more clearly and with a lot more kindness so that you're not just adding negativities onto the things that you're perceiving, Which may already be difficult to bear. So the other reason that these perceptions are so important is because they constitute part of right intention or right attitude, The way we relate to whatever we're aware of. And this is the second factor of the Eightfold Noble Path. And the way that the Eightfold Noble Path works is that every preceding factor feeds into the next and feeds into the next. So every factor has to be practiced in order to cultivate the whole Eightfold Path. So mindfulness is only the seventh factor. And before then we have to really align our ways of relating to experience with right intentions. One of those intentions being this beautiful loving kindness, Also the letting go and the gentleness that Ajahn Brahm spoke about this morning. It also helps to strengthen right effort, Which is the factor, The sixth factor of the path before right mindfulness. And right effort is where we start to learn how the mind works and how to work with the mind skillfully to increase the wholesome qualities in our mind and to undermine unhelpful, Unwholesome qualities that lead to suffering. So by adding these beautiful perceptions, We're actually cultivating more of the path and the practice becomes much, Much richer. It also provides a bit of variety. So every evening I'm going to look at a different theme. And in some cases they may be meditations which are different from Geth meditation that you can do at different times of the day. But at other times they'll be just particular ways of looking, Particular lenses through which you look at the breath meditation. So please pick things up whichever way is helpful for you because not one method suits everybody. And even if you find the method that seems to suit you best, It won't suit you all the time. You know, There'll be times that it works and times that it just doesn't. And one of the skills of being a meditator is to learn to work with however your mind is from time to time. So to actually look in there and see what do I need right now? What is arising? And what are some of the antidotes to the things that are arising in the mind? I also feel that practices like loving kindness can add a lot of enjoyment to meditation because by its very nature, Love, Loving kindness, Warmth, Friendliness is a very pleasant emotion. It's a very pleasant experience. And as the Buddha says again and again, Suki no chitam samadhiyati, Which means the mind becomes still, The happy mind becomes still. Happiness is actually the cause for stillness. And so again, You know, As these hindrances increasingly get washed away, Weakened, Overcome, The mind gets energized and with that energy comes increased happiness, Increased clarity and more buoyancy and softness as well. So today I wanted to talk about loving kindness, Which is of course the most exalted kind of love that the Buddha describes in the suttas. He talks about other kinds of love, Which are more related to sensuality or to familial love. But loving kindness is considered the purest kind. And it's really a wish for the well-being and benefit of all beings, A kind of protective love, The same sort of protection that a mother would feel towards a child. So that love that just wishes for somebody's safety, For somebody's happiness and that another being can thrive. Of course, The difference between a mother's love and real true loving kindness is the scope of that love. So the Buddha says that, You know, We should have the kind of loving kindness that is like the love of a mother to a child to all beings. So it's this extension, You know, The quality of expansion and extension and impartiality that really gives loving quality, Loving kindness, Its unique quality. And that's why it's sometimes called unconditional love because it expects nothing in return. So I wanted to talk a little bit about different ways to use loving kindness. So this reflection will only be a few minutes before we do some practice. But one of the main ways we can use it is as a cultivation in and of itself. So it can actually be another vehicle all the way into the deep meditations of Jhanas by cultivating loving kindness in the mind again and again. So normally this happens in a discursive way in the beginning. So we take another human being or another being, It could even be an animal, A pet, And we send thoughts and intentions of loving kindness towards this being continuously wishing them well so that those words of loving kindness in the beginning become the main focus for the mind. And then we listen to where those words are pointing to, To the actual experience of loving kindness that starts to flourish in the heart. And this can be practiced at various times of the day, Even if the breath meditation is your main vehicle. You can still have a few minutes or even whole sessions of the day where you just focus on loving kindness as a cultivation. And even if you don't get all the way into deep meditation through that method, The Buddha inspires us by saying that even if you cultivate loving kindness for the time it takes to pull a cow's odder, So now you have to imagine that you're in ancient India or perhaps a farm yard, Farm in Austria or somewhere, Maybe in Devon, And you're pulling this cow's odder, So it doesn't take very long for the milk to come out. So he says even if you develop loving kindness for that length of time, It has more benefit than giving thousands of meals to homeless people, For example. It has more benefit than enormous amounts of charity towards others. And I was thinking about this today, Like why would that be? Surely the most important thing is not how we feel or is not sort of this moment of loving kindness, But actually alleviating the suffering in the world. But I think this is related to having loving kindness as a motivation for all our actions of body, Speech and mind, And the power of being aligned to that motivation, Which can go beyond just giving charity once or twice and can start to inform every action of body, Speech and mind. So something which is motivated by loving kindness is far far more profitable to ourselves and to others than something that maybe looks on the outside like kindness but is not having that powerful effect of undermining our defilements, Undermining our ill will, Our greed, Our delusion, Which is for the higher good in the longer term. So having loving kindness as an attitude is also a really beautiful practice and this can be applied at any time in a meditation with any object that arises. Ajahn Brahm says that loving kindness is that quality that embraces the imperfections of ourself, The imperfections of other people and even the imperfections of life. This can also extend to the imperfections of our meditation object. And if you imagine having this beautiful attitude of friendliness, Of warmth, Of genuine care towards everything that arises in your body and mind, Then after some time it won't be possible to even perceive these things as imperfections anymore. What starts off as something unwanted, Something imperfect or irritating, When met with loving kindness, When we're able to make peace, It actually turns into a friend. I went on a walk this afternoon because the sun came out and there was suddenly this bright blue sky above me. And towards the end of the walk, The sun was starting to set. It was only about three thirty or four o'clock over in the northern hemisphere. And there were these beautiful clouds in the sky, Very grey, Some really heavy clouds that looked like they were about to burst and other clouds that were variegated. And as the sun was starting to set and it was meeting these really dark clouds, The sun's beauty was much fuller, Much richer and the colours were just mesmerising. And I felt that this was a good simile for when loving kindness meets the difficult in life. It's not necessary that loving kindness is always happy, Happy, Everything's going well and the sky is blue. This has a certain type of beauty. But when that loving kindness meets the difficulties in life, It meets the dark clouds in the mind, Perhaps the depression, The anxiety or the fear. If you're really able to meet it with love, The beauty that you can perceive in such a person, The strength, The character, The richness is so much more pronounced, So much more profound. So when we move hand in hand in our meditation with this beautiful, Empowering perception and intention and emotion of loving kindness, We gain this amazing strength and courage and resilience so that we can meet and befriend everything we experience in life. So there's a lot more I could say about loving kindness. Loving kindness also makes us wise. It's not only a cultivation practice or some kind of secondary meditation object. As I said, It's not a sugar coating that we apply on top of our emotions either. It's actually very much at the heart of the practice, The motivation for why we come to Buddhism in the first place, To alleviate our own suffering and the suffering of others. But it can also lead to profound wisdom. And the Buddha says that once you do develop these really deep states of meditation based on loving kindness or any of the other Brahma Viharas, We can gain wisdom by understanding that even these states of mind are volitionally produced. Even these states of mind are conditioned, They are impermanent and they will pass away. Of course, We realize that when we have a state of loving kindness and mind which is friendly and warm, There's less suffering. So it's closer to the truth. But we still realize that this is not the final goal. And although the defilements can be overcome temporarily, It takes that empowered mind to really break through and see the reality of things as they are. So as Ajahn Brahm said this morning, The practice of calm and insight are not really two separate things. It's kind of like a spectrum. The deeper the calm, The deeper the insight, The deeper the insight, The deeper the calm. And I think loving kindness is practicing both together. It definitely brings and bestows a beautiful sense of calm. The Buddha says that one with a mind of loving kindness easily gets, I mean, Most of the time it's translated as concentrated, But I would like to say still. So one with loving kindness easily experiences states of samadhi, States of stillness and calm. So that's my encouragement for you and we'll do some guided meditation now. And if you have questions or you'd like to discuss loving kindness in more depth and ways how you can apply these methods during the day or during the retreat, We'll have some question time at the end. Okay. So this is mainly a question and answer session, So you will have plenty of time. So if you'd like to get yourself comfortable and especially for the loving kindness meditation, Making yourself as easeful and relaxed as you possibly can. Not necessarily using the same posture that you've been using today, But really asking your body how it feels and what it wants. And your body and like your own best friend. And as you close your eyes, Allowing the sense impressions to fade, Perhaps having a sense of the people sitting here with you, With us as a supportive field and also settling down into your own inner cave. Enriching yourself into this meditation, Just as you are. The loving kindness that asks nothing in return meditates just for the sake of meditation. So we're going to start meditation by becoming aware of the tips of our toes. And if it works for you, You might imagine looking after those toes as though pulling or covering them with a soft fleecy blanket. As though your own feet, Toes are like a child that you're putting down to sleep. Putting them in this soft, Warm kindness that soothes and relaxes. And shows your toes, Your feet, That they're cared for. Imagine in your own time, Continuing to care for your legs. Imagine covering them with this soft, Warm blanket of loving kindness. Noticing any sensations in the ankles, The shins, The calves and the knees. Noticing how your caring presence calms and settles any sensations down. Pulling up through the thighs. Imagining pulling up this soft blanket over your thighs. Restowing warmth and care so that your whole legs can relax. Be at rest. Be at ease. Moving up to the abdomen, The buttocks. Caring for any sensations that you experience in those areas. Noticing any reasoning, Any resistance in the mind. Just allowing them to be. You continue covering your torso with this soft blanket of loving kindness. Inviting all the organs in there to relax, To rest. Noticing that they've worked for you today. Now's the time for them to restore. And spreading loving awareness through the chest, The front and the back. Imagining your whole torso now underneath this blanket. Telling you to relax. Arms and hands softening, Loosening, Letting go of all tension. Noticing any feelings or sensations of tingling, Warmth, Relaxation. Now moving up to the neck and the head. Imagining your neck and head supported by a beautiful soft pillow. It's the right shape for you. Allowing your head and neck to let go of any holding fully supported by this pillow. Allowing the jaw to relax. Perhaps even parting the lips very slightly. Relaxing the tongue. The cheeks, The nose, The eyes. Imagining all the tension from the eyes just raining down. Into this pillow, Into the earth. The skin on the forehead relaxing, Becoming more spacious. And spreading your attention to cover the whole of the head. And inviting the ears to relax. Now we're going to gently go inside the head to where the brain is suspended in the skull. And imagine that brain like a sponge that's been squeezed too tightly. Now inviting that sponge just to expand. You may find your sponge full of water, Full of all the thoughts, Ideas, Information. This poor sponge cannot hold all this anymore. Imagine that water just draining out of the sponge, Draining away. As the sponge gradually gets all light and fluffy. Feel the brain is at ease. Just gently smiling into the body, From the head all the way down. From the shoulders, Arms, The torso and legs. And feeling as though you really were lying down under this beautiful soft blanket. A blanket of loving kindness and peace. If you'd like to stay with this perception, Just enjoying the relaxation, Please do. For those who wish, I'd like to guide you in a little loving kindness meditation. Making those same feelings of friendliness, Of warmth, Of ease into the loving kindness. So we're going to start just by connecting, Tuning in to any pleasant sensations in the body. Quite often it can be helpful to notice the sensations in the area of the chest, Middle of the chest, The heart area. Other people prefer to just feel their sensations wherever they're most comfortable. With a feeling of goodwill towards your own physical feelings. I'm going to invite you to imagine that you're with a very dear friend. Someone who makes you smile just to recollect them. Someone who makes whom you have a lot of friendship and warmth. A fairly simple relationship without passion or lust. It could be a friend, A teacher, In some cases perhaps a parent or a child. See if you can choose someone who's not the closest person in the world. You don't have too much of an investment in, But where the relationship is one of pure good wishes. Someone who's very accepting and you feel at ease to be around. So bringing this person to mind as though they were right in front of you. You may get an image or a sense of their presence. Just enough so that you know this person is now the recipient of your loving kindness. And gently connecting with your wishes for this person. I usually use four phrases that resonate for me. I'll share those phrases but you may choose your own. Can be creative and experimental. Imagine looking into this person's eyes or beaming at them from your heart. And the words, May you be happy. May you be free. May you be healed. May you be at peace. May you be happy. May you be free. May you be healed. May you be at peace. Once I've settled on the phrases that I wish to offer to this person. I keep repeating them to myself. Calmly, Clearly, Rhythmically. As though with every phrase I'm planting a seed. A seed of loving kindness in the rich, Fertile soil of the heart. Trusting the flower of loving kindness to bloom in its own time. My job is to take care that I'm planting the seed carefully, Lovingly. And trusting the power of the intentions of loving kindness to bear fruit. Take a moment. And as you repeat these phrases, Connecting with the meaning of the words and pausing in the space between each phrase to notice where that intention is inclining the mind towards the direct experience of loving kindness. As though the phrase is a seed and the silence between each phrase, You shine loving awareness on that seed, Like the sunshine and the rain nurturing the seed and allowing it to sprout and to grow into a plant into a flower according to nature in its very own time. Staying aware of this friend, This very dear person and imagining them receiving your loving kindness, Their face brightening, Their eyes shining, Their whole body and mind calming down. Notice how that feels in your heart. Okay? Gently allowing the image, The presence of this person to fade away. You may wish to offer them a gentle smile, Recognition. But now it's time to say goodbye. And just tuning in to the echoes of that metta. Loving kindness in your own heart. Maybe a feeling of warmth, Softness. Perhaps very subtle or maybe strong. We'll just spend a couple of minutes with this feeling. And if you wish, You can invite the breath inside. Into the company of this warm loving presence. As though your breath were another friend. Not expecting the breath to stay. But just being open and receptive. Offering your warmth and friendship. To this little being. Ipper code. And if the breath enjoys the presence, Your gentle, Loving presence, You may find the breath decides to stay. So we are coming close to the end of the breath. The end of the meditation. I won't ring a bell. So if you're enjoying the company of your breath, Your body or someone else you'd like to continue sending loving kindness towards, Please do. And for those who wish to come out of the meditation and engage now in some question and answers, See if part of your mind can stay inside. That kind, Calm, Quiet feeling that you may now be feeling inside. Welcome to continue meditating.