I want to talk about something that I think we don't give ourselves enough permission to do.
And that is really changing our minds because we're constantly encouraged to make decisions.
Choose the career,
Choose where you want to live,
Choose the relationship,
Choose the business,
Decide what you want,
Set a goal,
Commit to it.
And then once we've made that decision,
Somehow it feels like we have to stick to it forever for the rest of our lives.
Otherwise,
What does that say about us?
Maybe we gave up too quickly,
Maybe we failed,
Maybe we don't know what we want,
Maybe we're just one of those people that constantly changes their minds or jumps from one thing to another.
And I think because of that.
.
.
Sometimes we stay committed to decisions long after they have stopped feeling right.
And I've definitely done this myself.
And when I look back at my own life,
I've actually changed my mind about some pretty big things.
I've changed my mind about where I wanted to live.
I've moved countries five times.
I've changed my mind about my career.
I used to be a lawyer,
Now I'm a coach.
I changed my mind about what success looks like to me.
I've changed my mind about what kind of lifestyle I want.
And I'm sure I'm going to change my mind again about so many other things in the future.
Something I have started to realize is that changing your mind doesn't mean the original decision was wrong.
Sometimes it was exactly the right decision for the version of you that made it,
That made that decision at that time.
But you have changed since then and I think that's a really important distinction we need to make because we tend to look back at our decisions with information we have today and then we think Oh,
Why did I choose that?
Why did I stay here for so long?
Why did I want that?
Or why did I spend time with that person or whatever it might be,
Right?
But you weren't the person you are today when you made that decision.
You had different experiences,
You had perhaps different priorities,
Different information at that time.
Maybe at that time you had even completely different dreams.
And that decision you made at that time might have been exactly what you needed at that point in your life.
Or what you thought would be best for you at that point in your life,
Because you don't know what you don't know,
Right?
And for example,
If I look at my own career,
I see that very clearly as well.
I studied law for five years,
Then I worked in law for over a decade,
And then when I decided,
Hmm,
I want to try to start my own business and become a coach,
Something completely different,
I felt like,
Okay,
This is a difficult decision to make because I spent so many years building something And part of me felt like it was irresponsible to walk away from that.
And there was this voice saying,
But you invested so much into this already,
So many years,
So much effort.
You're good at this.
You've built a successful career in this.
Shouldn't you just continue with that and do something with all of that?
And I think when we think like that,
We can get caught up in this.
Basically this sunk cost trap.
We think that because we have already invested.
Five years or 10 years or thousands of dollars or a degree or move across the world,
Whatever it is,
Right,
That we have to keep on going.
It feels like otherwise all of that was for nothing.
But I don't think that's true.
Because if you really think about it,
Those years weren't wasted because eventually I chose something different.
They were part of my life.
They taught me a lot of things.
They gave me experiences.
Because of it,
I met people.
They gave me lots of skills that I can still use today.
And most importantly,
I think,
They helped me understand myself better.
They helped me grow.
And sometimes you have to live through certain experiences to discover that something perhaps isn't what you want anymore,
Or there's something else that you would like to try.
And I think living abroad has taught me that as well.
As I said,
I moved countries five times.
And I think there's something really interesting about that because we want our life stories to make sense in this perfect linear way.
So you choose a career because it feels like,
Oh,
This is what I'm meant to do,
For example.
Right.
But if you really think about it,
Real life is much messier than that.
And maybe there's something in your life right now that you chose very consciously at the time.
Maybe it was a job,
A career,
Maybe a city you moved to,
Maybe a business you started,
Maybe it was a relationship,
Maybe it was a certain lifestyle or a goal you've been working on,
Whatever it might be,
Right?
We make so many decisions all the time.
And maybe there's a part of you that feels like,
Oh,
I think I don't want this anymore.
But perhaps you're struggling to give yourself permission to admit that.
To admit that maybe this isn't the right fit anymore because you chose it in the past and maybe you told everyone about it.
Maybe people supported you with those choices.
Maybe you've invested years into making it happen like I did.
And then now you're thinking,
Okay,
But how can I possibly change my mind and choose something else?
But here's a question I've been thinking about,
And you can think about that too.
What would I choose today if I wasn't trying to justify my decision of the best?
And you can sit with that for a moment.
You can perhaps journal on it and see what comes up.
Because sometimes we're not choosing what we want anymore.
We are choosing what makes our previous choices make sense.
And in that way,
We're actually living in the past instead of in the present and towards the future.
But I think there's another side to this as well,
Because I also don't think that every moment you doubt yourself means that you should immediately leave and make another decision.
Sometimes we have to go through difficult phases because we're growing and it doesn't necessarily mean that the decision we made was wrong.
Sometimes we're just uncomfortable because perhaps we're scared to grow.
And sometimes we want to quit something because staying requires us to do something hard.
So then it feels easier to quit.
So I think it's important to know the difference between those two.
How do you know when you're actually outgrowing something genuinely versus when you want to escape discomfort because you're scared?
And of course this depends on every scenario.
I don't think there's one perfect answer.
But I have a few questions for you that I think can help you to reflect on this.
And one question that I really like is this one.
If this became easier tomorrow,
Would I still want it?
And see what shows up.
Imagine the problem completely disappeared.
Whether it's a difficult colleague or boss you don't like,
Or whether it's lack of money,
Or whether it's just this uncertainty or fear that you're feeling.
Whatever is making your current situation difficult right now.
If that part disappeared.
Would you still want the thing itself?
And if the answer is yes,
Then maybe you don't actually want to change the direction.
Maybe you just need some extra support to navigate the difficult situation that you're in to solve that part.
But if the answer is still no,
Then that's super valuable information.
So another question that you can ask yourself as well is this one.
Am I leaving because I'm scared or because this generally doesn't fit me anymore?
And sometimes it can be both,
Right?
Sometimes you can be scared and still realize it doesn't fit anymore.
But I think it's important that we really have to listen to ourselves and really distinguish between whether there's fear or whether there's this deeper sense of knowing that something just doesn't fit anymore.
And you can also ask yourself,
If nobody knew I had chosen this,
Would I still feel the pressure to continue?
Because sometimes the hardest part isn't actually changing our minds,
But it's telling other people that we've changed them.
We feel this external pressure or expectations from other people,
Especially if you perhaps have committed to something in public or shared it with a lot of people.
Maybe you've told everyone before,
This is my dream job,
Or this is my dream country,
Or it feels like you've built an entire identity around something.
And then changing your mind requires you to also let other people know that you've changed and that sometimes can really feel like the scariest part and it can also feel very vulnerable.
But what can help is I also feel like we need to stop treating every decision like it needs to be a permanent decision.
Okay,
Maybe you've moved somewhere and maybe you will stay forever.
But maybe you will only stay for two years or maybe that place introduces you to someone or something that completely changes the direction of your life.
And maybe you just discover something new about yourself.
So maybe it leads to somewhere you never expected.
Maybe eventually you decide to leave.
And that doesn't mean that your decision was wrong or that that experience was less valuable.
And the same,
Of course,
Applies to to everything else.
Right.
The career decisions that we make,
Maybe you've started at a business and you're thinking about stopping or a project or maybe with friendships as well or just in general dreams that you have.
Not everything that is meaningful is meant to last forever.
And this is definitely something I had to learn.
Myself as well.
And I used to think,
Oh,
I'm just loyal.
But maybe there was a fear of taking a leap as well,
Right?
So I really had to ask myself,
OK,
What do I want my career to be?
Where am I going to live?
What am I going to do with my life?
And instead of thinking,
Oh,
It has to be this one answer,
This thing.
Now I think about it more in chapters.
And I ask myself,
OK,
What feels right in this chapter of my life?
What am I curious about now?
What version of myself do I want to discover?
Or just what does make me feel alive right now?
Or where is life pulling me next?
And I think that It doesn't mean that I never commit to anything.
I think actually when you approach it like this,
You commit to it very deeply while you're in it.
You really commit to the chapter.
And you can give something like everything you have without requiring yourself to do it forever,
Without having the pressure of,
OK,
If I make this decision right now,
It has to be forever.
So I'm super curious to hear what comes up for you.
Feel free to share it with me.
And just for you to know that when you're reflecting on this,
You don't have to get all the answers and get clarity immediately.
Sometimes it's really this process that we're going to.
And it helps to really not force ourselves towards answers,
But allow Allowing yourself to know.
That you are allowed to change,
To give yourself that permission and that you are allowed to outgrow a dream as well,
That you are allowed to leave something that perhaps once made you happy and now it doesn't anymore.
I think that permission part is very important as well.
And also you're allowed to return to something that you previously walked away from.
This can happen as well,
Right?
After all,
You're allowed to say,
OK,
This wasn't right for me at that moment,
But maybe it's right for me now.
Evolving.
Because changing your mind doesn't erase everything that came before.
It means you have new information,
You're on this journey,
You're growing,
You've had new experiences,
You're evolving all the time.
So thank you so much for listening and I will see you in the next one.
