Good morning,
Good evening,
Good afternoon,
Wherever you may be,
Whatever you may be doing,
Hello.
I haven't given a talk in a while and I've found that really the talks that I enjoy the most typically come at the end of my Insight Timer Lives.
And I've just done a session now,
What is this,
Today's the 25th of August 2024,
I'm finally back home after a couple of months travelling with work and last weekend I did quite a lot of work on trying to understand,
I guess what I'm doing in this space,
Well no,
It was trying to understand what the offer is,
You know,
And I've really found it very difficult to kind of put my finger on what the quote-unquote offer is.
And last weekend I realised what the reason behind that,
Because the offer is me,
My voice,
You know,
I've struggled for a while to do,
Not to do,
Sorry,
I've struggled for a while with the term coach,
Especially life coach,
I just don't feel like a life coach,
Full stop.
And kind of doing the work last week and I was rewriting my bio and Mindfulness Mentor came,
And that really sat well with me,
And it's something which I feel a lot more aligned with,
Mindfulness Mentor,
Because what I want to do,
What I try and do in this space is to,
I see myself four or five years ago when I started this journey of this chapter,
Becoming more mindful,
Understanding and connecting with the inner child,
Reparenting the inner child,
Doing shadow work and integrating and acknowledging and bringing out of the dark and into the light,
Those shadow elements.
And all of that has really helped me be,
Well,
From my perspective at least,
A better person,
Hopefully a better father,
A better husband,
Better friend,
Better sibling.
And it certainly has allowed me to be better with myself.
And that leads me into what I wanted to talk today about,
And it's something that I heard a podcast probably about four months ago now,
And you know,
For those regular listeners you'll know I always talk about trusting the process and reading the tea leaves.
And this podcast dropped in my ears as I was going out for my walk,
And it came at a time when I really needed to hear those words of wisdom.
And essentially what he was saying was,
In terms of engaging and interacting with other people,
And my cousin had this on his status the other week,
And he spoke about people different people will see different parts of you and see you in a different light.
And that light may be good,
May be not so good.
And for a while,
Really,
Mostly up until hearing that,
Well,
It was decreasing,
That was something that I definitely kind of lingered with me in terms of how people saw and engaged with me.
Not that it was something that I necessarily reacted to,
But it was something around people truly seeing who I actually am.
And you know,
Did a bunch of work with coaches and historically,
I guess that's what some of the work was around with therapists as well.
The reality is,
You know,
In terms of the journey,
I found myself at this place in space where I understood that it's about seeing myself,
It's about hearing myself,
It's about understanding myself,
And that landed.
What really took it to a next level was the words that I heard on that podcast,
Which were,
I am whoever you say I am.
And you know,
That has some biblical connections to it,
Has biblical connections to it.
But there's so much truth in that.
And when I heard those words,
It was like a chorus.
I am whoever you say I am.
And what do those words mean to me?
Well,
To me,
They mean it's not my responsibility.
It's not my responsibility if I say X and you hear Y,
If I say something and you hear negative intention,
If I say the sky is blue and you say it's red,
Or you hear me saying it's red.
I can't be responsible for that.
And whoever you say I am is who you're going to see me as.
And for a long time,
I spent a lot of energy trying to,
What's the word?
Have people see me the way I see myself.
And so to hear the things that,
To hear the actual intention that I had when I say something.
And those words,
I am whoever you say I am,
Released me so much from that burden and that responsibility because it's true.
I am whoever you say I am,
Full stop.
So I can't control,
I can't have any responsibility around trying to change that image or perception that you have in your mind of me.
That's not my job.
My job is to speak,
To be,
To listen,
To engage,
And to do it from a place and space of authenticity,
Honesty,
And integrity.
And we all have choices.
And upon hearing that,
That's when I started to exercise my choice of releasing the responsibility,
Releasing the burden of having a responsibility to explain,
Not to measure up,
But to explain.
And I remember there was a lot of frustration,
A lot of energy around,
And phrases like,
Oh,
That's not what I mean.
What I mean is this.
I am whoever you say I am.
There's really nothing that I'm going to be able to do to change that.
So my kind of piece for you today is that,
Is to take on board and to hear those words,
I am whoever you say I am.
And if you're listening to this and you're finding yourself in a similar situation where there's frustration,
Where you don't feel seen,
Feel heard,
Feel understood,
That's okay.
Let it be.
See yourself,
Hear yourself,
Understand yourself.
And that's all you can do.
It's all you could ever do.
Allow yourself the moment and the opportunity to release the burden of that responsibility of trying to.
.
.
And there's an element of people pleasing in there.
There's an element of conforming in there.
There's an element of trying to be whoever that person you're engaging with wants you to be,
Or how you believe they want you to be.
But that's not being authentic.
That's not life.
We only get one opportunity here.
Live it.
So a friend of mine said to me the other day,
She sent me a voice message,
Voice note,
And she said,
She always says,
Be your own cheerleader.
And I love that phrase.
Be your own cheerleader.
Be happy,
Be comfortable with self.
Don't get caught up in the explaining,
The conforming.
And just realize that in that moment,
If I can just give one tool,
And that tool is that phrase.
And you can say it quietly to yourself when you're engaged in those conversations,
And you know the conversations I'm talking about.
And if you want to,
You can say it out loud to the person.
I am whoever you say I am.
Thank you.
