Five Lessons From Silent Retreat

*Live Recording :
What happens when the noise quiets, the stories soften, and even our own voice steps aside? In this livestream, I'll share reflections and dharma teachings from my recent silent retreat. Together we’ll explore what reveals itself in the silence and how silence invites presence, tenderness, and trust in what’s already here.

This is a gentle conversation about listening beneath words, meeting ourselves honestly, and remembering what remains when we stop trying to control life and simply learn to experience it.

Transcript

Okay my friends, Let's get into this second part of the talk which is the takeaway, The insights, The things that I really learned with all those hours of doing sitting meditation, Walking meditation, Work meditation, Eating meditation. What does it all come down to? What comes out of all of that when I walk away, When I come home and I'm back in my busy life? What's the takeaway? So there are so many takeaways but I wrote down five. Five takeaways. Here's the first one and I'll expand on each of them a little bit. The first one is that silence is not the absence of sound, It's the absence of resistance. Hear that again. Silence is not the absence of sound, It's the absence of resistance. So it's a way to reframe our relationship with silence and our definition because we might think well nothing's going on when there's silence, It's just quiet. And I'm here to invite you to consider that silence is not just not hearing sounds or not hearing people talking. Silence is when we stop resisting life. We stop resisting the here and now. We stop resisting what shows up for us which may be uncomfortable, May be scary. Maybe there's a sadness that you don't want to meet and the moment you stop doing all the doing that you do, That sadness is a lump in your throat it wants to come up but you shut it down by keep doing. So you resist the silence and you resist the sadness. And this is what most of us do my friends. We become human doings rather than human beings. We are afraid to simply sit still in silence and be and observe what arises. It's like sitting on the shore and just observing the ocean, Waves coming and going. That in itself is a meditation. So reframing that silence is not simply the absence of sound but it's the absence of resisting reality, Resisting the what is, Resisting life in this moment. And this moment may be really uncomfortable and that's why we resist it and that's why we're afraid to sit in silence because silence unfolds, Silence reveals the truth of this moment. And the truth may be really uncomfortable. It may even be painful. And it may be a truth that I am fighting not to meet. Maybe the truth is that I need to leave this relationship. Maybe the truth is I need to cut off that other relationship because it's toxic and not serving me. Maybe the truth is my body doesn't feel well and I need to go take care of it and see a doctor. Maybe the truth is I need to stop eating so much chocolate. Dark chocolate. Maybe the truth is I'm just not happy with what I'm doing in my life. But we avoid meeting these truths by resisting meeting ourselves in silence. And so when we stop pushing away what is here and what arises, The mind naturally, Eventually, Over time and with practice, Settles and the silence reveals itself when the commentary and the grasping thoughts just kind of drop away. So that's the first takeaway. That silence is the absence of resisting life. It's about meeting life so fully right here. You ready for the second one? Okay, Let's go to number two. The second profound takeaway from the silent retreats is that our bodies become the teacher when words fall away. Our bodies are like a tuning fork. They're a tuning fork. How do we attune by using our five senses? What do I hear? What do I see? What do I smell? What do I taste? What do I feel or touch? So the body itself becomes the teacher. But in this society, My friends, We are like bobbleheads. We are disembodied heads. We just walk around in our thoughts and we forget to dive into the body. And our bodies have so much intuitive wisdom when we sit in silence and we're able to hear it. If there's a lot of noise, We cannot dive into the wisdom of the body. So the silent retreat container helps us to really land in our bodies so that we're not just living in our thought stream. Because we're doing mindful sitting, We're doing mindful walking, Mindful eating, Mindful work. Right? So without that verbal processing, The body begins to speak. And the body is the most beautiful teacher of one of the core foundations of the Dharma, Which is impermanence. Everything changes all the time. You're not the same person you were when we started this Dharma talk. Neither am I. I've never been this person that I am right now until this very moment. And even that's gone because the me of one minute ago is not the me of right now. And the body shows us that because the body is in constant evolution in present moment time. That's the beauty. So the container of silence brings us back into the body. Many of us treat our bodies like a taxi. You know the taxis in New York, The yellow cabs? Taking us from the east side to the west side, From the north to the south, Uptown to downtown. Many of us treat the body like a taxi. It's just taxiing around our head, Our brain, Our minds, Our thoughts. And we're really missing out. We're missing out on all the primordial wisdom that our bodies carry. And so the second takeaway insight from Silent Retreat is that our bodies become the teacher when the words fall away. Okay, Friends, Let's go to the third insight from Silent Retreat. Every activity is a meditation. When our attention is no longer divided because we're talking and thinking a zillion things a minute, Then every single moment is the meditation. You might have heard the teacher Ed Cartol a long time ago say, I don't sit to meditate on the cushion anymore because my life is the meditation. And this is what I'm referring to. When we're eating with undivided attention, Eating is a meditation. When we are walking with undivided attention, Mindful walking becomes the meditation. When we are listening to life happening around us, Listening becomes the undivided meditation. Experience. So what this does when you start seeing that every activity in your life is a meditation or a potential meditation, Let's say, This begins to dissolve the false divide between meditation and life. Of course, We may not start in that space. We might start on the cushion or in a retreat or with guided meditations, Getting the support. That's beautiful. We have to start somewhere and we need to learn. These are all skills and tools that we learn, Just like playing the piano, My friends, Or playing pickleball. For those of you that are pickleball fans, You're not born knowing how to play pickleball. You learn. You're not born knowing how to play the piano. You learn. These too are skills and tools to learn to do a walking meditation, To learn to sit in silence, To learn to do a mindful eating meditation. And when you practice these enough, You realize that there is no separation between, Oh, I'm meditating now and, Oh, I'm living my life now. So what this reveals is that presence is portable. Presence is portable. It's available in every single ordinary moment of your life. Even as I move my hands like this, I am distinctly aware. I'm aware of a little itch on the bottom of my eyelid because a hair got in my way. I'm aware that my hands are moving. Take a moment to look at your hand. Really look at your hand. Have you ever really looked at your hand? I've done a lot of hand surgery. I'm also an artist, So I've drawn a lot of hands. Hands are very spiritual for me. Have you ever paused to take a look at your hands? Really look. Everything becomes a meditation. We don't need a special retreat or a special time or a special moment to be intimate with life. That's what meditation offers us. That's what the spiritual journey is, Is developing an intimacy with life. And when we realize that every single activity is meditation, When our attention is undivided, Our life changes because we're really, Truly here, Really present. Take a deep breath with me, My friends. One breath meditation. Deep inhale. Let's do one with eyes open. Soft gaze about six feet in front of you, Down to the ground. Eyelids half open, Half closed. Deep breath. Okay, My friends. Ready for number four, Our fourth takeaway from silent retreat. Deep listening dissolves the sense of separation. What do I mean? Let me tell you. We had an experience in silent retreat, This past retreat. The Roshi asked us to go outside and the grounds are very beautiful. There's a beautiful Zen garden with koi ponds, Little ponds there, Little fish there. I'm sorry. Beautiful garden with a Bodhi tree with gorgeous flowers and plants, Many bamboo. So the Roshi asked us to go outside to the garden and to pick a plant and to come within six inches of that plant and to simply listen to what it has to tell me. Deep presence and deep listening. We use our breath to anchor in the present moment, Release any thoughts that come, Just watch them pop like little soap bubbles. They come and they go, They come and they go, And we come into union with the plant and then we listen for what the receptive awareness. When listening is total, The listener begins to soften and the usual boundary between me and what I perceive as you, The plant, Becomes less rigid. And then we experience what Thich Nhat Hanh calls interbeing, Interconnection, And it brings us into this shared experience rather than being isolated and loneliness as this separate being. And you will be surprised at the wisdom these plants have to tell us. It's really quite fascinating. I've done that experience several times since the Roshis offered it. They offered it on several retreats ago and then they offered it again. They do different things in different retreats and they offered it again on this one. So I invite you to do that. If you have a plant at home, You can do it with a plant at home or you can go outside, Be in nature. Come within six inches of it. You can look straight at it or you can look soft in your gaze and kind of look around it so you don't have a harsh gaze. And you listen to what the plant has to tell you. I did that one of the times with a bamboo, Gorgeous big bamboo, And I got really close to it and got really silent within. So there was really no thought stream running. There was just pure awareness, Just using the body as this tuning fork experience through sensations. What do I hear? What do I see? What do I smell, Taste, Touch? Do you want to know what the bamboo told me? I bet you do. I was there for a few minutes in deep presence and then I asked the bamboo, What do you have to teach me? You can talk to it. And it said, Be grounded yet flexible because you know the bamboos are very strong. Do you know that one inch of bamboo is stronger than one inch of steel? So they're very strong yet so deeply grounded that they can be flexible and that's why they survive storms, The wind, The strong winds and the rains. So this is the fourth takeaway, My friends. When we listen deeply, We dissolve the sense of separation that there's a me over here and a you over there. And we can do this with people. We can do this with our pets, With our animals. And so deep listening is another skill that we can practice. And I can do a love stream on deep listening as well. And the fifth one, The last takeaway from silent retreat is that a silent mind, A no thinking mind is not a blank, Empty mind. It's awake, Responsive, And compassionate. So cultivating silence doesn't dull our perception like, Oh, There's nothing here, It's blank. Cultivating silence actually sharpens it. And I like a sharp scalpel. So I like sharp perception. Cultivating being in silence sharpens our lived experience because there are fewer mental filters, The thoughts begin to drop away, And the life experience, The felt experience becomes more vivid and intimate. And from this space of aliveness comes more clarity and there's an emerging sensitivity. And so when we build compassion, Compassion becomes not just this idea, It becomes a felt response to life. When I see a dead flower or a crumbling brown leaf, I feel compassion. When I see somebody crying or hurting, I can respond compassionately. So a silent mind is not a dead, Blank, Nothing going on mind. It's awake, It's responsive, It's available to be here, To be right here in this life experience fully and completely. So my friends, I gave you the full schedule of a silent retreat in the beginning, The layout. I gave you five takeaways that are profoundly transformative when we engage with silence. And we can do that on our own. It's just easier to do it in retreat because there's an energy of everybody. The 45 people I was with were all there with that same intention, To be in silence, To meet themselves in silence. And just notice what is here that has always been here, Regardless of your age, Regardless of your emotions, Regardless of your thoughts, Regardless of anything happening in your physical body or anything happening outside the world. What is here that is always here? Notice what is here. Sense it, Feel into it. Don't think about it. It's not an answer to be solved. It's a sensation, An experience to be had. What is at the depth of the silence of you? What are you experiencing beyond the thought stream, Beyond any emotions, Beyond the body, Beyond anything happening in the world outside your door? What is here that has always been here? You can open your eyes and share in the chat if you'd like. What did you find at the depth of the silence of you? Hmm. Peace. Lady Peacock says. Peace. And so it is. This peaceful awareness is the essence of who you are. Even in wartime, Even if you're struggling with physical pain or a chronic illness, Even if you don't like your husband or have a difficult job, This peace that sits at the depth of the silence within is always available to you. We just need to practice meeting ourselves in that space. So I'll do that on a guided meditation. I'll record one for you. Thank you, Everyone. We can cultivate the seeds of peace within ourselves. So let's enter a little brief guided meditation, My friends, To invite ourselves into the silence. Closing your eyes or holding a soft gaze, If that's comfortable for you. Finding some comfortable spot in your body and bringing the light of awareness to your breath. Breathing in. I know I am alive. Breathing out. I know I am in my body. Breathing in. I know I am breathing in. Breathing out. I know I am alive. And so let's hold a few moments of silence for ourselves, For each other, For anyone that's struggling right now in this very moment in this life. Let's take our deep, Intentional breaths. Inhale, Followed by a long exhale to calm our own nervous system and to bring us into presence, Into clarity of mind. Now, Let's enter the silence within. And as we enter the space of sound through talking, We give deep gratitude to the silence. Deep gratitude for what the silence continues to teach us as we meet ourselves more deeply through the silence. And if you'd like to open your eyes, Perhaps stretch a little bit or you can shake your body, Tap a little bit, Whatever feels good, Whatever you need in this moment, To feel the aliveness of this moment. And so as we close up, Let me read our closing poem from Rumi, The 13th century poet who is supporting us in waking up in this life. And the poem is called The Breeze at Dawn. The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don't go back to sleep. You must ask for what you really want. Don't go back to sleep. People are going back and forth across the door sill where the two worlds meet. The doors round and open. Don't go back to sleep. Let me share the merit that whatever benefit might have come to us today from our listening, May it be of benefit for ourselves and to everyone we encounter. And may it aid in the healing and transformation of our world. Om shanti, Shanti, Shanti. Peace in your hearts. Peace in your minds. Peace in your body. Peace in our world. Thank you, My beautiful friends. I so appreciate your time, Your energy. I hope to see you here again whenever you arrive. Thank you for receiving. And thank you for inspiring me to continue to show up here week after week. I will see you soon. Take care. Be well. Take care of yourself. Take care of your life. And then life will take care of you. And remember what Rumi says, Don't go back to sleep. Bye for now.

Reviews

Thank you for sharing your takeaways from your silence retreat. What a wonderful opportunity. I have lots to learn but not enough. Am so glad I found you in IT. My kind and wonderful teacher. Shanty 🙏🌌