Lately,
I've struggled with my identity and how I fit into the external world.
When I quit my job to pursue a slower,
Quieter,
More creative life of my own making,
I wanted the person I had been,
Well-known,
Respected,
And consulted for her depth of experience.
To step into the same level of busyness and success I'd built over 30 years.
I wanted everything I did in my new life to be as successful in the eyes of the external world as I had been in three decades of teaching.
I wanted my class shops,
I wanted my classes and workshops to be full,
My coaching to be overflowing every day with clients that aligned to this new,
Healed,
More spiritual and consciously creative version of myself.
But constructed society doesn't work that way.
The man-made world had other plans.
Popular society doesn't really care who you are,
Who you were,
Or what you want.
It operates on its own terms,
Within its own self-created parameters.
There was no option to be more yourself in a system and be seen as a success.
Once you step away from the structure and expectations of the external world,
One that values money,
Work,
And the appearance of happiness at the cost of true enjoyment of life,
You're on your own.
You get to keep your skills and lessons learned as parting gifts.
But you soon realize that who you thought you were,
And pretended to be all those years,
Wasn't really who you are at your deepest levels.
And without a strong sense of identity,
You have no way to navigate.
One day,
Life is calm and blissful.
And the next,
A mental fight with yourself over where to put your energy,
Your attention,
And your faith.
Do you go out with friends who don't really understand you anymore?
Or do you choose to stay cozy at home with a book?
How do you defend your choice to retreat from the 9 to 5 when life throws you difficulty?
How do you move through a rapidly changing,
Sometimes dangerous world with fewer resources and fewer meaningful relationships?
The answer to a crisis of identity is deceptively simple.
You go within.
You remember how the noise of the world around you drowned out your soul for so many years.
Yet you survived it all.
And by knowing yourself,
You can survive anything.
You reflect and take stock of what truly matters to you and only you.
Because without knowing your talents and gifts,
You can't know how to help yourself and continue to help the world.
You turn off the TV,
Silence the phone,
And return to the page,
The easel,
The clock,
The crafting table,
The kitchen,
The library.
And you soothe yourself with what it is that your identity needs most in every moment of uncertainty.
Reconnection to your soul.
And to the assurance that comes from making the world,
Your world,
A little more beautiful in this very moment.
Because only by knowing ourselves can we know how to navigate a world gone mad.
Where pain,
Fear,
And heartache linger around every corner.
No matter how much we want to heal the world.
We can't do it if we're not healed ourselves.
