Hello again,
Welcome.
Can I ask you a question?
Have you ever noticed how quickly something someone says?
Can cause a reaction.
Perhaps someone makes a passing comment.
Perhaps they don't reply in the way you expected.
Perhaps they disagree with you.
And then suddenly it feels like more than just what they said.
It feels personal.
They don't believe me.
They think I don't understand.
Why are they doing this to me?
But what actually happened?
Someone spoke.
Someone disagreed.
Someone didn't respond.
The way you hoped or expected.
This is what actually happened in real time.
But then,
Almost instantly,
The mind can ahead something else.
This means something about me.
And that is where the reaction can become much stronger.
Because now.
.
.
When there's no longer responding only to what happens.
One is responding.
To what it seems to mean to you.
Perhaps this is why taking things personally can be so disempowering.
The event may be very small.
But the meaning attached to it can become very large.
Totally out of proportion.
A simple comment can feel like a rejection.
A disagreement can become one of disrespect.
Someone silent can become.
They don't care about me.
And none of these interpretations,
At a closer look,
May actually be true.
They may be possibly true.
But they are not what actually happened.
So the next time something catches you,
A feeling of a reaction.
Before responding,
Simply ask.
What actually occurred?
Why would they say this about me?
Not why would they do this to me,
And not what does this say about me.
Simply what actually happened in real time.
It may be surprisingly simple.
They said something.
They looked away.
They disagreed.
They forgot.
They made a mistake.
There may be many explanations that have nothing to do with you.
And even when someone really is being critical,
Their judgement,
This doesn't automatically become the truth about you.
It is their perception,
Their interpretation.
Their experience.
It can be heard,
Understood,
Appreciated.
Without being turned into something about you.
And this doesn't mean one should accept poor treatment.
Sometimes a boundary is needed.
Sometimes something needs to be said.
Clearly without attachment.
Sometimes a relationship needs to be reconsidered.
But responding clearly is very different from reacting.
Because it has been interpreted as personal.
When something is felt as personal,
There is often an apparent urgency.
I need to explain myself.
I need to prove them wrong.
I need to make them understand.
I need to defend myself.
But perhaps nothing needs to happen quite so quickly.
And little distance can change everything.
Not distance from the situation.
But distant from the story you are creating about the situation.
Then perhaps one can hear the words without immediately becoming the person those words describe.
Someone can dislike something you do.
Without that meaning there is something wrong with you.
Someone can misunderstand you without you needing to convince them.
Someone can judge you.
Without their judgement becoming your identity.
And perhaps This is the freedom that comes from no longer taking.
Everything personally.
Not becoming indifferent.
Not becoming hard.
Not pretending that words don't affect you.
Simply learning to distinguish between what happened and what didn't.
And what you made it mean.
Because there is often a very small space between the two.
Something happens,
The mind interprets it,
And then you react to the interpretation.
Perhaps the most important moment is the moment you notice that difference.
What actually happened.
What have I added?
And perhaps realise the lesson.
The next time something feels personal,
Wait.
Listen again.
Look again.
Separate the event from the meaning of your interpretation.
You may discover.
That what seemed so significant was partly a story that appeared around it.
And perhaps.
.
.
You don't need to believe every story.
The mind tells you.
Someone say something.
Something happens.
Life continues.
And you don't.
Have to turn every moment.
Into a statement about you.
So perhaps the question isn't about that.
How can I stop reacting?
Perhaps the question is.
.
.
Can I see clearly?
What actually happened.
Before deciding.
Creating a story about it.
What it means.
That small difference will change everything.
So now,
For a moment,
Let everything be as it is.
Nothing to work out.
Nothing to take personally.
Just this moment,
Here,
Now.
Just as it is,
Open and free.
Without interpretation.
