THE COST OF BEING SOMEONE Bring your focus to being here,
Right where you are.
For the moment there is nothing to do,
Just relax and make yourself comfortable.
We shall begin by noticing the gentle flow of the breath,
Breathing in slowly through the nose,
Mouth closed.
At the top of the breath,
Pause briefly,
Then as you exhale,
Allow the body to fully relax through your outgoing breath being longer than your incoming breath.
Then pause for a moment,
Again breathing in slowly,
Pause,
Then breathing out,
Relaxing the body fully.
Allow the breath to relax into its own natural rhythm,
Remain still and relaxed.
Now bring your attention to something that has been unconsciously present for most of your life,
The sense of a me,
The sense of me the person,
The one who is listening now,
The one who is sitting.
Now ask yourself,
What is aware of this me?
The me,
The someone with an identity.
Someone with a history,
A narrative.
Someone with opportunities.
Someone with a life to live.
Someone with interests and responsibilities.
Now,
This sense of being someone feels natural,
Because we have grown up believing ourselves to be a someone,
A me.
Yet,
Maintaining this sense of me requires effort,
Time and some focus.
Now,
For a moment,
Be still.
And ask yourself,
Who is this someone I believe myself to be?
For much of our lives,
We believe this someone to be who and what we are.
The separate self me,
The personal identity with a future,
Experiencing life.
But now look more closely.
This separate self often feels under pressure.
There is much to do,
To achieve,
To understand,
To be liked,
To be known,
To be happy.
As we look at this more closely,
Something deeper begins to appear.
The effort required here can leave us feeling pressured,
Tense,
Anxious,
Insecure,
All of which can impact so many areas of our life.
These all arise because of the very sense of our perceived identity,
The self-created me,
Who we have always believed ourselves to be.
Now,
Instead of trying to fix any resulting sufferings that may arise,
Stand back for a moment and quietly ask yourself,
Why am I suffering?
Then ask,
Who is suffering?
What exactly is suffering?
And where is suffering appearing?
If you look carefully,
You will notice it can appear as stress,
As tense emotions,
Doubts,
Concerns,
Attachments,
Worries,
Expectations,
All because of the belief in one's finite personal identity image.
Now ask a deeper question.
What is it that notices this suffering,
These appearances?
What is aware of the reactive emotions?
What is aware of the uncomfortable feelings?
Just pause for a moment.
And instead of thinking about an answer,
Turn your attention towards the one that is aware.
Not of your thoughts,
Not the mind,
But that which knows thoughts,
Not the feelings,
That which is aware of the feelings.
There is a formless awareness which quietly notices all that is being felt,
Experienced,
And sensed.
Now,
Before the next thought appears,
Something is already subtly present and silently aware.
Behind all thoughts,
Something is already present and fully aware of this moment.
You do not need to find this.
You do not need to look for it or try to understand it.
It is already here,
Present,
Whole,
And complete before the first thought,
Quietly noticing all as it unfolds in the moment.
Something is formlessly present that is fully aware of the movements of the experiences of the mind,
Body,
And senses.
When the body or mind suffers,
Awareness itself is present,
Whole,
Unaffected.
Thoughts may bring suffering.
The body may feel discomfort.
Emotions may bring tensions.
But awareness discerningly notices all of these movements and remains quiet and still and free,
Open,
Unmoved.
Awareness is the quiet,
Grounded presence within which all suffering temporarily appears.
In the same way that the depths of the ocean remain calm and still as waves move across the surface,
Stillness and calm are our inseparable,
Natural awareness presence.
Yet most people live only as the reactive,
Self-focused,
Outer turbulent surface,
Susceptible to the buffeting of the mind's thoughts,
Feelings,
And sufferings.
For a moment now,
Using your breath,
Bring your attention to rest a little deeper.
Notice a quiet presence that is already here,
Whole,
Still,
And silent.
This still,
Silent awareness is not the finite me.
It has no history,
No story,
No past or future,
No identity.
You are not the stories,
Sufferings,
Or narratives of the mind.
You are the effortless presence and awareness in which they appear.
Life's storms come and go,
But the awareness which notices them remains still,
Unaffected.
You are not responsible for healing the movements of suffering's thoughts,
But you can notice how you relate to them.
Instead of surrendering to the feelings of suffering,
Stand back.
Look deeper at that which witnesses the sufferer.
Come to recognize this.
As you witness life's ebb and flow within this quiet awareness,
Something very simple begins to reveal itself.
Suffering is happening within something that does not suffer,
Does not react,
Does not feel loss or pain.
Awareness remains imperturbable,
Timelessly present,
Eternally free,
Just as the sky remains pristine no matter how many clouds appear within it.
Now,
Quietly ask yourself one final question.
What would you be without all of these me stories,
Without the history of any suffering,
Without the memories or imbalances,
Without the self-created identity belief,
The label of a me,
That which you support and have believed to be the one which is you?
Just for a moment,
Rest as the simple awareness that is here,
Empty and free.
Nothing needs to be added.
Nothing needs to be removed.
Awareness is already whole,
Already complete,
Already at peace.
You see,
Peace is not something you find,
Discover or work towards.
It is that which is timelessly present when you stop covering it by doing,
By thinking,
By identifying,
By suffering.
And in this moment of quiet noticing,
Of no effort,
Of no doing,
You will begin to sense that peace and calm have always been silently present.
Rest now as the inseparable awareness which one is.
Take one gentle,
Long,
Deep breath now,
Then release.
Remain now as quiet,
Peaceful presence,
This unborn awareness,
The essential nature of one's timeless being.
