The Cause And Solution To All Suffering Is Internal

In this session, we discuss how Vipassana can provide insights into the nature of suffering - showing us how our responses to suffering can be far more impactful, severe, and longer lasting than the physical impact of the initial event. We end the session with a practice of noticing when our mind wanders into craving or aversion and returning our focus back to the sensations arising in the body. This track is taken from my course, ‘The Path Within: Lessons From A 10-Day Vipassana Retreat’, available now via my profile.

Transcript

Day nine. The cause of and solution to all suffering is internal. So over the course of this 10-day Vipassana retreat I had a lot of time to think and the actual act of the meditation, You know, Obviously and evidently brings up a lot of stuff. And the discourses and the discussion with the teachers and my own reflections helped me to realize a lot of stuff. Number one, I'm holding on to a lot of pain from the past and, You know, At the end of the course we all talked, All the participants, And it's clear that we all are. This is a common factor and it's, You know, Evident of the human experience. We hold on to things. But there was a moment in the discourses around day nine, I'm not quite sure when, In which the head instructor highlighted how something might have happened to us 10, 20, 30 years ago and we're still holding on to it. Some words, Some actions, Some deeds said to us way back when we hold on to. And that really hit because, Yeah, Of course we're holding on to it. It's this pain, It's this trauma, It's this thing that happened to me, You know. I've talked about it in other courses, But the idea that the axe forgets what the tree remembers. If you've been cut down, If you've been hurt, You remember it. It's your life, It's your origin story. But when you really step back and detach and think about it, Some of these things are offhanded comments, Some of these things are happenstance. And even if some of these things are intentional pain and duress, Purposely inflicted, They happened all the way back when. And to not take steps to process them, To not take steps to integrate them, To not take steps to potentially let go of them would be folly. Now, I'm in no way saying that people aren't doing these things or that it's necessarily possible to fully let go. Anyone that knows my story knows that there's things that have happened that have reverberated throughout the life that we're constantly trying to adapt to and deal with and heal from. But the highlighting of this fact, This idea that, You know, Putting it in stark contrast with this sort of irreverent spiritual humor that these teachers, These experienced meditation teachers sort of have was sort of telling. It became quite apparent that there's an absolute plethora of pains and traumas and torments and all of these things that I'm holding on to that I could potentially let go of. And this became more apparent when I was sitting in meditation. You know, As I've said, I was processing all of these things were coming up, These ways that I've been mistreated and all of these things, You know, This is a common thing. But as I was letting these things feeling, I'm filling them with equanimity, I'm sort of processing them, The body's, You know, Revealing itself and just going through the process. It came to a stage where all of a sudden it flipped. And I remembered time after time after time where I was the person causing the pain, Where I was the mean one, The potential abuser, The one that was causing the harm, The one that has said and done things intentionally or unintentionally or via ignorance or mistake and causing people pain. Where I would have, Were they to hold on to it, Be the one of 30 years of someone's anger, Someone's pain, Someone's duress, Things and moments in which I could easily just forget and offhand and just disregard. Someone could have been deeply and thoroughly hurt by it. And in fact, I know that that there have been things that wouldn't have happened to me, I would have been holding onto it and still have. And it sort of highlighted this fact that it's easy to sort of paint yourself as the victim. It's easy to paint yourself as the sort of the center of the universe because to us, To our life as we're living it, We are, You know, I see the world through my eyes and I only see what the world happens to show me, What people happen to share. You know, I feel everything, But I don't have the best ability to see into other people's minds. Obviously, I don't see my impact upon other people. All I get is the total story of my inner world and at best a glimpse or a guess of the external. But there was a few meditation sessions there where I saw moment after moment after moment where, You know, The shoe was on the other foot, So to speak. And there was an intensity there. And I realized that in the same way, I need to forgive and let go and move on and process and integrate the things that have happened to me. So too do I need to let go of the guilt for the stuff that I have done. And so too do I need to be aware of my future actions because the things I say and do will have positive and negative impacts moving forward on other people. And obviously, No matter what, That will happen. You don't get to choose how people respond. You can only do your best. And I'm saying this, You know, Applied to me, But after the course, I spoke to the other people and we all had these similar sort of revelations and feelings and the realizations that's like, Hey, You know, Things have happened to us, But, You know, We've been the cause as well. And then it comes to this idea of, Well, Should we make amends? Should we reach out? Should we sort of reconnect with these people and be like, Hey, You know, Remember 20 years ago when we broke up or, You know, 10 years ago when I said these things or, You know, Should I go through the apology tour, So to speak? And this is an interesting one and not one that I'm yet fully able to know what the best answer is because part of me is like, Yes, Like let's make amends. Let's fix the problem. But I don't know if the problem is a problem in their world. I don't know if bringing it back up would be the best thing for them or if it would just be me sort of trying to satiate my own sense of guilt. It's like, Oh, Look, I reached out, I apologized, And now it's all good. Maybe. Maybe that's what they would truly need or maybe I'll be bringing it back up again in a way they don't want. Maybe they've processed it. Who knows? So there's something to consider there, A wisdom to sort of dissect because it goes every way, But there was this detached revelation that, We all impact one another. But then sort of that night, The discourses discussed something very interesting. And it was saying all this highlighting this fact that prior to sort of going into this meditation, Prior to learning Vipassana, Prior to sort of walking the path, We put the cause of our pain externally. My partner said this, My mom did that, My boss did this, And now I feel this. It's like my anger is the consequence of an externality. My pain is caused by something external to me. When in reality, What they suggest is that all of your pain, All of your suffering, All of your joy, All of your everything is 100% internal. It is caused by you. It's a bit confronting, A bit overwhelming, Particularly when we have been victims of abuse and bullying and all these other things. And particularly when good things happen to us, How can we be responsible for it all? There's a little bit of a sort of a breakdown that I think is necessary. There is a Western branch of psychology of counseling founded by Viktor Frankl, Who survived some deep pains and issues and traumas in his life. And I encourage you to look into his philosophies and his teachings. But his main sort of essence was, Is that no matter what happens, We get to choose our response to it. And there's some issues and nuances to this, But it relates to the idea, To the Buddhist concept of the first and second arrow. Life will shoot you with first arrows. Physical injuries, Disabilities, Illnesses, Grief and loss, Change, Torment, Random happenstance, Acts of God and nature, This sort of stuff. Bad stuff will happen. That is life. It's life because we have you know, Ongoing needs and wants, And there is a lack of perpetual resources to fill it. And even if we had those resources, All your wants can't be fulfilled. Bad stuff happens, Right? That's a fact. But very quickly something happens and we respond to it. That's the second arrow. Yeah, It's the second arrow. And I sort of talked about this a little bit tangentially in the first session. The I have to becomes I get to. Bad stuff happens. I was put into a room in which people were snoring and I wouldn't be able to sleep. First arrow, I can't sleep. First arrow, There's an irritation. But what's the second arrow? All of the anxiety, Worry, Torment, Distress that I applied beyond that irritation. The worry, The ongoing stuff. And it turned out to be fine. And yes, This is easy to say for something as little minuscule as a lack of sleep due to someone snoring. But you know, You can apply this with practice, With sort of focus to anything that happens. You hurt yourself, That sucks. But if you worry about what that hurt will end up meaning, There's a lot more pain that you will cause yourself. People will pass and that will hurt tremendously. But you will add to the hurt if you do well in it. If you allow that pain to permeate your life, If you allow it to break you down. I'm not saying not to feel anything. I'm saying to feel it deeply, But not feel more than what is arising. To note how you respond and how you're perpetuating your own misery by allowing it to take over and take charge and become more than what it is. Identify the first arrow. And then through the practice of something like a vipassana, Through the practice of a meditation, Through the practice of detached mindfulness, You start to see how you're no longer in the present moment, How you're no longer with the pain, How you've allowed the response to the pain to become your reality. And if you sit in meditation and just sit and just allow yourself and you allow those thoughts to arise, You start to see how you get caught up and trapped in them and how you start to feel things. In a moment, We're going to sit for another five minutes and just note our feelings and our response to those feelings, Both physical and mental. And you'll start to see how for such a small little sort of discomfort as just a five minute sit in safety and relative harmony, Relative peace, You can still get a little bit shaken. You will still feel the second arrow. That's a 0. 1% analogy to this deeper level of teaching. Now, I'm not 100% in agreeance that it's 100% your pain and suffering is internally caused because life does happen. But there is something to be said about being equanimous to what happens. Because wouldn't it be better to have control or more increased control over the mental state? The analogy that they gave was that through continued practice of vipassana, Of meditation, Of the stuff we're doing here, You will not lose yourself to the second arrow for as long. Let's say you have an argument with your partner or your boss that would have derailed or your boss that would have derailed you for a day. You're boiling for eight hours. Maybe with practice, That loss becomes four hours, Two hours. Maybe you flare up because someone cut you off in traffic and rather than it costing you minutes or hours or the day, It costs you a couple of seconds of anger. With practice, You can learn to identify when you've lost yourself in the second arrow. Over time and with practice, That ability will grow. When the real pain happens, Which it will come if you are on this earth, Unfortunately, That is a reality. When it comes, You'll be able to not lose yourself as much in the second arrow. Prior to it coming, You won't lose yourself in the anxiety of worrying about those things happening. I've spent a lot of time in anxiety, A lot of time in depression, A lot of my time in the second arrow. But the more I meditate, The more I'm able to be in the present moment. Okay, Something's happening in a day. That's going to be challenging. But right now, In this moment, I'm feeling my breath. I'm feeling my body. I'm being here now. I'm enjoying the company that I've got. I'm enjoying the moment. And that is beautiful. So I invite you now to sit. Begin by drawing your attention to the sensations of the breath at the nose, And then to the sensations in your body as they're arising. Start with your head, Move down to your arms, And then to your chest, Then to your back, Body, And then to your legs. And just go up and down, Scanning your body, And just feel what is arising. And notice any time your mind tries to take you away from the present moment into the second arrow. Whatever is arising now, The good or the bad in your body, That's what's happening. The good or the bad in your mind, That's what's happening. But if you allow yourself to sort of get lost, You're losing yourself in the second arrow. So just note that. The idea is that by the end of these five minutes, I hope you have a little bit of a lived experience of sort of getting caught up in your response to it, To see the second arrow. And when you do, Return your focus back to the breath, Or back to the sensations happening in the body. Not about the judgment of them, If there's pain, There's pain. What's happening in that pain? Note the feelings, The sensations, The pressure, All of the intricacies of the pain, Where it's located, The size, The shape, All of that stuff. No judgment, Just equanimous awareness of what's arising, And then watch it fall. Note how transient it is, The impermanence, And return your focus back to that body scan. And in this way, You'll see the first arrow, And your own internal second arrow response. Give it a try now. So, Today we looked at the idea that the cause of, And the solution to, Suffering is internal. Things will happen in life. That's a fact. Good things and bad things, Good feelings and bad things will arise. This is the first arrow. But if we can practice, As we are now, Vipassana, Meditation, Mindfulness, We start to become aware of the second arrow. Our internal responsiveness to the first arrow, The clinging, The craving, The duress we cause ourselves. But this can be stopped. The more we practice, The more we return our focus to the present moment, To the sensations of the breath and the body, Non-judgmentally, With equanimity, Noting it's arising and falling, The transience, The impermanence. The quicker we get out of that trap, And the, Well, Better our life becomes. We spend less time boiling in anger, Or sadness, Or pain, Or anxiety, Or depression, Or languishing in just despair of the response to the reality of the moment. I encourage you to sit with any thoughts and feelings and insights that have arisen, And take some more time to explore the practice, If you so choose. And if you have any questions, Or would like some further clarification, Or have an insight you wish to share, Please do so in the classroom. There I'll be able to give you a voice response, And you'll be able to read the questions and answers from other students. This is an opportunity for deep learning, Further introspection, And insight, So please don't miss out. I look forward to seeing you in the next session. Thank you. This track was taken from the course, The Path Within. Lessons from a 10-day Vipassana Retreat. It's out now on Insight Timer, And available through my profile. I invite you to check it out.