Why Acceptance Is The Key To Happiness

True happiness in life comes from acceptance; embracing reality for what it is, both the good and the bad. This isn't to say we shouldn't take action to better ourselves, we should. But we should also learn to live with things as they are. This way we will be capable of appreciating the joys we have already attained. Without acceptance, we cannot live in the present. Rather we ruminate on the past, or fret about the future; neither state is conducive to ongoing happiness.

Transcript

Acceptance is the key to happiness.

No matter where we are in life,

There's going to be trials and problems and issues that we need to overcome and address.

And wherever possible,

We should do whatever we can to address them.

We need to act.

We need to do things to change our position.

And whilst that will always hold true,

There's going to be things that happen that we simply can't impact.

For example,

The death of a loved one,

Or illness and injury,

Disability,

Or things from our past.

These are things that we need to just accept.

And I'm not talking about accepting our fate and resigning ourselves to a life of depression or servitude or any other sort of aversive stimulus like that.

I'm talking about accepting reality as it is.

We do our best to change it,

Of course.

We do our best to take steps to overcome our past,

To educate ourselves,

To perform the self-care,

To do the therapy,

To meditate,

To heal,

To grow,

To recover.

But as a part of that process,

We need to accept where we are now.

We need to accept reality as it stands.

Because reality as it stands is exactly that.

It is reality.

And whilst we can dream of a better future and project ourselves to be,

To aim towards,

To grow towards a place that is far above our current station,

We do need to accept the reality of where we are now.

This ability to accept enables us to have a realistic view of the world as it is right now.

And from that realistic view of the world,

We are able to take action that will actually make a difference.

It's all too easy to get caught up and trapped with false realities.

You know,

By projecting our opinions,

Our beliefs,

Our desires upon reality and letting those projections twist our view.

We want the person to like us,

So we interpret their signs in the positive.

We want an outcome to happen,

So we interpret the events happening to support that outcome.

We believe someone is a bad person,

So we interpret their actions to prove our pre-made assumptions about that person.

We have a belief about ourselves that we are worthless and we then take action to self-sabotage because someone that has the worth of us surely doesn't deserve to have the goods that we're receiving.

Whereas,

The better approach is to accept the truth.

There are things about you that are good.

There are things about you that are commendable.

But there are also things about you that you need to improve.

There are things about you that are holding you back.

And this is the truth for everyone.

For you,

For me,

For everybody you know.

If we can develop the ability to become self-aware and see where we truly are,

We can take action from that state and we can move.

It's also a skill that helps us to deal with the unavoidable,

The horrendous,

The inevitable pain that life will cause.

No matter who we are,

No matter where we're from,

No matter how much money we've got,

No matter what,

People will pass that we care about.

We will grow old and pass on ourselves.

We'll face losses and downturns and a variety of other issues.

And for some of those things,

The only thing that we can do when they occur is to accept them.

We can only accept reality as it is.

A lot of mental suffering and pain isn't caused by the event itself,

But caused by our response to the event.

The friction that's caused between what's happening and what we think should have happened or what we want to have happened.

There's a difference between expectations and reality and that difference causes and that difference is a constant source of inner friction.

Thus we need to practice acceptance.

The same is true for positive events.

When we're on and up,

When we're winning,

When we're successful,

We can sometimes lose mindfulness.

We can lose our focus on what's important and sort of getting to this groove of winning.

Whilst that doesn't sound necessarily bad on the whole,

Because you'd obviously much prefer to be winning than losing or going through suffering,

You're still not necessarily connecting to what's happening in life.

You're still not necessarily happy.

Happiness comes when we accept where we are.

So even if you find yourself winning,

If you find yourself in love,

If you find yourself in a situation where there is a source of joy in your life,

You still also need to be able to practice acceptance,

Self-awareness and to be able to ground yourself in the present moment.

Because from that grounding in the present moment,

You'll be able to see and fully embrace the reality that is your current existence.

A perfect example is when you're around friends or family or children that are a source of bubbly,

Enthusiastic energy.

They come to you with it.

They say,

Hey,

Come,

Be in this moment,

Accept this moment,

Be here with me and feel what I'm feeling.

If only you'd put down the phone,

If only you would realize that this moment is fleeting,

That if you accept it,

If you accept what's happening,

If you be here in the present moment,

We can share the joy that I'm feeling right now.

I invite you.

So wherever you find yourself,

No matter what's happening in your life,

Acceptance is the key to happiness.

So then it becomes a question of how do we hone the practice of acceptance?

How do we get the ability to accept the current moment?

And there's two approaches to it.

The first is to simply remind yourself every day that you will accept the day as it comes,

To accept the moment as it comes.

In everyday interactions when you speak to people and they're overtly happy or sad or angry or tired or distant or rude or however they approach you,

Your job isn't to change them.

It isn't to manipulate the situation.

It isn't to control the situation.

Just accept them.

Just accept the situation as it is.

And just say that to yourself,

I accept.

I accept.

I accept you for who you are.

I accept the situation for what it is.

I accept myself for who I am.

The second method of developing a practice of acceptance is to practice mindfulness meditation.

Now mindfulness meditation is the act of purposely paying non-judgmental attention to the present moment.

There are many ways to practice meditation but at its core you choose a meditation object,

For example the breath entering and leaving your nose,

And you observe it.

When a mental phenomena arises,

Thoughts,

Emotions,

Moods,

Memories,

Anything,

You acknowledge them,

You accept them and you gently let them go.

And then you return back to the sensation of the breath entering and leaving the nose.

And you do that again and again and again until your timer ends and you rise for the day.

So if you practice saying to yourself,

I accept,

And you do some mindfulness meditation every day,

You will find that your general happiness levels will slowly and consistently increase.

It won't be an exponential jump,

It won't be an ecstatic high,

It will just be a slight increase,

A little additional joy,

A slight feeling of warmth,

A 10% gain of happiness.

But this gain will be permanent,

It will slowly increase.

Yes,

You will still have bad days,

But the bottoms won't be as low.

And you'll still have good days,

And on those good days you'll be able to feel them and embrace them and live them to a far deeper and more meaningful level.

Your happiness will be trending up if you just accept.

Reviews

I am actively, consciously working on this for myself. Thank you for this helpful talk. 🧘🕯️✌️

I accept your guidance. Really helpful, many thanks Zachary 🙏❤️💫

Awesome talk, Acceptance is the key…to happiness 💜

Great reminder of how it goes. The Franch say: ça va? And answer: oui, ça va or ça va bien. It goes? Yes, it goes well. Or, how's it going? It's going well. ☺️

Very timely and practical advice which I needed to hear this morning. Thank you 🙏 I accept where I am now.

Thank you for this meditation. Such an encouraging and powerful meditation that provides a way to liberate oneself from expectation of others, and our preception of life.

I’m going to save this one. I need the reminder every day!

Excellent and straight to the point. Thanks for posting

I am grateful for your guidance. Your words struck my heart open. I am learning to lean into the challenges that come my way. Thank you for helping me along my growth path. Namaste

Oh my, I needed this more than you know. My therapist has been trying to get me to accept my condition. I’ve been struggling with it. Your explanation of how and why has helped me. I will bookmark this and listen to it often. Thank you so much ❤️

Thanks for this guidance to happiness. Really helpful!

Excellent words of wisdom