Hello,
And welcome to the session.
I invite you to take a seat,
Lay down,
And get yourself comfortable,
You can close down the eyes if you wish,
And take a deep,
Slow breath in through the nose and out through the mouth.
To begin this session,
We're going to take a little look at Metta Meditation,
Or Loving Kindness.
This practice is used alongside mindfulness and other meditation techniques as a way to soften the heart,
Soften the thoughts,
And to open yourself up,
Just a little bit,
To care and compassion towards the self,
Towards others,
And towards the world.
The basic practice is to picture someone,
Or something,
Or a group,
In your mind,
In a dark space,
And to wish them well.
Some believe that this wishing well acts like a prayer,
In which sending them such love can actually change their experiences,
Whilst others simply believe that it's an inner practice,
Where you are using the Metta Meditation to soften your own heart,
To open yourself to loving kindness.
I tend to fall into the latter camp,
But nonetheless I believe it a practice to be worthwhile,
Because if you approach the world from a place of openness and love and connection,
You tend to find that the world gives that very thing back to you,
Whereas if you're closed off,
Jaded,
Sceptical,
Resentful,
You tend to receive that back.
This is why I choose to practice Metta Meditation.
There was a week when I was on holiday,
Where I would practice yoga on the beach every morning,
And during that hour of time where I was stretching,
I would observe the people walking past,
And each and every person that walked past,
I would imagine them,
I would hold them in my heart,
And wish them well.
At first this practice felt contrived,
A bit forced,
But quickly it felt expansive,
And awake,
And alive,
And I found the positive feelings persisted for months after that week of intense Metta practice.
So I want to offer that practice to you here,
So I'll take you through a formal practice of Metta Meditation,
Before getting into today's question and contemplation,
But just know that the simple way to practice this is to hold someone in your heart,
Whenever you see them,
Feel them,
Think about them,
And just wish them well,
There's nothing more complicated than that.
But with that said,
I invite you to close down your eyes if you haven't already,
Take another deep slow breath in through the nose,
And out through the mouth,
And just picture somebody that you have little trouble loving,
Maybe it's a partner,
Or a child,
Or a friend,
Someone that you care for,
Someone that you don't have an uncomplicated relationship with,
Someone who evokes positive feelings,
And when you've got a picture of that person in your mind,
Or a feeling of their energy,
Or their resonance,
Or even just their name,
However you hold someone in your mind,
Just move that space,
That energy to your heart,
And imagine loving,
Healing,
Beautiful,
Compassionate energy flowing towards them,
Might be a certain colour,
Might be a certain feeling,
Just let it resonate and wash over your image of that person,
And then perhaps say to them the following words,
Or similar words that work for you,
May you be free of ill will,
May you be free of suffering,
May you be full of love and kindness,
May you be happy,
May you be free of ill will,
May you be free of suffering,
May you be full of love and kindness,
May you be happy,
Now choose someone to which you are indifferent to,
Someone that you know of,
But aren't that connected to,
Once again hold that person in your heart space,
And send them,
Cover them,
Douse them in loving kindness,
This radiant energy,
And suggest to them,
Say to them,
May you be free of ill will,
May you be free of suffering,
May you be full of love and kindness,
May you be happy,
And now bring an image of yourself to mind,
Hold yourself in your totality,
In your heart space,
And wish yourself loving kindness,
Send that beautiful radiant loving energy towards yourself,
And say,
May I be free of ill will,
May I be free of suffering,
May I be full of love and kindness,
May I be happy,
May I be free of ill will,
May I be free of suffering,
May I be full of love and kindness,
May I be happy,
And finally I want you to take the entire world,
Hold the entire world in your heart space,
Send the world this beautiful radiant healing energy,
And say to the world,
May you be free of ill will,
May you be free of suffering,
May you be full of love and kindness,
May you be happy,
May you be free of ill will,
May you be free of suffering,
May you be full of love and kindness,
May you be happy,
So take another slow calm breath,
And just sit with the feelings of loving kindness,
If you were to use this practice as a formal meditation session,
You could practice just on someone else,
Just on yourself,
Just on the world,
And with time,
You could start practicing sending loving kindness to people you don't like,
To people that have caused you harm,
And indeed the beauty of this practice is that once you begin,
Your heart space starts to open up,
And you start to heal,
It's actually quite beautiful,
But it's suggested that if you're initially beginning in this space,
To practice with people,
With things,
With pets,
That are easy to offer loving kindness to,
But over time,
You can work towards other things,
Other objects,
Because ultimately,
Really,
We do wish that everyone and everything was free of ill will,
Free of suffering,
Full of love and kindness,
And happy,
Because if the people who harmed you,
Who wronged you,
Who upset you,
Were full of those things,
Perhaps they would act better,
Perhaps they would be better,
Perhaps they would cause less harm in the world,
If you do go down into this path of meta meditation,
And you come across someone that you struggle with,
Perhaps imagine them as a young child,
As a baby,
And send that baby loving kindness.
So with that said,
In a moment,
I'm going to introduce to you a question,
This question will be around relationships,
And when I say this question,
I just want you to open your mind to it,
With subtleness,
With flexibility,
With possibility,
Be open to what comes,
And welcome it in,
For the next few minutes,
We're going to just sit in this space of possibility,
And contemplate,
We're going to drop our guard,
And just allow thoughts to come,
Without judgment,
Without filter,
And just see what arises.
So the question is this,
I'd like you to bring to mind an argument,
A conflict,
That you've had recently,
And ask yourself the following,
How am I at fault?
So,
Asking this question of yourself,
How am I at fault,
Can initially provide a lot of pushback,
Because a lot of the time,
When there's disagreement,
When there's an argument,
When there's an issue,
We get defensive,
We put our foot down,
We put our guard up,
And we dig in our heels,
And we twist the conversation into an argument,
Where we have to win,
And winning means that the other person loses,
But really,
If we can detach,
And step back,
Give the other person a little bit of credit,
A little bit of benefit of the doubt,
And hold higher goals in mind,
In our heart,
Perhaps we can see that our goal isn't,
Or at least shouldn't be,
To quote unquote win the argument.
Having someone dejected,
Or put down,
Put in their place,
Rarely serves anything more than our ego.
Do you want to win the argument,
Or do you just want to feel good about yourself?
Do you want to feel like you showed them?
Do you want to feel like they're going to admit to you that you were right?
What then?
Then what?
What happens afterwards?
I'm being a little bit harsh in my language here,
Because ultimately,
I'm speaking to myself,
To my past self,
Who has gotten into countless arguments,
And pushed boundaries,
And didn't accept the other person's attempts to pull back,
Because they had hurt me with their words.
But what's the ultimate goal?
Often times we argue with people because we care.
Think about it.
If a random stranger came up to you and said something you completely disagreed with,
How much would you care,
Versus someone close to you saying those things?
Chances are you would argue much more with the person you actually cared about,
Than the random stranger.
You might say far harsher things to the person you cared about,
Than the actual stranger.
Why?
Because you care.
Because they care.
Because your relationship matters.
It's this sort of paradox of understanding,
Of connection,
Of desire to have everyone around us seeing things our way that causes a lot of conflict,
And a lot of division.
There's an increasing feel of politicization of most every topic these days,
And long time friends break because of a disagreement around a certain niche issue,
Not realizing that that's one little issue of disagreement amongst a myriad of similar values and ethics and connections.
What a shame it would be to throw all of that away for a disagreement over one area.
Wouldn't it be better to be able to take a breath,
Step back,
And just let it go?
Just let it go.
You don't have to agree with the other person,
But you don't have to vehemently disagree with them either.
Just accept.
Just accept the reality that they're giving you.
Accept that it's their reality.
Or more importantly,
Accept that the argument isn't necessarily worth it,
Or even worthwhile,
Or even purposeful.
The goal of any discussion should be to understand each other deeper.
When I consider how am I at fault,
Oftentimes I come back with,
I wasn't listening.
I was in a funny mood.
I felt overwhelmed.
Most often,
It's an inner reaction.
It's me being out of sorts,
Dysregulated,
Having an expectation of someone else.
An expectation that I didn't voice,
That perhaps I didn't even know I had.
This is very real.
A lot of the time we have expectations of ourselves and of others that,
Phew,
It clouds our judgment.
It blocks us.
It causes us to see red when we really should take a breath.
I encourage you,
If you are struggling with this,
If you find yourself arguing with people close to you,
In a moment of realization that you are arguing,
Take a breath.
Remove yourself from the situation if you need to.
Calm yourself down and make an appeal towards your higher values.
More than likely,
The relationship is more important than the outcome of the discussion,
Than the outcome of the argument.
Ask yourself what their motives are.
Are they callous?
Are they manipulative?
Or do they really just care and don't quite know how to connect with you?
Can you be the bigger person?
Can you step outside yourself and see the totality?
I have a seven year old son at the time of recording and we argue.
And I find myself getting trapped into these,
Frankly,
Childhood arguments with him.
And then I step back and realize,
He's a child.
I'm the adult.
I can see the bigger picture.
And just that realization allows me to take a breath and proceed forward with the calmness and clarity born of adulthood.
And those lessons have helped me with adult conversations as well.
I can step back.
I can detach.
I can see a bigger truth and just breathe.
By putting the responsibility back on myself,
I can start to make changes.
I can be more leveled,
More controlled.
Because ultimately,
Unless I calm myself down,
How can I expect them to calm themselves down?
The only person I can change is me and my response.
And,
You know,
This talk might make it seem like I'm putting all of the blame on myself.
But I think it's a good or a wise decision to at least consider the possibility that I could be wrong.
And I encourage you to start doing that too.
That you could be wrong.
Note the word could.
Perhaps you're wrong.
Perhaps they're wrong.
Perhaps you're both wrong.
Perhaps you're both right.
Perhaps there's truth somewhere in the middle.
Have you ever seen two people arguing?
Both of them have an opinion and facts and supporters.
Both of them believe,
If not know,
That they are right.
And they're both talking to each other and talking through each other.
But you,
From the outside perspective,
Can see that they both have valid points.
But they're just sort of not seeing eye to eye for some reason.
But from your detached,
Non-involved perspective,
You can see the truth for their predicament.
That's happening when you argue with other people.
You're just too close to it.
I try to hold that in mind.
I try to remind myself of that fact.
And I try to ask myself,
Whenever I find myself arguing,
How am I at fault?
How am I at fault?
This brings us to the end of the session.
At the bottom of your screen,
You'll see the option to view the classroom or to ask a question.
And before moving on,
I invite you to take a moment to click through and share your insights.
To read the answers from the other students and to hear my replies.
This is an opportunity for deep learning,
Further introspection and insight.
So please don't miss out.
I look forward to seeing you in the next session.
Thank you.
This track was taken from the course Hunt Your Own Shadow.
It's out now and available through my InsightTimer profile.
I invite you to check it out and I'll see you there.
