Releasing Frustration Into Surrender

We can get frustrated when things aren’t working out how we want, all sorts of difficult negative emotions. This is because we are attached to the outcome in the Buddhist sense, we think we need certain things to be happy and resist what happens if it doesn’t work out. We can try releasing an attachment and see how it feels to forgive ourselves and hold our hopes and dreams more lightly, still acting towards them but allowing the outcomes to be as they are. Photo by Billy Pasco on Unsplash

Transcript

Let's make ourselves comfortable then. Planting ourselves in our seat. Then taking a few breaths as we have a little fidget. Put our body somewhere it can rest for a little while and be still. Our limbs somewhere neutral and comfortable. And we're going to inhale, Get a little bit taller, Lengthen our spine a little bit. Then we'll exhale and soften our shoulders, Soften the muscles in our face a little bit. So we'd like to have this balance between alert and comfortable. A little bit of both. Just noticing how it feels to be still. Good or bad, Just noticing. So when we think about our frustration, And all those other difficult emotions that are quite hard to live with. Might be anger, Resistance, It's all resistance. If we think about that river, If we're trying to wade our way upstream, We're in resistance. And that might be resentment, That's like past resistance. Frustration is like future resistance. And there might be sadness or depression. Any number of uncomfortable feelings. We're going against the flow. And the other nice way of visualising that is with a clenched fist. Because our body gets kind of clenched when we're wading upstream. So we're going to use that metaphor for releasing some of our tension. So when we breathe in next, Let's make a fist with our right hand. Squeeze it, Not so tight we're going to hurt ourselves, But we give it a squeeze. And as we exhale we're going to let it go and soften. So we can kind of get a feeling for that tension and that releasing. Let's try the whole arm. So breathing in we're going to squeeze the arm, Squeeze the hand, Pressing our hand into our leg. Exhaling, Let it go. And feeling how it feels when we let the tension go. Let's do the other hand. So inhale we're squeezing the hand. Exhale, Let it all run away. All the muscles soft. Let's do the arm and the hand then. Inhale, Squeeze, Press, Tense. Exhale, Releasing, Relaxing, Softening. Resting. Feeling our soft muscles. Let's try that in our legs and our feet then. We're going to squeeze our toes a little bit, Push our feet into the floor, Into the chair. And exhale, Released, Relaxed. Excuse me. Last one, Muscles of our face. Screw them up, Make a face, No one's looking. And as we exhale next, Letting it all release. Feeling our relaxed body now. So in the Buddhist philosophy our resistance, Our unhappiness is caused by our attachments. These are the things we are holding onto tightly. So using a metaphor of a clenched fist again. What is it we're holding onto tightly? I invite you to take a breath and ask yourself. There might be huge things in your life. Might be little day to day things, It doesn't matter the scale. What matters is our perception and the attitude we bring. So I invite you to consider one of these things for you. Imagine how we're holding onto them very tightly. And we're going to let our fingers slowly come apart so we're just holding them in our hand loosely. And firstly we're going to forgive ourselves. No shame no blame. It's okay if we feel we've made mistakes around this. We're doing our best. And maybe we'd benefit from trying something different. So straight away releasing any blame and forgiving ourselves. We can consider why this is important to us. Because that's why we're holding it tightly, It's important to us. Maybe the important question is can we control the outcome? If the answer is no then we're best holding it very gently, Very loosely. So we can control our self but the rest of the world no. So with this attitude of releasing our attachments, Daring to release our attachments, We act and then we allow the universe, The people, The outcome to happen. And we act again. We respond from a place of calm and acceptance. So as our breath flows in and out we act and respond. Our breath flows out into the world as we act. And we inhale, We return to our peaceful centre. And we act again, We breathe out. We inhale, We return to our peaceful centre. Whatever the outcome. Because we're going to act anyway right? We're going to keep trying. Sometimes people feel they need to be like frustrated because it helps them act but actually we act from this place of calm centredness. Breath flowing out, We take an action. We allow the outcome as we return to our peaceful centre. In and out, Act, Outcome, Act, Outcome. And the outcome has nothing to do with us. The only bit we control is our action. So mindfulness suggests that those difficult emotions are best felt. Because when we do this it's the only way of processing those difficult emotions. So if possible let's call that situation to mind again. See if we can allow that difficulty, That difficult feeling to be in us. It's very challenging sometimes. Just to sit in it. It's the best thing we want. Just breathing and feeling uncomfortable. But I can speak from experience when I tell you that it does process those feelings. What I mean by process is it moves through us rather than getting stuck in us. In yoga philosophy it's the Samskara where that awkwardness, That uncomfortable gets stuck in our body somewhere ready to be unleashed again when there's a similar prompt. If we can bear it, Breathe, It flows through us and out quicker. So take in a deep breath. Let's imagine that happening. We can soften as we breathe out. Soften our shoulders and the muscles of our face again. In our frustration, In our resistance we push it away, We hide from it, We keep it. No shame no blame this is probably what we were shown how to do as we were growing up. Pretty much what our culture does with the things they don't like. Forgiving ourself once more, Inhaling and letting that all go. Resting in the peace, In the forgiveness, In the acceptance. Feeling, If we can be there how it feels to be relaxed and accepting and if we're not there we use that too. Feeling how that non-acceptance feels. Because this is our guide, Our emotional system is here to guide us. It's not just horrible for no reason, It's useful data. So when we're unhappy, Frustrated, Angry, Any of those feelings we don't like, The sage, The wise person can ask, Thank you for coming to me in this form, What would you have me know? What are you trying to show me? Where am I attached? Our uncomfortable emotions create. When I say dysfunctional biology it isn't dysfunctional in the short term, It's nothing wrong with stress in the short term. It's when it becomes 24-7 that our body will struggle. Because that fight and flight response has the power to suck energy out of all your other physical systems. Because if there's a lion in the room you do not need your immune system, You do not need to be digesting. You do not need to repair your cells, You just need to run and jump and hide. But sooner or later you will need to rest, To digest, To repair your cells, To fight infection and when you are in frustration, In resistance we do that less well. So I invite you to tense your body once more physically, Screwing up your face, Your hands, Your feet, Exhaling and imagine all your biology turning to rest and repair. A couple of deep breaths stimulating the beneficial biology because that's all it takes. Imagine it doing you good. Cell repair mechanisms coming back online, Your immune system getting more power, Your digestion fully functional, Getting all the nutrients from your food. You will even think clearer because the blood will flow back to your decision making frontal lobes. Imagine that happening as you relax. And then imagine trying to make a difficult decision or maybe many many decisions on shifting variables when you're in fight and flight response, When you don't even have a good blood supply going to those executive decision making parts of the brain. Staying in our relaxed state. And lastly, We just remind ourselves of a few techniques for releasing our difficult thoughts when it's not actually happening. So when you're right in the middle of that difficult conversation, That difficult moment, You cope as best you can and you restore yourself later. However, Maybe it's not happening right now but you're ruminating. You're going round and round fruitlessly when there's nothing you can actually do. So that's a different situation. But there may be a couple of techniques that you can use to release those difficult thoughts. Go back to having a nice time. So we can imagine chucking that difficulty in the bin. Taking it in both hands, Chucking it in the back. Maybe we feel a little lighter. I've done everything I can with that. I'm putting it over there for now. Or you can put it inside a balloon and let it soar away into the sky. See if that works for you. Watch it disappear into the sky. And see how it feels to do that. Or we can imagine that thought is a cloud or a leaf in that river and they're both floating by. Or maybe you like one of those techniques and you can keep it for later. When you find yourself chewing over problems that you cannot shift right now. Attachments that you keep picking up unconsciously. It's okay. We can put them down again and again and again. Resting in our quiet space with our palms open. Holding the things we love and want gently. Knowing we will take steps towards them as best we can. And the outcome flits around like a butterfly. We act, We return to our peaceful centre as the breath flows. Using the breath to energise us now. Couple of deeper breaths bringing energy into the body. And we have some little stretches starting to move. Whatever feels right for you. Slowly returning to our waking consciousness. Thank you for practicing with me.