Let Go of Should, Accept Is

Find peace through accepting things as they are rather than trying to force them to be as you think they should or shouldn't be.

Transcript

Welcome to this calm your mind open your heart meditation.

I'm Victoria and today we'll be looking at the difference between what is and what should be.

So we'll take a second to just settle in.

Noticing your body seated on a cushion or chair just allowing yourself to become a bit more settled.

Sitting upright with a tall erect spine with a relaxed alertness allowing your eyes to close softly or gaze gently toward the floor.

Noticing your breath,

Noticing the rise of your chest and the fall.

Taking a few slow deep breaths here breathing into the abdomen filling completely with air and then slowly releasing out the mouth.

Breathing in filling the abdomen breathing out slowly through the mouth.

Just allowing a state of calm alertness to wash over you.

When we work with what is and what should be we have to go back to the beginning which is facts.

We experience facts objectively and then we have thoughts and those thoughts create emotions and we can discover those emotions in our bodies and the sensations that come up.

So let's do a thought experiment now.

The fact you are pulled over and taken into custody because you match the description of a wanted criminal.

Thought I'm innocent you've got the wrong person.

Emotions,

Fear,

Anger,

Shock,

Dismay and the body sensations.

A tightness in your chest,

Constriction in the throat.

You become sweaty,

Your heart's pounding.

While you're sitting in your jail cell you begin to think more.

I can't believe they think I'm this criminal.

Don't they know who I am?

They should believe me when I tell them I'm innocent.

I shouldn't be locked up in this cell for no reason.

They should be ashamed of themselves.

All these thoughts create more and more anger,

Bitterness inside of you until you feel your palms sweating,

Your heart pounding and you think you're going to burst with rage.

At that moment a guard comes in and says I'm so sorry we've apprehended the real criminal.

You are clear.

You can pick up your belongings you're free to go.

That's a new fact.

So let's break it down.

You've been cleared of any wrongdoing.

They've apologized and you've been released.

At this moment you have two options.

You can either act on your outrage over what should have happened or shouldn't have ever happened in the first place or you can choose to accept what did happen and move forward with your life.

So let's venture down both paths.

Path one,

The should path.

Your thought here.

Of course I should have been released.

I should have never even been arrested.

I shouldn't be here to begin with.

Your emotions,

Anger,

Rage,

Bitterness and the body sensations.

Still a pounding heart.

Maybe you feel your pulse in your ears.

Your fists are clenched.

Or path two.

You take the is path.

Same fact.

You've been cleared of any wrongdoing.

They've apologized.

You've been released.

And as you leave you think they understand.

I'm innocent and now I'm free.

I can go home.

I can have dinner.

I'm so glad.

Your emotions,

Relief,

Gratitude and your body sensations.

Even breathing.

Relaxed shoulders.

Maybe even some deep breaths.

So the difference between those two paths are simply the thoughts.

The facts are the same.

But the way you react or respond is different between fighting and resisting reality because things shouldn't have gone a certain way or accepting what has happened and being willing to move forward.

Perhaps you've had this crossroads before where you thought what shouldn't have happened or should have happened has happened and you get a lot of feelings around it and then you see yourself spiraling out of control.

We are almost never in control of the facts of our lives but we are in control of our thoughts around them.

And those thoughts that we think create our emotions and those create our physiological responses in our bodies.

So if you feel a lot of stress it's coming from your thoughts.

Maybe you think there isn't enough time.

That car shouldn't have waited so long after the light turned green.

My partner shouldn't have known,

Should have known not to bother me while I was working.

My encouragement to you is to recognize your should and shouldn't thoughts and to replace them with a non-judgmental is thought.

Even if you don't like the reality you don't have to.

It's just simply about non-judgmentally recognizing what is happening and letting go of your desire to control what happens and make it different than it is.

So think a time lately where you've thought that something should or shouldn't have been the way that it was.

Really dig into that experience.

What were your thoughts?

What emotions did it provoke?

How does it feel in your body now when you think about it?

Now we'll try reframing it with mindfulness.

Think about the same event but this time let your thoughts simply reflect what actually happened.

Notice what emotions come up.

Perhaps they don't feel good because you've had an expectation around what should have happened and if so that's perfectly fine.

Just bring awareness to how the experience actually felt when it happened the way it did rather than the way you wanted it to.

Notice your body now.

What sensations do you feel?

Take a moment to just recognize the difference.

Sit for a minute now to just reflect on non-judgmental awareness of the present moment.

Letting go of the need to control and have things be a certain way and accept reality just the way it is.

Not liking it or disliking it or judging it or condemning it but just simply realizing that what you're experiencing is real and then it's over and in each moment we are someone new.

Reviews

Thank you for this. Very insightful and has helped me to gain some more clarity on a few things. 🙏

I needed to hear that. I am an idealistic person who dreams big. And when I see things for what they are, I accept but I also become compulsive with the should haves should nots and try to find ways to answer it and take over.

Beautiful. Needed to be reminded of mindful awareness . Acceptance is the key to inner peace.
Beautiful voice! Thank you 🙏🏼 Victoria. 💫💜💫

I absolutely love your talks 🙌. I feel like after hearing them something clicks and I just want a do over...you give me the sense of hope and your voice...whether speaking or singing is just so angelic. 💝

I love how this always shifts my perspective. I chuckle when I think of all the drama my "shoulds" create in my day & I can let them go.

Really good. I’ll have to listen a few more times :)

Amazing! Really helped to put things in perspective.

I’m not mad at my ex anymore. Thanks

I come to this periodically and it really serves. 🙏🙏🙏

I absolutely needed that this morning. Thank you for perfect timing. And wonderful meditation talk.

I agree, this is more a talk than a meditation but a good reminder to look at the facts before reacting, reaction is a choice. I like changing the “should” (or shouldn’t) to “is”. Beautiful, thank you 🙂

Brilliant thanks. Even though it made me cry.

Mooie korte meditatie over loslaten

Absolutely on the button!
Yes, a good reminder!

This is something I struggle with every day. What a beautiful reminder that what “is” doesn’t have to be awful and tense and full of “should”. I want to share this with so many people!!

Loved it, so simple and so deep. Gratitude for sharing!! 🙏🏻

This really struck a chord with me when you said all you have to do is change your thoughts.
I’ve done this before- so I know it works, but what I don’t understand is why we forget to do this? Why do we cling to these negative thoughts!?
It’s just crazy. I was explaining this meditation to a friend this morning over breakfast but he didn’t want to “see” it. Oh well, I have no control over that at all.
Thank you for a wonderful meditation.
I will highly recommend this to others.
🙏🏼🐾🌺🌸🙏🏽🐾🌻🌷✨

Simple, and yet so true... but also hard and difficult to follow-up so many times a day.... Still thank you for the insight

This was especially helpful today! A great reminder. Thank you!