Hidden Childhood Trauma, Unhealthy Love & Addiction

To attract your dream life, you will have to face all your shadows and work with your (often hidden) childhood wounds. E.g. being bullied in school or having yelling/ criticizing/emotional unavailable parents, disconnected from their own needs can cause a complex Trauma imprint, leading to love blocks, anxiety, addictions, love/sex obsession, diseases.

Transcript

Welcome to this masterclass.

Thank you so much for taking the time to go a bit deeper and also thank you for being patient with my English.

Today we're gonna look at childhood trauma and how it caused the degeneration of civilization.

In my opinion it's super important for everyone to understand how covert childhood wounds lead to,

For example,

Toxic relationships,

Promiscuity,

Sex and love obsession,

Also known as the sex and love addiction,

But I know a lot of people have resistance to that word in this context,

Loss of moral values in general and blind trust in authorities that has been going on,

Especially in the last two years.

I know this is a wild mix of topics but those are just the main issues that I have been observing since a long time.

Actually already as a child I was wondering what is wrong with this world.

How can we live like that?

Why do we have wars if no one actually wants wars?

And so on.

That's another rabbit hole.

I've always been very curious and that's why I studied sociology and I realized that's just one tiny aspect of life.

So I got into spirituality quite early also but discovered that like the popular spiritual world that this hyped part is often just another distraction and serves as another escape from reality.

With 29 years I became a certified psychological counselor which gave me another really important perspective and in the end I just realized that the body is the most important healing tool.

So I learned all about emotional release techniques and how we can bring people back into their body.

How they can slowly learn to feel all this suppressed stuff,

It's also known as trauma.

How we can reintegrate those split off parts.

And finally releasing those stuck emotions through different methods like breathwork,

Intuitive dance,

A certain kind of yoga like fascia yoga,

Mindfulness yoga,

You can work with tennis balls and with like releasing those certain tensions,

Those knots you can release emotions also.

So a lot of people cry in yoga and you can also use fascia release massage.

It took me years to really understand and admit how our sensations,

Our body expresses everything that we need to know.

So it's not only the diseases,

The symptoms,

The superficial issues but every little feeling,

Every little sensation that you have that is trying to get your attention.

Your body is trying to wake you up.

Hey listen,

You have to change something about your thinking patterns,

Your habits,

Your eating habits but also please look closer at your programming,

Your conditioning and especially your stuck emotions.

Especially what you don't want to feel has to come up in a different way.

So the body expresses these stuck emotions,

These energetic blocks through some uncomfortable diseases or people,

Some people even say through accidents and basically everything that happens in your life.

It is trying to tell you something to keep it really simple now.

And yeah,

You might not resonate with everything I'm saying here in this masterclass especially if you have some resistance to spirituality and energy work and so on.

Then just please ignore this.

It's totally fine.

Maybe in a couple of years you're going to listen to this again and it makes more sense to you and that has nothing to do with your intellect,

That you're not smart enough or something,

It's just the level of consciousness you're at.

And it's totally normal,

It's an evolution.

You might know that from movies that you watch every couple of years and for example in the Matrix movie I saw so much more and I understood so much more and I deeply understood what is the message of the movie and those little details only by watching it again and again.

So it's totally normal.

All right,

Sorry,

Let's go back to the emotions.

Teal Swan puts the issue in great words.

She says we are living in the age of ignorance relative to emotions.

Most people do not understand emotions,

They are not conscious of them,

They do not know what function they serve,

They do not know what to do with them.

There are many awakenings that must occur relative to our understanding of emotions but today I'm going to trigger a specific one of these awakenings because it is at the very core of our adult dysfunction.

I like to call this particular aspect of emotional ignorance the great epidemic because it quite literally is.

It is an epidemic that is responsible for more chronic unhappiness and suicide than all other causes combined.

She also talks about emotional neglect and I'm putting this here right at the beginning because that might be your first little wake up call because most people have no idea that they have been emotionally neglected and most people have been neglected.

That's a form of abuse and it causes trauma symptoms simply because as a child your system cannot process and handle certain things.

So all of those feelings around this trauma like emotional neglect are stored in your body until you're ready to handle it,

Until you're ready to look at it.

We're going to look at this trauma topic and how it develops later.

So T.

S.

Wan says about emotional neglect.

Instead of trauma caused by what is done emotional neglect is trauma caused by what is not done.

Keep in mind that the traditional expressions of emotional abuse can go hand in hand with emotional neglect but a person can still emotionally neglect another person without overly emotionally abusing them in the traditional sense.

Emotional neglect begins in childhood so childhood is where we shall begin.

Before we begin our dive into even deeper I want to send out a little warning.

Please watch when and why you slip into denial and self-defense mechanism into rationalizing or minimizing your behavior because it most likely will happen.

I watched this happening and I learned you cannot call out people directly especially if they have been traumatized because they have already so much guilt and shame stored inside and they already feel so unworthy also often because their parents have been highly critical.

It is the same for me.

But that's why you have to be really careful and remind anyone that you're working with and also reminding yourself if you're watching that that it's never your fault.

You are always a good human even if you did some questionable things and you can always change compassion is everything.

Understanding yourself and your childhood and what happened to you deeply will give you a lot of compassion and that compassion is necessary for forgiving others and for forgiving yourself for all the things that you did as a response to your childhood traumas.

It will give you so much peace.

That's another reason why I'm so passionate about spreading this information to help you gaining this compassion and with that a deep self-acceptance,

A deep self-love.

What I want you to do is to re-parent yourself.

See things from a higher perspective.

See all of those wounded parts as innocent little children that just played out the trauma that happened to them.

Please remember we all have been a victim of a twisted system.

We all have been traumatized even just by going to school.

That's a whole another brainwashing system.

But it's also important to realize it is our responsibility to heal deeply,

Authentically and on all levels,

So mind,

Body and soul.

We cannot just eat all the kale,

The green juice,

Do yoga meditation.

That's nice,

That's a positive coping mechanism but it is not the healing of the root cause.

I was aware of a lot of my shadows for a lot of years but even that is not enough unfortunately.

It took me a while and a lot of courage and a lot of preparing the body for the actual deep healing because you need to be ready for all of these feelings that you will have to feel.

There is no other way around healing to feel it but again we're going into that later.

I know this is a lot of information.

Please pause anytime,

Listen again.

This is work of years,

15 years of research.

Most of the things I'm telling you is not my own made up stuff.

It is actual valid,

Very important information and I'm trusting you to get the most out of it.

Alright,

So we looked at childhood wounds and I wanna also point out why this topic is so important on a level of society.

Let's talk about the declining moral values and how they've always caused civilizations to die.

As we know great civilizations are not timeless.

For example,

Roman Empire collapsed.

During their lifespan they've produced great innovations,

Technological advancements and knowledge but in the end they all collapsed and died.

For some ancient civilizations we have little historical records documenting the religious or moral state of the empire immediately preceding their collapse.

But even for those there are clear clues that morality declined significantly before the nations collapse.

However for most dead civilizations we have sufficient documentation to demonstrate that religion and moral values are a requirement not only for the success of a civilization but for its very survival.

So for example the Roman Empire we all know what they've been doing in the end,

Just orgies and feasting so much that they used feathers to purge what they just ate in order to eat more.

Alright,

How does civilization look today?

You can see the deadness in society everywhere.

You can see it in the nihilistic architecture,

In the nihilistic music that in my opinion often you can't even call music anymore and the nihilistic art.

We only have now this cubist buildings,

It's all grey,

All those musculine shapes.

People call it modern and clean or minimalistic but it's just soulless.

If you go into an old building look at how amazing detail the architecture is.

All those sculptures and cravings and yeah,

The beauty.

Even if in normal family houses where there's maybe not much of this decoration you can feel the soul and that it was really important for them to use quality materials.

They have those great wooden floors,

High ceilings and so on.

And that affects you as a person.

That's what people don't realize.

I don't have the time to go much into detail,

It's super interesting.

I highly encourage you to research on that topic.

You can see in all the cities if you walk down the streets it's all just cheap stores,

Fast food,

Ugly,

Horrible ugly designs where it really makes you think is that on purpose?

Why can't they just have a rule?

In very little cities they actually have a rule.

You have to use a certain wooden sign for example so that the whole city matches and that it looks nice.

Yeah,

Modern art.

I think I don't have to talk about it.

Everyone knows,

Everyone around me always use that phrase.

What is that?

Is that art?

I could draw that.

It's also formless,

Shapeless.

It doesn't say anything but there is no meaning in life.

There's no beauty.

You're here alone.

There is no God.

There is no purpose of living here.

And it makes people get lost.

We've witnessed loss of taste and style.

You can see it in the clothes of people,

In their manners.

Compare it just simply to 100,

200 years ago.

For example,

Men got up from the table.

They stood up when a woman left the table.

Can you imagine?

But what does that show?

How much respect and honor does that show towards women compared to today?

How do men curd today?

Not at all.

They swipe on Tinder.

It's also fast food and so meaningless.

We have fake synthetic food consumed on the run or in front of the TV alone.

We lost traditional collective values like reliability,

Loyalty,

Real cohesion,

Devotion,

Curding and so on.

So even in the spiritual community,

People are not able often to create deep,

Reliable connections.

They say they want to be free and flowing.

But I link that also to the loss of values,

That those values are not any longer nourished by society.

Parents don't teach their children.

You can be everything you want.

They put their children with two years old into Chinese classes and the child has to be just super special and learn all these amazing skills so that it can be rich and successful.

But doing something for society,

For others is not important anymore.

Alright,

So this whole loss of values is also supported by the whole popular culture.

In my opinion and opinion of a lot of other people,

We have been infiltrated,

Our culture has been infiltrated,

Corrupted,

Hijacked.

And I don't want to go so much into detail here,

Just a quick overview and you need to do your own research and come to your own terms.

That has a lot to do with awakening and I can't just throw it all in your face.

So there's a covert collectivism and forced political conformity.

We lost a lot of our individual freedoms and values,

For example through the pandemic.

And people don't even care or realize.

In my opinion,

All areas of culture and society have been infiltrated.

I know this sounds far-fetched for most people.

If you want to talk about it,

Please reach out.

I don't have the time now to explain everything,

But the best example for this mix of pseudo-progressive political agendas,

Hijacked science that is now the new god.

Science and school medicine,

Traditional medicine,

Pharma is the god.

It's unquestionable.

And even spirituality,

Or at least new age spirituality plays along with these political agendas.

And it's quite tricky because those young people think they are actually progressive and they are questioning the traditions and being rebellious.

And they feel like activists or whatever.

But in reality,

In my opinion,

They just used it's a false flag agenda or you can also call it controlled opposition.

We can discuss if that all happened on purpose or if society just developed like that and it's really just a grassroot movement like the hippie movement where suddenly all these chemical drugs popped up.

Anyways,

It's a whole other different story.

My point is see how well those areas,

Those agendas play together,

Play along by observing those new values and those new belief systems.

For example,

Women can work like men and sleep around like men is now totally accepted.

And don't get me wrong,

I've been there,

I've done that,

I also thought I was really independent,

Strong woman,

Did her thing and just had fun.

I can see now after healing so much of my trauma that that was just my wounds playing out and my ego on top that wanted more and more,

That got a rush,

A high from chasing men or getting attention.

I didn't have sex with that many men actually,

That wasn't my thing.

I got more high from the potential,

We're gonna talk about that in a second actually.

But it's a part of sex addiction,

Just getting high from the possibilities and from going on parties and flirting and so on.

So once I realized what I'm doing after stepping into spiritual practices,

Yoga,

Meditation and so on,

I developed more love addiction.

So I then was really focused on one person.

So the point is there's no shame around it.

We've all done that to some degree.

It's really just about being so fucking honest with yourself.

The spiritual path is humbling.

It's first and foremost painful truth and just really you have to look into the mirror.

There is also a lot of shame and a lot of denial will come up around these topics.

It's a process.

So this belief that women can sleep around like men took over and what we see now is a bunch of women that completely forgot.

They didn't even know it ever existed.

They completely forgot that their womb is so sacred,

So powerful and that with each sexual intercourse they are creating,

You can say hormonal bonds.

I mean that's proven.

Especially women are then getting attached to their sexual partner.

I had that a couple of times.

I was like,

I don't even like that guy.

I don't like his personality,

But he's in my head all day,

All day.

You can say hormonal bonding or energetical bonding.

You can also explain that in a spiritual term basically.

There are courts woven between the people that had sex.

You can't have casual sex basically.

And also the women as a receiving part takes in a lot of stuff.

You are exchanging energy.

I would like to add something to this because I know a lot of women or people are gonna be a bit pissed now.

How can she say that about women?

This is so backwards.

They were fighting so much for women's rights and so on.

Let me explain something.

There is a typical process in healing.

When people realize what has been done to them or what they have been done to themselves,

They are kind of shocked and angry.

They then tend to go into the other extreme of what they've been doing before.

We can also see that on a collective level.

Now for example,

New spirituality is being debunked and people now go into the other extreme and being really radical about Christianity and traditions and that even terror rating and astrology and all this is evil.

And we also see that in the women's movement.

So they've been raging in the 60s and 70s.

They burned their bras and feminism was born where there was really a lot of hatred against the white old man.

And maybe yes that was necessary because there was a lot of suppression in some senses that women couldn't vote and they were ashamed if a divorce happened or something.

They were so dependent on men and I still see that happening here in Bali.

If a traditional system gets too rigid,

That also causes problems.

So we have here in Bali all these homeless women with kids because they are kind of excluded from society just because they had to leave their abuse of men.

They had to get a divorce or something.

So it's kind of normal to go into the other extreme,

Maybe even necessary to really break some old rules.

But now I think it's time that we find our balance again.

Women as an individual need to find balance,

Men need to find balance and then on a collective of course as well so that we can create whole unions again.

Now we have every second marriage being divorced.

And cities like Berlin,

Every second person is living alone,

Single.

There's something out of balance in my opinion.

That imbalance was created by this gap between men and women that just got bigger and bigger.

Men lost a little bit their purpose or place.

I feel like women are so hyper independent now and they're just focusing on careers.

They don't need the men to provide anymore.

And also there is no war,

No country to defend.

Plus they are sitting in front of a computer eight hours a day in a box somewhere in the city away from nature.

So they can't even use their body and create stuff with their hands.

We as women should not really complain now that there's so many men that don't want to commit.

They never had to really grow up.

They never felt the need to grow up and really be there for something or someone.

So of course they just play around and let the desires take over by hanging more on Tinder and staying better basically.

It has to happen on both sides.

The work has to happen on both sides.

And if women wake up with 35 and suddenly realize they want a family and a committed man,

It's going to be a bit tougher of course because your focus was somewhere else all your life.

You can also explain all of this on an energetic level.

This might not be chewable for everyone I know.

So if the woman is too much in the masculine energy and not in the nourishing female energy but just like go go go,

I want my dream career fulfilled and self-focused also.

Of course it also drains her energy living in that capitalist wheel and there's also a lot of fear always involved because she has to fend for herself and she is alone.

That comes with independence.

So they are often in a very stressed energy and that also of course repels men.

They might not really be conscious about it but they can feel it on a subconscious energy level you know.

Anyways another topic for another day.

Also just want to mention psychological warfare.

I'm not saying this is necessarily going on now or yeah.

It's more like a warning.

Just always have in mind that there are very smart people out there that know more about your psyche than you do and that makes you vulnerable,

That makes you easier to manipulate.

So it's best to learn everything about it.

So today we don't need wars anymore with bombs and killing people.

If you want to take over a country you can just basically attack the psyche of people.

I'm just gonna read that out because it's a bit too complex for my English skills.

Psychological warfare also called psi war.

The use of propaganda against an enemy supported by such military,

Economic or political measures as may be required.

Such propaganda is generally intended to demoralize the enemy,

To break his will,

To fight or resist and sometimes to render him favorably disposed to one's position.

Propaganda is also used to strengthen the resolve of allies or resistance fighters.

And this propaganda is now next level.

It's not just that simple brainwashing on TV in your face kind of.

No it's on social media everywhere,

On YouTube,

On Instagram.

You have all those cool,

Sexy,

Smart,

Alternative,

Left fascist influencers.

They are young and they are hip and yeah I've seen so much.

I've seen so many young people posting or reposting stuff from those influencers that pretend to be activists.

So also again there's no shame around falling for this kind of propaganda because the lefties,

The feminists,

Whatever,

The tandemi supporters all wanted just something good.

They thought they're doing something really good.

So it's all cool,

It's all forgiven.

Maybe it's not cool but we will forgive you.

Some day.

Maybe.

I'm just kidding.

Okay let's go back.

What else?

We have a war on masculine and feminine principles and virtues.

I recommend to watch that video on YouTube,

The war on masculine and feminine.

It's very interesting how we lost all of our idols and placed them by sex dolls,

Barbies,

By manchild that have nothing else in mind than scoring,

Yeah,

Having another woman each night basically.

You can see that so obviously in the pop culture.

For example it started with Friends and then it got even more aggressive in How I Met Your Mother.

By the way,

If you watch Friends,

I challenge you to name the,

I don't want to say diseases,

Like the disorders of all of the Friends.

You can easily probably spot the sex addict for example or yeah,

The chaser and so on.

Anyways nowadays you can be any gender or no gender,

Anything goes.

You have all opportunities in the world and yeah that's great but it also really kind of confuses people especially if you grow up as a child and there is no structure,

No rules and no guidelines and okay.

I already said pop culture normalizes that problematic behavior in TV shows,

In movies and in music of course,

All this longing and this fantasizing and romanticizing in love songs.

It can be really extreme.

I was addicted almost to this kind of longing,

That feeling of longing and that bit of kind of melancholy and sadness.

It is a trap.

I challenge you to listen to weeks only really happy music.

See how you feel then.

But the funny thing is also again that new age spirituality for example often uses this kind of romanticizing in pop culture as an argument for having lots of sex with lots of people because they say the culture,

The traditional culture paints this picture of a fairy tale and this one big love and you should fight for it,

Wait for it.

Also this kind of savior fantasies that if you finally get your prince charming and he finds you and saves you then you're gonna be happy.

And yes that's partly true but we don't want to heal that cultural pattern by going into the other extreme and saying that's complete bullshit and people are not made for monogamy and it's more natural to just have sex in front of all the people and whatever.

I see that also very often in general that there is two extremes that fight against each other and it's often installed on purpose like left,

Far left and against far right and it's a strategy divide and conquer.

Again splitting really the population in two halves or more that destabilizes a country.

Learn more about this topic I highly recommend to watch Mass Psychosis how an entire population becomes mentally ill on YouTube.

It is quite short and yeah just mind-blowing.

One of my favorite quotes from this video is totalitarianism is man's escape from the fearful realities of life into the virtual womb of the leaders.

The individual's actions are directed from this womb from the inner sanctum.

Man need no longer assume responsibility for his own life.

The order and logic of the prenatal world reign.

There's peace and silence.

The peace of utter submission.

Another great quote from the book psychology of the masses by Le Bon it's a classic.

The masses have never thirsted after truth.

They turn aside from evidence that is not to their taste.

Preferring to deify error if error seduce them.

Whoever can supply them with illusions is easily their master.

Whoever attempts to destroy their illusions is always their victim.

If you have done some inner work and maybe even liberated yourself on some levels you have been asking yourself probably why are people so blind to their cage to the obvious realities of this world.

It's because it makes them feel safe of course.

What they know is safe and even if you give them a tiny bit of alternative information it shakes their reality it endangers the whole belief system.

And if they if you bring them to a point where they have to question their everyday reality and what they're doing every day you also basically attack their identity.

Their whole identity is built around school or have a great university degree and now I have a great job.

People accept this reality.

Of course you have to program them and traumatize them from an early age.

It's not just the school system.

I mean it's so obvious how they kill the self-worth basically of people.

You're only good and of value if you have good degrees if you obey and it's also really childhood trauma that happens more in families.

Your school tells you basically you're not worthy for just being here being alive you have to deliver some stuff you have to be productive.

And also this belief gets enforced in your family because maybe your mother is working full time and she gave you to a nanny when you were a small baby.

Your parents don't have much time they work all day and everything you need is not so important all sharing feelings and this kind of stuff.

So this leads to unconscious deep-seated feelings of shame guilt anger betrayal unworthiness and so on.

Okay so each of these micro assaults or emotional traumatizations have a bunch of emotions or bring a bunch of emotions with them that you can't handle as a child.

So it all gets stored in inside of your body.

It's always there subconsciously so we need to distract ourselves from those feelings and also we love to project them on someone else or a group of people.

That's also how governments are able to attack other countries because they make a whole collective project they are shadows on another civilization and that's great.

So we don't have to feel all our shit and we don't have to own them so we don't have to deal with them.

Another thing is that we are really afraid of being excluded from our peer group from society.

So a lot of lefties for example think they are outside of the mainstream society and they're really alternative rebellious whatever but in reality they submit now to their alternative scene to a new group basically a smaller group maybe but still the fear is there also for hippies that I think they are very free.

Alright so we are also afraid of being abundant in general because of course it's a natural survival instinct so there's no shame around it.

Governments only survived in social constructs groups and also most of us did not get the emotional attention we needed from our parents,

Our peer groups as children as I mentioned before.

So people keep their alternative opinion to themselves and to comply to whatever group they are in basically.

Let's look a little bit closer that as mentioned lots of people were abundant as babies because among other things a pseudo progressive agenda brainwashed woman into working like a man and don't get me wrong I'm not saying women shouldn't work at all but there is a certain flow and I would say just a couple of hours of work for example and yeah just more feminine work.

You can do everything Amanda,

Yes if you want of course but ask yourself why we see now so many people in burnout so you're literally draining your kidney energy,

Your adrenals by being too much in the young energy,

The masculine energy and then people go in the evening to a veneerzak glass which is just another masculine practice and they're not really nourishing their female energy.

Also men of course it's the same for men.

It's great for the state it brings more taxes of course if women also work and it creates intense bonding trauma for humans.

That's why we now have so many people who are incapable of finding love or fully committing to real close relationships.

Only superficial nonsense and keeping many options open feel safe for the nervous system.

Even if you are craving deeper connections that's really important to understand but we're gonna dive into that later and it's also more a part of the healing course how to heal all of those childhood wounds.

In the long run all of this destroys the very foundations of society.

The family,

The holy union,

Real cohesion,

Reliability,

Loyalty,

Trust.

So people are basically isolated.

Most people feel lonely in cities at least deep down and also that makes you easier to control and manipulate because we are strong as a collective and by being together and supporting each other talking about issues on individual but also on a collective level.

It goes so deep.

There's so much to say about that but I gave you now some nuggets and you can draw your own conclusions about that whole topic.

As I said in my opinion there is an infiltration on all levels happening.

So also spirituality has been infiltrated.

For a lot of people that's like a safe haven and they escape society or escape the matrix just to end up in another matrix basically.

New Age spirituality from the 60s or it has its roots in the 60s which like the hippie movement has its roots in the beat generation that was just all about drugs and completely destroying all moral values.

So that movement spreads a lot of empty phrases.

Wisdom that is taken out of context and that skips important learning steps also all this wisdom has not yet been embodied most of the time.

So for example these kind of phrases go like all is love and light,

Don't judge,

Bonding with only one person is just attachment.

It's your ego.

It inflates your ego.

There's no right and wrong and so on.

So basically it allows them to do whatever they want without any consequences as long as it's under the name of love and freedom.

I know it sounds now really harsh.

It's a very short view on this topic and I know there's also good stuff in some of these movements and I see it also as a process.

So the truth is authentic way to enlightenment is a shadow work.

We only become whole by honest self-inquiry and radical acceptance of all our feelings of all of all that which is inside of us.

See the duality and the darkness of this world is not here by accident.

It is here for you to experience and learn some important lessons that will give you give your soul a lot of growth.

You just can't bypass all of the feelings and feeling all of your wounds accepting and reintegrating your shadows through a hedonistic lifestyle.

And by knowing that all is love and light,

Yeah,

We come from love and light and yeah up there in the higher realms is no judgment.

It's all true but it's like a video game.

There are certain levels and we have to go unfortunately all the levels.

Why else would we be here?

Otherwise we could have just stayed in oneness in light.

We wanted to experience darkness.

It's another whole big topic.

One great example of how we rationalize our behavior is given in the book.

Is it love or addiction?

So this guy says,

One thing I have learned is how easily we can manipulate even our spirituality to be self-serving.

I rationalized spirit has no limits.

Love is meant to be expressed to everyone.

No one owns my body.

I am healing not harming.

So he's a sex addict in recovery.

And she explains in that book,

If secure emotional bonding is not there,

One feels emptiness and longing to connect.

And all studies from today show also how promiscuity is connected to depression,

Anxiety and addiction.

She also explains in the book how we sexualize others.

Everyone the people are introduced to,

Every anonymous person they encounter or observe is a sexual object,

More than noticing or appreciating an attractive person.

They scrutinize the person for possibilities.

The intoxication is similar to the first stages of romantic love.

The trance like state of the search,

The hunt,

The suspense and the potential conquest is addictive itself.

Going to a large gathering is ripe with possibilities.

Sexual arousal intensifies and the mood is altered simply in anticipation or fantasy.

Adrenaline pulses through the body as the heart quickens,

Pupils dilate and the body arouses.

Just thinking about the possibilities can be enough of a high.

We will go into this kind of fantasies later on how fantasies can get us super high actually.

But let's first look at what is trauma in general.

Our body always expresses it.

Overwhelming experiences are experienced in the form of broken hearts and heart wrenching sensations that leave us feel insecure,

Exhausted,

Nervous,

Overwhelmed and closed off.

Everyone knows how a broken heart feels.

It is literally pain in the body because everything is happening and stored in the body.

Where if you have a painful memory suddenly you feel the pain in the body.

So the trauma which is Greek for wound began on the outside.

It is experienced on the stage of the body.

The result is that those affected no longer feel safe in their skin.

Recovery from trauma involves regaining a sense of inner security and rebuilding a loving relationship with the whole organism.

Conscious awareness of physical sensations forms the basis of our human consciousness.

Nothing can only happen when the trauma victims experience themselves as safe,

Determined and effective.

That's from the book The Body Keeps Score from Dr.

Van der Kolk.

I highly recommend.

It's a classic.

The classic definition of trauma refers to a psychological injury or strong psychological shock that can occur when the psychological protective mechanism are overwhelmed by a traumatizing experience.

What exactly can be accounted as traumatic experience is controversial as some psychologists criticize the inflationary use of the word trauma.

The medical classification system defines traumatization as an event that would cause deep distress in almost anyone or was experienced with intense fear,

Helplessness or horror.

This is by the way from my own essay.

I created a bit of an expansion of the term.

So in stressful painful situations we are often confronted with strong emotions that are too much for the whole systems at that particular moment.

Therefore the body first stores the sensations or the memories in the facial tissues.

The classic example of how the body expresses physical trauma is the stiff neck after an accident.

However,

We can also have traumatic experiences on a primarily psychological level.

Sometimes the wound is caused by a repetitive painful situation rather than the extreme moment of a shock such as an accident.

Or as we already mentioned the wound is created by what has not been done.

For example emotional neglect.

These wounds are often more subtle and harder to detect as their root can have many levels and cause different complex problems.

If you don't know that you missed something in childhood,

How can you heal it?

It's really hard to find out that there was something lacking if you don't know that it should have been there.

So in my opinion most people have experienced such situations in childhood simply because children do not understand the social or the more complex reasons for human behavior and cannot understand painful words or actions.

They cannot simply see it from the right perspective.

Okay let's look a little bit closer at emotional trauma.

Emotional trauma is disconnection to keep it really simple.

It's all about not feeling seen,

Heard or recognized.

So I give you a little exercise you can pause the video and write down when do these feelings of not being fully understood and acknowledged show up for you today?

What is your body's response to sharing feelings?

Can you easily articulate what you feel and how do you handle problems alone or with others?

Let's go through a few symptoms of emotional trauma,

Anxiety,

Depression,

Insomnia and post-traumatic stress disorder.

It comes with a bunch of shame,

Anger and fear,

Feeling worthless,

Ineffective or unimportant.

You can show a lot of perfectionism,

Self-doubt and imposter syndrome.

We have procrastination and inability to achieve goals.

Lack of empathy.

Sometimes we're highly critical towards ourselves and towards others or maybe even bullying others.

ADHD and chronic disorganization,

Bipolar disorder and all other dissociative and personality disorders.

So how does emotional trauma show up today?

Some people feel really stuck and on one level they like to be stuck because stuck is safe for the system.

Of course what you know is safe.

We are blocked from accessing our natural wisdom of the body.

So that means our intuition,

Our inner guidance,

Our higher self,

However you want to call it,

It needs the connection to the body.

That's also why spiritual practices that only work with opening the third eye and the crown chakra and all of this can be actually really dangerous,

Not helpful.

You want to first really walk with the sensations in your body and see what is there and reconnect.

Blocks connections of all sorts of love relationships,

Friendships and with that you lack co-regulation.

We need other people also.

It's healthy for the nervous system.

It blocks seeing new possibilities and create new realities.

We already mentioned that.

It blocks ability to take in new information and your actions are based totally on your emotions.

It's not really rational and people really deny reality.

What is just right in front of their eyes.

It's because most people live in a state of fear and of survival.

It's all about how do I make a living.

Emotional trauma is really tricky because it's so hard to remember seemingly insignificant or normal events that we label as normal nowadays.

For example being given to daycare really early or in general and most of us had overworking parents.

Then you have the mothers that work full time and you ask them to also do the household,

Laundry,

Food.

How on earth are they supposed to attune with their children and really take emotional care of them.

No,

Most of us just have been fed and brought to school basically.

Also really important what took me a long time to realize.

Being ignored,

Being alone has been internalized super early.

So that feels normal for you and it feels safe for the victim.

I'm using here by the way victim on purpose because I always want to remind you that it's not your fault.

And we all literally been a victim of society and of our family systems,

Of our parents that also have been traumatized already and we carry all this trauma from our ancestors that's proven.

You think we can have war and burn witches and it has no effect on humanity?

You think that dies with that generation?

Unfortunately not.

So I will use victim in general here in this masterclass even though I know a lot of people have problems with their word and I understand that victim for a lot of people sounds disempowering.

No if you acknowledge that you have been a victim and then you move on and step into self healing which is a big responsibility then you're not longer a victim.

You're very much empowered.

So the uninformed victim or even the uninformed therapist cannot link the relationship problem of today to the past,

To the covered childhood wound.

And also the importance of emotional trauma has still not reached collective awareness and we see that complex multilayered subtle issues that have been declared normal by society.

For example the whole commitment phobia thing and promise cruelty in men.

As I mentioned pop culture also normalized that.

It's cool and maybe a bit edgy but mostly cool to be the Casanova.

Okay so what happens when we experience that trauma?

We disconnect from the body.

That means you get numb.

You do not know your needs.

You do not know your boundaries and you will not recognize abuse.

So that happens a lot with women unfortunately.

That's why we have all these women that run into these women shelters but it takes them seven attempts to really leave their abusive partner.

They always go back.

It also makes you split off wounded soul parts,

So-called wounded inner children because you can't feel their pain and you don't want to feel their pain.

We always want to avoid pain.

We always strive towards pleasure but that makes you completely ignore your issues.

Of course it creates suppressed feelings also known as energy blocks or which you can then observe in the outer world as blocks in your life.

You're like why can I not have a partner and this job,

Happy lifestyle,

Whatever.

Why can I not even change my diet?

Because your inner world is reflected by your outer world.

Watch the video like the classic inner world.

Outer world I think is the name you can check on YouTube.

It causes a dysregulated nervous system,

Anxiety,

Depression,

All of this.

So people or victims need simply coping mechanisms.

OCD,

Self-harming practices,

Everything that is obsessive,

Drugs,

Distractions from feeling and it's all about escaping reality.

So spirituality also serves as escape often.

It's great if you do yoga,

Meditation,

If you have a healthy diet and so on but be aware that this is also just a positive coping mechanism.

This is only treating the symptoms of trauma and makes you go on with life.

Makes you a high functioning victim basically and I've done that for years.

It's nice but you need to get ready for the real deep work.

It's usually not healing the root problem and yeah also yoga,

Meditation of course prepares the body for deeper healing and deeper healing means feeling what you have suppressed before.

So what does it mean when trauma creates disconnection from the body?

We are disconnected from the body until we are mature enough,

Until we are ready to feel all of the pain.

Otherwise your system can't simply handle it.

So in my opinion there has to be a purification on all levels.

You have to change your diet drastically.

Everything basically what you put in,

All your input.

Not just regarding food but also of course what you're consuming,

Media advice,

What people you surround yourself with.

Yeah your whole lifestyle basically needs a good cleanse.

And as I said preparing the body and the mind to be calm and stable enough to hold space for yourself.

So this connection from the body creates this feeling of a void,

This lifelessness.

Because if you don't have a connection to your feelings you also have a little connection to your soul and to God.

That's why I'm pointing out so much why body work and connecting with the body is so important.

No connection to the body means no connection to your feelings because those feelings express themselves in sensations in the body and we are just completely ignoring them or modern medicine suppresses the syndromes like depression or physical pain.

Everything that the body wants to tell you,

Everything,

Every message from your soul basically that has no other chance than waking you up through your body.

And no connection to the feelings means also this connection to a kind of higher version of you.

That soul essence,

That everything that makes you unique and where your life is stored,

Your purpose and passion and so on.

So modern people try to fill this void through other people or other distractions.

So what people often ignore is that you can wonderfully distract yourself through work.

This hype that's going on at the moment with the whole hustle thing and femme business and yeah.

Of course also hobbies are a distraction and traveling,

Moving around in general.

I did that for sure.

I was like I'm not happy here so I move somewhere else.

Well your problems gonna follow you.

And of course classic substance addiction.

This leads to a downward spiral because the ego always wants more.

Yeah like an addict needs always a higher dose.

So your ego,

The smarter you are,

The smarter your ego is and it is really good in tricking you.

So it rationalizes,

It minimizes or denies bad habits.

Or yeah some people,

I mean now it's really cool to just be really nihilistic and don't give a fuck about anything.

Just be in your sweatpants and those people say it like yeah I know I'm a mess but I don't give a fuck.

I mean it's cool.

If you want to live your life like that and it eases your pain or something it's fine.

No one forces you to heal and to level up and stuff.

Maybe that's,

Maybe it's a solution I don't know.

So that whole package leads of course to widespread declining moral values.

Makes sense no?

We have a bunch of people that are ruled by their shadows,

By their subconsciousness or let's say they're not aware of their subconsciousness which makes it really easy for the ego to rule you.

They work perfectly together.

Another problem is that it's pretty hard to get out of this downward spiral as a traumatized person especially because you only have as much intimacy and abundance in your life as your nervous system is able to handle.

Our nervous system cannot allow true intimacy if we are not integrated at the trauma level,

If our body system is disembedded and equipped with strong autonomy guarding mechanisms that constantly sabotage intimacy because your brain and nervous system label it subconsciously as dangerous.

So most people are really not aware of that fear.

I've been there.

I was like why do I feel like so much in my stomach and just want to run away when I even just see that guy that I'm interested in.

And that's a psychological theory even that those butterflies that people talk about when they're in love is actually anxiety.

And Buddhism theory says when you find the one you're completely calm and there's no butterflies and there is no shaking and obsession and yeah you just feel home and you just feel good and calm.

But again that's not what we're used to.

We as traumatized people are often in this fight or flight state.

We always have this lingering or very obvious anxiety.

So calm and stable relationships feels weird.

It's hard to break out of this downward spiral as I said because your body doesn't allow it to have what you want.

Most people are really longing for committed relationship and they're really desperate sometimes like what is going wrong?

What's the problem?

Because it's so hard to see what's really going on as I described before.

We don't know we have been emotionally traumatized or neglected.

We didn't receive what we needed.

We don't understand that yelling and criticizing parents and so on is traumatizing.

We cannot link that to our relationships problems today often.

We stay in this unhealthy spiral because our soul is longing for deep connection but the nervous system can't allow it.

So as long as we're not really integrated we have no other chance than again coping and filling those voids with superficial things or superficial connections.

That's why it makes some sense to again look at old spiritual practices.

They have a lot of discipline rules and they live in celibacy they fast and so on.

We can adapt some rules to modern life but if you are in a healing process and you come to some awareness it is really important that you stick to some rules to some boundaries.

I've seen that just too often with clients.

They just re-traumatize themselves by going back to abusive partners by falling again and again for the same guy relationship pattern and so on.

That's why I have been in celibacy for two and a half years even though at that point I didn't even fully understand my issue but I knew sex casual sex cannot be the answer.

It's not leading me anywhere.

It's not feeling good.

I could tell that already.

Then I had a bit of a relapse and then again in celibacy and that also means delaying all apps like Tinder,

Blogging,

Any weekend romance.

Those people that you can call for a little shake and yeah really really just focus on your healing.

If you are so-called twin flame forget about getting together with your twin flame as long as you're not healed and the other person is not healed.

It's just gonna be a mess and it's really easier to have no contact because otherwise as a love addict for example you always gonna slide back into fantasies and wishing hoping waiting.

If you get some breadcrumbs if you get a message or even just any other little form of attention that is really distraction and keeps you from going deeper.

I also want to mention that when I did the celibacy I didn't have those super strict rules or something.

It came really natural.

I was not interested really in anyone and I knew I want a committed relationship so if it's not happening then there will also be no sex.

So just my rule was no sex before commitment.

And since I wasn't healed of course I didn't attract men that wanted to commit and I also didn't attract my soulmate.

But I was already so connected to my soul that I knew that so I could really be patient and I knew okay I have a long healing process.

There's a lot of stuff I have to look at.

I don't even want to waste my time with some superficial stuff and distract myself.

Yeah I just really want to focus on healing and then attract the right soulmate that is on the level that I want to be.

So I cannot attract anything healthy if I'm not healthy.

Always like oh my god I could never do that.

I've been there.

I've been in my early 20s like one month without sex.

Oh my god I'm dying.

I haven't had sex for a month.

Yeah it's because you can't really regulate yourself so you have to find tools and yeah give it give it two three months you will be fine.

It's really just coming off the drop because there's so many good hormones that flood your system when you're having sex.

But we already mentioned that those hormones also connect you to people that are not meant to be with you.

And also just from a logical place if you somewhere in your heart know that you want a committed relationship you cannot play the other game.

At least not too much.

And then often yeah those people then sometimes actually do manifest a committed relationship but still it ends after a year or two years.

It is just not the one for life.

The one for life you only meet when you're really really ready.

Let's continue.

So we now defined some words.

We have an idea now.

And I want to give you an overview over the whole cycle how covered childhood wounds lead to toxic relationship and so on.

It starts with the untreated emotional wounds and the suppressed emotions that keep us disconnected from our true essence.

And with that in a cycle of distraction and chasing outward things outward achievements which is the fake confidence.

I want to remind you everything from the outside you can you could now pause and make a list what things from the outside give you confidence and a sense of self.

Even if you're donating and you did spiritual stuff your whole life this is still an identity a mask that we put on and I'm not saying we have to kill our ego and not have any identity and not play any role in the world.

Of course not.

That's all fine.

And it's of course a very deep spiritual process to come to the point where we really see our essence and our worth that comes just from being on earth and being a special unique creation of God.

So as traumatized humans we still deep down remain insecure underneath all of this masks and fake confidence.

We don't know our true self our purpose our real power.

I see that with all the coaches that are still hustling and posting doing marketing all day they don't understand really their magic power how energy really works.

If you did some spiritual work you can just tract.

Okay that's another topic we're gonna go into that in the third part when we have a lot of time to discuss the healing how to heal and integrate.

So yeah of course that's part of the game that's part of the spiritual process to rediscover our self and with that our worth that comes from the inside.

So just imagine you are ugly poor naked on the streets you have nothing you do nothing.

Could you still feel worthy and happy?

I probably couldn't of course.

That's I mean basically enlightenment if you reached that state.

Alright so but if we lose our self too much in that outside world and chasing achievements and people and whatever that can lead to the loss of sovereignty and confusion about our identity even about our sexual preferences or gender.

And that makes us again easier to control and manipulate if you have just insecure children basically that are crying for parents.

Yeah people can take advantage of that of course.

So that again leads to more and more disconnection from the body.

More disconnection from the body also means more existential fear because if we don't really feel and know that our soul is eternal and this body is just one vehicle for this lifetime after that the adventure continues.

Yeah we are very afraid of death and of course everything else that comes before like yeah being afraid of virus being afraid of not making enough money.

It's a very low frequency.

It's a very dense state of being.

And of course this existential fear is also enhanced on purpose.

Like I said we all been pressured so much from young age on.

We were so innocent and happy and free and then we go to school and it's all just about becoming this working robot that creates a lot of profit for big companies and other people.

The whole system is basically created to keep you disconnected from your soul and from knowing your real power from yeah that connection to God that gives you power.

Also disconnection from the body creates inner void that goes hand in hand.

We already explained that in detail.

And result of that is egocentrism and vampirism.

Not sure if I pronounced that correctly.

Because in the first state we just occupy with our basic needs.

Getting our basic needs met.

People are almost in like hysteric survival mode.

And yeah every month it's like oh my god will I make enough money to pay my bills.

If you leveled a bit up from that because you're a smart cat or whatever.

You have time to chase praise and attention from others.

At one point in life maybe you will realize that this is also not really fulfilling and you better use your time to do spiritual work then you will also not be occupied with just your basic needs.

But that's another story.

And that chasing praise and attention means basically use people to get a short term high.

To be honest that's what it is.

I know it's just part of the game also and in some ways we're all doing that sometimes.

But it can become too much or even addictive.

So a big eye opener for me was to really look honestly into my intentions.

So every new thing I start,

Every project I check my intention.

Why am I really doing that?

For whom?

For what?

What do I want to get out of this?

And also even if you're doing something to make yourself happy and you think that great job will make you happy or one million dollars will make you happy.

We all know that's actually not what we want.

So what do you really want?

Most of us want a feeling.

They want love or they want happiness.

That first has to be created inside of yourself.

That's basic spiritual teachings.

Alright,

So all of this leads to the crisis of addiction that we see today in the modern world.

Sex,

Fantasies,

Work,

Food,

Anything that turns you on.

So just look at your life.

On what do you spend your most time on?

What are you really focused on?

What's your main goals or where do you spend most energy and time on?

A lot of people say my family is the most important thing but why do you spend then most time on your career?

Alright,

So that we already saw how the ego then takes over and yeah,

We have a widespread declining moral value for the whole collective.

And I want to point out again how important it is to really reconnect with our body and with our essence because we saw what it does if we are disconnected,

If we are insecure.

And we are basically little children that don't know the direction,

They don't know why they're here.

They are afraid of life.

They are afraid of all the unknown.

So they love rules and they love the state and the government as a substitute basically for the caring parents they never had and to also not be self responsible and not to not have to do everything alone.

They love that feeling of being guided.

Alright,

We are getting close to two hours.

I don't want to overwhelm you.

It's good to take a little break.

And in the second part,

We're gonna look at attachment trauma and all the other childhood traumas.

We're gonna understand why a parent leaving or dying causes attachment trauma and with that feelings of betrayal,

Anger,

Not yeah,

That leads to lack of trust.

Later in relationship,

People are then afraid of love and to love again that much because they don't want to lose someone that they love again and be in so much pain.

We also gonna take a closer look at later trauma stuff that happens in peer groups that being rejected or bullied causes also very deep wounds that have great effects in later life in relationships.

Look at trauma bonds,

Entanglements.

We will understand how childhood trauma is actually development issue because the trauma interrupts the emotional development and keeps the victim stuck on that specific emotional development state.

We'll see the complex effects of childhood trauma,

Really looking into details.

What is breadcrumbing?

Why do we chase unavailable partners?

Why do we settle for less?

Every major attachment and of course love and sex addiction as a symptom of an injury to the very self,

A soul fragmentation.

So we're gonna go into the really juicy details and it's like I said,

Really important to understand your trauma,

Your issues in detail.

And even if it takes a while to heal it,

Maybe a lifetime or longer,

Understanding your patterns will change your life already because then you can see your patterns coming up and you know,

Oh,

No,

I'm just doing that because of my wounds and that's not really me.

And I know for example,

That guy is an unhealthy choice,

Trying to fix my parent in fixing him and stuff like that.

Complex,

It's complex.

So we're gonna need really another video for that.

And this next video and other videos as well as great tools like tapping,

Facial yoga,

Meditations,

Essays,

A lot of information will be in my online course.

For now,

That's gonna be two weeks and then we'll see how we continue.

This is my first online course,

So I would just love to hear your feedback and see what helps you most.

What are your questions?

What do you really need?

And of course,

I'm gonna charge a little bit for that course,

But trust me,

The information I'm giving you is priceless because that's my life I'm giving you there.

I just learned so much and did so much research and healed so much because of course,

I had so many issues.

I suffered a lot.

I was in so much confusion and pain for a big part of my life.

Of course,

I also had beautiful moments,

But you always have this lingering depression and anxiety,

A lot of health issues also coming from those energy charges,

Those traumas.

Can't really put a price on that anyways.

And yes,

I do need some money,

But what really gives me the most satisfaction is knowing that maybe some people will be able to break the patterns and those generational courses.

To break really the family behavior,

The family pattern and deeply heal.

So ideally before they get kids,

So they don't continue with the bullshit.

That's something money cannot give me.

That means most important is really that this information is shared.

Please send it to your friends,

Family,

Whoever needs it.

Comment on the video,

Share it,

Like it,

Save it in your playlists and your favorites,

Share it on your social media.

That helps the algorithm and just helps to reach more people.

That's what you can do to give back a little bit.

I hope I see you on the other side.

Let's do that together.

We probably also got to have some zoom calls,

Bit of a community chat.

Thank you so much for listening and thank you for doing the work.

I see you soon.

Oh yeah.

And the link to the course is of course in the description under the video.

Bye.

Reviews

Really a great opening for myself to look into. Inquiry time. Thanks for sharing.

Very helpful, thank you. Topic on 01:17:00 reverberates ❤️‍🔥