She really,
Really saw how scared she was.
Like in a way that she hadn't seen before.
Like there is that little girl inside of her that is absolutely terrified,
But then also seeing how deeply okay that is.
And it's in the okayness of being deeply terrified that you have this space to hold it,
To be held.
When I see what the real issue is in all of my human dilemma,
It's that little boy inside of me that's scared.
Scared of not being loved,
Scared of not being enough,
Scared of being abandoned,
All of these things.
But then what I also see is that there's really nowhere in the world for me to go.
And so if that's the case,
Where else can I go?
And that's the invitation.
And often,
You know,
In the,
Let's say normalcy of my human life that at times appears chaotic,
I forget that that's what's really going on,
That I'm just scared.
Do you guys notice this?
Like when you get scared,
You really start believing your stories,
Right?
That it's about this person or it's about that person or it's about this circumstance.
Really what it is,
Is we're scared.
We're scared of the same thing,
The only thing we're always scared of.
And so for me,
That's a doorway to be honest about that,
To ask myself,
Okay,
I'm anxious.
What's really going on here?
I don't know if it,
I mean,
These words,
I don't know if it does the same for you,
But it just invites a softness and a stillness just to see the real issue.
Because then I see it's not the world.
It's not other people.
It's not where I'm at in my work.
It's not my list of things to do.
I'm just scared.
And you know what it's also like to flip it around?
It's like my partner,
Right?
When she has her woman freak out,
It's so obvious that she's just scared and it becomes the most adorable thing.
Because what is she scared of?
She's scared that she's not loved.
And then to hold a space that knows that that's what the issue is,
There's a healing presence in that.
And so I have to do that with myself,
See the real issue.
And you know,
Somehow,
Someway,
I'm 44 years old and I'm still here,
Right?
Talk about miracles.
That's part of what scares me so much about the future is I don't even know how I made it this far.
How am I going to do the rest?
But I see that I haven't done it up till this part.
I've just been taken care of.
And pretty much all of it hasn't gone how I thought it was going to go.
So why do I all of a sudden think it's going to start going how I think it's going to go?
But there is something that I do know amidst all of that.
And my goodness,
We all know it.
And yeah,
Sometimes we don't have words for it.
Sometimes we don't remember it.
But we know it.
