Don't Date Potential Theory 23/28

Potential is another way of having expectations, and we have already discussed how expectations can ruin relationships. Potential can do the same thing. When we think we see potential in our partner and they don’t live up to it, then we are disappointed. And that can grow into resentment for not having fulfilled what “we decided” was their potential.

Background music by Narek Mirzaei, Relaxation (8 Hz).

Transcript

Welcome to Life Unedited,

The Power of Radical Acceptance,

28 Theories of Living in Reality.

This is a practice of turning obstacles into opportunities,

One theory at a time.

Today's theory,

23.

Don't Date Potential.

Potential is another way of having expectations,

And we have already discussed how expectations can ruin relationships.

Potential can do the same thing.

When we think we see potential in our partner and they don't live up to that potential,

We are disappointed,

And that can grow into resentment for not having fulfilled what we decided was their potential.

Why do we feel like we get to define someone else's potential?

Let's consider this.

What if,

Instead,

We all radically accepted people at face value?

People show us who they are,

And it is not our place to judge them,

Contrive a version of who we think they should become,

And believe it is somehow our responsibility to shape them into our version of who we think they have the potential to be.

The potential we see in others is a projection of what we want in ourselves.

And enforcing that projection,

Well,

That's just an attempt at control.

That does not mean we do not support growth in our partners.

We can see things in our partners and bring them up for discussion.

It crosses a line when we expect them to grow,

And they have not made the commitment to grow themselves.

Potential is not a promise.

People are not projects.

Love the person in front of you,

Not the version you hope they'll become.