Well,
Hello there.
My name is Terry Cole,
And I'm a licensed psychotherapist,
And I'm the author of Too Much,
Boundary Boss,
And Father Wound,
Coming in October.
And today,
I'm answering the question,
What is overfunctioning,
And how do you know if you're doing it?
So let me ask you a few questions.
Are you tired of being the one who's doing all the things?
For all the people.
Are you the point person for everything in your family life?
Are you like the producer of the family life?
Does it feel like you're the only one who can reliably Get things done.
Anybody?
Anybody?
Okay,
So let's define it.
If in your friendships and romantic relationships,
You feel like you are regularly doing more than your share of work while others are regularly doing less of their share of the work.
You begin overfunctioning,
And they begin underfunctioning.
This is a thing that happens often.
I see this often in couples.
So this dynamic is really common,
Especially if you're a high-functioning codependent.
Because our over-functioning behavior often regularly turns people into under-functioners.
Effective and competent boyfriend and turn him into an underfunctioner in like two weeks or less because I was the queen of I got it,
I got it,
I got it.
But then that gets old and you're sick.
Getting it,
So to speak,
Or having it because it's exhausting.
So what are the signs of over-functioning?
All right,
Being overly focused or actively solving other people's problems regularly,
Frequently giving unsolicited advice,
If you are one of those auto advice givers,
No shade,
I was for many years,
Feeling like people's problems become your problems or are your problems to fix the second you hear them.
You're like,
Okay,
We have to handle this.
Doing things for others.
That they can and should.
Be doing for themselves.
Doing things that is someone else's responsibility,
And feeling like the weight of the world is on your shoulders,
Like if you don't get it done,
No one else will.
So.
.
.
With my own personal story of turning my boyfriends into under functionaries,
I didn't see it as being driven by my need to control at the time.
I thought I was being helpful,
Adding value.
And there's nothing inherently wrong with wanting to be helpful and adding value.
But this behavior is often compulsive,
Mine certainly was,
And unconscious.
And reactive when you are high-functioning,
Codependent,
Getting things done.
So if you're not choosing it and if you can't not do it,
If you're automatically doing something,
Then we know that's more of a compulsion than a choice.
So if you're asking,
How do I know if I'm an over-functioner?
Answer these questions.
Where are you volunteering and doing more than you need to?
Where are you at the point,
The point person for all these people in your life?
So third question is,
What are you doing for others that they can and should be doing for themselves?
But the fourth question is.
.
.
Where do you feel resentful?
Because often,
That will point to an area or a relationship where we are overfunctioning.
So this type of codependent behavior is absolutely.
Exhausting.
I know from whence I speak.
Personal experience.
But the first step to changing it,
You have already taken by watching this little video.
It's simply recognizing it.
Is the first step.
To changing it.
So you should feel good about doing that.
I hope that this added value to your evolutionary journey,
And as always,
Take care of you.
