Welcome everybody to Mindfulness Life.
This week we are talking about baggage,
The stuff that we carry with us through life,
Emotional baggage,
And the stuff that weighs us down and drains us and seems to be a part of who we are.
It seems as if there's no getting rid of it.
You know,
We have these memories,
Which are not just ideas,
They're memories which are feelings and which trigger a whole cascade of other feelings and once we get into it,
It's hard to get out of it.
This is what baggage is,
It's a pain in the neck.
And we do not have to live with it quite so helplessly.
So,
We will be looking at that today.
First of all,
Make yourself comfortable.
Take a nice deep breath.
And let go.
And all you have to do is feel the breath coming and going.
Allowing your attention to stay inside and feeling the whole extent of the breath.
So you're counting or noting in,
Out.
But you also feel the efforts of the body,
Muscles being used.
The unconscious control of the breath.
As the body manages it.
And also,
You're aware of it.
All this is happening as you breathe.
Watch the breath.
And see how that feels.
And moving from the breath to your whole body.
Noticing your posture,
Your weight,
You notice the effects of gravity.
And you notice your strength as you sit up,
As your body holds you against gravity.
And you feel your lungs filling and emptying.
And I want you to notice if you're in any way controlling the breath,
Or if you're just watching the breath happen.
So you can let go of the control.
But keep watching.
Notice how each breath is different.
And how each moment is different.
And they're feeling your body from the inside.
Starting the crown of your head.
And imagining a wave of attention passing slowly down from your head,
Or your face,
Or the back of your head,
Ears,
Into your neck and shoulders.
And you're aware of all that's going on,
Just by looking,
By paying attention.
Attention to your shoulders,
Your arms,
Your hands and fingers.
And bringing your attention down through your shoulder blades,
And your chest.
Feeling all the time for any tension.
Letting go.
Staying in the breath.
As your attention passes down through your body into your abdomen,
Into your belly.
Letting go of any tension.
And if it doesn't go,
You're just noting it.
Tension in my stomach,
Or in my neck.
Wherever it is,
Be aware.
Staying with breath.
And passing down through your hips,
Into your legs,
Your knees,
Your ankles,
And your feet.
You know how your feet feel because your brain is connected directly to them.
Connected to all your body.
You have a special relationship with your body.
And you can see in it and feel in it what nobody else can.
No scientist,
No machine,
No scanner,
Only you.
And you're connected in the most intimate way.
You can know everything that goes on,
If you pay attention.
And so you pay attention,
Feeling your toes,
Your feet,
Your ankles,
Your legs,
Your body,
Your arms,
Your head,
Your face.
Especially your face,
Because there are so many muscles.
And there are so many expressions.
What is your face expressing now?
Nothing.
Is it completely relaxed?
Or something,
Another residual expression,
Feelings,
Thoughts.
So just being aware,
You take three more breaths and open your eyes.
Baggage.
Quite simple,
And yet it's confusing.
I was about three years old,
Maybe four,
I don't know,
I guess because I have a memory of it.
I was in a cot,
Which would probably make me quite young.
And my brother got a blanket,
And he put it over the cot,
And I was completely covered,
Everything went dark,
I couldn't see a thing.
And it traumatized me,
It scared the crap out of me.
And for years and years and years afterwards,
I couldn't forget that every time I saw my brother,
Every time anything happened,
That image came into my mind.
And it affected the way I felt about it and affected the way I behave.
This is baggage.
Like I said,
It's simple.
It's just one event which sticks in your mind.
And yet,
It propels you.
So the baggage of course is not just the memory of the blanket coming over,
It's the memory of the feeling,
Especially that feeling,
That fear.
So,
Baggage begins with a hanging on,
A grasping at a particular emotion,
A particular feeling.
Why do we do it?
Well,
There's a lot of reasons,
But it doesn't really matter,
We all know that we do it.
We have these things in our mind which we can't let go of.
Well,
I remember that time back when you were,
And I was,
And then you did,
And I did this,
And that's the way it goes.
It's a whole pattern.
Okay,
So we have these patterns in our mind that a memory is not just a memory,
It's not just a single event which we have stored in a little compartment in our brain.
It's a whole body thing.
When we remember something,
You know,
Remember something wonderful.
Maybe you were on vacation,
And it was just the perfect evening,
And the temperature was fine,
And you were with friends,
With people you love,
And you had a nice meal and a nice drink and everything was just great.
And what do you remember?
You remember that whole feeling,
It's a big sort of mushy thing.
You remember that emotion,
And it's not just a memory,
It's something that carries you around.
There's a nostalgia to it.
See,
Nostalgia is more than just memory,
It's a hanging on.
It's a trying to grasp,
It's almost,
Sometimes it is actually a trying to go back,
I want that moment back.
And perhaps this is one of the reasons,
Well this is one of the reasons that we hold on,
We hold on to good memories.
And of course when we're in the habit of holding on to memories,
Then in the end what happens is it doesn't matter if they're good or bad,
We're hanging on anyway.
And so that's what we do,
We hang on to those moments which have the greatest impact on us,
And sometimes for years,
And especially those moments that are formed in childhood.
And that's why I picked childhood memory to start with,
Because they are the deepest,
The longest lasting,
And the ones which really are the hardest to let go of.
Well,
You know,
When we grow up and we realise what they're doing to us.
So the sort of baggage that really troubles us is interpersonal,
It's the way we relate to certain people or to people in general,
But each one has a specific memory.
Some will affect us only with that person,
Some will affect us in general.
For example,
I told a story a few weeks ago about how I used to play rugby because I was forced to,
I didn't really want to,
And I embarrassed myself.
And that embarrassment stayed with me for years and years,
Even though I was doing something that had no particular meaning for me,
No significance,
Was not part of my self-image,
Being a rugby player.
But in that moment,
I felt embarrassed,
Not just in front of my team,
But in front of the whole world.
And that memory would sometimes come back to me and bring that embarrassment back.
Or conversely,
Sometimes when I felt embarrassed,
That would be the memory that would come back and reinforce it.
So,
See,
Telling me,
Yes,
Stephen,
You should be embarrassed.
You're an embarrassing person.
So when we get like this and we start identifying with it,
OK,
Not,
I had an embarrassing moment,
But I'm an embarrassing person.
That's baggage.
That's the heavy baggage that we carry around.
And then after that,
What we're trying to do is compensate for it.
We're trying to make sure that,
OK,
I hope I'm not being embarrassing now.
So it starts to affect the way we deal with new situations as well.
Isn't the mind great?
It's just fantastic.
It does this all by itself,
Without any input.
We don't have to try.
It just manages us in this way.
It's also nothing to be ashamed of.
That's also the problem.
Because when I look back on those things,
They're mostly negative.
The human mind,
This is quite clear,
It's very well established,
The human mind prioritizes negative experiences over positive ones,
Because they're more threatening or they feel threatening.
So it's more important from a survival point of view to take care of the negative.
So we pay attention to this negative and we incorporate it into ourselves.
And we think that that's who we are.
So,
As you know,
The main letting go in mindfulness,
We want to let go of our pain and our confusion and all of those things.
But what we really want to let go of more than anything else is this taking things personally,
Identifying with these events.
So I was embarrassed.
Therefore,
I'm embarrassing.
Which is irrational.
It's mistaken.
It's simply not true.
Yes,
Sometimes,
Yes,
I embarrass myself.
And we all do.
But to see myself in that light,
To expect myself to behave that way,
I'm actually creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So I'm going to become more embarrassed or angry or jealous or whatever particular emotion was triggered with which we're identifying.
So it's all about this identifying ourselves with this emotion as if it's a part of who we are.
And when we don't understand it,
We try and turn away from it.
We don't actually deal with it very rationally.
When it's uncomfortable,
We try and avoid it.
We go into denial,
Which is the opposite of mindfulness,
Which turns and faces it.
And when we face it and we see this is embarrassment and it's passing through my mind and there are other emotions in there too.
And they come and go.
And slowly we begin to understand that these feelings are not who we are.
They're just things that happen.
And we no longer label ourselves with I'm a terrible person or I'm an angry person or I'm a shameful person.
And we just notice that,
Oh,
Right now I'm experiencing shame.
I'm experiencing anger.
So the first thing that this does is it makes it manageable.
OK,
So what anger?
OK,
What's triggering me now?
OK,
We can see these things if we pay attention.
Because we're connected.
The brain is permanently connected to all the stuff that's going on.
And the memory is not just something that goes on in this abstract mind thing.
The memory comes in all our body.
That's why sometimes you just smell.
I don't know the smell of freshly baked bread and suddenly all these things come up in your mind.
All those memories and all those feelings,
Some of them positive,
Some of them negative.
And they seem to be it seems like a cascade,
Like it's just this river pouring over you and you can't control it.
Until you bring your attention front and centre and you say,
It's just a feeling.
That's how I'm feeling now.
It changes.
It will change.
It is changing as I watch.
So gradually we objectify those feelings.
We see them from a certain distance.
We lose our attachment,
Our sense of responsibility.
We're still responsible,
But not it's not who we are.
We're not responsible in the sense that we have to answer for it all the time.
I had no idea there was so much to say about baggage.
I'm just getting started.
It's this is what we're working with.
This is what we're working against.
This is what we want to ultimately let go of.
Once you let go of that.
Well,
Life's much easier.
Much easier.
So,
Make yourselves comfortable.
Take a breath.
Feel that breath as pressure in and out of your chest.
And you're sitting,
Focusing,
Being aware.
And being aware of your body means that you're in the present moment.
Your attention is here and now,
Very alive,
Not abstract.
And so you can see and know how you feel.
This is an experience,
Sitting quietly,
Watching the breath.
And all experiences feel like something.
So what is that feeling?
How do you feel now?
Relaxed?
Stressed?
Joyful?
Sad?
Simple?
Complicated?
Staying with the breath.
Staying with that feeling.
Or allowing the feeling to pass into another feeling.
Change is always gradual.
It's unusual to go from joy to anger in a moment.
Joy lingers a little bit and the anger takes time to build.
Or the relaxation.
Or the tension.
So,
Without getting in the way,
And without turning away,
Acknowledge your feeling,
Your mood.
Acknowledge change.
Always changing.
And acknowledge that you can step back from your feelings.
Doesn't mean they go away,
Means they're not you.
They're simply something that happens.
It's your body,
Mind,
Connecting in a certain way.
In ways that are sometimes familiar,
Sometimes new.
Staying with the breath.
It reminds you that you can be this simple.
Breathing in,
Breathing out,
Paying attention,
Knowing your mind.
And knowing that it's not who you are.
The mind is just a series of experiences.
Who you are is this person sitting,
Breathing,
And watching.
And perhaps letting go.
And if you practice this each day for a few minutes,
You will get better at it.
Your attention will become stronger.
Your letting go will become more natural.
Your feelings,
Your baggage will be unable to hold you down.
Because it can only hold you down as long as you hang on to it.
Staying with the breath.
And taking three more breaths.
