#184 Radical Acceptance

"How to break free from perfectionism and live your authentic self!" In this episode, I talk about how women are deeply conditioned to be "nice," to look "perfect," and to neglect their own needs and voice. The solution is not to fight, judge or blame... The solution is to reclaim back your true authentic voice and to break free from inner criticism, perfectionism and social pressure. Join the conversation!

Transcript

Welcome back to Soul Infused Monday, Your weekly dose of inspiration for a meaningful week. Today's topic, Radical acceptance, How to let go of perfectionism or how to break free from perfectionism and lift your authentic self. Super important topic, Close to my heart. I spoke about this many times and I am obviously not going to be able to cover all this big, Big topic and issue in the Soul Infused Monday show, But I want to start the conversation. I'm inviting you to engage in the conversation and whether acceptance is something that you struggle with or that you have been working on and you want to improve your own level of acceptance, You are in the right place right here, Right now. And if you're listening in, Thank you for coming back every week to learn, To grow, To be inspired. And by doing so, You also really make a difference in the world. And I am passionate about helping women and men to truly connect to their authentic self, To love themselves and to live a meaningful and fulfilled life. So we're going to dive in into this topic here today. And welcome my people of Alisia from Chicago, Then Marthi, Rosinbach, Good morning, Good morning. Great having you here. And I invite you to take a nice deep breath every time. Every moment is a good moment to become present. So I invite you to become fully present and to hear now, Remove any distractions, Have a glass of water, Grab a notebook. You never know when inspiration hits. You never know when you hear something that is meant for you to be heard today. And I also invite you to simply be very open. Maybe you've heard everything before, Maybe you've never heard this before, And maybe you just get to hear something again. So I also invite you to invite a friend, A girlfriend, A friend, Anyone who is really struggling with being in full acceptance and who wants to learn and grow, Or maybe you know someone that you would like to share this with so that you can support each other on the journey of self-love. Self-love and acceptance. Now I want to give you a little bit of an overview, Even though a lot of what I'm sharing comes in the moment, So to say. But to give a little bit of context and a disclaimer, Especially women, And this is not necessarily only designed for women, This topic. However, I'm focusing on it because obviously I attract a lot of women in my work. And I also believe that us women are the ones that can really create change. So even though I am focusing on women, This episode is very much designed to welcome this wealthy man or anyone, Doesn't matter with gender, Whatever's going on in your life, Anything related to not being fully in acceptance of who you are. Why is that? Why we are so conditioned and how can we break free from that? So if that resonates with you, I invite you to join here in the conversation and to leave a comment below. And I would like to hear from you, What does radical acceptance mean to you? What's your concept of that? What comes up for you as a thought or as a feeling or as a belief when you just hear the word or the term radical acceptance? So tune in for a moment, Take a breath. Great to hear from you, And Amy, So great to have you here. Oh, Beautiful, Powerful women. And so take a breath and share with me, What does radical acceptance mean to you? And simply leave me a comment below. And it's not something, It's not necessarily a topic that is more relevant now than ever, But we women are very much conditioned. I just wanna lay the foundation for a moment to bring understanding into why acceptance or being your authentic self, Like what that does actually mean, Why that is a challenge. We are deeply conditioned on a very deep level to be nice. We are deeply conditioned to be perfect, To please. And there's a reason why. So I wanted to bring, And of course, It doesn't mean it's 100% or 100% of everyone, But as an archetype, As a conditioning in our human experience, Where we are in the world, Women are deeply conditioned to be nice, To please, And therefore often neglect their own needs. And in that conditioned experience over time, We kind of lose touch to our own voice. So it's really about reclaiming back your power, Reclaiming and remembering who you are and listen to your own voice so that you can live on your own terms. Now, I want to be very clear that this is not an episode against conditioning or against society or against men or against patriarchy, Even though that's where the conditioning comes from very strongly. So I wanna make very sure that what happened in the past is still affecting us in a big, Big way, But the solution is not to fight, To blame, To complain, To be a victim. Anytime we put that on the outside or on someone else, Or even society or men or patriarchy or whoever, You know, Like the Pope, The church, The school, Everything contributes, But I wanna be very clear, I'm not talking into being a victim of that. It's about understanding why we are so conditioned, Why we are so conditioned, Why we behave a certain way, And also why it's so difficult to break free and to give a little bit of a starting conversation on how you can make that work for you. And I want to also be very clear, We all struggle with that. There's not one, I'm 50 years old, I'm a confident, Very mature, Conscious woman, And I struggle with this because we all do, We are all conditioned. So it's not about perfectionism, It's not about having it all together, It's not about fighting, Trolling, Blaming, Judging, It's about deep understanding and to realize that true radical acceptance in a true change in the world starts always within, And I do believe that us women together will make a change. Now, To break free of that constant judgment that comes from a lack of worthiness, A lack of sense of worthiness, Society and the inner critic together, Like the industry, The cosmetic industry, Beauty industry makes billions of dollars in year out just because we women have an inner critic that keeps telling us that we need to look different, That we need to look perfect, That we compare ourselves constantly and we are never enough. Who can relate to this? Just raise your hand, Just raise your hand. Yes, And I see some comments here that I do wanna read here. Yeah, Thank you for sharing, Yes, And the great reminders, But yeah, As soon as you blame, You are a victim and we are all being victims sometimes, Very clear. And again, This is about radical acceptance, Meaning to accept what is. It's not about pretending we are never a victim. We are all in the victim state sometimes, All of us. That just happens. It's about awareness and how to make a different choice. Now, It's very subconscious programming until you are conscious of it and then you can make a choice to change that. Just being conscious of it does not mean you can change it overnight. And I want to give you a little bit of a perspective why this is so deeply ingrained in us, Because it's also an instinctual ingrained program. It's about survival. It goes on such a deep instinctual level for women we need to survive, Evolutionary, So there's this whole program that we depend on someone, We depend on community, We depend on a man or whatever that looks like. Now, So we are terrified of being rejected, We are terrified of being judged, Everybody is on some level, But in this context. So from very early age on and for generations now, This is a global conditioning, Cultures are different, But we all carry a level of this. So we are terrified of being rejected, Terrified of being left alone, Terrified of being abandoned because our survival, Our instinctual level here, Not conscious here, Up here, Down here. We want to do everything it takes in order to make sure that we survive. So we have that instinctual ingrained programming that in order to survive, We get to please, We get to make others happy, We have to do something in order to survive. So it goes on such a deep level. Now, Bringing that back to modern time, We carry beliefs like we need to be perfect, To be loved. If you scroll on social media, If it's Instagram or ads or magazines, You see ads constantly, Ads on how to improve your appearance. Makeup, And I'm not against makeup, I'm not against you wanting to look pretty, I want to look pretty, That's not the point. But I'm talking about how conscious are you and who is making the decision and how much freedom do you have in that choice? And how much does it come out of judgment that who you are today, How you look right now, Not when you lost 10 pounds, Not when, You know, The scars are not as bad anymore, Or your hair is growing back, Or you have a man or you have more money or something changes. You see it right now, Radical acceptance means to accept yourself in this moment and not having the urge constantly to change something. I see ads on, I don't even know how that stuff is called, But those undergarments that enhance your butt, That you get a bigger butt, The makeup that removes every little spot on your face, To get like, So that your skin looks like not even real anymore. All these apps that are out there that you can Photoshop your own pictures, It doesn't even look like you anymore. I like, It's so artificial, It's so away and disconnected from who you really are. And then we look at those pictures and then we compare ourselves to it and you can never win. And it's never enough, It's never gonna be enough. It's never, I tell you, And I experienced this, I'm so close to it myself, That I get to revisit this from surgery, Looking at my body, Not like judging it, Not liking it, Not being to move, Exercise, Feel the way I feel and say, Okay, Once I'm back in shape again, I have the same thing, I was like, Okay, Gonna start exercising again, Gonna go back in shape. And then once I am back in shape, I'm gonna feel better. So I have to change, I have to change how I look or am right now so that things are going to be better or that I might find someone or to be successful, Whatever your programming is. But do you get what I'm saying? It's so deeply ingrained that we often don't even realize it and it doesn't look like much, But the question is, How can you be in radical acceptance in this, This very moment, This moment, Right now, Just take a moment and really tune it, It's like, What if I accept who I am right here right now? And instead of blaming, And I'm not saying you're doing that, But we do this as a culture and as a society, It's like, Instead of blaming all the ads and society and men and the pressure, That's all true, There's so much pressure to look a certain way, Aging, Oh my God, Be a woman, And then on top of it, You age, You're screwed if you don't have a level of self worth. If you have not done the inner work by the time you're at least 40, Like it only gets worse, I can tell you. So if you haven't gotten to the point where you really embrace who you are and you do the work to not be a victim of that pressure outside, It's gonna be really difficult. But here's the second, And listen up, This is really important. It's we do this to ourselves at some point. Now it's an unconscious programming, But we constantly judge ourselves. We consciously put that expectation out, Also with each other, Women, Comparing each other, Judging each other, People keep telling me, You should put, Like, Hey, Listen to this, This is like so sad, You're such a beautiful woman, But you should use Botox because your forehead would look nicer, Or you're such a beautiful woman, But do this to change that because even though you're beautiful, It's still not okay to age. We freaking all gonna age. I have wrinkles, I have stretch marks, I have scars, I have wrinkles, I have cellulite, I have, You know, Like we all have it. And I refuse, I refuse, And I am tempted sometimes myself to really buy into that. I was even considered, It's so mind blowing to me sometimes, Like that I think if I even have that thought, Oh, Should I maybe do that? I'm not gonna do that. I don't want anything injected in my face for any reason. But the pressure is so high, The conditioning is so deep that there are moments where we really question, It's like, Oh, Will this really make a difference in my life? Will this make me feel better? Will this make me feel more successful? And no, It won't. It won't ever. Yes, You can put a little makeup on and I'm not telling you what to do by the way, Like you can do whatever you want as long as it just makes you feel good and you live your authentic life. Even simple question like, Who is making a decision right now? Is it my pleasing mind? Is this my pleasing mind? Or is this an authentic heartfelt choice I wanna make? So, What are you hearing me say? And I know it's so much, I can say so much about this. And at the same time, I wanna hear from you. Like what's resonating with you? Like what can you relate with? And the solution I believe is to really take responsibility to take the reclaim the power back. That's how you break free from perfectionism and to really live your authentic self. Is that you open yourself up to awareness and that you look, Okay, Who's making a decision right now? Am I doing this because I have the need to be perfect? And that's okay by the way. It's okay, We all have it. I have, You know, Like, Yeah. And when we meet someone new and we get all, Oh my God, I wanna please, I wanna look good. Yeah, We all wanna look good. We all hate rejection. We all want to be loved. We all want to feel safe. And that's a good thing. The one thing that you don't wanna do is you lose yourself in it. To lose yourself and to become a pleaser or someone that you're actually not because we are so afraid of telling the truth. Because we are not conditioned to tell the truth. We are not conditioned to say, Oh, You know what? I don't wanna do this. Or no, That doesn't feel good. My need is more important. We are not conditioned that way. No, We are conditioned your need is more important. We need to please you. That's how a lot of abuse happens. A lot of young women not being able to say no. Also young men as well. It's about really making a decision to say, Okay, I'm gonna take this on. I am choosing not to be a victim. Meaning I'm not gonna go out and blame a judge. I'm gonna take this on. And I'm gonna talk about this with my girlfriends. I'm gonna talk about this with the women in my life and see how can we support each other versus putting each other down. Don't even watch those ads. Like don't look at the magazines where there's no real woman anymore. Don't buy into the lies that this cream or this makeup or this dress or these high heels or this diet, Or when you lose 10 pounds, You're gonna feel better. Yeah, You might feel better because you're overweight and you feel healthier. Listen, I've been in that trap for most of my life believing that once I lose weight, My life is gonna be better. So be very clear. Where is that thought coming from? And what does it mean to be in radical acceptance? And it's okay to enhance your feminine beauty again. Like, I like to wear nice earrings. I like to wash my hair and look pretty. And at the same time, I'm not gonna just change who I am in order to fit in. But we're deeply conditioned to do it. And this is also a call for women to really get together and to say no. To say no to suffering in that way. To say no to being a victim of it. To create a conversation together, To support each other, To do the inner work that's needed for you to feel the courage and the confidence. And the more women do that, The more it will have a ripple effect. If only one woman out of 100 speaks up, That woman actually speaks up. That woman actually is seen as, Oh, There's something wrong with her, Right? I experienced that many times. It's like, Oh yeah, Well, Nobody else told me this before so that something has to be wrong with her. But then I speak to 100 other women and say, Yeah, I totally agree with you, But I just don't dare to say it. I know because it's scary. I know it's so scary to be your authentic self. But the more you are and the more you create it around you and the more courage you have and the more confidence you create into, The more you really reconnect to your own power. You are so powerful. We are all so powerful. Our strength is intuition, Is love, Is compassion, Is wisdom, Tap into that again. It's not about fighting. It's not about blaming, Complaining and being a victim. And I said that again and I will say it again. It's about you making a conscious choice to really look at what am I looking at? Why am I making this decision? And why in God's name am I not okay right now the way I am, Right here, Right now? And I'm with you with this 100%. So I wanna hear from you. I wanna hear from you. What's landing for you? Where are you in this conversation? What are your the biggest struggles? What is one thing you can do today? Leave me comments. I'm here. I wanna stay a little longer here. I wanna open this conversation with you because it's easier said than done. And we cannot do that alone. We are called and I think society, Our conditioning, Patriarchy, Like everybody is wounded. Everybody's wounded in such a deep way that we get to, We, We women when I say women, To learn how to communicate and to express our needs so that the other person knows actually, And we can educate them by educating yourself first. What you're not able to communicate, You can't possibly expect from anyone, But we constantly do that. As women, We are so used to expect something. And then we are surprised if we don't get it, Or we are upset, We are so upset. And then we are afraid, We are afraid of sharing it. Yeah, Because it's scary because we hate to be rejected. We are afraid of getting hurt. We are afraid of being misunderstood. We are all in the same boat. So together we can make a huge difference, Not overnight, But over time. Okay, Let me see the comments here. And if you have a specific question, Please post it in the comments below. Post it as a question so that I can, I can really tap into that. And thank you for being honest, Norma. Norma is sharing, At the age of 83, I still have trouble just being me. Thank you, Norma. Thank you. Yes. Thank you, Alyssa. Emily says, Thanks, Haha. Yeah, Yeah, Hey, I get it. Ignore that, You don't need Botox. Yeah, No, Don't worry. I totally ignore that. But I'm just sharing because I sometimes think like, I really dislike any teacher, Mentor, Influencer that does not share honestly that they are influenced themselves. So I'm not saying, I'm not even tempted to use Botox, But that even somewhat the consciousness, The pattern, The conditioning, The thought comes up and it's like, Oh, Yeah, But what if? If I do that, Like any other woman that doesn't even have the skill or the experience, Experience, You're sucked into it very easily. Don't let yourself be sucked into it. It's your responsibility. It's your responsibility. Don't blame the industry. Don't blame whatever it is. Like you can do that for a split second and then you turn around and it's like, Okay, It's mine. It's me. And I want to be part of the change. I want to be part of the change. That means two ways. It means I get to look at my own shit continuously. And you know, I'm relentless doing that. Keep working on myself relentlessly. And then should we make an impact by sharing and talking about this and you guys supporting each other versus again, Putting each other down. Pamela, I keep having dreams that my face is all wrinkled. Yeah. My face is all wrinkled. It will happen. I know. It's, And what? It's just wrinkled. Isn't it so sad? So sad, But I'm with you. I'm with you. I mean, Listen. I'm so with you. Yeah. I have such a need to please and be perfect. Yeah. Yeah, It's really so common. I love what you said about asking yourself, Who is making the choice? Where is this thought coming from? That will be my takeaway. That's great, Natalie. That's such a great, So I'm going to repeat this again. Who is, Think like, And I like the term, The pleasing mind versus your conscious mind or your authentic or whatever works for you. But let's say you want to go out on a date or you want to buy a book or you want to, Whatever you want to do, Just ask yourself, Ask yourself, Okay, Am I doing this to please or am I really authentic in this moment? And I know this is a tricky one and it will take time. Is this my pleasing mind or am I being really authentic to myself? Is this my truth? And maybe you don't even hear your truth anymore. Maybe you don't even know what it means to be fully authentic because you're so disconnected from it. Start your own conversation and discovery. Who is doing this? Great takeaway, Natalie. Thank you for sharing that. I yelled out this morning that nobody cares about me. And yeah, Great. You observe that when you are in it, You are in total victim consciousness. And that's okay because it triggers an old wound that gets to be explored. You can use it as an opportunity. How does that make me feel? It makes me feel unimportant. I don't feel appreciated, But it's not about the other person. You use the outside. You use the outside trigger to create change inside. And it's a really conscious, You can even get up in the morning and say, Okay, If I would radically accept myself today with everything, Like how would that look like? And one little step is enough. One little step. It's not gonna happen overnight, I tell you this much. So don't put the pressure on you. Don't put that pressure on being perfect, On breaking free out perfectionism perfectly. Yeah. What's landing? Okay, Right here, Right now, Trust as I am, Communication transparency. Great takeaway, Alyssa. Fantastic. Good for you, Pamela. I like that question. Is it my pleasing mind? Yes, Fantastic. So I think there's so much more. I will continue this conversation over time. I will also bring different topics into this conversation. For example, How does this affect our sexuality? Big, Big, Big issue. Big topic that I've been talking about. I've been talking about a lot lately, And I wanna bring that into the conversation in the next future, New future. I'm gonna keep talking about radical acceptance in relationships, In business. Like, You know, It affects in so many ways. So I just wanted to keep that conversation started. I want to invite you. I want to invite you to simply be open and aware, To look at the things and look inside. And to, As often as you can throughout the day, To choose to be an acceptance in this moment. I know it's not easy. I really know it's a hard thing to do right now. When you have something, And even when I say this, I am just like you. I say this and the mind says, Yes, But. Yeah, No, It's nice what you say, Sonja. And I'm gonna try it, But ultimately I still wanna lose 20 pounds. Well, Yes, This is great that you're saying Sonja, But you know, I still hate my scars. Or I'm still unhappy with my husband. Or I'm still going to buy the butt enhancer and remove the brown spots on my face, Whatever. You know, And that's okay too. That's okay too. It's one step at a time. I invite you, If nothing else, That you're taking out of this today, As you are not alone. I have yet to meet one woman in this world that has not some sort of conditioning like this, Some sort, If they're admitted or not. And it's not about hiding it, You know. There's shame around. It's shameful to admit. Oh, It's shameful that I want to please. It's shameful that I'm more concerned about, You know, What someone else says. I'm ashamed about wanting to be perfect constantly, Even though I'm such a spiritual being, You might have done a lot of work already and you have the thought of, Oh my God, How can someone like me that is so spiritually evolved still wanna please this dude? Yeah, It's okay. You're not alone. It's a journey. It starts with him. It starts with you. It starts with you. And you can use the outside trigger. You can use the outside trigger and you turn it back in so that you break free from that pressure from perfectionism, From not believing your authentic truth and to really set the intention every day. How can I be more accepting today of myself? That's all there is. How can I be more accepting of myself today right now? And if you are a mother or a parent, A father, Whoever's this, And you have young children or older children, But especially when they're young, You are a role model. What you say means nothing. If it's not something, You are embodying it. What are you teaching? What is your belief system? And again, That's not a blame or trying to make you feel bad. No, It's you are powerful beyond measure. You get to choose. And because the conditioning is so deeply ingrained, You're not gonna do this alone. It's impossible. It's impossible. So take that pressure off too. Do the work. Do the work with someone, Go to community, Create whatever you need to create. Talk about this with your friends. Commit to support each other. Commit to support each other. I give you one tangible example. Talk to your friends about, Listen, When you hear me next time complaining about how I look, Or if I judge myself, If I put myself down, If I'm not receiving a compliment, Call me out. Support me to be more kind. And I will support you. When you see me being a total pleaser and not saying what I really think, Call me out in a loving, Respectful way. But don't let me be in the victim if you see it. And you make an agreement. You support each other. How does it sound? Who's in? All right. I'm gonna give it one more minute. If you have any questions, Otherwise come back on Monday. Come back in the next few weeks. I'm really gonna keep this conversation going. This is only the tip of the iceberg. Together we can dive deep and to really create change. I truly believe that. Mm-hmm. And yeah, You guys are here supporting each other. I love that. Yeah, Fantastic. Good. So I'm gonna close this for today. Before you leave, Stay here for one, Like 30 more seconds. Before you leave, Tune in. If you have not shared yet, Even with yourself, What is the biggest takeaway from this episode today? What is the biggest takeaway from today's episode that you are taking away today? Don't leave any, Don't go away. Stay here. Think about it. Tune in. What is your biggest takeaway? And put it in the comments. If you don't wanna share it publicly, Write it down in your notebook. What is your biggest takeaway? What is something that's landing for you that you will do something about it? And I'm gonna stay here for a minute longer to read your comments. So take the time for yourself. What is the biggest takeaway from today's episode? And share with me. Supporting each other, Especially when the inner critic is strong. Very, Very great. We don't know what we don't know. Very great. Love is power. Yes. Thank you. Yes, You're very welcome. So again, If you have not shared your takeaway, Do so. It will help you to integrate and apply that takeaway in your life. And here's another invitation. Leave your comment below with the takeaway and share your biggest takeaway with your best friend. Whoever your best friend is. Could be your husband, Your sister, Your child, Your dog. I don't care. What is your biggest takeaway? Write it down. I'm still here waiting. Like it's, Believe me when I say it will make a difference. If you take the time to tune in, What is your biggest takeaway? You put it down into words and then share it with another person today. With your best friend, Someone that you feel safe with. Someone that you love and that you know this person supports you. So, And here a few more and then I'm gonna say goodbye for today. Biggest takeaway, Solidarity as women looking out for each other. Beautiful, I mean, Yeah, Very good takeaway. The question, Does it come from the pleasing mind or the authentic heart? Very great takeaway. I love that takeaway. Call each other out of being victims or self-critical. Great takeaway. Yes, Perfect. Okay, Thank you so much. If you're listening in after the live show, Leave a comment below, Leave a review, Share it. Let me know what's landing for you and come back next Monday. Next Monday again at 9 a. M. Pacific, 12 p. M. Eastern time, Your weekly dose of inspiration and bring your girlfriend, Your boyfriend, Your sister, Your mother, And your women community. Bring them to next Monday to this conversation. To create a bigger ripple effect. Thank you for being here. I love you. Be kind to yourself. Let's practice radical acceptance for the rest of the week and I will see you on Monday. Much love. Bye for now.

Reviews

Great talk! Thank you!