Thanks for joining me.
This mindfulness exercise is entitled,
When You're Being Too Hard on Yourself.
And before we begin,
Just take a moment to arrive.
There's nothing you need to fix right now.
There's nothing that you need to figure out.
Just for a few moments,
Be with yourself as you are.
Take a conscious,
Slow breath in and let it go.
Relax your shoulders and relax your chest.
Sometimes,
We carry quite a bit of pressure inside,
Especially when we're being hard on ourselves.
And it can grow stronger when life feels difficult,
A sense that we could have done better,
Said something differently,
Or handled things another way.
And without even realizing it,
We turn that pressure inward and it just seems to multiply and grow.
However,
As self-compassion researcher and author,
Kristen Neff,
Reminds us,
Self-compassion is a tool that can help when we find ourselves in a state like this.
She says,
With self-compassion,
We give ourselves the same kindness and care we'd give to a good friend.
A common self-inquiry question that is often asked,
Based on Neff's work and others,
Is how would I treat a friend in a similar situation?
Would I be as hard on them as I am on myself now?
Take a moment to sit with that.
I'll read it again.
I just want to encourage you not to add any sort of judgment to it.
Just be aware,
Be aware of the feelings,
Be aware of how it lands,
And then I'll give you some cues to deepen your awareness.
So Kristen Neff's statement is,
With self-compassion,
We give ourselves the same kindness and care we'd give to a good friend.
And then sometimes we're encouraged to ask,
How would I treat a friend in a similar situation?
Would I be as hard on them as I am on myself?
Be aware and notice the voice inside that says,
You should have done better.
Notice it.
Don't push it away.
Don't argue with it.
Just see it for what it is.
As you notice this voice,
This voice that is so hard on you,
Gently bring your attention into your body.
The pressure that this voice often creates is found in your head.
It can be found in your chest.
It can be found in your stomach.
It can be found in your shoulders.
Do you notice any sort of pressure from that voice in your body and try to locate it?
What does it feel like to be on the receiving end of the voice that is so hard on you?
The voice that said,
You could have or you should have done better.
Again,
Simply be aware of the voice and of the sensations that it creates.
In this moment,
There's nothing to change.
There's nothing to fix.
We're just going to be aware of that voice and the impact that it has on our body.
And now I want to invite something else in.
If you can,
Bring to mind a moment in nature.
Maybe a time when you've been outside lately and you really felt like you connected with nature in some sort of way.
And if you don't have anything in recent memory,
Just imagine one of your favorite places to go outside or your favorite landscape,
If that's easier,
A place where you felt even briefly that you could just be,
A place where you felt even briefly that nature was holding you just as you are.
Maybe it was along a path in the forest or you heard the sound of birds or you saw the big vast sky over the prairie or over the ocean.
Maybe you noticed how fresh the air was.
As you're noticing this,
Notice something really simple,
That nature doesn't ask anything of you.
It doesn't expect you to be different.
It doesn't measure you.
In a sense,
It holds you and is with you just as you are.
It allows you and almost gently expects you to just be here.
The gift of nature is so generous and unconditional.
And I guess what I'm saying is it almost provides an antidote for being so hard on ourselves.
We can just come as we are.
In those quiet moments in nature,
It shares something with you,
Not words but presence.
Let's shift to our bodies again and how are you feeling?
Just notice how you're feeling.
Do you have a sense of softening even a little or slightly?
Notice that we're not forcing anything.
We're not trying to get rid of the feeling.
We're just bringing a small amount of warmth and kindness to what we're noticing.
The thoughts or the obsession or the feeling of something being hard might still be there and that's okay.
You're not trying to get rid of them.
You're changing your relationship to them.
Let's just take a breath,
A conscious breath.
Breathe in and breathe out.
Breathe in and breathe out.
Breathe in and breathe out.
If you're sensing some peace or a bit of a gap,
Let's just stay here and rest in that for a moment.
If your mind starts to wander,
Just take a few conscious breaths.
As different thoughts or feelings or perceptions arise,
Just allow them and give it a taste of tenderness and compassion.
Just as you're held by nature,
Let yourself be held now just as you are.
And when you're ready,
If your eyes have been closed,
You can slowly open them,
Gently return to the room that you're in.
Maybe wiggle your toes,
Wiggle your fingers,
Move your shoulders a little bit,
But do it all softly and gently.
You belong.
If you're open to it,
Be grateful that you're here.
Be grateful for the now.
Appreciate the fact that you just completed this mindfulness exercise.
Go with ease and tranquility.
Namaste.
