Romantic Connections

This podcast is all about the feelings that come up when we meet someone new that we fancy. It's the first thoughts and expectations that we set that usually destroy the real chance for something deeper. It's about how to not let your ego in the way.

Transcript

My name's Nat and you're listening to The Wonder of Life.

This week we're going to be talking about meeting someone new.

The reason being is because I have met someone new so I decided to be myself and be honest and do this in the moment and talk about my feelings because I know I'm not the only one who feels the way I do.

Before getting comfortable please make sure that your phone is switched to do not disturb and that if you're in a room that the door is closed.

If anyone else is around you ask them kindly to not interrupt you or ask them to join you.

This is your time to relax and to wonder about life from a place of peace.

Make sure you're comfortable and warm and cozy.

Get yourself settled and relaxed.

We're going to tune in to the breath.

We'll do the first breaths using only the nose but before taking your first breath please be aware that when you breathe in with your nose your stomach should inflate.

If it doesn't it means you need to correct it.

Breathing through the nose deep into the stomach will relax you so breathing through the nose watching the belly rise and then lower is the way to do it.

Let's start.

Breathing in through the nose and out through the nose and again into the nose and out.

One more time in through the nose and out.

You're now ready to wonder about life.

So meeting someone new.

This is a strange subject for me to talk about because I have been single for such a long time but recently I met someone new.

It's a strange feeling for me and meeting someone that I like and get on with and have fun with sounds quite easy but for me it's been pretty rare.

I'm an unusual type of person and I'm very used to my own company so spending time with someone is slightly difficult for me.

It feels kind of awkward and I wanted to do this because I wanted to be honest and I know that when we do meet people we all have a different way of going into a relationship or a connection.

We all have expectations and we all have embarrassing moments and awkward feelings so for me sharing it in the moment is the easiest way I know how to move past this awkwardness.

Now in the past when I've met people many years ago usually I was drunk.

Now I am stone cold sober so when I meet someone I am my full self.

I've worked on myself enough to know that I know who I am.

I know what I can offer.

I know what I like.

I know what I need and I'm open to exploring new things but only because I was single for a certain amount of time did it allow me to become so comfortable with being myself.

Being single meant that I could explore connections in their various ways.

For me relationships are sacred and if you're in one it's something that you really genuinely have to be a hundred percent committed to.

Until that time it's a connection.

Now expectations.

When we have expectations of what we want someone to be for us when we meet them that's when we start living an unrealistic life.

Expectations can damage things.

Expectations can lead us into horrible moments in the future where we're disappointed.

It's usually because we expected something different from the person that we've received from.

For example many women when they go into relationships would like to expect that this person is the one.

More often than not it's very rare that we find the one initially.

We find lots of different people that we connect with but finding the one is different.

It has a different feeling.

It brings on a different energy and it usually lasts a lot longer.

I don't know if I've met the one and I'm being honest about that but I did meet someone that I liked that I fully respect that I had fun with and I felt comfortable with.

If you meet someone who ticks the boxes you kind of have no more excuses so the natural thing to do is to continue the connection to open up to go deeper and to explore.

Now for me I started having awkward feelings this morning.

I started to wonder oh my god what does this mean?

What's he gonna be?

Who's he gonna be?

Is he gonna text?

Am I gonna hear from him?

Should I text him?

What should I do?

All the usual ego things that came to my mind.

It's all bullshit by the way but it doesn't stop it from coming up.

Sitting with myself and being present and asking myself what I really feel is what I now do but doesn't stop my ego coming to talk to me and to try and deter me from that path.

Luckily for me a friend of mine has met someone also so the first thing we did this morning was confer and obviously swap notes.

Having someone else to talk about your feelings to is great and to bottle them up and to ignore them for me I think is so detrimental and it's unnecessary.

You don't have to tell everyone your feelings but to allow those feelings to come up to have a conversation and to air them it's easier.

It's not wrong to get excited about someone when you first meet someone.

Obviously some of us do have an expectation of maybe spending time with that person or maybe an expectation of seeing them again.

Expectations aren't always a bad thing it's just allowing the truth of that expectation to be flexible.

So maybe you do want to see someone and they may have more time for you but then when they don't have time for you it's not getting annoyed at them for not having the time that you initially expected.

It's just allowing the relationship to flow and to grow that's important.

Expecting someone to be the greatest love of your life for example or expecting someone to be the one adds a lot of pressure.

Just being able to allow a connection to happen to have fun and to not think too far into the future is something that we could all learn to do more of.

Pinning our hopes and all of our dreams on one person is heavy and it's not fair.

Sometimes we take all of our hate from the past and our regrets our jealousy and our mistrust and we think that the person that's just shown up in our life is going to be exactly that.

He's going to fit that bill so we don't let them in.

We don't like them to get too close in case they hurt us.

But when you meet someone new you have to give it a brand new start.

You have to be open and honest and you have to share your feelings.

You don't have to be too deep but if you lie to yourself from the very beginning more often than not that relationship will turn into a lie and it won't be able to be what you wanted it to be.

I'd like to say for guys when you meet a new woman if you like her connect communicate even if it feels awkward try and communicate that it feels awkward because there's nothing worse than what women hate is when guys go quiet.

They were all there and then they disappear.

That's usually where all of the jealousy the mistrust and the judgment starts from.

So if you can avoid that bit in the beginning you're doing well.

Now for me it does feel awkward meeting someone new.

I do think about my past and I do think about who I've previously been with because that's natural we all do.

But I'm doing my very best not to allow any of my past to come into my present moment because if I do it's going to shape my future and it's not very positive.

My past has been largely learning and going through negative emotions and experiencing rejection.

So I don't want to program my future and start putting that into my path.

I want to start something fresh and whether it's this person or maybe the next person staying present in the moment regardless of how awkward it is is the only way I know I can get through this.

It might take me three or four more people to open up fully and to go into a full-blown relationship.

This could be the guy this could be the one but I don't know yet so to spend too much time thinking about it it's only going to make me feel worse.

If I can trust in the moment and I can trust that I've manifested someone into my life that's going to be compatible with me that's going to help me to grow and I can see it as that then it's going to have the best chance.

Unlike all the connections I've had I've stayed friends with every one of them.

I don't have any hate or anybody I don't talk to I just have amazing friends around me and if it doesn't fit that's fine we can move on but there's no blame there and there's no expectation for those people to be more.

For me now it's about living in the moment and embracing all of these new feelings and the excitement and the fun that I feel.

It may last a week or it may be the one but no matter how it lasts all I know is that I'm being honest and open and I'm being myself and if I get that back from them then great and if I don't then we'll discuss it and maybe I'll move on.

But I really thought doing this podcast today about meeting someone new was important.

It's Christmas time soon and we all meet someone new at Christmas time whether it's a friend or whether it's a partner you'll meet someone new this festive season and you'll enjoy their company and if it's gonna last longer than maybe up until the new year then be yourself and it's okay to feel awkward it can be really fun and don't forget your friends are there for a reason if you feel any weird feelings talk to them first.

Thank you for listening to the wonder of life.

You

Reviews

I so appreciated your honesty and transparency! I just met someone after 14 years of being single and lots of one time meetings and disappointments! I have so much in common with this person, it is hard not to get my hopes up or fantasize. Listing to your meditation helped to ground me into just staying in the moment and the next and the next!
Namaste!
Dakini 🙏💜

Helps to organize my thoughts and put things in order.

Thank you for being vulnerable + sharing this message. It was exactly what I needed to hear + all of it resonated with me especially dating sober. XO 🙏🏼

Great point of view I love it and I agree. Easier said than done, but to be aware of things is a start.

Thank you for this talk 💛 I have had difficulty in the past connecting to new guys. Not letting the ego take over is key and I have had the awkward feelings too. I’ve been happily single for so long. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences 💛

A nice and grounded perspective.

Grounding and affirming, helped me tune into a balance and sane perspective on my situation. Thank you

Thanks 🙏🏻 I felt it as if you were talking to me ♥️

Loved it!!! Thank you so much for your care, honesty and sharing. Very appreciate it and totally connect! 🙏💪💜👍🌸

This is just what I needed to hear right now. I am experiencing exactly what you describe. Thank you so much for the wonderful reminders and insights. ❤️

Thank you for some good advice

Thank you Nat for your openness and honesty. And I hope it goes well with your budding relationship 💜x

Thanks. This is lovely.

I have found this talk helpful to me, thank you 🙏🏻