Week 4 On Series Of ACT Therapy - The Observing Self

This is week 4 in the series of ACT therapy. This week, we are looking at how trying to fight our thoughts to get rid of them doesn't work - it has the opposite effect! We use a technique looking at our mind as the sky and the thoughts as clouds, not getting entangled in them, but rising above them!

Transcript

Hello,

Thank you for joining me in this series on Act Therapy.

We are now on week 4 and I hope you are learning some different techniques that might help with negative anxious or fearful thoughts.

What we have discovered over the past few weeks is that our thoughts don't go away just because we want them to.

It's actually the opposite.

The more we try and get rid of them the more they stick around and the more we push them down or bury them they will reappear,

Even if not immediately they will at some point.

If you imagine an anxious thought being like a beach ball and try and push it down as far as you can in the sea to get rid of it,

What will happen when you let go?

Exactly,

That sucker will come firing out of the sea like a bullet.

That struggle and fight with your thoughts will just tire you out and will multiply,

Giving you even more anxious and worrying thoughts to contend with.

One of the most exhausting and debilitating things about these kind of thoughts is the wrong belief that they are actually us and that because it is us thinking them we are controlled by them,

Consumed by them,

Even owned by them.

They can determine what kind of day we will have,

They drive our bodies,

Our relationships,

Our energy levels,

Our appetites,

But the truth is they don't really have the power to do any of that stuff,

It's just that we believe they do.

For example you have a fearful thought about Covid-19,

I'm going to get it,

I'm going to pass it on to my mum,

She's going to get it and then die and it will all be my fault.

So then we decide we will not leave the house,

We will sanitise everything in sight including the poor dog and we then feel depressed because we haven't had any fresh air in three days,

We are eating two months out of dirt food from the freezer because we haven't been to the shops and we feel guilty because the poor dog gives us sad eyes because he wants a walk,

But the thoughts just keep coming.

I'm making a bit of a joke out of it but actually it's no joke,

This is what really happens but in varying degrees and scenarios.

The truth is you are not what you think,

You are not your thoughts.

The next principle of Act Therapy that we are going to look at today is called the Observing Self.

This is about recognising the truth that we are not our thoughts,

We are actually the observer of those thoughts.

Let's try a few different techniques to show you what I mean.

I want you to think about something that might be causing you some kind of upset at the moment.

Please don't choose anything that's a major issue for you,

Something not too serious but that might be causing you to get caught up in your thoughts.

It could be something or someone that has done something to upset you,

It could be the issue of the global pandemic right now,

It could be something you are worried about.

Whatever it is,

Just think about it for a few moments.

Now I would like you to grid your anxiety or fear or worry about this issue.

If a score of 1 is very mild,

Hardly bothering me at all and 10 is I'm freaking out right now and feel like I'm going to hyperventilate.

What's your score about this issue?

What did you have to do to gauge that score?

Maybe you very quickly looked at what was going on inside your body,

Whether your chest was tight or your breathing had quickened and become shallow.

Maybe you checked out the thoughts that were going through your mind and decided how panicky they were.

Maybe you looked at the various emotions you were feeling and then you put all these things together to give you a score.

Whatever you looked at to give you the deciding score you had to step back to look at what was going on.

You stood apart from the body,

The thoughts,

The emotions and you observed them to help you determine a score.

How is this possible if you are the thoughts and the emotions and the body?

Let's try something else.

You can continue thinking about the same issue or you might have another one you want to try.

But think about something that is causing you some kind of upset in your life.

Take a couple of minutes to really think about this thing.

And now I want you to imagine that you have tied to your wrists some really large helium balloons and these balloons are now making you float.

You feel completely safe and you are floating away into the sky,

Higher,

Higher,

Floating,

Floating.

And now you are looking down and you can see your problems.

You can see all the people and the situations involved in it and you can see yourself.

You can see all your thoughts,

All your worries and upsets.

What does all this look like from this perspective?

What did you notice from doing this exercise?

Maybe you saw a solution.

Maybe your problem looked less daunting from up there.

Could you see yourself worrying,

Anxious,

Fearful?

Maybe this helped.

Maybe not.

One of the techniques ACT therapy uses is to see yourself as the sky and your thoughts as the weather.

The weather is constantly changing,

The clouds continuously making new shapes and new patterns.

And it comes and it goes,

Just like our thoughts.

There are five layers of the sky going up from the earth.

They are the troposphere,

The stratosphere,

The mesosphere,

The thermosphere and the exosphere.

There is an internationally recognised official line where space begins and this is about a third of the way into the thermosphere and is approximately 100km or 62 miles from the surface of the earth.

It's called the Kármán line.

So the sky as we know it consists of the troposphere,

The stratosphere,

The mesosphere and a bit of the thermosphere.

The weather only happens in the troposphere,

The layer closest to the earth's surface.

Have you ever been on a plane where the weather is raining and cloudy and the flight is bumpy and then you fly above the clouds and the sky is clear and blue?

The bumpiness has stopped.

It's a smooth flight.

So if we are to imagine that we are the sky,

We've got a lot of sky left which is above the weather,

Above the thoughts.

Imagine now a sky,

A lovely blue sky.

The sun is shining and there isn't a cloud in sight,

It's pure blue expansive sky.

You now see some clouds blowing over.

Some are light and thin,

Some are puffy and soft.

What pictures do you imagine that you can see in the clouds?

One of the clouds becomes bigger,

Darker,

Heavier and it's changing colour by the second.

You notice more clouds appearing ranging in colours from very light grey to darker grey to dark greys and blues.

You see now the whole sky has darkened and the clouds look like they are lower to the earth.

You cannot see the sky now but it's all clouds and they are all very dark.

It starts to rain.

The rain becomes heavier,

The sky becomes even darker and there is a low rumble in the background.

The rain continues,

Heavier and heavier,

Soaking the ground.

The wind has now become a loud roar and is blowing faster and stronger,

Starting to whip things around on the ground.

You hear a loud crack of thunder somewhere in the background and notice out of the corner of your eye there is a flash of lightning.

There is a huge storm now,

Huge cracks of thunder,

Flashes of lightning illuminating the sky.

Debris is whipping across the ground in front of you and the rain keeps pouring down.

The weather is there in the troposphere,

The lower level.

Is it possible for you to go above that level to maybe the stratosphere?

Here there is no weather.

Can you look down on the weather and just observe it?

Observe it from this place,

The place above.

What does it look like from this place?

What do you know about that weather pattern from this place?

Will it be like this forever?

Can this weather pattern damage the sky?

Do you know that this vast sky has room for this weather?

Likewise,

Then,

Do you have space for your thoughts and feelings about everything?

Can you see these thoughts,

The upsetting,

Worrying,

Negative,

Anxious,

Fearful thoughts as the weather?

They are there.

I can see them,

Allow space for them.

I know they will not stay as it is not their nature to stay still.

I know that actually they can't harm me because I am the sky.

I am not the weather.

I am not the thoughts.

I am the observer of them,

The noticer of them.

Can we be in this silent space,

Merely observing the thoughts and the feelings,

Experiencing them from a different space rather than getting caught up in them and entangled?

Think of something that you have thought about yourself that you know is either negative or just not helpful.

Now,

Rather than believing that thought and identifying with it,

Is it possible to see that thought as merely a cloud?

That you are the sky above that cloud?

It is literally just a cloud.

It cannot harm the sky and it will soon be gone.

Just as on the TV screen,

If you watched a tsunami or a fire on a film,

This wouldn't affect the TV screen.

The screen would not be wet,

Nor would it be burnt.

It is merely a film.

It is the same with thoughts.

Take your attention to your breath for a moment and watch what happens to your body when you breathe in and when you breathe out.

There is the breath and there is the body.

You are noticing the breath and you are noticing the body.

If you are noticing the breath and the body,

Then you cannot be the breath and the body.

The breath and the body change continuously,

But you,

The one who observes,

The one who notices remains the same.

You do not change.

You are above change.

Notice what is happening in your mind right now.

What thoughts are there?

Can you take a step back and notice who is noticing?

Watch your thoughts from this observing self.

Be aware of the thoughts and be aware of you noticing,

Observing them.

The thoughts are mere clouds.

You are the sky.

Can you feel the expanse and the spaciousness there?

Do you notice the stillness?

The silence?

Can you observe that there is a peace there in that space above the thoughts?

Eckhart Tolle says the background peace within you can remain undisturbed regardless of the nature of the outside condition.

Is it possible for you to remain undisturbed then,

No matter what is going on in your weather patterns?

Bring your attention now to your feet on the ground and your bottom on the seat and again notice who is noticing.

Become aware of any noises inside or outside your room and notice who is aware of these sounds.

Maybe wriggle your fingers and toes and gently and carefully turn your head from side to side if this feels ok for you.

And when you are ready open your eyes.

You will notice that we are not trying to escape what is going on for us.

We are not trying to get rid of the thoughts.

We are only recognising that we are not the thoughts.

That they don't have the power to control our whole day,

Our moods,

Our relationships,

Our energy levels.

And when we realise this we can simply observe what is there for us,

Allow space for it,

Accept it,

Put down the weapons of fight,

Stopping the flailing and the struggling in the quicksand and lay back ready to float.

Please do take a minute to let me know how you are getting on with these meditations by leaving me some feedback.

Thank you.

Reviews

I liked this a lot, but can't find the other parts?
Excellent though! 🙏🏻

The layers of sky were a useful image that helped me find the separation between my self and thinking. Thank you.

I feel like my mind is vast and spacious and can accommodate more clouds and stormy weather than I give it credit for after doing this session 😊

This series is really thought-provoking. Am inspired to learn more about ACT. Many thanks 😊

Thanks Mandy. I love your sessions. You do a great job of painting a picture of the concept you are explaining (i.e., being above the weather).

The idea of the observer “me” makes sense and seems like it would be a powerful tool or technique. One thing I’m trying to better understand about the concept is around my inability to simultaneously have an active and evolving thought while at the same time observing it. If I’m thinking a thought, I can’t at the same time observe and evaluate it. I can however, pause the thought, mentally step away from it and evaluate or observe it in it’s paused or finished state. Is that what you mean in this area? If so, wouldn’t this indicate that the thought did indeed come from me and as the originator of the thought, I decided to pause and evaluate it with the same “me” who generated it? Such an interesting topic!

Loving this series. Clear and very helpful bite sized pieces of Act Therapy. Both deeply insightful for oneself and educational. This episode a found a little sprawling in the examination of the observing self but still recommended. Thank you for the recordings.

Very well done and helpful. Made the concept I had read about and worked with all week come to life. I could not make one exercise work for me - being above with helium balloons. Every time I tried to look down on the situation, I was in the situation. I could not stay "up in the air" looking at it. The discussion of the 5 parts of the atmosphere was interesting and useful. Always before when meditations had talked about "being the sky" I visualized the flat blue I see from earth. This time I was in a huge 3 dimensional space. Much different! Thank you for this unique approach.

Very helpful visualizations and information. Thank you!

Thank you 🙏 Mandy 💖
This practice is very helpful, I’m moving forward with courage and strength 💕💕💕

Love these meditations. They are really helping me. Thank you! 🌸🌸

Thank you. That was incredibly helpful to see those thoughts from a distance. I would love to listen to more.

This was absolutely awesome 🌟 One of the most helpful meditations I have ever had the good fortune to hear. Thank you 🌞

Thank you, very different to look from above. Will have to return bc I fell asleep halfway (too relaxed)

Thank You!

This is going to be such a helpful tool to add to my toolbox!!! I love the idea of thinking of myself as the sky and my thoughts as the weather. Truly awesome! Thanks Mandy!!! 🙏🌞⛈

This is a powerfully useful meditation. I’m familiar with watching the thought clouds from below but the perspective from above is even more effective. Thanks you!

Excellent ! I will do that one again!
I am doing a new week everyday and loving it. Thanks a lot!

Thank you Mandy, the way you explain ACT is very helpful to me!