If There’s No Doer, Why Practice? | Station Me, Part 4

If there’s no independent “me” running the show, why practice at all? In Part 4 of Station Me, we explore why meditation, mindfulness, and self-inquiry still matter—and how our intention for practice can become an important condition, leading us toward making practice another project for Station Me or toward greater freedom.

Transcript

In last week's class, Where we were looking at part three of Station Me, I remember this broadcast, This constant talking and narrating that's happening. And we were looking in part three, We were looking to see, Is there an independent author behind experience? Is there something behind the broadcast that's running the show, That's running our lives? And what we saw through investigating this, That was in fact, That in fact, There isn't an independent author, A separate author standing outside of experience, But simply that trillions of different conditions are arising and And out of those conditions, Sometimes motivation arising, Sometimes not. Sometimes good decisioning arising, Sometimes not. Sometimes an idea, A great idea arising, Sometimes not. But that there is nothing separate that is making all of this happen, But it's all just arising, Trillions and trillions of different conditions. And so we can see where Station Me wants to go with this next then, Where it will say, Well, If I'm not running the show, Then why should I do anything? Why should I practice meditation? Why should I practice mindfulness? Why should I listen to this dharma talk or read a dharma book? But in fact, Last week's class. What it's saying. Is that everything? Matters. Whatever is happening in this moment. Is conditioning. The next moment. So what we are doing in this moment does indeed matter. So if we think about when we started meditating, Think of all the conditions, Right, That led into meditating, That maybe we were stressed, We were suffering in some way, We had some anxiety, And then a friend mentioned it to us, Or we saw a flyer, Or we read an article, And all of a sudden all these conditions arise, And the next thing, Meditating happening. So all these conditions arising from meditation. And then meditation starts happening fairly regularly. And we're noticing that we're feeling more calm, That we're feeling more at ease, We're feeling less stressed. And not just. In our meditation, But we're actually feeling this way outside of our meditation throughout the day. Because the conditions of meditation of being mindful in our meditation. Is now leading to the conditions of being more mindful throughout our day. And so all of a sudden, Moments where we would have been triggered in the past, Things that would have really upset us before, Things that we could have escalated a conversation, All of a sudden now there's this pause. There's this space. There's almost this sense of slowing things down a bit, Where we can see, Oh, This is going off the rails. And there's this moment of an option, Another option. You could actually bring this back on the rail, Bring it back on track, Bring this conversation back to a more respectful, Kind, Easy flow. Right? So that option wasn't there before. But because the conditions that led to the meditation, The conditions that led to mindfulness, The conditions of mindfulness now leading to these pauses, These spaces, These new options, Leading to more ease in our day, Leading to often much better relationships, Less conflict, Less resistance, So in the beginning, Our meditation practice can feel quite miraculous. It's amazing. We're kind of in awe of what's happening. And there's this big psychological payoff. In the beginning of our meditation practice. Because before we started meditating, Anytime station me was broadcasting, Oh, I'm such an idiot, I'm such a loser, I can't believe I said that, I can't believe I did that. And anytime whatever was being broadcasted, I would just, Right up there, Listening to it, In it, It's true, I am an idiot, My life is over, I can't believe this. And then after meditation, There's this spaciousness, This recognizing, Oh, It's a thought. There it is. It's a thought. I don't have to engage in every thought. So we're not in the thought so much. We're able to observe the thought. So there's a big contrast there. So there's a big psychological payoff. But then after a while. It seems as though that payoff starts to level off. And can even feel like it's starting to decline. Because while we're becoming more aware of our thoughts, We're more mindful. We are starting to notice just how repetitive our thoughts are, How self-referential they are, How judgmental our thoughts can be, How much time we spend comparing and rehearsing and anticipating and defending and planning. And it can feel. Like things are starting to get worse. It can feel like something is wrong. With our practice. And so then we start judging our practice and we're comparing. Well, Before when I was meditating, I was feeling more at ease and now I'm not feeling so much at ease. And look at that person. They meditate and they seem to be more at ease and they seem to meditate longer than me. So maybe I should be meditating longer. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I'm not disciplined enough or maybe I have the wrong practice. And now what's happening is our motivation for our practice is starting to change. So in the beginning, When we come to meditation, Of course, We come to it because we want less stress. We want to feel more at ease. We want to feel more calm. And in the beginning, We don't really know a lot of what's going on with meditation. We are told these instructions, Bring your attention to the breath, Your attention wanders with a thought, You bring it back, And no matter how many times your attention keeps wandering and you bring it back, There's this sense that something's loosening inside. The identification with our thoughts is starting to become less. We don't really understand why, But there's just something's happening. We're not really sure what it is that we're even doing, But it's like, Man, Something's happening here. But now? We're looking at our practice through a different lens. Oh, I've tasted some of that piece. I want more. Now my practice isn't giving me enough peace. It needs to be more stable. It needs to be there all the time. I'm not getting enough of what I want out of my practice. And so we start thinking, Well, I've got to apply more effort. Then I've got to apply more discipline. I've got to apply more force, More control. I've got to make this happen. Now every condition. Matters. And in Buddhism. Intention. Of why we are doing something is a condition that matters a lot. So if we are coming to our meditation practice and we are trying to force some outcome all we are doing. Is giving station me. Another project. So, In the beginning, Our practice is we're loosening the identification with the broadcast, With all the thinking. Now, They're strengthening our identification with it. Because we've got a new project. The me that needs to be more peaceful. The me that needs to hold onto the peace, The me that needs to become a better meditator, A more disciplined meditator, That needs to be better at mindfulness. So while it might look cool. On the outside. As very holy. As very spiritual. All we're doing is reinforcing the me that we believe to be at the center of experience that is suffering and somehow always unacceptable. So there's a. . . A Zen saying that really beautifully kind of sums up this paradox for us. Enlightenment is an accident. But practice makes you accident-prone. So what this phrase, What these words are pointing to is that practice can create the conditions for awakening. But they can't force it. So I want to try and make this as practical as I possibly can for us here, To really show us in detail how to practice wholeheartedly. Without needing any particular results. So let's start with our meditation practice. Should we meditate? Yes. Yes, We should meditate. It's very beneficial. What type of meditation should you do? Whatever meditation you're willing to do or whatever meditation you are doing. And I'm not going to get too detailed, At least in the Dharma talk, On types of meditation. We can talk about it in the Q&A if anyone has a question about their practice, But I'm assuming that everyone here has a meditation practice. And I think we should also. . . Recognize that everyone has different responsibilities, Different obligations. And so when we meditate, Whether we can meditate in the morning or not, Which I think is ideal, It's not always a good option for everyone. And that's OK. And if you can meditate in the morning, And you can also get into meditation in the afternoon, I think that's a good option, If you can. Not everyone can, And that's okay. We have to be very We do need to make sure that the practice works within our schedule, Right, So that the practice itself doesn't become stressful. And then how much time we should meditate. Is really, Again, Very much dependent upon your schedule, But I would also use, Let's use the Goldilocks analogy here, Not too little, Not too much. Not too little, Not too much. I would much prefer to see a 20 or 25 minute meditation where you sit to meditate, And you just you say you know the starting bell goes and you say okay let's see what happens and you're relaxed about seeing what's happening you're not looking to get anything out of it versus trying to sit for an hour, Drudging, You know, Kind of like, Oh, I don't want to do it, But I've got to do it, And trying to force your mind into submission and trying to get somewhere in the meditation, I would much rather see a 20-minute meditation, Where you're much more relaxed and open to seeing what's happening. And when you have the conditions, And maybe it's a weekend, And no one's in the house, And you have some free time, And the bell goes off from your morning meditation, The ending bell. And you have a little bit more time, Maybe you do sit for a little bit longer. Sure, Great, Because the conditions are there. So we do want to have some consistency. In our meditation practice. We do want to try to get, As best we can, A daily practice in, But to also recognize there are going to be times that that is just not going to happen. Maybe you've got a really early morning flight and you've got to get up at 3 a. M. Like you're not gonna get up at 2. 30 then to meditate before you leave for the airport. Or just something happens and you overslept and you didn't get your meditation practice in. And it's really important that we don't make our meditation practice punitive. Because if we start freaking out and like, Oh my God, I missed my meditation. Now I'm going to have a horrible day. I can't believe this. I'm such a bad meditator. That's a condition. Look at the conditioning that we're setting up now. So we want to be able to. Yes, We want to try and have some consistency in our practice. But we don't want to make our practice punitive. Because then we're starting to get really identified with our practice again. We're trying to get something out of it. And all of that is conditioning. If we give ourselves some grace, That's conditioning. If we make it punitive, That's conditioning as well. And as we're going about our day, And maybe we're a little lost in something that just happened, We're thinking about something, And then the conditions all arise, That mindfulness arises, That's conditioned. Right, So mindfulness arising, And there's all of a sudden awareness that, Oh, Here I am, I'm judging myself again, I'm doubting myself again, And maybe some words from a Dharma talk that you heard three weeks ago starts to pops into your mind, And you remember the RAIN acronym then, And it's like, Oh, Yeah, And so there's, Oh, Yeah, It's just recognizing, Judging, Happening, And allowing the feelings, And inquiring, And nurturing. And there's this going from one moment to being lost in station me to all of a sudden, Ah, We're freed from it. Right? And in that moment, Gratitude. Thank you. Thank you for the conditions that arose for mindfulness, For the good night's sleep last night, For the meditation practice this morning, And the 30 meditation practices before that. Thank you for those conditions of mindfulness arising. Not thanking anyone or anything in particular, Just thank you. Because what that does is that's conditioning now of reminding us. That all of this is arising through conditioning. I didn't make mindfulness happen. If I could make mindfulness happen, If each of us could do it, We'd flip it on all day. We wouldn't turn it off, But we can't. It's the conditions as it arises. And by being grateful, By recognizing those conditions, It also avoids the trap of station me coming in and claiming, Look at me, I'm so mindful. I'm so much better than everyone else because look at me, I'm so mindful, Right? So we eliminate the chance of of station me claiming it, Right? Becoming kind of inflating our sense of me. But we also limit the berating that can come afterwards. I can't believe I got lost in that. I suck at this mindfulness, I'm so bad at this, I need to do something better. So when we're grateful, When the mindfulness conditions arise, What happens is that it. . . It dampens the possibility of station me claiming it, Whether claiming it as I did something good or I did something bad, Because all of that is conditioning. If our practice is punitive, If every time we, Instead of saying, Wow, This is great, It arose, That's amazing, It's amazing, I was lost and I'm not lost anymore, Instead of, If we're not doing that, We're being punitive instead, Right? That conditioning starts to really shift our practice. It starts to change it into, Oh, I get beaten up every time. Even when mindfulness is arising, I'm beating myself up for it. That's a condition. Every condition matters. So being grateful when mindfulness arises, It's loosening that identification with station me. Yeah, Thank goodness it arose. That's amazing. It's a gift! It's a gift! When it happens, Then we should acknowledge it as a gift, Not as something that Station Me comes in afterwards to claim ownership of. It didn't do any of it. Or when we have just those moments of wonder, Of awe, Of joy, Of presence, Being, And instead of, Oh, I've got to hold on to this again. Thank you. Thank you. This is amazing. All the conditions arose that the station me went quiet for a bit. Yay! I didn't do it. I didn't engineer this. I didn't force this to happen. It just happened. All the conditions arose for this. And again, We accept the gift with gratitude. Thank you. Thank you. This is amazing. And every time we do that, That's new conditioning. We're loosening identification instead of strengthening it. So practice definitely matters. Definitely matters. Our intention for why we are practicing. Also matters. Every condition matters. If we are trying to force something, If we are being punitive about our practice, That is a condition, That is having an effect. And in fact, The effect is that we are strengthening identification. And for every time that we sit and we meditate and our starting bell goes off, Our starting insight timer bell goes off, And we say, Let's see what happens. Right? Or mindfulness arises, A moment of joy, A moment of wonder arises, And we just, Ah, Gratitude. Thank you. Thank you. That is conditioned also. Every condition matters. Every condition is is nudging us in one direction versus another towards more identification with Station Me. Or away. From identification with Station Me. Away from the suffering. It's either. It's suffering in spiritual clothing. Still suffering the me that has to get somewhere the me that isn't meditating well enough the me that's going to finally find something in the future there is no me to get anything in the future and yet it's this endless chasing endless seeking or tasting the freedom. That is always here in this moment. Being grateful, Seeing what happens, Recognizing all of this is just conditioning. There is no independent author behind it, And yet every condition matters. The activities that we are doing, They matter. And the intention behind it. Really matters. Each moment is conditioning the next moment. So practice really does matter. But practice can absolutely become another project for station me. The me that needs to get enlightened, The me that needs to get over there, The me that needs to become improved. It's the same broadcast, It just looks a little different. So I hope that kind of gives us a little bit more of a very practical sense of of how our meditation practice looks, How our mindfulness practice looks, How our self-inquiry practice looks, How when we're listening to a dharma talk or we're reading a dharma book and maybe something, Maybe we hear something or we read something and it doesn't quite make sense, Right? We just don't quite understand it. And while there's nothing wrong with asking questions, There's nothing wrong with maybe trying to pursue and understand it, We can also recognize when it's like, Well, I just don't get that yet. That's OK. That's okay, Because the me kind of says, Oh, But if I can just understand this one thing, I'll be free. And then we're starting to reinforce the idea that there's a me here that needs to understand something in order to be free. That's not freedom. That's still bondage. That's still bondage. This is what's getting, The me is what's getting in the way of the freedom that's here. Of the peace that's always here. And so we can also remember when we're reading a dharma book or we're listening to a dharma talk, And yeah, Maybe something said that didn't quite make sense. That's okay. A seed was planted. And when the right conditions arise, That it will flower, It will flourish in the right conditions. There's not, You're not one understanding away. From Awakening. That's the carrot that keeps getting pulled out in front of you. If I can just get that, If I can just get that perfect meditation. I can just get into Samadhi more quickly. Right? It's always something. And all it's doing is taking our attention away. From knowing the freedom, The peace. That is always on offer in this moment. Not dependent upon anything. Always here. So why do anything? Because every condition, Every activity, It does matter. It's conditioning the next moment.

Reviews

I’m wondering if you had a “aha moment“and from that sprung this talk. 😊Great talk! 💙🦋🙏💙🦋🙏