Exercise 4: Naming The Invisible

Mendü Moments are reflective and centering journaling exercises to help women of color better understand the forces at work, both inside and outside of themselves. Take some time to channel your power.

Transcript

In the previous exercises,

We've explored how to process the immediate bad feelings that microaggressions create,

As well as how to understand the dynamics of how microaggressions work to create inequalities.

Now we're going to explore a couple of quick conversational techniques to put in your toolbox.

The tricky thing about microaggressions is that a lot of the time,

The person saying them doesn't consciously intend harm,

Yet they do harm.

So the first technique is all about naming the invisible in a way that acknowledges the complement,

If there was one,

Undermines the unspoken assumption,

And creates more awareness.

For us,

It's empowering and liberating to have a way to understand and describe what's happening.

We like to prepare responses to common statements in advance and get comfortable saying them out loud.

There's nothing worse than walking away from an uncomfortable interaction wishing you had spoken up,

But you didn't know what to say in the heat of the moment.

If you don't have journaling materials available,

Now is the time to go get them.

Feel free to pause in the middle of this exercise in order to take notes.

The text from this track is also available for reference.

Ready?

Okay.

So pick up your pen and paper.

Write down the top three statements that have bothered you recently.

Now think about responses that subtly undermine the unspoken assumption and creates more awareness.

Here's an example.

A man says to a woman of color,

Wow,

You're so beautiful for dark skins,

Girl.

The meta communication here might be,

It is unusual for a woman with dark skin to be attractive.

A potential response might be,

Thank you,

It's fairly common for dark skin girls to be beautiful.

This tactic might seem simplistic,

But it does several things.

It acknowledges the conscious complement of the perpetrator,

Lowers defensiveness for the comeback to follow,

Subtly undermines the unspoken assumption,

And plants a seed of possible future awareness.

Reviews

Informative for me, a white woman. And helpful for humans of all colors. Thank you.