Meta-communications are tricky,
On the surface they can come across as innocent statements or even compliments,
But the undertones carry profound messages around value,
Power,
Authority,
And equity.
If you feel bothered by little messages that you know come across as innocent on the surface,
It's worth picking them apart and exploring the meta-communication to understand why it affects you,
And to give yourself the opportunity to understand and communicate exactly what it is about the statement that bothers you.
Recognizing and understanding what is happening is the first step in changing the situation.
If you don't have journaling materials available,
Now is the time to go get them.
Feel free to pause in the middle of this exercise in order to write down your thoughts.
After the exercise is explained,
We will provide a few examples to clarify exactly what meta-communications are.
The text from this track is also available for reference.
Ready?
Okay.
So,
Pick up your pen and paper.
Place your paper horizontally and create three columns.
Let's call the first column Statement,
The second column Meta-communication,
And the third column Outcome.
In the first column write down the statement or situation that bothered you.
In the second column write down the meta-communication,
What was the underlying message of the statement.
In the last column write down the outcome.
Examples of outcomes might include,
I don't feel like I'm welcome here.
Or I feel like I'm less qualified despite having the same qualifications.
Or I feel like you're replacing yourself in a position above me.
Meta-communications are often fueled by stereotypes or common societal beliefs.
Here are a couple of examples to illustrate how to think about meta-communications.
A teacher says to a second generation Asian student,
Your English is so good.
This is the statement for the first column.
The meta-communication here may be,
People of color do not speak English well.
They are perhaps less qualified.
You are a perpetual alien in your own country.
Or you are not a true European.
This would go in the second column.
Sometimes microaggressions are not said out loud.
For instance,
During a team meeting,
When a female employee contributes an idea,
The male CEO doesn't respond.
However,
When a male coworker makes the identical statement,
He is praised by the executive.
The meta-communication here might be,
Women's ideas and contributions are less worthy than their male counterparts.
Or women do not belong in the workplace.
Lastly,
An example we've heard a couple of times is,
I've never met a black person as smart as you.
The meta-communication here might be,
It is unusual for black people to be articulate and well-spoken.
Black people are of lesser intelligence.
Understanding the dynamics of what is going on in your environment is important and powerful.
It is important to recognize that what you feel based on your experience is valid.
In the following exercises,
We will explore how to use this new understanding to instigate change.
