Making Friends with Sadness, Fear & Anger

A meditation designed to help develop healthy and harmonious relationships with your most troubling emotions.

Transcript

This is a meditation on welcoming and using sadness,

Fear and anger.

So take a moment to tune into your body,

Noticing how you're sitting and briefly focusing on the sensations where your feet meet the floor,

Where your buttocks rest on the chair,

And also on the sensations in your hands,

Face and shoulders.

But now go a bit deeper,

Scanning the torso in more detail,

Noticing what you feel in the chest,

In the belly,

And the throat.

And also see if you can identify an underlying mood or emotional state,

Or perhaps the residual effects of emotions felt earlier in your day or week.

Where would you say you lie on the spectrum from happy through to sad,

And on the spectrum from peaceful through to agitated?

And what about on the spectrum from calm through to anxious or fearful?

Now take a full breath in,

Expanding the lungs until you feel a mild tension in the chest,

And then breathe out,

Feeling the tension evaporate,

And the breath fall down through the torso and into the lower belly.

Pause a moment,

Letting the belly soften,

Allowing the breath to settle,

Or to pull deep down in the body.

And breathe in deeply again,

Just until you notice a slight tension in the chest.

Then exhale slowly,

This time feeling the downward movement of the breath as it falls towards the base of the spine.

Continue breathing deeply,

But with a little less effort.

And as you breathe out,

Notice how the body has a tendency to soften,

Almost as though it was sinking downwards a fraction on each out-breath.

Notice how there is a kind of letting go,

A release of tension,

And a downward flow or movement of energy that accompanies each exhalation.

You can enhance this sense of letting go,

Or getting grounded,

By becoming a little more aware of the contact of your feet on the floor,

And perhaps even by imagining that you are somehow connected to the earth.

And just as electrical circuits are grounded as a means of discharging excess current,

You might imagine that you are discharging any excess or unwanted tension.

You might picture something tethering you to the ground,

Or visualise the way in which gravity keeps you earthbound.

You might even imagine you have roots that extend downwards into the earth.

How do you feel now?

Has anything changed?

Do you feel a bit more present,

Or centred,

Or a little calmer?

If you do,

Thank your sadness.

This is the emotion of letting go and of relaxation.

And this is how we experience sadness when it is free-flowing,

Uninhibited,

And allowed to move through the body in its most subtle state.

Take a few moments to feel how this free-flowing sadness,

Or groundedness or relaxation if you prefer,

Resonates throughout your body and your mind.

And now extend your attention outwards.

Become aware of the most obvious sounds you can hear.

And get a sense of the space surrounding you.

Being grounded and relaxed,

But sharpen your senses.

So your eyes are wide,

Ears pricked,

Every sense alive,

Aware,

Clear.

Can you feel the air on your skin?

What are the most subtle sounds you can perceive?

As you extend your attention outwards,

What changes within your body?

Do you feel a little more alert,

Vigilant,

Energized?

Do you feel switched on?

Within the body,

Is there a sense of readiness for action?

These are the effects of the emotion of attention and intuition.

This is how we experience our fear when it is free-flowing,

Where it keeps you alert and aware.

Take a few moments to notice how this outward directed attention resonates in your body and mind.

Then spend a minute or so playing with the balance between these subtly felt emotions,

Between groundedness and wakefulness,

Or free-flowing sadness and fear.

Chew the emotions up and down until you find a place where you feel comfortably relaxed and yet alert.

Now imagine you're alone in a lift or some other relatively confined space.

Imagine they stand a bit too close to you.

They've invaded your personal space.

Get a sense of how far from your body your personal space extends.

And then get a sense of this boundary,

This personal space around you becoming a little more defined.

Take it from a vague sense or idea and picture it,

Perhaps like a large protective bubble surrounding your body.

You might sense this personal boundary or space as a field of energy or as light or heat radiating outwards,

Or even as a physical barrier,

A glass sphere or a protective cage.

Whatever works for you,

As best you can tuning into this visceral sense of your personal space or boundary.

Now breathe out into this zone,

This field,

Picturing your breath filling the space around you out to the sides,

The front and the back,

As well as above and below.

Perhaps as though you're surrounded by an expanding bubble of breath.

You can think of this expanding sphere like the border of a country as your sovereign territory,

A space in which your rights,

Values,

Beliefs and identity are sacrosanct,

Respected and protected.

Within this space you have control,

You can assert yourself clearly and calmly.

And now imagine that this space is threatened,

Someone is challenging your rights or viewpoint or crossing some boundary,

Perhaps behaving in a rude,

Offensive or disrespectful manner.

As you imagine this scene,

Notice what is triggered within your body,

What thoughts arise.

Notice whether you feel a little less grounded and alert as your free flowing sadness and fear deserted you.

And see if you can recover that sense of being grounded and aware,

Connected to the earth,

Relaxed,

Soft in the body,

Senses sharpened.

And also use the heat,

The energy of anger,

To reinforce that sense of having a strong personal boundary.

Instead of lashing out and attacking or of collapsing into fear,

Let the heat and the strength of your anger flow freely outwards into your boundary.

You are a Star Wars fan,

Imagine using the force.

Alternatively imagine your boundary glowing white hot or wreathed in flame or lit up brightly in neon.

Instead of being ashamed of your anger or trying to damp it down,

Instead of letting your anger spew forth in highly reactive and uncontrolled aggression,

Direct it consciously outwards into your boundary.

Use it as a protective device.

And again experiment with the balance of sadness,

Fear and anger as well.

Find some place where these emotions are at the appropriate levels,

Free flowing and subtle,

Unresisted,

Welcomed,

Used in the service of your wellbeing.

Use skillfully,

These emotions leave you feeling grounded,

Aware,

Alert and safe.

So to re-establish that sense of groundedness,

Just breathe in,

Let your breathe out,

Let the body soften,

Sink downwards,

Your attention into the body.

Just to sharpen up your intuition,

Just become aware of your surroundings,

The space,

The sounds.

See if you can re-establish that sense of your personal space.

And finally imagine that the air within your personal space is at just the right temperature,

Perhaps a little warmer or a little cooler than it feels right now.

You might also like to get the sense that it's very oxygen rich,

Clean and fresh,

Perhaps even scented,

Like a pine forest or a favourite perfume.

As you breathe in,

Imagine that the air within your boundary is particularly soothing or energising.

Let it nourish and feed you with whatever qualities you need right now.

And before we conclude,

Just notice what effects this exercise has had on your body.

On your mood.

And on your mind.

And I'll finish the meditation here,

But you can continue to rest in this space for as long as you like.

Reviews

Thank you Matthew. I am struggling at the moment and this really helped.

Lovely, a nice subtle shift in my mood, which was very much, needed so thank you 🙏 🧘‍♀️

Thank you. This was exactly what I needed this morning to feel confident, empowered, and grounded as I move forward on some very difficult actions to assert myself in a toxic relationship.

Lovely and unique practice! It made me think about emotions in a whole new way. Sadness as grounding, fear as alertness, anger as protection. Thank you ❤️ this is a meditation best done when feeling curious about “difficult emotions” rather than in acute distress

Although the recording was echoey, I truly appreciate the space this teacher gave; the pauses without speaking.

I was in a place of struggling to just allow my anger and all kinds of mixed feelings when I saw this meditation and listened to it. I really appreciate the simplicity of it as I was guided to allow “less to be more”. I found this helpful in that my mind was tricked into focusing on my breath and being more aware of what my senses perceived. This approach was just what I needed basically to get out of my head and back into my body. Thank you!

excellent to process and explore challenging emotions and normalizing and empowering oneself. Namaste

So helpful. Thanks so much

Thank you so much! I never learned how to deal with these emotions in a healthy way and this really helps to accept them in a kind and non-judgemental way. Love from Holland

Today my emtions were a bit scattered and agitated and I am so glad to use this outlet to inhale freedom from my fears, anxiety and stress. Thank you so much!!

Thank you! It's deep and real, not complicated and helpful. Eye-opening.
🌾🐜💮 🙏

What a great way to conceptualize what I feel as useless emotions that need to be shunted away ‼️Honestly never even occurred to me sadness as release fear as awareness and anger as your boundaries. Dig it.

This gave me some peace in the midst of grief. Thank you 🙏

Very good meditation, smoothing and relaxing, it’s a keeper,
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Thanks, you’re good & I also like your accent ⭐️

Really nice! I look forward to incorporating this one into my practice to see how my relationship to these more challenging emotions shifts. Ended abruptly but I got the gist ;-)

Great!
The stopping and starting of the recording was a little bit off putting and the end was abrupt but the meditation was really helpful 🙏🏻

Love. I feel grounded and also supported to accept difficult feelings. Loved the visual imagery. Namaste.

Deeply relaxed thank you😌 💕

Some of these ideas about emotions were new to me. Refreshing and interesting. I like the voice, the content and the pauses. Thank you very much, I feel calmer and more open.