Inside of me live two wolves.
They fight.
Which one wins?
The one I feed more.
These words come from an old story sometimes attributed to Native American origin sometimes to a Christian parable.
In short we are not sure of the origin of the story.
I'd like to share with you today a reflection that was inspired by these words on my recent experience with pain.
So I will talk about my experience and then because I am a big believer in experiential learning I will invite you into a brief experience of your own where you can explore whether this reflection whether this story is relevant for you.
So let me start by sharing the words one more time.
Inside of me live two wolves.
They fight.
Which one wins?
The one I feed more.
I first heard the words a couple of months ago at a Qigong workshop with Shifu Matthew Cohen.
They caught my attention then and they have resurfaced again now in relation to the physical pain I had been experiencing for the past two months.
The origins of the pain are as mysterious as the origins of the story of the two wolves but it has been my daily companion.
Sometimes quieter,
Sometimes very loud but always lurking somewhere in the vicinity of my experience.
My daily activities,
My work,
My practice all needed to adjust to allow for the presence of this visitor.
It has brought into bright daylight notions and beliefs that I had been contentedly unaware of or perhaps even actively choosing not to see.
I've discovered how a seemingly simple thing like asking for help to pick up an object off the floor can open doors to humility,
Loving-kindness and compassion.
When I choose to turn towards myself and ask for the help instead of grinding my teeth through the pain to pick the object up myself.
Having found healing in the past through turning towards pain,
Holding space for it by being present with it,
I initially applied the same techniques.
Breathing with the pain,
Really feeling all its textures and sensations in somatic practices.
And the techniques did work at first.
Recently however I began to notice a shift.
Something changed such that the same tools that used to bring relief now no longer do.
Sometimes they even feel counterproductive.
I notice you see how much the sensation of pain now captures my attention,
How much it draws me in.
There doesn't seem to be a time when I am unaware of the sensations of pain anymore.
My technique of leaning into the pain is no longer providing relief but creating a more severe experience of it.
When I imagine the pain as a wolf,
I realize that this wolf is now feeding on my attention.
When performing a movement that has caused pain in the past,
I anticipate the appearance of the pain again.
Practicing the same somatic exercises to relieve pain in the target area now brings sensitization to the nervous system where the experience of pain is perceived as more severe.
I feel a tremendous amount of energy poured in the direction of the pain and I am aware how much I had been feeding the pain wolf.
So what now?
Inspired by the story of the two wolves,
I am exploring a different way.
I am noticing the opposite sensations in my body.
Places that feel easeful,
Pain-free,
Giving loving attention to these areas of my body away from the painful area.
Noticing when movement is pain-free.
When I practice somatic exercises now to address the area of pain,
I make them smaller and even slower until they become pain-free.
And I stay with this pain-free experience,
Feeling how it calms my nervous system and offers the body space to heal.
I am choosing now to feed the pain wolf's partner,
Its complementary opposite,
The one I call the easeful or pain-free wolf.
Please do not misunderstand me though.
My intention with this approach is not to push the pain wolf away or deny its existence.
I know very well that doesn't work.
This wolf feeds on any attention,
Even the attention to push away.
I still respectfully acknowledge the pain wolf and allow it to be here in my experience.
What's different is that I am choosing to offer more attention to its partner,
The easeful or pain-free wolf,
Feeding it instead and watching it grow stronger.
Inside of me live two wolves.
They fight.
Which one wins?
The one I feed more.
So let me invite you now into your own short experience so that you can feel for yourself whether my reflection on the story of the two wolves resonates with you and your body.
I've been sharing about pain so I will continue that focus throughout this experience.
But in fact there are not just two wolves living inside of me,
There are many wolves living inside of me.
However,
They all have a partner,
A complementary opposite partner.
So whether it's pain and pain-free or easeful or tense and relaxed or anxious and calm,
Choose an experience for yourself that you are having right now that is causing you a suffering.
So if you are currently experiencing pain,
Can you turn towards the pain and see it as a wolf for a moment and notice what happens in your body.
Notice if anything stiffens,
Tenses,
Notice your breathing,
Notice the nervous system and notice your perception and experience of the pain.
Has its texture changed just by giving it attention?
Have you fed the wolf by giving the pain your attention no matter how loving the attention is?
And then I invite you to create a little distance between yourself and the pain wolf.
Perhaps you can visualize yourself in an open field and instead of having the wolf,
The pain,
Be right in front of you,
See the wolf on the other side of the field.
Notice if that changes anything for you.
You might even imagine a river running through the field separating you from the wolf,
From the pain.
Keep paying attention to your breathing,
To the state of your nervous system,
To the sensations in your whole body and then find within your body the wolf's partner.
If you're working with pain,
Find an area of your body that is free of pain,
That feels easeful and imagine a wolf there,
A wolf that is a partner to the pain wolf.
We'll call him the pain-free wolf.
Give this wolf your loving attention.
Notice what happens now when it changes to your breathing,
The state of your nervous system,
What you feel in your body.
You might imagine this pain-free wolf in the field right next to you.
While still aware of the presence of the pain wolf on the other side of the field,
What is it like to stand in the company of the pain-free wolf?
Perhaps feel supported by its presence.
I'm taking a few more breaths here.
Allow the image of the field and the wolves to fade away.
Notice how you feel now.
Notice if anything has changed for you.
I'd like to close this talk today by sharing that in my experience pain is multifaceted.
To heal pain therefore often requires a multifaceted approach.
My intention in sharing the analogy of the two wolves is not to offer a magic bullet that singularly heals pain.
I am offering this analogy and this story only as an approach for you to consider and to add to your pain healing toolbox if it resonates.
So thank you very much for listening.
Thank you for your presence here.
If it resonated with you and if you are willing to share I would be delighted to hear your experience and your reflection on the story of the two wolves in relation to pain and healing from pain.
You can leave some words for me as part of the review if you feel called to or you can send me a personal message here on Insight Timer.
Thank you so much.
May you have a beautiful day.
Namaste.
